feeling undesirable

littleogre -- and btw -- your name bothers me -- because I'm betting it's just another example of how low your self-esteem is -- you should tell your husband to go to hell!

Really! The sooner the better. I'm so sick of women sitting around thinking there's something wrong with them -- when their husband or boyfriend obviously can't take five f***ing minutes to even grow the hell up!

The first thing you shoud do is start talking about how "hot," "sexy" and "attractive" you think other men are -- and be sure to do this whenever you can -- like when you and hubby-jerk are watching TV (I suggest Battle of the Network Reality Stars -- there are some really hot men on that show!). Watch your husband squirm with insecurity and jealousy -- and enjoy every freaking minute of it!!

It won't help you in a long-term kind of way -- but it will give you some much needed satisfaction -- "instant gratification."

But that's just the first step. The next time he tells you how "hot" or attractive he thinks another woman is -- just act as bored as you possibly can -- I mean, really, really, bored!

Then -- you need to find some other interests -- go back to school -- look for a better paying job -- one with good benefits. Make it your goal to out-do your jerk-off husband in every single way.

Work-out. Get in shape. That's hard -- but it's a lot easier when you have a goal. Tell yourself that with every step you jog, every weight you lift (and I also highly recommend yoga), that you'll be in better shape -- and so much more attractive -- than your husband, "Il Douchebag."

Flirt with other men as much as possible right in front of him -- I hope it kills him!!!

Then, once you have a better job, and you are looking good and feeling good -- ask him if he's noticed any really hot women lately. When he says, "yes," and starts to brag to you about some idiot he's got a crush on --then I want you to say, "Good! She can have your lame ass! I want a divorce!"

AND STOP CALLING YOURSELF LITTLE OGRE!

You go, girl!!!!

littleogre, next time you're walking down the street with your husband and he makes a comment about some "hot-looking woman", let him look. Let the stupid son of a bitch make his insensitive comments and let him continue to stare at the woman.

Then, while he's distracted, push him in front of a passing beer truck.

I smell a divorce.

What Gus said!!!

Hehe; Gus, that's exactly the ticket!

Girl, no matter what anyone says, you have to decide you are worth standing up for. Even if it's someone you love (who is being a total ass) : Stand up and tell em to f* off.

poor little ogre. are the username and calling yourself "ogreish" in your post just jokes? I hope so, because it's so not what you should be telling yourself. Even if you're not "Halle Berry-ish" you undoubtedly have a charm, beauty, attractiveness that is unique to you. I know we women are always hard on ourselves, but I've so rarely seen anyone that really was just flatout unattractive, yet I know countless women that think they're unattractive. Don't you agree? Think about the women you see all the time. How many are really unattractive? I bet you think almost all of them are pretty in some way. So what, you just happen to be the only ogre in the room? Not to anyone but you.

The thing is, you don't need to compete with other women: you need to be with a man who thinks you're the best looking woman in the room, just because to him it's true...And, yes, there are guys like that out there. Don't accept him being like this because "it's just how guys are." It's not. I'm not gorgeous, or in great shape, but my boyfriend loves my looks and always says he prefers my looks to other women because in his eyes, I look pretty damn good. You deserve that kind of support too! Remember this: you don't have to have movie star looks to deserve a man who treats you like you do.

Don't accept him being like this. Let him know he's hurting your self-esteem. He should try to change-- he should not give you the "it's just the way men are" line. Take care of yourself! ((((hugs))))

Thank you everyone for your support and suggestions, I really appreciate it.

I'm sorry-- I feel a little embarrassed because after I reread my post, and your responses, I realize that I made him out to be more of a jerk than he is. I think I should have put things in context rather than rushing through with my message because I was feeling angry. He's not a complete jerk and I am not an angel. We still love each other, and we don't want a divorce. Although Gus, your suggestion was so funny that I may do it just for the laugh (jk).

I talked about this with my husband last night -- a really long talk that lasted till 2:30 a.m. I think I have misunderstood him in some ways regarding this matter-- there has been a lot of miscommunication, partly because we both have so much grad school work and don't have a lot of time to iron things out. He feels very badly about the whole deal, and we have both been under a lot of stress, and we say things that tick each other off. He says that he has been trying to change some things about himself (including his wandering eye), and that he has said things that he doesn't mean sometimes out of frustration, that he does find me beautiful and that he feels very bad about hurting me. And he has found other women more attractive before, but he said that it was a long time ago, and he hasn't felt that way in a while.

Stray cat-- thanks for the advice, and I have tried to make him jealous by commenting on men before, but it just doesn't work on him! He was absolutely fine with it, and said it's not a big deal. Maybe that explains why he can't understand why it's a big deal to me. Or maybe he knew I was BS ing.

And he doesn't usually offer the information about whom he finds attractive (although he has sometimes)-- I usually seem to know from his look and I ask him. Sorry--I didn't realize that it seemed in my post that he was bragging about it-- I meant it to seem that he was just being honest about it. He also said that it's hard for him to tell me what he thinks of me-- he feels embarrassed about doing things like that, but that talking about other women that way is not the same bec he doesn't have an emotional connection with them. He also said that I misunderstood about him wanting to have sex with other women, that all he meant is that he gets aroused, not that he would in actuality want to have sex with them. Supposedly he was trying to illustrate a point by saying the other thing -- not the best illustration.

I think our talk really helped. So as not to give you all a transcript of our conversation (and so as not to write a novella, although it seems that goal is shot), we have come to the conclusion that we need to communicate better, he needs to be more attentive and forthcoming about his feelings for me, I really need to work on my self-esteem (and I also think I have depression, which I need to see someone about). And grad school leaves us with no money, lots of stress, and no time to talk things out.

Thank you all for listening to me vent, even though I should have been clearer and more fair to him, and for all your advice.

LO, I'm relieved to hear that. I thought about you today, and I felt so bad for you. But after reading your follow-up post -- your husband doesn't sound anywhere near as jerky as I thought!

I can understand that the pressure of grad school could bring out the worst in people at times. Anyway, I'm glad you and your husband had that talk. I hope you and he can work things out, and it gets better.

If you ever need to talk, you know that we're here!

Dupre -- your boyfriend sounds great!! Where'd you meet him? Anymore like him around? Where should I look? :wink: