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Sun 28 Aug, 2005 04:43 am
I'm divorced and the breakup has been dreadful. I'm the sort of person who recommends mediation etc. my ex wife doesn't believe in this kind of thing. If we have a disagreement she says she is going to see her solicitor: and I would be hearing from him. So that sets the scene for the question I ask.
The arrangement for the children is that my ex has sought residence (custody) but she has not got it. The matter has been withdrawn from the court. But I'm sure she will bring it back if she can. The breakup took place 2 and a half years ago.
So this is the problem. Recently my ex took both children on holiday (aged 4 and 7) abroad to Greece. The 7 year old on his return told me that they spent a lot of time in the childrens Club, infact mornings 9-12, and evenings 7-9, and they had children's tea at 5.
Then my ex put them to bed. She waited for them to fall asleep and then went out. Not necessarily out of the hotel but to the pool where entertainment takes place outside the hotel.
I asked my 7 year old how do you know this is what happened. He said "somnetimes I didn't fall asleep, and sometimes I woke when she came to bed, and it was late."
This worried me because it isn't the sort of thing I'd do. In fact i took them away for a similar fornight to the north of England, and I was with them all the time, as I am when I look after them everyday. So i was a bit upset.
So I asked him which floor were you on. Second (top floor). What could you see from the bedroom? The gardens, he said. So I looked up the plan of the hotel on the internet and there is a pool in the middle of a rectangle of buldings. There are inner bedrooms, and there are outer bedrooms. So they were on the top floor facing outwards, while my wife was arounfd the pool beliveing them to be asleep.
I then rang the hotel and asked about listening devices. they have none, I put myself across as a possible holiday maker and asked about leaving my children in the bedroom and going to the bar or whatever in the hotel. He said how old are they. I said 4 and 7. Well you know what they are like. Will they wake up etc.. I asked him if the door could be locked. he said yes but it can be opened from the inside. What about the balcony. That can be locked but opened from the inside too, he said. My 7 year oild said he could open it by unlocking it, but he said the 4 year old couldn't do it.
So this upset me. Should I be? M<y aim would be to stop her doing it again either in ahotel or even in her home. How can I best sort it out given that she is vexatious - and will of course deny it. Any suggestions?
First, it would bother me, yes.
However, I'm not sure what the most productive route to take would be. It does not seem fair to put your 7-year-old in the middle if it is just his word against hers. It seems prohibitively difficult to get any other kind of proof (I'm assuming you're not in Greece).
Do you think that your ex-wife should never see them? What practical result are you looking for? I think you should identify that before going forward.
I would be upset as well! What if the seven year old had really been asleep and the four year old happened to get the door open? He could have been kidnapped or worse! No one should lave such young children alone like that. If the mother was looking for a vacation to go out and be on her own she should have left the kids behind with you.
I really don't know how or if you should bring this up to her. If it were me I would probably let it go until the next time she wants to take them on a trip again and then mention your concerns then.
What the tour operator said
OK I talked to the tour operator. he was very unwilling to discuss it but I explained that i was not asking him whether my ex did it, I was asking him about the safety of the hotel. he said it is a dedicated hotel to the operators. I asked him if he had children. He said no but he knew others who were very happy to leave their children (of all ages) in their hotel bedrooms asleep, and join the general entertainments. HE SAID WE HAVE ONE RULE THAT IS THAT A 3 YEAR OLD AND BELOW CANNOT BE LEFT UNSUPERVISED.
So I went on - he said that bedrroms were no more than 5 doors away from the entertainment- so I said well I assume (I think its a 64 bed hotel) that there are bedrooms on both sides of the corridor and if you are upstairs.....
He said I will ring you back in 10 minutes.
He rang back said he talked to his managing director and they could not answer any questions and that I should talk to my ex wife.
I said but wait I'm not asking about her I'm asking about safety in the hotel. You would have to tell me if I was a prospective customer. He said but you are talking about a specific incident ask your wife.
So I said are there listening devices. If you need them you have to bring them he said. Do people bring them I asked? He didn't reply. He was prepared to say no more.
This is an organisation that supplies Christian holidays, and he seemed to be saying that that made it a "family" holiday. To me that might be an argument to suggest the children are unlikely top be harmed by the guests because in some way they knew each other.
But is it safe? He wasn't prepared to answer questions about the door to the balcony for instance. And he said the entertainment took place maybe 5 bedroom doors away. But the hotel is the following:
Amenities
The modern complex offers: a restaurant for 100 persons where breakfast, lunch and dinner are served buffet style, two freshwater swimming-pools, one for children, with a pool-side bar serving exotic cocktails and refreshments, parking, currency exchange services, car or motorbike rental services and a roof garden with a fantastic view.
Every week the hotel organizes a folkloric evening and animation shows for the guest's entertainment.
We allow pets.
In-Room Amenities
The hotel has 62 rooms, all with a private bathroom, telephone, radio, room service, air-conditioning and a balcony with a marvelous view to the sea.
Sports
Enjoy yourself with a wide selection of water sports on the beach.
He would not allow me to speak to the managing director and said that I would have to ask my wife. He was nervous I thought. Should I go and visit the hotel? Why would they be nervous?
Michael--
Your wife should not have left your children alone.
The hotel accommodates guests--as does the tour company. Neither of them teach or enforce parenting.
Your wife is the person to be confronted here.
I would be mad, seriously. Children at this age do not know what they are doing. What if something happens??? I think, that if she did it there, she probably does it once in a while being home as well. U do not need to be a brain surgeon to imagine how Little kids of that age can hurt themselves being unattended...Besides, mothers do not leave their kids home alone, even from the common sense that they may get scared all alone..she does not have any feeling of responsibility. What if they wake up and want to pee pee? What if they are scared?
There are so many dangers here. A seven year old is incapable of handling these dangers. What if there were a fire? What if some one broke into the room? What if the two year old got up and decided to go for a walk? He could wander outside - he could wander and fall into the pool (even if other people are around, they may not witness this).
Bottom line - it is not appropriate or safe for a seven year old and a two year old to be left in a hotel room alone, whether the parent is simply down stairs or has left the hotel. Is there really a difference? If she was downstairs, would she be able to know if a child left the room, would she be able to know some one broke into the room, would she know that the two year old started running the tub and overflowed it? Any more than if she were outside the hotel.
The mom is responsible. It is not up to the tour operator or hotel to monitor the children of their guests no matter if it is a family vacation or adult vacation spot.
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