Sun 17 Sep, 2023 12:49 pm
So my partner and I have been together a little over 6 months. We actually met over 3 years ago on Tinder and had a bit of a fling that was sort of becoming something but didnt.
Since then we hooked up a couple of times but both had other casual partners. She tended to dive into dating someone and would say she wasnt single anymore but then would be back adding me a few months later.
The most recent time this happened we were kind of both in a place where we were tired of ******* around. Although we have both had relationships we both have a lot of casual sex history.
First little while goes really fast and is really happy. Everything moves along really well, if maybe a little too fast. We are both very open during the whole process and we already know most of it about each other as we have known each other a while, if casually.
After the first couple of months hee interest in sex starts going down. Isnt initiating and doesnt really ever seem to be in the mood when I want to. I would say we went from 5 or so times a week in the honeymoon phase to 2 times a week.
Around the same time I start seeing things in her phone (we both agreed early on that we don't care at all about looking in each others' phones).
Early on sure there were some messages from guys she had been seeing, even some old dick pics and pics she had sent. But I noticed she was getting rid of them as she saw them again and telling anyone that contacted her that she wasnt single. All is well.
As I said though, about this time I notice one thing, and then another. She is in a group on facebook that is a dating group for fetish enthusiasts.
There's comments from her saying she is a sub and has given guys footjobs and sucked their dick while they wore her underwear. She has old emails from fetlife and sugardaddymeet and locanto. There's messages to her best friend saying she fucked a guy 10 times last night, and that she is not answering messages from another guy anymore because he is too vanilla and she just wants to be thrown around and choked. She is liking memes that say "screw netflix and chill, I just want throatfucking and bestgore.com".
Okay, well, fair enough. That was all before we dated. She is kinky I guess, and you already knew she had a lot of casual sex in the past. Sounds like just need to let the past be the past and have your own bedroom fun.
Except our sex is about as vanilla as it gets. And the times where Ive said Im not really happy with how infrequently we have sex end in arguments about how Im selfish.
It all came to a head the first time when we were away on a weekend together and I basically asked if she even found be sexually attractive.
Wtf? Why would you ask that? I dunno because your entire phone is full of things that indicate youre obsessed with sex and kink but your idea of our sex life is missionary or doggy twice a week where you tell me to hurry up and cum?
Since then, its been probably 3 months of ups and downs really. Good periods where we try to bring it back and pretty much succeed on every front except the sex. It always comes back around, and we always fight again.
I guess what Im trying to figure out is where I go from here. Even if I hadnt found what I did in her phone I am so sexually unfulfilled in the current state of our relationship. The fact that I did find it just makes me feel like she lived life in the fast lane for her younger years and decided it was time to pack it in and figured she could handle having me around while she enjoyed her sexual retirement.
Even if I hadnt found what I did in her phone I am so sexually unfulfilled in the current state of our relationship.
Here is your answer! It won't get any better so you might as well look for someone more compatible to your sexual drive.
My God, you're needy.
For someone who said you don't care to look at other people's phones, you sure did a lot of it. Then, you threw her past actions right in her face. Make up your mind, either you do care and are jealous as ****, or you just like making her feel as if she can never change, grow up, mature or like something else.
She doesn't want to share her kink. Not with you, anyway. Either you can live with that or not. Your choice. But constantly fighting about sex? No, that's just stupid and wrong.
And it never has occurred to you that she's as fed up with you and your needs as you are.
I agree. It sounds like she's just not into him anymore. He should cut his losses and move on.
There is such a thing as “sexual compatibility’… If you both are not fulfilled, you are wasting your time. If you have discussed your needs, and she is not responding in a way that shows she is willing to meet you somewhere in the middle, you are wasting your time. Cooperation is required in a relationship. It is unrealistic to expect the situation to change.
If it feels like she is cheating, she probably is. Time to move on.