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A personal blog with information from all over the place to help me clear my mind

 
 
Reply Sat 18 Feb, 2023 09:17 am
Hi, as the title suggest, this will be a personal blog with information from all over the place to help me clear my mind.

I'm pretty confused right now, so if I don't bother anyone I would like to have a personal topic for me here where I can post some ramblings from all over the place, all kind of different opinions, in the hope that maybe at the end I can make sense of all of this.

This will not be cursive and will be all kind of contradictory opinions from all over the place, since it was taken from all over the place, with the goal of maybe helping me understand make sense of all of it.
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Apothecary
 
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Reply Sat 18 Feb, 2023 09:18 am
@Apothecary,
Part 1
WHEN I WAS BEING HESITANT, SOMEONE ONCE TOLD ME: You got to... put your bone to work.

I think it was 9 years ago, at the end of summer. He told me you got to... put your bone to work, think at some point in the past in your life, and how your life would have been better if you have made different decisions back then? The past is past, you cannot change it, but your present will be your past, so you want to make sure you make the best decisions right now. You want to make now the decisions you would have made back then, in handsight, so that you will have the best life for your future self.

In your case, I think it translates as -> go for it. We often regret the things we didn't do. Missed opportunities rather than failed opportunities.

SO YEAH, IN DATING, IN WORK, IN LIFE: Work towards improving your life.

That feeling of "I'm just going to work on that, then I'm going to do that, then I'm only going to do that as a casual thing". Usually the 3rd being a relaxation thing.
Establishing your priorities basically.
"Because my life and my benefits of life are in these first 2 things, not in that last 3 thing that is only occasional and for relaxation"

BUT DON'T IGNORE SOCIAL LIFE FOR THE SAKE OF WORK: Have a lot of storytelling, then a great discussion about character and such, go out there and really nail it, don't be distant and such.
It's about communicaiton, having what to talk about, having interesting discussions, not boring, but you got to make them interesting.
But also about character and not putting people down, behaving in society, being decent and such, and talking to convince not to throw punches blindly.

Being good and decent and leaving from yourself sometimes, not having arugments and being willing to listen.
But also about appearances like looking well, dressing well, being seen well by the world. And how these things matter as well.
And they can compensate for that character stuff, but at the same time they are not everything.

Communication. Support. Accept different. Similar energies. Get good looking. That you talk about what is she into or what you have in common. Relationship based on mutual support and reciprocity. As well as on the acceptance of differences. People with the same energy resonate with each other. Get good looking. Be polite and helpful, like if you were with her/his parents.

I enjoy at a person to have what to talk with her. To mulate yourself on things. Ok, don't talk with me about particles accelerator. But to have what to talk about.

It's important to establish an emotional connection with the other person.

We like it very much when we know that someone is on our team. That they have our best interests at heart. That they are trying to help us, and be there for us.

"Are you okay?" can be one of the greatest demonstrations of love, because it shows you truly care about them "how are you? how have you been doing? are you okay?".

With that tone, not the sarcastic "are you okay?" version, although that can be useful too sometimes, for humor reasons, it can be funny when you are messing with each other, but it's not okay to say a sarcastic "are you okay?", "are you all right?", "you're sure there's not anything wrong with you?", "wtf?" when someone has a problem.

But the "Are you okay? how have you been doing?" kind of thing.

Making sure they are fine, making sure they feel fine, or making sure they have what to eat when they are going to their workplace, can be either of these.

It expresses concern about them, and that expresses love, that expresses care.

So there is a part of fun, and a part of care. I think fun & care have to go hand in hand in a relationship. Although it's possible not to have fun in sad moments, it's not dependent on that.

It's all about having fun with each other, and you can't have fun with each other if you don't accept your differences and instead are being bitter about them.
Differences can be the charmest thing in a relationship if you can come to appreciate them, they can be what makes a relationship special and fun, the different interactions between your different differences.

Maybe some of the bitterness can come from the fear of being weak, but not everything that you do that seems weak to you is actually weak.
Some may be strong or even appreciated for a connection, because a relationship is a connection not a fight, a connection of having a good time and a lot of warmth and a feeling of getting along and being good with each other.
It's a feeling of belonging, understading and having a great time with each other above anything else. Being along and getting along.
You know, when you just go and talk to her and everything works out. When you try to be funny and witty and everything works out. That builds a connection, and makes you 2 closer.

Like: "I was thinking about her crying and how I was going to tell her I can't come on Tuesday. Also about her sensitivity, I love that sensitivity."
I heard a guy saying that about his girlfriend once and I was mindblown. It expresses such care.

Another similar case: "You have a great day with seeing her again. First you are covered and someone next to you, she is cooking, and you use your 2 fings to like scare her and her laughing.

Then yesterday before the work, got a like from her, got fired up, got to the work, did the work. Then at night dreamt about her. Then the next day she gave me a second "wow". Now she is expecting me to contact her, because she contacted me. Sneaky way to nice. Sneaky nice way. Now I'm like "I can do this right". She fires up, I fired up, she gets to see me. If she likes it or not fine. Maybe cause of that non-message there? Don't know. I'm with my doubts and my fears and I accept them. That will keep me from always being hip yippy happy (the point is that you do actually get in a conversation with her, you do actually get to interact with her, and try to have fun in the conversation, try to make it a pleasant experience for both). She hopes me to respond that challenge with an "yes" and I will. Just go there and be fired up, and you'll see if she likes you or not."

Now she is expecting me to text her or get in contact again. And fired up bc of her message. I dreamt about her then got a second message, even more reinforcement of that."
It was the same guy, but before they got together. The saw each other, had a great time, she gave him a like, which is a sneaky way of approval and saying she wants to be contacted. He got fired up and motivated because of that. Actually dreamt about her. Then the next day she gave him a "wow" and now it's clear that she expected him to contact her, because she 'contacted' him. A sneaky nice way to do it. She clearly fired up, so he fired up too. He "went for it".

Contrary to what is possibly popular belief, I don't believe you have to have things in common to get along and have a good time with the other person.

A relationship is care, is sensitivity, is respect. Things like that can really melt your heart. It can cause you to "get serious" and look past other stuff.

Like when looking at a wounded animal and wanting to help him (not saying that you're with people out of "mercy", but the feeling is similar, there is that sensitivty and taking down of barricades there, because you are simply impressed by the other person, there isn't aggressiveness, impressed by the sensitivity).

Someone on this forum said that good men use their "power for kindness" or "good men use their power for kindness not for abuse or dominance" and I think that reflects that.

They said something like "he reminds you of Superman how he's always saving the day" and "When your mother's car was making a strange noise, he came over and popped the hood to see what was wrong. Then he jacked up the heavy car and slid underneath to fix something. When you were trying to climb up the cabinet to reach your favorite snack, he paused his video game to reach it for you. When your sister fell and sprained her ankle, he carried her in the house and wrapped her foot in gauze", basically "using his physical advantage to do kind acts for those in his community".

Getting along means if I sit a certain way, like with my leg above, and you don't like it, you feel bothered for it for some reason, I bring it down, without any questions, because I try to get along with you, and because it's no big deal.

It's not like you're asking me to do 50 push-ups or sit up this whole interview, althought I would do that for you wink wink. It's the little things that you have to compromise to get along with the other person.
It's no big deal for me, sitting with the leg like that, but it seems to be bothering you, so I take it down. A compromise to get along, being attentive of the other person's feelings and trying to have a good time.

Again, it's not weak or wussy because you're not going to unreasoalnable extremes to try to get along. It's just a leg, not sitting up the whole interview or doing 50 pushups.
It's a whole discussion where the line between reasonable and unrealsoanble extremes is, but that's the base of getting along, doing compromise to be attentive to the other person. If you feel they do the same.
Because if they don't, they are not doing any compromise to get along, and you're just being used, then you're just a doormat. And then you shouldn't but be a little bit more.. sticky, a little bit more set in your ways, a bit more like a pillar.
You have to compormise both for this to work, you can't be always the one in a losing situation, always the one being attentive while they are being unattentive.

As in you walked over and you still being attentive, that's the wuss, so yes be attentive and try to get along, but look at their behavior as well.
A lot of people are like "I just go to this person and my mind goes blank, I just don't know what to say", that's because you don't have a good mindset, a good mindset is "I'm trying to get along and have a great time with this person". And if they try to do the same great, if they don't also great. Like the "tip for tat" strategy, you start with the positive and see how that other person beahves, if they do the same great, if they don't, change your strategy as in your behavior. If someone is an ahole to you, be an ahole to them, you are allowed to do that, since they started it and you have all the moral justification for it. Not going to the extremes, but generally just giving them their own mediciene.

Having things in common is great, on the same time, not having things in common is also great and is also about the acceptance of differences. A relationship is usually about having a great time and getting along with that person. If you feel good with one another, everything else is irrelevant, even if you have differences.
For some people, their view of love was kind of redundant and they paid no attention to care.
As love at its core is based on care, care for the other person, not having the same nosebleed. Although things in common help.
It's all about having a great time and getting along with that other person in spite of your differences.
And I think the guys with the nosebleed got that. And the lady with the biscuits.

BEING TOXIC CAN BE COMPENSATED WITH APPEARANCES: Not the most motivating title, but in my experience, I've found it to be true.

What do I mean by toxic? Generally character issues and such.

And I'm not talking about having interesting discussions, not being boring, you got to make the discussion interesting. You can make an interesting discusion out of everything. That's a perk, but you're not crazy if you're not doing that, it's a perk if it is not a red flag if it isn't. (if nothing comes to your hear, think of storytelling, ask them what they are doing, ask them about something they are doing, try to make a joke as in something ridiculous about the enviroment, or a sarcasm meaning the opposite of what you say or something clearly not true, think of a topic or people around your enviroment and ask them about that, think about your recent experiences or their recent experiences and ask them about that, or find something funny to do, something amusing - that's how you're being entertaining, try to interact with them above all else, try to connect with them, to be there with them, you don't have to be pink all the time, but in the early stages of a relationship, it's kind of important you are)

Hot and sensitive. That's what women want, hot and sensitive. Like a work of art. Like Loki. Hot and sensitive. With a soul. But also hot.

Any interaction is either positive or negative, there is no neutral. So make sure there are positive ones, give people a good time talking to you. At work. At home. In your life. In dating.

Basically, make people feel good talking to you, make people have a good feeling after talking to you. You can have fun, and sensitivity and for work politeness there to make that happen, and impress people. Leave a positive interaction overall. It's very important and will help you a lot in life.

How can I give this person a good time talking to me? what can I do or say to give this person a good time talking to me?

Women don't want to be treated with respect from afar, they want to be engaged with, they want to be asked to do stuff. They want to be touched, they want to be have funed with and I don't mean sex.

FOR HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS: I think you can reach the point where you like the other person when you can have a lot of "depth" with them. Like a discussion where you really "get" each other. Feelings. This may sound weird, but you know that Taylor Swift song "you belong with me?", pretty much that.

There's a lot of sensitivity there, depth, sincerity. Non-permiscous, with a personality that matches. Again a level of sweetness and even naievity in Taylor Swift case (bf material). But I think it's a beautiful kind of level of sweetness and even naievity. Imagine a genuinely kind person but equally a genuinely militaristic person, seeing a girl and see care for her. "People want to be in it for them" that's the sweet spot. A kind man, will also commit. People want a 5 on 5 relationship but with care, and attraction for that very same reason, goodness of the heart. Personality that matches with similar level of looks. This is what a girl (like Taylor swift) would accept as her boyfriend. "You belong with me". Someone that treats all women with that amount of care and respect.

