Age gaps in relationships

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What would you think is too much of an age gap in a relationship?

Say you're at a party and your 25 year old friend walks in with an 18 year old.

Say someone is 35 and they are seeing someone in their early 20s.

Or better yet, is a 20+ year age different too much to swallow? I know a guy who is 53 and is currently seeing someone in their early 20s. Yes, that's a 30 year age difference.

And before we get all the comments about age being just a number and people can date whomever they want, what would be your thoughts. Here's some specifics on why I ask this question. This guy just came into a little bit of money, say $15000. Single, divorced twice, and he has been spending this money on this young girl. She still lives at home with her mom so he can't just go spend time at her place. He'll get hotel rooms for them several nights a week just to go lay up or he's taking her out to eat several times a week as well. Oh, he's back home living with his parents sleeping on their sofa. None of the family has met this girl but a number of them think she's just taking him for his money and when that runs out she's gonna drop him like a bad habit. She's early 20s, he's 53. She's younger than his youngest child. Do you really think that a 21 or 22 year old girl has that much in common with a 53 year old man?

There's an unwritten rule in dating someone younger than you. Half your age plus 7! So that would mean that my 53 year old friend shouldn't even consider dating anyone younger than 33 / 34 years old. Again, this girl is 21 or 22.

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Type: Question • Score: 6 • Views: 891 • Replies: 12

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@StarbucksFreak,

I guess it all depends on the emotional age/maturity of the younger partner in this relationship.

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@StarbucksFreak,

Why are you asking?

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@Mame,

I'm just asking for conversation sake.

1 Reply

@Mame,

Mame wrote:

Why are you asking?

Maybe he's a 500 year old vampire or 1000000 year old interdimensional immortal looking to date a 21 year old? No judgment here.

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@StarbucksFreak,

I don't think there's an unwritten rule or why there should be one. People should mind their own business.

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@Mame,

Some people are making it to be a moral equivalent to legalized statutory rape (at least on the level of emotional and intellectual basis of the older person exploiting the younger person).

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@tsarstepan,

For all intense and purposes let's say that both individuals are of legal consenting age whatever state they may be in. Would you think negatively of the older person as being predatory or immature? A 53 year old person, male or female, dating someone 30 years their jr is probably only after one thing, sex with a younger person, not necessarily an underaged person. Or would you think that the younger person is probably out for the financial benefits an older person may be able to provide thus making them look like a golddigger. In this situation the older person just came into some money and now all of a sudden the younger person just finds them irresistible. No, I'm not saying 2 people with such a difference in ages can't find some common ground but if that's the case, bring them around. Introduce them you your friends / family and see how well that goes over. If your friend, of a mature age, tells you they are seeing someone so much younger than them but they never brings them around I would think they are either ashamed of them or themselves.

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@StarbucksFreak,

If the younger adult is not being coerced or is somehow very immature or incapable of making their own decisions; who cares? If both parties are happy with the situation and one is a gold digger and the other just wants sex it is no business of anyone else.

I can see a very close friend saying something to their friend of a concern out of being a good friend, but if they are consisting adults, it is really no one else's business.

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@RPhalange,

Based on your scenario it sounds more like a P2P situation. Pay to play. He's just paying for sex and she's giving up sex for money. If that's the case you're not dating. This is a business arrangement.

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@StarbucksFreak,

Only in your mind. Whatever works makes a relationship. All relationships are transactional. Divorce is the expression of a broken contract.

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@StarbucksFreak,

StarbucksFreak wrote:

A 53 year old person, male or female, dating someone 30 years their jr is probably only after one thing, sex with a younger person, not necessarily an underaged person. Or would you think that the younger person is probably out for the financial benefits an older person may be able to provide thus making them look like a golddigger.

This could be said of people of any ages. What is 76 year old Cher getting out of her 36 year old boyfriend and vice versa?

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@StarbucksFreak,

I'll comment on this from first hand experience. Whoever the young lady is, I STRONGLY recommend she consider the consequences of such an age gap. I met my wife when I was 49 and she was 28. It was a business relationship that turned into a full blown romantic relationship and 11 years later a child and 6 years after that a marriage. It's been an extremely hard road for her (not me). We are still married but she is certainly not happy. When we met, I was told I was quite handsome, and I suppose that was true because I had a lot of social activity. I'm 72 now and she is 51. As you can imagine, I am no longer a hunk, but she is still quite attractive. She has recently asked me to give her permission to have the occasional "tryst" outside of our marriage. I can't say I was stunned because we haven't had a sex life in many years (partly due to ED which I have never seriously sought treatment for, I just had a very weak libido.) It's totally my fault because when I could have done something about it, I didn't. But now, that train has left the station. She isn't coming back emotionally and I feel lower than I have in my life.

So, my point is for any young lady who is contemplating getting involved with man seriously older than she is, try your best to picture life not a year from now, not five years from now, but 25-30 years from now. Save yourself the pain in older years. Find someone you will grow old with, not someone who will be old long before you are.

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Age gaps in relationships

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