First time breaking up with someone and I need advice

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I've been thinking of breaking up with my long-distance boyfriend for a few months now, but I can't bring myself to do it. We've been together for almost 3 years, and it is my first relationship, so I've never broken up with anyone before. I've been thinking about it because over the past year I started feeling like he puts less effort into the relationship than he used to, seems uninterested in talking to me or spending time with me. In fact, he even admitted that sometimes he lies to me about being sick, because he'd rather stay home and game with his friends, than hang out with me. On top of it, he seems unwilling to help me whenever ask him for help and he no longer agrees to any of my date ideas. It's got to the point where I don't even want to spend time with him because I just feel lonely and ignored whenever I do, and it makes me sad because he didn't use to be like that at all when we first started dating.
Now, the reason why I'm hesitating with breaking up with him is because I know his behaviour is at least partly due to his depression; that because of his mental health he doesn't have the motivation to put more effort into this relationship. He has also told me that if it wasn't for me, he probably wouldn't be here anymore, which makes me worry about his reaction if I break up with him. I need some advice, because I don't even know if I should break up with him, and if so how. What do I say? Do I go visit him or break up over a phone call? (let me just add that I would feel a bit weird calling him, since we don't call each other anymore...)

I didn't want to make this post too long, but if you want me to add any more details, please let me know.

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Type: Question • Score: 3 • Views: 59 • Replies: 3

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@PurpleOrange,

Do you really to be told it's time to end the relationship? I see nothing here supporting a continued relationship.

Sometimes, nothing is better than any alternitve.

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@PurpleOrange,

PurpleOrange wrote:

...
Now, the reason why I'm hesitating with breaking up with him is because I know his behaviour is at least partly due to his depression; that because of his mental health he doesn't have the motivation to put more effort into this relationship. He has also told me that if it wasn't for me, he probably wouldn't be here anymore, which makes me worry about his reaction if I break up with him. ...

That right there is good old-fashioned emotional manipulation. You do not have to give into it. In fact, you never have to give into that sort of tactic.

Because that is what it is. It's a tactic to get you to hesitate, second guess yourself, and justify your inaction to yourself and others.

Now, you may be thinking that I don't really know him, he's a standup guy and he couldn't possibly have ulterior motives, etc. etc.

Don't be so sure.

But even if we give him the benefit of the doubt, and assume he's been 100% truthful in that area, you're still left with a guy who would rather game with his buddies than talk to you.

Breaking up in person is a nice idea in theory, but if it would be difficult or expensive for you to do it that way, then don't bother. As for calling him on the phone, since you don't normally communicate that way, he will know something's up. Which may be a good thing, actually.

So I would try calling him, if I were you.

Your opening line?

I don't think this is working out.

The truth is, he will probably be relieved. Breakups tend to be mutual if the relationship has clearly run out of gas, like yours obviously has.

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@roger,

I'm not afraid of being single, I'm afraid he will commit suicide.

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First time breaking up with someone and I need advice

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