You could make a "high school clause", with a personality that matches and similar level of looks. But also a bit of depth and care for one another. That love and sweetness for one another, that is what is looked for. (that is what makes bf material) This is not to say that everything that isn't like that is toxic..... but that's how a non-toxic relationship would look like in my opinion.

Ok, so...

"I don't care, I'm happy as I am" attitude. "Goooood".

A kind violent man. A kind man capable of violence.

That's what some women find attractive. Someone who can stand up for himself or others, but he himself is a kind man. As stated above, good men use their "power for kindness". Or as the old Japanese proverb says "it's better to be a warrior in a garden than a gardener in a war".

Self-educate. Maybe nobody thought you anything because they didn't had time for you. But you need to self-educate, to read books. In today's world, that's how youths self-educate, they look online.

Any interaction with a person is either positive or negative, there is no neutral. If it isn't positive, then it's negative.

Kind, cute, sensitive and fun.

Be soft-spoken (have excuses).

And when trying to comfort someone, you can easily say "yeah, that sucks man", or "I'm sorry, that must suck a lot" it's much better to have your feelings validated than anything else.

What do you think would be the best response?
Person 1: "I am a piece of crap and I have no value in life"
A) "No you are amazing, you are awesome, I love you"
B) "Sounds like you feel like you're worthless"
C) "I feel really worthless too"

Correct answer, 8. The letter that looks like it.

The best response is to reflect their feelings. This provides validation and conveys a mutual understanding. It increases your understanding of the other person's viewpoint and encourages them to listen to you when you speak later on.

When someone shares something that they are struggling with, you can use responses such as:
"It sounds like you hate dealing with that."
"It sounds like you are scared that no one will love you."
"It sounds like you are ashamed of doing that."
"It sounds like you are [insert feelings here]."

If I were in a situation where I had terrible things going on in my life, and I were looking for talking to someone, sometimes you don't want a solution, sometimes you don't want an answer, sometimes you just want someone to validate your feelings, sometimes you just want a "yeah, that sucks man".

Sometimes you want someone to make you feel how you already feel. That "yeah, that sucks man, must be very hard for you" can be so refreshing. Sometimes you just want someone to "let go" to, that listens.

Sometimes you just want to feel felt. Sometimes you just want someone to understand your situation and that's it, that is empathy. "I imagine it must be very hard for you" can speak millions.

It's plain and simple empathy.

Someone once said that: "if you meet a girl's friends it's almost always going to lead to them disliking you, independent of what they truly think of you. If you're low-value, they'll say the truth of what they think, if you're high value, they'll lie and try to bring you down motivated by not wanting to lose their friends. They believe you'll steal time away from them and her so they'll try to do as much as they can to stop you from getting together". My opinion is that: not if you are an enjoyable experience when talking to them.

Then, her friends will want you to be around them. Because you are simply such a great experience to be around. They like you to be around them. So they won't say bad stuff about you. If you're funny and witty and they like you to be around, they'll like you to be around.

Be an enjoyable experience when talking to people. Impress. Seek to impress. Go meta. Go wild. Justify yourself (but also don't justify yourself, aplanation, don't give just negative feedback).

So yeah, speech? Seek to impress. Go meta. Go wild. Make show. A calm voice can make people more willing to listen - illustrations bring ideas across the table. Support your team. Hand gesticulation is important. Asking questions is important. A speech is just make a good show. Go wild.

All you say must have a flow. Don't be a jerk (meaning not say offensive things - what you say to not sound bad).

As said previously: Any interaction is either positive or negative, there is no neutral. So make sure there are positive ones, give people a good time talking to you. At work. At home. In your life. In dating.

Basically, make people feel good talking to you, make people have a good feeling after talking to you. You can have fun, and sensitivity and for work politeness there to make that happen, and impress people. Leave a positive interaction overall. It's very important and will help you a lot in life.

