New Man Acting Aloof...

Dear All,

First, I have found this to be a very helpful, caring and supportive forum (I have to confess that I really haven't been to any others, but still...), even when there are differences in opinion. So I would like to turn to you for a little objective evaluation of my current situation.

I have recently met a man whom I find attractive and who (by his repeated assertions) finds me attractive as well (physically and intellectually). We have really determined that this will probably not turn into a lifelong commitment-bound relationship: he eventually hopes to find someone with whom he can start a family, and I already have been married/am divorced, have my children who are my family, and really don't want to get married again or have any more children.

I made it very clear to him that I am busy and I am looking for a friendship with benefits - someone with whom I can spend some time every now and then (a movie once in a blue moon, a rare night out on the town, an evening at the theatre or opera, fun in the bedroom as often as our schedules will permit). He seemed to be very excited by this proposition (his words: "every man's dream and fantasy"). Sounds perfect, right?

Well, during the past nearly 2 months that we have been talking, we have spent a lot of time on the phone and have sent each other occasional emails. However, after our initial acquaintance (he was giving a talk at the hospital where I work, that's how we met and exchanged numbers), we have only gotten together once (last week). We spent the whole evening talking, but he was definitely physically aroused during that evening (especially apparent when we were saying "good-night" :wink: ). Since then, I have pushed for us to have some more face-to-face time. He has been repeatedly telling me how he wants us to get to know each other better and let things happen as they happen and has been avoiding setting a time for us to meet by using his very full schedule as an excuse. I should also mention that he is very successful and financially secure, and he seems to be very conscious of this.

I have asked him point blank whether he is not really interested any more and wants me to back off. He keeps saying that that's not at all the case. He almost always picks up my calls and on the rare occasions when he doesn't, he promptly responds to my messages. I know he really is very busy, but so am I (I am a surgical resident and a single mom with 2 kids, etc. etc. etc.) and I still try to find some time for a member of the opposite sex (speaking of sex, it keeps me sane and now I am not getting any ).

It is Friday night here and I was really hoping to see him tonight (since my kids are with my ex and I am not on call). So I kept pushing for a meeting (don't want to call it a date, since I really don't think of this as a romance). He told me he is busy and running around like a maniac earlier today and then called me at 10 to tell me that he is finally home and going to bed. But before hanging up, he invited me to a talk he is giving on Monday at a luncheon, he repeatedly told me to come by.

What do you make of this? Has anyone experienced this sort of thing? I have been married and in school (seriously) most of my adult life, so I feel very green - haven't had much experience with adult friendships and dating beyond undergrad college years (and boy, it is different when you are in your 30's). Since my divorce I almost fell for a married guy - thankfully my brain kicked in (and your comments really helped)! Yeay!!!! Now I am trying to have some form of a personal life (read: need sex (lots of it) and non-sexual male companionship (on a rare occasion)). What should I do with this situation? Unfortunately, I don't have enough time to be talking to several men at the same time in order to "keep my options open" - I only have a finite amount of minutes per day that I can spend on myself.

What should I do? I am the one who usually initiates contact (although he always seems happy that I call and stays on the phone with me for a long time - longer than I have time for sometimes). Should I stop calling? Should I go to this luncheon?

Thanks in advance for your advice and comments... and sorry about the long post.

Vi