Bad relationship sex advice

So I’m writing here becouse I didn’t want to talk about this with the people i know. My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and a half and everything in our relationship is great from connection, love and trust. We helped each other a lot, and he helped me a lot with my family situation, so in this way I depend on him and his parents, who have done a lot for me. I love him very much, but I just don't like sex in the whole relationship. He wants me to have oral sex with him, but he wouldn't return it to me, which bothers me, although I'm not sure if he knew what to do, but okay. I have a past behind me in connection with sexual abuse and trauma, but I worked a lot on myself and I had the best sex with my previous "friend" who was not a partner. I feel guilty because my current boyfriend doesn't give me such good sex, I've tried to tell him this many times, but somehow it didn't work. That's why sex is often discouraged and I see it as something I can do for him because it's quite problematic with my past. It's true that I already have problems with sex and that I can't have an orgasm myself, not because of my psyche, but I always long for some crazy and good sex. I just need some advice about this topic.