How can I give this person a good time talking to me? what can I do or say to give this person a good time talking to me?

Make people feel good when talking to you, because people will remember how you've made them feel.

Kind, cute, sensitive and fun.

Be soft-spoken (have excuses).

And when trying to comfort someone, you can easily say "yeah, that sucks man", or "I'm sorry, that must suck a lot" it's much better to have your feelings validated than anything else.

This is useful to remember: Any interaction is positive or negative, there is no neutral.

Heck, even in politics, sadly, I finding it's far easier to fool the average person than tell them the truth and want to help them. If I want to help them with the truth there's usually resistance. If I tell them what they want to hear, they'll love me for it.

It's far easier to be a corrupt politician than honest one

Having good organizational skills can be a good plus and a complete counterbalance to someone elese's lack of. Just don't be boring. It's something about that motherly nature of some women that I like, and I can compensate with the fun. If you're fun with them, they can eventualy break the shack and be fun around you too. You just have to take the initiative. And show them it's a safe space to have fun and lose it.

Someone can be ignorant. Ignorant but understanding, which I appreciate more. Heck, you can give me the most ignorant person on the planet, if he was understanding everything would be ok. Most people are not that ignorant, but it doesn't matter how ignorant you are as long as you are also understanding.

You can have people where you love the joy, but too much emotion, and way too disorganized for you, you may be saying this because you're also disorganized. And wouldn't work out. Love the sarcasm and the rants, and the happiness overall, the teasing, but I don't know, there just isn't as much substance there.

You can even be honest about it: "hey, I know you have issues and I perfectly understand if, but I would love it if, just wanting you to know that you're not forced to do anything".

From what I have seen, some women prefer a dominating man and hence would go for the uglier looking extravert, if they would have to pick between a better looking introvert and uglier extrovert, but not better looking or ugly by a huge margin. At this point, I met a fair amount of women who had an abusive boyfriend (and then again), and then they make up excuses excusing it in their minds, that they simply couldn't leave the relationship, despite their BF being super abusive, they wont admit it but some desire that aspect, same with how some men desire their women to be super docile (or not), and then of course they often end up in another abusive relationship (those women that are in such relationships often get into another one, fully by choice even when knowing beforehand what that relaitonship could do to them.

They'll never admit it even those smart free thinking women, some simply crave the excitement, drama, and a domineering guy. But yeah point being, a woman is far more inclined to go with someone on a hunch/feeling (or what she feels is right) as opposed to men who more often than not will go for them pure on how they feel (which is why that advice of masturbating before thinking on anything relationship based thing/continueing is golden) its no surprise at all.

Even a woman who was previously in these relationships that I personally met agreed with me.

"How they had an abusive boyfriend (and then again) and then they make up excuses excusing it in their mindsthat they simply couldnt leave the relationship despite their BF being super abusive they wont admit it but some desire that aspect" 100% on point. I was at a bar a while ago (not the one who admitted). And there was a barista, very declate girl, didn't fit in there, we started talking, she told me about her past relationship with an abusive boyfriend for 4 years. I was in my head (gosh, so bad, 4 years) but was like 'now I'm over him'. Anyway, so we talked, then another guy comes in, sort of bad boy type, but respectful. So I'm talking with the barista, she goes to grab some drinks to serve this guy comes to me and asks: is she your girlfriend? no, are you trying to hit on her? no. Ok. And then he hits on her, she was dumbstruck, lol, and I was in my head like, this is why you were in an abusive relationship for 4 years.

Not true for all women, of course, and just my opinion. But at the same time, I think there's a pattern here.

Women (like all people) want to feel emotions, whether you make them feel good or bad, you still make them feel things and they like that, it's better to make them feel good or bad than feel none.

