two and a half years and counting

Forums: Relationships
Email this Topic • Print this Page

its been about 21/2 years since i quit drinking,cheating and all of the stuff that comes with a dead beat husband i admitted...my wife still hurts and gets very angry from time to time...not as bad as before....our intimacy has completely died....i dont get turn on by her because she is very cold..and probably dosent want anything with me either...sometimes i just go to sleep to the kids room....we had an argument a couple of days back....and i am not sure if to leave for a while and give her some space to think....or just keep doing what i am doing.....i have been faithfull and i have change a lot!!...i dont drink or nothing .. i spend all my time at work and home....i know i obiously have to give her time...i wonder if our intimacy will ever be the same as before.....i feel bad beign married to a girl who i cant make love to...is not from impotence or anger..but there is so much pain still in there.

i know this is very common..that is why there are so many divorces....but i want to fight for my marriage cuz the big chief upstairs says so.....oviously i feel alone cuz i got a wife who is resented and two little kids that only know about pokemon Laughing

sometimes like today i feel down....and i keep waiting and waiting...

Topic Stats
Top Replies
Link to this Topic

Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 904 • Replies: 14

No top replies

I think if you seriously want to give continue with your marriage you have to work together to solve any trust issues that you both may have. It takes a very long time to heal those emotional scars, but in the end it should make you a much stronger couple.

Sit down and talk, take the kids out together, go shopping together, cook meals for her, help with the housework, treat her like a lady, and in return you will get so much back from your family!!

Stay strong Smile

0 Replies

oh RG 'big' hugs!!!! it will come right...just takes a wee bit of time to earn her trust back, keep doing what you are doing and it will all work out in the end, but in saying that she needs to come to the party as well by meeting you half way at least after all this time! Very Happy

0 Replies

RG, i want to give you big hugs for trying so hard, but at the same time i want to give you a beating for cheating on her! i am torn. i would hope that you keep up what you are doing and really show her how much you do love her...

i applaud her for sticking it out too. i see it as the ball is in your court now, you made your bed, you must lie in it. keep loving her and doing what you are doing, things will get better as she learns all about the new you and starts to trust again...but you do have to earn it (sorry to say). and i know its been 2.5 years, but that is a tough one to get over...

0 Replies

yeah! kudos to her for staying, i had a lying and cheating husband for 9 years, and we're now separated for a little over a year, by my choice, tho that still doesn't make it feel right. i thought i would have some peace, but being a single parent brings about its own preocupations....oh well, hope things work out for you both....my husband still comes around asking for a second chance....tho we'd separate many times before it was all before we got officially married....so he expects me to just start all over again...my take on that is, the marriage should've made a difference to him! there shouldn't have been another go at a SECOND chance....now as to the 'big chief', he did say to love they neighbor as thy self....i can only love and respect from afar now....being together doesn't help, it makes me loose it altogether...to learn is to change, and change is the line dividing the two extremes...to be or not to be....what is for sure is that change comes from within....and talk is cheap...just as faith without works is nothing....

0 Replies

yea proudly i hear you .. you must look after your self...i feel sorry about the children..they are always the one that gets it worst..i am glad your hubby still looks for you..looks like there might be hope...and i understand the pain he must have given you...and it might never go away....one side wants to tell you to give him another chance but my other side dosent know if he is done with his sprees..... for myself i am done...that dosent mean my wife has forgotten..for today things seem to be improving..and after i go to bed i will go and hold her in my arms...

you know if your hubby has really hit bottom and he is done completely with the b.s. i think you should give him another chance at least for the children at the beginning... but since you know yourself and you know its better to be appart for a while..sounds good... remember no one is here to stay...you may loose him tomorrow for good...i am sorry for your pain and my wife's...

0 Replies

RG chin up matey.....thats what lifes about, you learn and you move on the best that you can!

0 Replies

no prob kiwi.... :wink: :wink: ... you made me laugh by calling me matey....i dont even know what it means... Very Happy

......i always wanted to ask you :

why "kiwichick"???

how did you come up with it.............?? Rolling Eyes

0 Replies

LOL..dude...'Matey' is a slang word for buddy
OK here we go 'National Geographic' time....
Kiwi is a flightless bird Native to New Zealand and New Zealanders are often known as 'Kiwi's' ...Chic also slang for 'Girl' and also a baby bird except normaly spelt 'Chick'...
so hence KiwiChic da daaa! :wink:

Impressed RG????? Laughing

0 Replies

wow i just had a lighning of wisdom strike me in the head Very Happy

0 Replies

LOL...

Im just a genius, what can I say!

0 Replies

Just one guys opinion
Roofinguy I don't know how long you have been married but, congrats on trying to get your life turned around. As far as sobriety goes 2 1/2 years is a long time but, in your wife's healing it's not that long. I know some may have suggested talking to her about things and I'm going to advise the same. I would take a short overnight trip somewhere without the kids and talk. She has to know that you are truely comitted to your relationship as a husband, father and lover. Also, explain that you are telling her this in an attempt to save your marriage and that you are willing to work on and through any problems or issues she has in the marriage. I guess in a nut shell you have to find out if she is willing to work on the relationship or let it die. If you still love each other you can get past this but, it sounds like you both have some work to do. Hope this helps.

Take Care and Good Luck

0 Replies

thanks for your advice .. is very helpfull.. at the moment things at home have calmed down and are back to normal...thanks to god.. i just hope to be patient and strong enough next time...

0 Replies

RG, from a anothers womans perspective that has been hurt.

We tend to harden our hearts, even when there is outstretched arms waiting for us. We lay there at night, just wanting to be held, but yet stubborn and not let them hold us. We want that intimacy, but can't bring ourselves to initiate it or accept it. We look at you with love in our eyes, yet we turn blind the moment you take notice.

Do as you have been doing, be patient and keep showing her.. you love her, and only her. At some point, if you two can hang in there, she will break down that wall she has built to keep from being hurt again. Just make sure you don't pull the rug out from underneath her the moment she does...or the wall goes back up again.

0 Replies

thanks for your advice m33 .. i imagine for some girls that had been hurt it must be hard to talk nice to a guy who hurt his own.. i honestly have nothing but a peacefull life in my dreams and i have finally seen that it wasnt a game and how much are the real concequences of my actions..and the pain a brought with them.... i can wait .. she is my lifelong wife but sometimes things get ugly and i feel i am loosing her... even do is not up to me to change her.. i try to find advice and hope

0 Replies

two and a half years and counting

Related Topics

Quick Links

My Account

able2know