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Fri 9 Sep, 2005 10:28 am
ok, here goes-- long story short--
my boyfriendof 3 years broke up about 8 days ago, I moved out-- main reason was that he didn't want to have children... I am 27, he is 33
well here is the dilemma-- he wanted to remain friends, and I said no at first.. but then after thinking it through I realized that I don't hate him, and that a call every month or so wouldn't be so horrible-- I was really hurt, since I thought we were going to get married but I decided that it wasn't his fault for not wanting children and decided not to hold it against him.
since, however i have found out that he has cheated on me, with someone that I had actually suspected, asked him and of course he denied at the time. well I went into his email (please don't comment on that, as he went through mine as well) and he sent an email to this girl just yesterday and it went like this....
"hey, how are you-- what have you been up to? oh yeah, jen's gone .... can I get an AMEN!?"
well, it wouldn't be so terrible if he hadn't written to me not five minute earlier saying that he really missed me, would always love me and wanted to buy me a new TV as a housewarming/apartment gift.
so, my question to all of you is... he doesn't know that I read the email yet-- do I meet him at the store, pick out a tv, and then after it's safely in my car, give him a loud AMEN????? (of course I will have to explain why I said that because he is not the sharpest knife in the drawer)
all my friends said this is what I should do but I feel like I am a better person than that....
he still has some things of mine and we were going to exchange at the same time after tv shopping...
ps.. I'm thinking the TV was a consolation prize so that he didn't feel guilty
May I ask if he would think that there is something in it for him if he buys you this tv?
jenlost, what would be the point of you doing any of that?
well..
he knows there wouldn't be anythign in it for him-- since we haven't had intimate relations in almost 2 months-- he tried, but I saw no point in it since I was moving out in the near future and thought it would only make the breakup harder for me.
ehbeth... what would be the point of telling him I know what he wrote and getting the tv? basically so that he knows that I know what type of person he really is... he thinks he pulled one over on me.
My bet is that he still loves you but doesn't want other people to know you hurt him. Don't take the tv. You're love is not for sale.
re: bella
Bella Dea wrote:My bet is that he still loves you but doesn't want other people to know you hurt him. Don't take the tv. You're love is not for sale.
my mom said the same thing-- she said it's his way of trying to convince himself that he's glad to be rid of me. especially since he wrote me such a sappy email just minutes before writing "can I get an AMEN"-
I think maybe he is bipolar or just mentally unstable....
False bravado isn't necessarily a sign of mental illness, especially right after a breakup...
Don't worry so much about how to hurt him. Focus on how to protect yourself. Don't do anything that you will regret later. It's not worth it.
in addition
when i first read "jen's gone, can I get an AMEN" I was so hurt-- I couldn't believe that he would write something like that about me.
I left because HE didn't want to have children, but he also never treated me right- I always felt unloved and in the way (he made it perfectly clear that I loved him more than he loved me) he even admitted that he didn't know why he didn't love me enough...
so I don't know why he would be hurt-- he is the one that never showed me love..maybe now he's realizing...you never know what you have until it's gone...
re:sozobe
sozobe wrote:False bravado isn't necessarily a sign of mental illness, especially right after a breakup...
I should have explained that more thoroughly... he has shown signs of this in the past-- totally separate from our relationship...
Re: re: bella
jenlost wrote:Bella Dea wrote:My bet is that he still loves you but doesn't want other people to know you hurt him. Don't take the tv. You're love is not for sale.
my mom said the same thing-- she said it's his way of trying to convince himself that he's glad to be rid of me. especially since he wrote me such a sappy email just minutes before writing "can I get an AMEN"-
I think maybe he is bipolar or just mentally unstable....
i think he may be trying to convince the other girl that he is over you, when he knows he isn't. he said that in hopes he could get a piece from her. don't take the tv. get your stuff back from him and say goodbye. his getting some is obviously more important than your feelings-he is thinking of himself first and foremost. i agree with bella, your love is not for sale ...
Don't take the t.v.
It will be bad for you for a lot of reasons.
The one that popped in my mind right away is:
" Oh my God, the poor woman is going to be reminded of this guy everytime she turns on the T.V.?!"
Whether or not your ex has a mental illness, or is mentally unstable, is no longer your concern. You said he didn't treat you well. That he said he didn't love you the way you love him. You made a good choice, as difficult as it must have been, in saying good-bye. Now just tie up the loose ends with as little drama as possible. Believe me; it'll make your life a lot easier.
take care jen
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