This is why teasing can be so fun. For all people. We feel emotions, whether it's good or bad. We know that teasing is a "bad" but it's actually a "good bad", "a good delcated controlled bad". You know what I mean, the jokes themselves are mean but people saying them are not mean, they say them for humor reasons.

This is why I said: Women don't want to be treated with respect from afar, they want to be engaged with, they want to be asked to do stuff. They want to be touched, they want to be have funed with and I don't mean sex.

Sometimes people want you to insist of on them. And sometimes they cleary don't. You have to become good at reading these things. Reading the social clues basically.

Because it can be the difference between someone wanting a move from you, and someone definetly wanting you to be left alone, genuinely wanting you to leave them alone.

Like: Hey, want to go there? No, I have a lot of work right now. Come on, it's getting late, you'll get mad and break another monitor. Ok, after I'm done here we go. Are you still up? This fking work man, screw it. Ha, I was sure of it, come on, let's go there, it will be better than getting frustrated over this work.

Come on, let's see the difference, how fun is this, and how frustrating that is. I don't know, I have work tomorrow. Just 5 minutes. I'm mad, I can't do anything. It will calm you down. Ok, let me finish this cigar and I go for it.

See? that convincing would have been really creepy if she was really genuinely wanting you to leave them alone, so it pays to know social clues.
0 Replies
 
Apothecary
 
  0  
Reply Sat 18 Feb, 2023 09:19 am
@Apothecary,
Part 2

Strangely enough, I believe young men seem to have lower body counts and less access to multiple partners these days. I don't think the 50's or 60's had issues with incels. I believe is that society stopped teaching men how to be men. Like literally, there's tons of advice on how to be a woman, from magazine to TV shows. But for men? none, you either get it from another man (which can be dubious, exactly the fatherly figure vs. creep issue above, it can be a dubious source giving you good advice or bad advice) or don't? but society expects you to behave like you already know instinctively how to be a man.

Some men simply don't know how to be. Where as women, don't seem to have this issue, some may refuse to be the stereotypical woman, but they know exactly what that stereotypical woman is.

As a man, it's shocking how small the gap between being able to attract 1 woman and 10 women is. And how big the gap between being able to attract 0 women and 1 woman is.

Women want the best partner. Men want the best partner. Men can play the numbers' game. So for men, even if they want a commited relationship, their best strategy would still be to become a Chad and get all the girls he wants and then only get the 1 girl he wants the most for a commited relationship.

In my experience, more often than not, strangely enough, the guys who just wants to sleep with a woman would pay with no questions asked. It's the guys who actually want something serious that find something off with the woman not wating to split the bill. Not because they care about 50$ but about what it says about the woman. Where as guys who just want to sleep with them, don't care.

US especially has a HUGE problem with divorce, and I mean a really huge problem. And the saying "now people can divorce without stigma" just doesn't buy it for me. Because boomers, love them or hate them, I haven't even seen toxic relationships in boomers 10 times less than in today's youths. Yes, woman had a role caretaker, man had a role provider, but I don't think it was that the reason their relationships were on average far healthier than today.

I remember a few years back I watched the action hero movie Shazam! and throught the movie I was like "the villain seriously has issues here, he's not a bad person per se, but he was so mistreated that it's clearly why he ended up the way he ended up, clearly there's going to be a redemption ark for him, with the others helping him, figure out his issues, and eventually turn on the good side". Nope. His issues weren't even discussed, despite the movie making it very clear that he was a victim and how he got the issues. Instead he was the average bad guy who got his well-deserved punishment at the end. If instead of a male villain it would have been a female villain, I think the outrage over how unjust this character arc was would cancel the movie.

Imagine Wanda from WandaVision, who is clearly a victim, and bad because of this in the next movie with Dr.Strange, being cast off as an average bad guy villain and then be killed at the end. The outrage of fans would be super great to say at least. At no point mentioning her hummanity or the reason that caused her to go down that route in the first place, despite making it very clear in the WandaVision series. The reasons becoming irrelvant, she's just a bad girl and that's what she is. Killing her would be justice. A lot of people would be mad at this 'justice', concept and this chacter arc, finding it unfair from so many points of view. However, this is exactly what happened with the villain in Shazam! and nobody bat an eye.

