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Wed 7 Sep, 2005 03:07 pm
Okay, since I'm too lazy to write to Dear Abby, and everyone here seems to have as much insight as she does anyway, I present you all with my dilemma with hopes of some helpful advice. Recently I returned to college (a small liberal arts school in central maine), where my ex is finishing up his last semester and I have two years remaining. He broke up with me last winter due to ideological differences: that is, different religious beliefs, and because he needed time to work on various projects, including his senior thesis. I was hurt, but it was for the best because I was going away to France for the spring semester anyway. So I went to France, a little heartbroken, but overall okay. I met a guy there, which probably wasn't the best idea, but dated him for the duration of the four months I was overseas. When I returned I made sure my French boy knew that it couldn't continue beyond that point, and I went on my way working for the summer.
This all seems very simple, like none of this hurt at all. It did, in fact. And I deeply regret going from boy to boy this year (There was one before said ex-boyfriend). For the mathematically challenged like me, that's three boys in one year- I am overstepping my limit of the usual none. Also, I was beginning to feel like a slut. So I took the summer to gather my thoughts, work hard, make money, and find myself. I thought I was making some progress in the right direction, but now that I am back at school, the situation is getting iffy.
This is because after being here two days, my ex contacted me saying he missed my company and regrets that he broke up with me and would like to try again. I was sad and depressed when he said all this so I jumped at the chance. Now I am wondering if it was really the best thing to do. This is for multiple reasons. One, I dont know his intentions. He doesnt have much time left here before he is off to law school, and I don't want to be a space filler. Two, I think maybe I was a little too eager to see him because we got very intimate within the first week. Yet, we also argued a lot about religion and some other scholarly topics. But we enjoy eachother's company. I just maybe think that he was right about us having differences that are irreconcilable. But I want to try anyway. Does it seem like I am being desperate, or is it okay to try again, maybe in a less serious context?
First of all, dating 3 guys in one year in college does not make you anything, least of all a slut. Second, how important is religion to both of you? It may be something you can't get past, but then again, if it's not that important in your life, you may be able to get past it.
Thirdly, if your intuition is telling you that this isn't a good situation, listen to it. Usually your first decision is the right one concerning matters of the heart.
Daniellejean--
How do you feel about a September to June romance? If tells you that after graduation his plans can't include you, would you be hurt?
Dating--or sleeping with--three men in the course of a year does not make you a slut.
Do you feel taken advantage of? As though you were nothing but a body for these guys?
Here is the thing about religion. I am a Catholic and he is an Athiest. Thats a pretty big difference. But I have always respected people for the religious beliefs, and I do not like to impose my values on other people. Not only that, but I don't consider myself a model Catholic anyway because I don't follow all of the "rules" There are times when my ex drills me unnecessarily about my religious beliefs. And I guess it seems like he is trying to get me worked up so that I say something judgemental or something. Im really just thinking of one instance. I thought I could make this work because he is a great guy, and we have a lot in common as far as our scholarly persuits go. But this is a rough spot.
daniellejean--
Yep. Extreme differences between his belief and your belief.
You don't want to convert him.
He wants to convert you.
Are you happy with someone who wants you to change--or to give up--your basic beliefs?
Better figure this out before you get emotionally tangled again.