The Telemarketer

For real?

heehee, mr.d and i did something like this too...not the murder scene thing, but play a joke on a telemarketer...

i answered the phone and they asked for me...absolutely butchering my last name. i asked who was calling too, so and so from this company. so i rolled my eyes...mr. d said who is it, i said telemarketer...

he started yelling obscenities at me...like get off the phone b*tch. who is it, is it your boyfriend? if i get my hands on that mf'er i am gonna kill him. what you think if you don't hang up the phone, its gonna hurt any less? i will still beat your a$$. i was laughing so hard i too had tears streaming down my face and the poor guy on the other line really thought i was crying. he was saying, ma'am are you in trouble, ma'am do you need me to call the police? i couldn't answer him, i couldn't breathe, i was laughing so hard.

so it was mean and cruel, but hey, he called just as we were kinda getting the mood...for dinner

perfect, absolutely perfect.

Not for real, bella, of course, but worth a shot.

Someone once suggested seeing how long you could keep the phone service people on the line while claiming you couldn't use the service because you didn't have a phone. I tried this one, for real, but couldn't quite pull it off.

Roger, that's the best trick I've heard. I think you could have pulled that one off, with your dry, matter-of-fact manner.

When Dys was farming, he had a neighbor who was also a very good friend and sometime partner.

This man was a big old guy with a gut hanging over his belt; a gentle soul and kind heart. The one thing he hated was bible thumpers always coming to his door. His solution worked beautifully. The next time they came, he was wearing an apron which he lifted up as soon as he opened the door. What caused them to turn and run was a red sock that he had stuffed and sewn to the back of the apron so that when he lifted it, the sock also rose straight up, pointing right them. They never came back.

Not quite a telemarketer story, but a good story of getting rid of pests, whatever their method of intrusion.

Hmmm. That's in the same vein as the guy whose wife was always leaning on him to keep the lawn mowed. So, 9:00 a.m. on Sunday, out he goes to mow the lawn. Without a shirt. In the deep South. They lived next door to a hardshell Baptist Church, in the 1950s. She quit leaning on him.

Hah!

True story. Only the dates have been changed to protect the guilty. (Me & hubby)


(June 15, phone rings during dinner...)

HIMSELF: Hello?

CALLER: Good evening, Mr. _____. We have a wonderful opportunity we'd like to share with you.

HIMSELF: Okay.

C: XYZ Vacations in Branson, Missouri, will be in your town on July 1, and we'd like to invite you and your wife to a lovely, catered dinner at the Hilton at 7 p.m. Do you think you could make it?

H: Okay, sure!

C: (Getting excited) Great! I'll put you down for two, then.

H: That's right.

C: The dinner will be followed by a presentation on our thrilling new property being developed just south of town near a beautiful lake...

H: Great!

C: I bet you've always wanted a lakefront home, haven't you?

H: You betcha!

C: Well, then you're going to love this!

H: I'm sure I will!

C: Terrific! Then we'll put you down for two for dinner on the 1st. We'll call you the day before as a reminder.

H: Great!

C: We'll see you then. Goodbye!

Himself hangs up and resumes eating dinner without saying a word. I ask him what the phone call was about. He tells me, in between bites. I object. I say I have no intention of going to one of those things! He says, "Don't worry, we're not going." I say, "Then why did you tell them we were coming?" "They get off the phone a lot faster when you say yes," he says. "Just forget about it." He is totally unconcerned. And so I decide to forget about it, too.

----------------------------------

(June 30...phone rings...AGAIN during dinner)

HIMSELF: Hello?

CALLER: Good evening. We just wanted to call you to remind you about the dinner tomorrow night at the Hilton for XYZ Vacations.

H: Right!

C: Good. We'll see you and your wife at 7 p.m., then.

H: Sure thing!

C: Great. 'Bye!

Himself hangs up, resumes eating dinner without a word. Again, I have to ask him what the call was about. Again, he tells me and says not to worry about it. "But we're NOT going!" I exclaim. "Of course not, dear," he says, smiling like the Cheshire Cat. "Would you pass the butter?"

------------------------------------------

(July 1...phone rings...7:15 p.m...we're eating dinner AGAIN.)

HIMSELF: Hello?

CALLER: Mr. _____? This is XYZ Vacations. We were expecting you and your wife this evening for dinner at the Hilton. At 7 o'clock.

H: Oh, right!

C: Did you forget?

H: I sure did!

C: Well, would you still like to come?

H: Yes!

C: Good, how long would it take you to get here? Do you think you could be here in, say, 30 minutes?

H: Uh huh.

C: Are you sure?

H: Sure!

C: In that case, we'll hold the program until you get here.

H: Great!

C: See you in half an hour, then!

H: Okay, 'bye!

Himself hangs up, chuckling. He sits back down, calmly placing his napkin back on his lap. He starts to eat, and I am staring a hole through him. "Was that the vacation property people?" I ask. "Yeah, they're holding the program for us," he says, smiling. "They're WHAT? You can't do that!" I object. "Why not?" he says. "Bbbbecause...well, it's just not right!" "And disturbing us during dinner IS all right?" he asks. "But they've had food catered for us and everything! There's a whole room full of people over there waiting!" "Well, I hope they don't wait too long," he says. "I stopped by Blockbuster and rented us a movie for after dinner." He laughs and says it was the easiest, fastest way to deal with them.

Maybe it was.

We never heard from them again. We stopped receiving their mailings right after that. And you know what else? It's been ten years now, and we haven't received a single call from anyone about a vacation property, timeshare or retirement village. And we laugh about it everytime someone else complains about those calls.

Great stuff folks! Absolutely priceless

This is a true story that soon to be Mr. Aldistar and one of his buddies did. In the neighborhood they lived in at the time there were frequent visitations by Jehova's witnessess. They would arrive about 20 at a time in a large white van that would drop them off at the entrance to the subdivision where they would all pile out and scatter to go 'spread the word'. On one such day my fiance' saw the van pull in and empty out all the white shirted and black dockered herd and he then proceeded to hatch the following plan with his buddy.

First you must know that fiance and all his friends were heavy regulars at the local Renaissance fairs. They all went and worked them every season, so they had quite the collection of clothing and weapons. He and his buddy ran inside and donned black, hooded monks robes and various, sinister looking knives and talismans and such. Friend stayed in the house to answer the door and fiance went out the back and hid around the side of the house.
Sure enough they didn't have to wait long until a pair of 'witnessess' came knocking. Simultaneously friend threw open the door and fiance came pelting out from around the side of the house, robes flying, 12 inch dagger in hand. Friend, completely ignoring the presence of the 'witnessess', yells over their heads
"Did you see which way it went?!"
Fiance yells back "Dammit, no! Hey! Did you guys see a goat run by here?"

Both guys who were already shaking in their boots stammered something and fled. While the van still came every month with all the jehovas witnessess no one ever came to their door again.

Heeheee...I still crack up at that one...

Hah, hah, hah. Very creative!

It beats the old ploy of opening the door while in one's birthday suit.