@ChanceofSun,
I’m sorry you’ve been through all this. Being stuck in your room with no friends and services that only care about state money would wear anyone down. What happened to you in the clinic should never happen to anyone.
I get the anger, but I don’t think wishing harm on others will get you what you actually need, which is someone in your corner.
You mentioned nobody would care if you were dead. Are you thinking about ending your life? If so, please reach out to a crisis line in your country. Chat or text works too if calling is hard. I know services have failed you before, but not everyone will. Online peer groups for disabled women might also help, since you wouldn’t have to leave your room.
You’re not a waste of oxygen. I’ll keep reading if you want to keep posting.