STD testing

Reply Fri 2 Jun, 2023 05:06 am
My exclusive boyfriend of 4 months has not been tested for stds as I thought he had. We had clear discussions on this a few times and had both been tested about a year ago and were going to test again.Couple months later, he still hasn’t gone due to work hours and I brought it up again. He’s making an effort to set it up but as we’re talking, it’s revealed that he thought he had gone through with the test a year but realized he hadn’t. All trust in him is gone now. This was our first fight where I raised my voice at him. I am so upset my this lapse in judgement, neglect or lie, whatever it was. I really don’t know if I can get past this. Instead of being apologetic, he focused on why he felt attacked and that it was ok because his other girlfriends were negative and I was recently negative. Mind you, this means he hasnt been tested after his “wild” phase of many casual hookups. This puts me at such a high risk. He doesn’t understand, despite my thorough explaining many times that he could still have something if I showed up negative. I feel unsafe and hurt and he doesn’t see that. He only became apologetic now that he’s seeing this relationship may be over because of this. Is this normal for a man to be this nonchalant about protecting himself after one night stands? And to not understand the risk he puts his girlfriend at? I'm so lost of I should try to work this out or say goodbye now. Walking away makes me very sad but I don't want to conpromise my integrity or be foolish.
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Type: Question • Score: 3 • Views: 288 • Replies: 3
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Reply Fri 2 Jun, 2023 07:29 am
Susieqanda wrote:

Mind you, this means he hasnt been tested after his “wild” phase of many casual hookups. This puts me at such a high risk.

Without giving any details, are you and your partner having unprotected sex or are you using condoms? If you are not using condoms during sex, then you already have been exposed to whatever he is carrying. Since you already tested negative after a recent testing (?) then you're fine up until that last test.

This would be concerning if you suspect he is cheating on you and possibly exposed to whatever STI he will gain during these tryst(s). Is this the unspoken concern you're having?

On the other hand, if you are using condoms, you're protected for now. But as suspected, you are concerned that if you go without (for whatever reason) you will lose that protection and this issue still stands. Plus the longer a person goes with an untreated STI, the greater the complications will be for your partner. A true lose-lose scenario for both of you.

He sounds immature. Though we don't know his age since you left that unstated. Can you drag out of him the whys he's so adamant about testing? Maybe he's stubborn and money is an issue. If that's the case, do you have access to free STI clinics? It would be ROYALLY STUPID if it's a case of pride and embarrassment and he doesn't want to know that he's already infected.

Anyways, give him an ultimatum. Get tested or get out of the relationship.
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bobsal u1553115
Reply Fri 2 Jun, 2023 09:16 am
Doesn't seem like a caring guy when he has to put his care into action.

If he's not afraid, what the Hell is he stalling over. His county health department can get him tested at all sorts of hours, free, anonymous and quickly. So does planned parenthood. He has no excuse, he's ignoring you, your health and your needs.
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Reply Tue 6 Jun, 2023 03:25 pm
He’s gambling with his health but more importantly, he’s gambling with YOURS!
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