My new personal ad

What do you think of my new online personal ad? Chicks will be just bangin' down my email on this one...


Hi. My name is Rob. Not the Rob you see in the picture, but his friend Rob who just wrote this because the Rob in the picture doesn't like to write about himself. So we both felt I could better write a description about the Rob in the picture. So I'm not talking about me, but the Rob in the picture.

If I were talking about me, I might tell you about my striking good looks, charm, and the fact my unit looks like a baby's arm holding an apple. But I'm not. The Rob you see is really nice. He's got a really great personality, and likes being nice to people. For instance, one time, accidently bumped into somebody, and said "excuse me." He didn't even punch her in the face, like I may have. But we're not talking about me.

If we were talking about me, I may tell you about the fact I make a multi six figure income, and own a beach house in Miami. But I'm not the one who needs to resort to online dating, my friend Rob does. Rob has fun at his job, and says that's all that matters. He may not be able to appreciate the finer things in life like I can, such as "driving a Porsche," or "going on exotic trips," or "buying new clothes without putting himself in further debt." But I stress, he's nice, and can be pretty fun once his medication wears in.

So what does Rob do for fun? Well, at 26 years old he's still mastering the art of video games, binge drinking, and lifting weights for the sole purpose of impressing girls when he wears wife beaters in public. Of course I try telling him he should concentrate on reading, going to nice restaurants, and reading and writing poetry, but he's usually too drunk to understand. Again, we're talking about my friend Rob.

So please, for the love of God, email this guy you see in the picture. It's worth it. I mean, if I had a vagina, rather than this zuchini with a turtleneck on, I'd bang him. And mabye you've got some honey-baby friends for me.