How to get through each day after a breakup?

I have recently decided after months of thinking to end a relationship with my live-in boyfriend of 2 1/2 years. The biggest reason is that he doesn't want to have children. I am 27, he is 33.

There are other reasons, as well.. such as his selfishness, laziness (doesn't help around the house at ALL) I've caught him lying to me, he is irresponsible and admits that he only cares about himself. He said that if I ever left him, he would not get married and probably never have a serious relationship again.


Throughout our relationship, I saw myself changing. I'm no longer the happy, outgoing, confident person I used to be. I was always concerned with whether or not he loved me, where he was, what he was doing. I have never been a jealous person until this relationship. I suppose the reason I became this way is because of how I was treated. While he was never verbally or physically abusive, I never felt that he truly loved me. ie...He never got me flowers, or surprised me with dinner plans, or anything similar. We spent a lot of time together but it was always doing what he wanted, on my dime. He works but has so much debt that he never has any money. I pay rent, he does not. He has a job that only requires work 2 days a week, with a full-time salary I felt that if he was serious about our relationship, he would have gotten another job to pay some debt and plan for the future. He has never paid rent, we live in his grandmothers house (she lives elsewhere), I pay her rent to live here.


I spent many nights crying, wishing I had the courage to leave, knowing that I just wasn't happy. Many nights he would push me away, saying that he just isn't an "affectionate person".

When I told him that I was going to move out and we would not be dating anymore, he said that he was "a little bit" upset. This hurts me more than I ever imagined, because it has reaked havoc on my emotions, to say the least. I have anxiety attacks almost daily and my dr prescribed zoloft, I had a reverse reaction, felt extremely depressed and anxious and stopped taking it.

So long story short, I ask all of you--while I know that I am making the right decision, how do I move on and feel better about myself again? I question my decision every minute of every day and then start to think to myself that things weren't that bad, maybe I am overreacting, maybe I should stay etc. He said he wanted to marry me, I thought I had found the love of my life... but somehow in the midst, I lost who I used to be.......