It's been 2 weeks since we I left and I'm very lonely....

Forums: Relationships
Email this Topic • Print this Page

Hello All,

Several of you responded to my latest post "should I take the TV from him or not"

Just wanted to give an update -- I didn't take the tv, I did get my things.. and I told him that I saw what he wrote to the girl he cheated on me with...

basically, he response was this:

" I always told you that I didn't deserve you, you've always been a better person than I am. I make stupid decisions and that's just who I am"

I had thought it might have been possible to remain civil, but after reading that he wanted an "amen", now that I was gone.. it was out of the question. I told him that as far as I was concerned he no longer exists and that our relationship never happened. it was the only way for me to get closure. If I continued to talk to him or see him even just as friends, it would just prolong my agony.

even though I know now that I made the right decision, and that the relationship was unhealthy for me, I still feel such a loss. I moved into my own place and feel very lonely. I sit up at night wondering what he is doing and if he misses me. I would never get back together with him but I'm having trouble letting go.

I keep re-playing things in my mind, what if I had done this or that or not said this or that. My counselor says this is normal but I feel like I should be relieved, and I'm not...

any words of advice? btw, i'm 27 and know that I'm still young enough to find someone else but how do I trust them after this? I have a bad taste in my mouth-- I loved him with all my heart and don't want to become that "bitter" person who is afraid to give my next relationship my all because of this...

Topic Stats
Top Replies
Link to this Topic

Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 721 • Replies: 14

No top replies

He is just one guy and you cant judge them all the same.
By the way he sounds like a pratt, almost like he's blaming you because you should have seen teh split coming!!

Yep, being single is lonely but youl get used to it.
Im sure if you go out with friends youl meet people, or get a hobby, these things will take your mind off the situation.

Dont replay things in your head, itwill drive you loopy.I did that for 10 years and it got me nothing but angry.

Think forward, not backward.

0 Replies

re:
thanks for the advice-- it does make me "loopy"

and yes, he is very good at taking his guilt and turning it back on me.. he kept saying that he never treated me right, that I deserved someone better... aka, I don't have the balls to break up with you so you do it. Then once you do, don't be upset because it was YOU who left ME. which, by the way was something he said to me one day right before I moved out... he said" I don't know why you are crying, you are the one that's breaking up with me" as if him not wanting children had nothing to do with it either....

0 Replies

jenlost, i feel ya hon!

what an excuse for a guy, i make stupid decisions, that's just who i am...wow you are much better off.

moving on...

start doing all the things you wanted to do when you were with him that he didn't or you couldn't for whatever reason. the last guy i broke up with before my hubby was a huge loser (i loved him dearly too, but when i realized what an a$$ he was it all went downhill). and when we broke up, i celebrated! i started going out all the time meeting as many new people as possible.

what you have to remember is that not every person is the same. you ask, how do i trust them after this? each person is different. i wondered much the same thing, but then you meet someone and that's it, it just happens.

also remember, you can't win the lottery unless you buy a ticket. so in your next relationship, it will never be the one if you don't give it your all. yeah, giving it your all and getting hurt sucks, but if you didn't try, you never know. and this is his fault not yours. he is defective (not to mention a cheater, liar), not you.

it is up to you to not become the bitter person. be bitter with him, but not with everyone else you meet, he is just one person.

also remember, time wounds all heels...he will get his for being a cheater. focus on you now...get manicures, go shopping, go the museum, whatever floats your boat. do stuff that makes YOU happy. you will soon notice you don't think about him as much...

good luck!

0 Replies

good stuff

0 Replies

I was once told that after a relationship (whether good or bad) ends, you mourn that relationship similar to how you mourn some one when they pass away. I know one long relationship I was involved in - toward the end it was bad - not much feelings between us any longer - and the break up was almost a relief. Then I mourned the relationship - not just him. It seemed to hit the most when something that went on and I simply wanted to talk with him about it. Or all the things you did together - suddenly you had this free time.

On the positive is it does go away with time. I was probably about your age too when this happened. Then suddenly, I began enjoying being single. I dated several different men - nothing serious just fun. I did whatever I wanted. Wanted to go away, I did. Wanted to lay around all day and not clean up - I did, etc. I was having so much fun traveling, dating, skiing, biking, whatever and bang when I least expected it and was enjoying the single life I met my future husband. And the fun ended (only kidding still fun - just a different sort of fun).

I just hope these words at least make you feel a little better - as honestly just a little time (and a little self-indulgence) work best.

0 Replies

You're going through a very natural grieving stage right now. You'll need to replay thing in your mind a few hundred times before you internalize this and get over it. That's just the way it works.

You'll be just fine without him, jen. It just takes time.

One of these days you'll look back and say, "Whew! Man, was I lucky! I almost had KIDS with that loser!"

0 Replies

Great minds think alike, huh, Linkat?!

0 Replies

i think linkat said it best...you are probably mourning the relationship, not him. i remember too, i was lonely (and being an extrovert that was hard). i broke down and called him one night to see how he was doing...after 10 minutes of talking, i realized i didn't miss HIM, i missed having someone there (big difference). however, since i took the dog, i just started talking to the dog instead Wink

0 Replies

That guy sounds like a manipulator. I think linkat said it best. Time is a great healer. Learn to be your own best friend. Mr. Right is out there and when you're ready, he'll come to you. Just you wait and see!

0 Replies

Good choice dragon - I bet the dog listened better.

0 Replies

Linkat wrote:

Good choice dragon - I bet the dog listened better.

not only that, he doesn't talk back... Laughing

0 Replies

Hey Jen,
I remember your thread about the T.V. I responded.

I just wanted to throw in my bit here. Good for you for doing what was right for you! I'm sure it was a difficult thing to do; and you should feel proud that you showed such strength.

It always sucks after a break-up: whether it was a great relationship, somewhere inbetween, or total sh*t.

You will get through it. Everything you are feeling is totally normal. Hell, I remember after my last break I cried like a little baby. I didn't want to go where he and I used to go. I felt lonely, I questioned myself, all kinds of things came up. But you know what? This is exactly the place where you grow into a super-woman Cool

You will walk into your next relationship stronger; having learned more about yourself and what you are made of, and also what you want in a partner.

Hang in there - you are doing great! Razz

0 Replies

re: flushd
thank you for responding and for the words of encouragement...

it really helps to hear other's stories and experiences, sort of peace of mind to know that everyone else feels the same way and I'm not just pathetic... Smile

hope to speak to you again soon!

0 Replies

Re: re: flushd

jenlost wrote:

thank you for responding and for the words of encouragement...

it really helps to hear other's stories and experiences, sort of peace of mind to know that everyone else feels the same way and I'm not just pathetic...

hope to speak to you again soon!

definitely not pathetic, simply going through a natural grieving period

0 Replies

It's been 2 weeks since we I left and I'm very lonely....

Related Topics

Quick Links

My Account

able2know