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Mon 6 Jan, 2025 03:18 am
I (30M) have recently entered a new relationship (28F). We have fantastic chemistry, love hanging out together and have super sex.
However, she has said some questionable things to me that I sort of got uptight about, but this one was very peculiar to say to your new boyfriend whom you supposable love. Whether she meant it as a joke, I don't know. Either way, during sex of all places?
About 2 or 3 hours before this we were having dinner with her friend. He's a male friend who's gay, and a really nice guy. They both often speak Vietnamese to one another (I don't speak it), but they also speak English. Sometimes they say things in Vietnamese and laugh and sort of give me a side-eye. On this occasion, she had just shown him something on her phone. They both laughed and looked at me. I asked what it was.
The guy friend said "you have competition..", and my girl didn't say anything. I continued and asked what he meant. He said there's another guy messaging my new girlfriend who "looks like an actor"; a very successful Chinese man apparently who wants to come to Vietnam to see my girlfriend. They know each other from the past. I just tried to stay cool and show that it wasn't bothering me. I left the table to take a call.
When I got back they were still speaking about it and she said "I'm rooting for you though" and then the friend said that he's just "rooting for the girl" (I supposed in reference to whatever decision she makes). I tried to stay cool, but I'd imagine it wasn't too hard to tell that I didn't like it. I wanted to keep my composure. We often joke sometimes like this, but this was a real, tangible person who had history with my girl. Our jokes are so harmless compared to this I think.
When we got back to the hotel room, the two of us started to have sex. It was very intimate and sensual, but as I was on top of her, she whispered to me that she was "rooting for me", obviously in reference to the previous conversaiton. I paused and asked what she meant. And she casually said "oh with the other guy". I didn't like this so I just kept asking questions and she was casually saying how he wants to come see her, and take her out, etc. She said that she wants to see her if she didn't have a boyfriend. She never once mentioned any of the replies to him - just things he was saying apparently. I think she wanted a rise out of me. I just tried to remain calm, but my penis had gone completely flaccid at this point. I got off her and went to the toilet. I got back on the bed and she knew she messed up saying something like that during such an intimate moment with her new boyfriend.
Eventually we restarted, but it's something I've been thinking about. I mean, why would she say this to me? If the roles were reversed, I would just cut it right away and not feel the need to tease or hurt my new partner right at the beginning of a relationship with unnecessary crap?
Am I being overly insecure here? I just know I wouldn't do that to her? I don't know if it's a good thing she said it or is it something that may inspire trust issues with me.
TL;DR - girl friend is referencing and joking about another potential man at the beginning of a relationship and even mentioning it during sex.
I found myself wondering about the "recently" in the opening remark. If the "relationship" started earlier his week, you might want to reconsider the relationship. If, however, it started several months ago...you might want to reconsider the relationship anyway.
The speaking in a language she knows you do not understand...is every bit as much a reason for reconsidering the relationship...as the remark in bed.
If, in the future, she says something like, "I think the ceiling needs to be repainted"...then you are definitely in the wrong relationship.
But...and I cannot stress this too much...you say the sex is super.
Might want to consider sticking around for that...and just tolerating the other stuff.
@JohntheJohn ,
Well, I really don't like what's going on here. Is she playing a game with you? Trying to see how much you care?
First, as Frank mentioned, I really dislike and distrust the speaking in Vietnamese and giving you looks. Very bad form. Extremely rude.
And second, sort of taunting you during sex? What in the world was she thinking?
What have you said to her? Or what are you going to do?
@Frank Apisa,
Yeah we've been seeing each other for two months but it's somewhat official now.
I just found it deeply hurtful. I feel like mentioning it to her again. It showed to me that that person must have been on her mind at that time.
I don't even know if I reacted correctly. It was 50/50 between been relaxed and calm/cool.
@Mame,
Yes she does that. She sometimes says things, and when I just agree with resistance (because I sometimes know she's trying to get a rise), she says "nooo you're supposed to protest!". Is the way to deal with her to be completely unphased me **** like this?
Yes the taunting was concerning. I had also just done an entire weekend working for her new brand as well. It suggested to me that she was thinking about him during the sex if she was to say something like that.
Do you think I should bring it up again? It was two days ago and it's bothering me. Or should I just not give in to that nonsense and show it doesn't bother me?
@JohntheJohn ,
It sounds to me like she isn't quite as committed to this relationship as you are, and is keeping her options open.
@cherrie,
Yeah I thought as much. It hurts to read that because we've been spending so much time together.
I was honestly appalled when she said that to me. I couldn't understand (joke or not) how she thought it would be okay to say that.
She talks about how she can see I life with me any everything, and how much it turns her on when I talk about a future with her.
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