How to find a girlfriend in university?

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First I should say that I have a mild form of Asperger's Autism, which probably explains my problems in relationships ( I've never been in a relationship yet). Although I am above average intelligent and a very good student, I cannot intuitively recognize social signals and situations.

Basically, I have a crush on a girl I've known for a few weeks. She's 18, I'm 21, and we're in the same class at uni. Unfortunately, apart from a few superficial conversations, I haven't really spoken to her. Due to my Asperger's I don't like going into conversations without a rough plan as my social skills aren't that great, but I'd like to get to know her better to find out how well we harmonize with each other. I'm aware that you can't give me any concrete advice here, because of course you don't know me well enough for that.
But since I'm still in the process of improving my social skills (books have helped me a lot), I'd just be interested to know if there are people here who may have even met their partner in a university course and are interested in their story share with me how you did it or give me general tips on how to proceed.
Unfortunately, said girl is never alone on campus, but with a best friend, which makes it particularly difficult for me, since conversations with more than one person are relatively exhausting for me. :/

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@NiceGuy2001,

Does your university have a specialized social media app or messaging system that you can reach out to her with?

Start small. Ask her questions related to class. Be jokey with her. Maybe ask her if you two can study for a big test together?

BE honest about your social skills to her. Maybe that'll grant you some sympathy or endearment from her. Every little thing counts.

You don't have to confess that you like like her. But still let her know you admire some quality about her. Her humor; her diligence in studying; etc.... But don't be creepy as either.

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Hello tsarstepan, thanks for your answer Smile

We do indeed have a messaging system at the university, but I have to say that since I see her in person regularly, it would probably be a bit strange and not necessary to text her there out of the blue, right? Smile

In the long run it's very difficult, at least in my opinion, to get to konw someone through just seeing each other in class, but I actually find it very difficult to convince someone to meet outside of class. (one of my bigger problems).

So I plan to bring up uni related stuff with her next time in class and maybe move on to more personal topics from there. If the conversations are good, I've thought about maybe someday offering her help with her exams outside of uni (she knows I'm a good student). Does that sound like a good plan?

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@NiceGuy2001,

NiceGuy2001 wrote:

So I plan to bring up uni related stuff with her next time in class and maybe move on to more personal topics from there. If the conversations are good, I've thought about maybe someday offering her help with her exams outside of uni (she knows I'm a good student). Does that sound like a good plan?

Sounds like a good start to me.

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@NiceGuy2001,

Are there any Asperger's Autism clubs on campus? I'd suggest looking for a partner who can understand your anxieties. Please don't add more stress on yourself.

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Hi Mame, thanks for your advice Smile

I really appreciate your concerns about my health Smile

Asperger's Autism Clubs? Not that I know of. Tbh I've never even met a woman with Asperger's in my entire life. It's probably because it's mostly men who are affected.

There are only two people in this world anyway (my parents) who know about the diagnosis and actually I don't want to come out as Asperger's at the university because it might have negative consequences in my social circle (most People hold stupid stereotypes about autism)

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@NiceGuy2001,

There are lots of women on the autistic spectrum.

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@NiceGuy2001,

https://opendoorstherapy.com/college-student-autism-aspergers-social-skills/

https://www.nytimes.com/2006/11/05/education/edlife/traits.html

https://opendoorstherapy.com/college-student-autism-aspergers-social-skills/

https://talismancamps.com/aspergers-camps-directory/

https://www.verywellhealth.com/going-through-college-with-asperger-syndrome-260485

https://hereonthespectrum.com/30-best-colleges-for-students-on-the-autism-spectrum/

https://www.fau.edu/education/centersandprograms/card/college-programs/

And there's a lot more. I searched "campus aspergers clubs.

You had to search to find A2K, try searching for aspergers.

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Not being a female, my advice should be taken with a grain of salt as they say. I think if you like her, you should say hi. Tell her you struggle with social conversations, but would like to get to know her, maybe go for a drink or coffee. Start simple and be honest. I'm 50 and recently single after a marriage that simply lost its heart. Honesty is probably the biggest lesson I have learned in both marriage and dating. People regardless of gender, appreciate honesty. Appreciate perhaps isn't the right word, but in the end without honesty, you have nothing. I've dated people who are poly and super conservative. Most are wonderful people, but if I am not honest in my relationships, I am lying to myself and my partner. Nothing lasting or good comes from that. Ask her out, be honest and if she walks away, then you are both better for it. Eventually, the truth will surface in some way. That doesn't mean to say that your first interaction has to be a tell all, but don't be afraid to be honest about yourself, your needs and who you are. In the end, you are looking for somebody to share yourself with...

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Quick update: I approached her and her friends and had a few chats with her over the past few days. Nothing else interesting to report. Find it hard to get to know someone better when they are always surrounded by a lot of people. Will keep trying.

One thing I'd be interested in though is if campus is still a good place to find a partner? I'm not the most social person in my class (Asperger's) and therefore don't know most people very well. So my impression may be wrong, but I kind of feel like no one is in a relationship with anyone else from the class.

Maybe it's because Gen Z (which I'm a part of) prefer to hang out on the internet? A few girls here are in long distance relationships though so I guess online dating is a thing?
I think it's a shame that there's so little flirting here on campus :/ If people would flirt more, that would motivate me too. But under these circumstances I feel more like an alien with my quest for a college girlfriend XD

What is your impression? As a 21-year-old in post-Covid times, is it almost exclusively possible to find a partner via the internet?

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@NiceGuy2001,

See if you can join her group... it's a start. Don't expect anything, just be friendly. You don't really even know her well enough to know if you want to get to know her better. Maybe you won't and then all this angst will be for nought.

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How to find a girlfriend in university?

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