she says i dont care

Longer convos.

I know she is not well right now - right? Give her some room for emotion.

I have a friend who divorced her husband since he didn't show enough care when she had a uterine infection, apparently from ... a hot tub, something she got from a dip at a hotel on their vacation.

These are serious people. She went through with it - he was busy remodelling her house (a small house she had before meeting him) at his own expense.

He called me in complete despond, in disbelief, he loved her so much.

That was in the early nineties.

They did divorce and I am still friends with both of them (edgy), and understand each person's point of view. In this case, I am somewhat more on his side, but I can see he was very controlling, so not by much.

They have both remarried happily. He had expressed complete confused bereavement to me, and she flitted off. It was her house, she did well in the divorce. And was probably really hurt by his inattention.

We are all such captives of our personalities, and our senses of ourselves.

I think in that case he did care but she didn't hear it for her own reasons of noticing long time small dismissals --- those add up.

I urge you to talk and talk to see if you can figure it out together.



On his side, maybe he did dismiss her points of view.. for reason.
It is hard to stick together through thick and thin when you think the other person is spouting nonsense.

Relationships aren't easy, as people learn and grow at different speeds at the best of times. And, perplexingly - sometimes those who think they have outgrown a spouse have bounded off in the opposite direction.

well houzer, she isn't feeling good right? maybe some serious compassion, flowers when she least expects it, and little note here and there. you may already do these things and from your posts here you do seem to care an awful lot about her. mr. d used to buy me flowers and leave them on my windshield so when i got out of work i would find them. or he would tape them to the front door so i would find them when i got home.

its the little things that you don't always do that show you care the most.

that said, remember she is not feeling well and this could be a little side effect of that. pain affects people very oddly. best to be supportive, never quesstion her pain, and offer to help in any way possible.

i am sure you do most of this already because you do seem to be an awfully caring guy, but you asked so i thought i'd give some ideas good luck..

Houzer--

Bottom line is she wants to talk with you for a longer time than you want to talk to her.

Try showing a great deal of interest in what she is going to do when your conversation is over and downplay what you are going to do when you get off the telephone.

Read this book. It's amazing and might be the answer you are looking for.

The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Committment to Your Mate