how do I handle this situation? wife/mom/dad and job.

Do I have this right: Your wife wants you/ your parents to support her while she goes to university?

How long has she been living in the same country as you? How long have you been wed?

My antennae are up!

Most importantly: how do you feel about this 'arrangement' she has made? Is it what you want?

Who supported you while you got your education, semidevil?

while I was in school, my parents supported me, and while she was in shcool, her parents supported her, but now, since I am her only family, she wants to study and not work.

we have been married for 5 months.....

Do your parents need help in their business? Maybe instead of not working she should just change jobs. Maybe find something closer to the field in which she will get her degree. It will help her get a career job when she finishes school.

I don't think she should expect you to be the only income earner and to get free food from your parents. She is old enough and educated enough to at least work part-time.

semidevil, did you and your wife discuss your plans for the immediate future before you got married?

I think you definitely need to discuss this with your wife - keep your parents and brother out of it for now. It really is none of their business, unless and until you're thinking of asking for financial aid from them.

I do think it's inappropriate for your wife to think that she could expect to be fed by your parents business if she returns to school - unless it's in exchange for work she's going to do for them.

I agree with ehBeth.

Still, I'm wondering how YOU feel about the situation? What is it that you would like see happen? When you speak to your wife about it, you'll need to know where you stand.

cheers

well, if it was up to me, I would tell her to suck it up and work hard with me for atleast a year, but as it turns out, she really hates her job, and it really stresses her out. I wasn't able to tell her no because I want to do what I can for her, so I just let her know that if she quits her job, she will have less spending money, and I guess she was fine with that........

You are an adult couple. You decide what is best for both of you. If you feel it is best for your wife to quit and focus on completing her degree and you both are happy with that decision then do it. As you are adults it really is not up to any family members to approve your decisions.

Obviously though you want to maintain a positive relationship with your family. I would simply be upfront with them and tell them. Just say, you both thoroughly discussed and thought in the long term it would be best for you both.

Basically it is up to the two of you to decide what is best. However, if you are not happy with the situation, it will be difficult. To me, it really doesn't matter whether both parties in a relationship work, or if only one works as long as it is economically feasible and both are happy with the situation. It is really for the two of you to work out what would make both of you happy as a couple.

If she doesn't like her current job and that is the only work issue, then have her look for another situation. Many universities help students find work even on campus. Typically these jobs work around a student's schedule. I certainly did this while I was in college.

semidevil--

Welcome to A2K.

If your wife is thinking of a Ph.D., this means she already has an MA. For her, part-time work at a Chinese restaurant is definitely "underemployment".

I agree with ehBeth and Linkcat. Remember your marriage vows? Specifically the "forsaking all others" clause? Your parents and your brother are also your family, but your wife's wishes come before theirs.

At the same time, you're wife can't expect that your disapproving parents are going to pick up the tab for her on-campus meals. If they want to...fine. If they don't, that is a decision that they are entitled to make.

Your parents think you should be saving money. Have your parents told you what this accumulation of your money is to be used for?

Do you and your wife plan a family? Do you hope to own your own home? Which is more important to you right now, living comfortably or preparing for the future? Your wife comes from another country--how much money is budgeted for her to visit her family?

Is it possible for your wife to find a more congenial part time job? Why does she need time off to study for the Graduate Record Exams? Why can't she cut her recreational/personal time to study?

Would you be uncomfortable if your wife had more formal education than you did? Would you be uncomfortable with your family's reaction to your wife having more formal education than their son had?

I have lots of questions.

i am confused. i thought you had to take the GRE to get into grad school, which she would have already done since she is going for a PHD not a master's. plus if she has a master's in economics, why is the only job she can get a parttime job at a chinese restaurant?

ok, here's what i did in semi-close to your situation...about 4 months after we got married, i quit my full time job to go back to school to get my master's degree. we were fortunate, my parent's paid tuition so hubby just had to make enough to cover our mortgage and bills which he did wonderfully. i worked during christmas break at a job i hated so we could have extra money for gifts for our family during that time (both christmas breaks).

we are older than you all, but relatively close to the age you are at now when all this happened (i was 26, he was 24). however, i had already been accepted to grad school 4 months before we got married so he knew what was in store when we tied the knot, but i worked full time while studying for the GMAT (a little different than the GRE but not much).

so here's what i think...your wife is miserable at her job and is using excuses (study for the GRE full time) to get out of it. i say fine, but she needs to find something else. i worked full time up until i went back to school and then worked 40 hour weeks during breaks at a job i hated. the only time i didn't work was while i was attending school full time and we were in session (ok and during the time off we got because hurricane isabel tore the campus up).

i do have some issue with her going to your parents for food. why is that their responsibility (unless they offer for it to be)? this is all a little odd to me.

i am all for going back to school to further one's education, but it has to be for good reason. will she be finding a job after she gets her phd that is commensurate with her education? will you be starting a family and both of you be working (not saying this is bad, just curious)? i guess i would want to make sure she is going back for the right reason. i went back so that when we have kids, mr. dragon can stay home and care for them. if i went back, i had a higher earning potential than if he went back so it made sense for our family.

did any of all that make sense? i kinda rambled on...

Semidevil,
Has your wife found out about GA/ TA-ships at the university she wants to apply to? I think most departments help their grad students out with assistantships, although I can't say how it would compare to what she is making now. Info on assistantships should be available from the department.

I can completely understand her wanting to go back to school, especially if she has her Masters. However, I also know that living on very little money and having nothing to save sucks (my husband and I are grad students). But since you have a salary, and if she gets an assistantship, maybe things wouldn't be too bad?

Like the others have said, it of course depends on what your and your wife's goals are (starting a family and preparing for the future -wise).