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Tue 23 Aug, 2005 05:07 am
This is the situation....almost two years ago I met a man from online dating service that completely changed my life. We met roughly four months after are first conversation with him flying to see me. Three months later I flew to spend some time in his arena. Well the traveling has gotton to be a little much but I didnt want to push anything unatural. Just taking life as it comes. In May of this year to my surprise he asked me to marry him! He was even a gentleman by asking my parents first (very funny considering I'm in my thrities and he's almost 20ys older than I). Nevertheless, everyone in my family has spend considerable time with this man and I've had no complaints. He seemed to have life undercontrol. He owned his own business which was said to be in profit leaving him with time to devote to a relationship, marriage and family.
We decided to spend our summer traveling Europe and parts of the Nordic countries before getting married. I had to pull my daughter out of school who is age seven to home school her during this time. Folks lets just say for a small town-city girl this was the time of my life. His family was wonderful not to mention all the fantastic sights.
So what's my problem then.....lol
The problem is a week and a half before I am to return to the states he tells me that he's broke due to some bussiness dealling that has gone wrong and doesn't know how we will beable to continue with this relationship.....WHAT!!!!!
Ok, my mouth was on the floor! How do you not tell me these things months ago...you know before I quit my job, moved out of my house and sold my furnishings. How do you keep these things from the person your about to marry? HIs respose was, "I didn't want to ruin your summer"!
So now I'm depressed and pissed off.
What did I do wrong?
Oh by the way, we have since talk through this and trying to come up with a solution althought I'm scared that at this guy age he hasn't learned to manage his life in away were he doesn't find himself broke. Am I just asking for trouble?
Something sure sounds fishy. He somehow had money for the two of you to travel all over Europe, but tells you he is broke and for that reason does not think the relationship should continue??? How is being broke a reason for ending a relationship?
I have been rather broke a couple of times during my marriage, but never once told my wife I could not continue in our relationship due to finances.
Personally, it sounds to me as though he has gotten what he wanted from you and just wants to move on now. It was not your summer he was afraid of ruining, but his. It is the chance you take when you make the changes you made in your life BEFORE getting married.
Wish I had better advice other than to walk away and learn from this, but I don't. Hope it all works out well for you.
Thanks guys!
This has been a roller coaster ride to say the least. No, I haven't given him any money at all. He on the other hand has given me everything. He refused to take a dime from me. At first I thought he was just trying to impress until I've spent time with him and his old friends, he's just as generous with them. He's paid for all the expenses so I can't say he was just trying to use me unless it's sex but hell, this day and age you can get sex from anyone with out spending over twenty-thosands dollars and proposing marriage.
Thank you for you advice, it really helps to hear from others not so closely connected to the situation.
Maybe he's testing you? To see if you're marrying him for money or love? This smells very fishy. It makes no sense at all for him to spend what little he had left (before he was "broke") on an extravagant vacation that lasted an entire summer.
You have to decide. If he's telling the truth and he's broke, and you love him enough to stay with him through this hard time, then the two of you have to figure out how you're going to support yourselves and your seven-year-old daughter. The summer of fun is over; back to work.
I'm not sure whether you were deliberately conned or are being tested, but either way this guy doesn't trust you with the whole truth.
I think some more long, serious conversations would be a good idea.
Regarding the testing, I was thinking the same thing which prompted me to ask a lot more questions. What I'm getting (feeling wise) that he was afraid to be open with me. He was thinking his situation would have changed long before it ever became necessary to tell me the problem. He panic. So I think it's time to slow down, get my life back into prospective. I love this guy, so I need to see it through although loseing my head in the process is never a good ideal.
I can't thank you guys enough, I really had no one to talk to. So glad I ran into this group.
Best regards to all!
slonie--
Glad we could help. Let us know if we can help. A2K is a good place to vent.
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