I think Jordan Peterson has some good points, and some bad points, and I overall disagree with Red Pill's methods, like "once you work hard enough, you can get any woman you want!", nah, it doesn't work like that. Doesn't even consider the advantage the looks have, or the fact that personality is also an advantage, personality can get you a long way; but personality is a detriment in Red Pill because "women don't like nice and sensitive guys, they like strong aggressive men, capable of violence" to which I disagree. Yes, I see how women may like strong men capable of violence, but I think women like kind violent men. Men who are generally kind, kind people themselves, and sensitive, but at the same time equally capable to be violent when the situation calls out for it, when they are wronged or somebody else is wronged. In other words, I think women like kind violent men in the sense of kind men capable to stand up for themselves and others, capable to take action and stand up for themselves when wronged.

Don't be lout (beat-em-up guy; sensless; offending), tough guy, etc.
No lout, tough guy, etc. Sweet and nice. Attract with the softness of the heart.

I don't know how to describe this well. A lout is someone who isn't aware that they offend other people with their actions. Unpolite, with gross, rough, crude approaches; lacking delicacy. Opposite of helpful and open to other people and aware how they make people feel. Someone without good sense and politeness. Uneducated. Badly raised. Rude. Not careful at other people's feelings. Not caring of other people. Rough on the edges, sometimes offending people without wanting to. Opposite of allowing yourself to be sensitive. Usually angry and crude. Sensless, without good sense, sometimes at an insulting point, not taking care of other people's feelings. Guy who tries to brag or raise himself above. Instead, be sweet and nice, and attract with the softness of your heart.

Like without being vulgar or acting like a quote unquote "peasant", ignorant, rude and generally unsophisticated. And I think that's a balance many men don't get, because, and without trying to drag it into politics, we have a lot of toxic masculinity out there. Sure, women are at fault for this too, because there are women who validate and appreciate those cad people, they wouldn't have engaged in those behaviors if it wouldn't have led to some form of social success, but the fact remains that they still do it and it's a form of toxic masculinity.

So
No badan, dour, etc.
No lout, tough guy, etc. (Sweet and nice) attract with softness of the heart

When you are with them, be sweet and nice. Women appreciate people who are sweet and nice, they really do, it's just that you have to have other qualities too to get out of the friendzone or get into a relationship. You can't be all on sweet and nice and expect being sweet and nice to carry the conversation or the relationship, but it's a bonus, a bonus above being a ruffian because it's appreciated. Decent people with good behavior and afraid not to hurt other people's feelings appreciate it. Being sweet and nice doesn't mean being submissive, it means behaving nicely.

Like always seeking the avoidance of hurting people's feelings and having decency and stuff like that. Sure you can bring up your "mean" side but bring it up as a joke. Don't be rough or angry in general. Instead, to be a bit of polite and helpful. To make people appreciate you.

Similar people attract each other.

With decency and class.

So yeah, you can win by not being badan or dour, instead you can be sweet and nice, attract with the softness of your heart. With empathy. "Poor thing" kind of thing.

If you have decency and they have dececny, that could be a cause of attraction. It's not only decency, but you get the point, not hurting other people's feelings, is important. Being a "good" behavior in society, like them. If they have softness of the heart as well you can attract with that.

Not wanting to hurt other people's feelings, and wanting all to be decent. As said once: good men use their power for kindness. It's empathy in there. Having that kindness, that sensitivity. For others and for yourself.

The most important thing is that people feel good with one another.

There's also society's expecations that come into play:

As a woman, you have to be: delicate, sensitive and feminine. You are seen different, you are not allowed to make mistakes. If you do what a man does you are looked at differently. -> A woman is meant to be delicate, like a flower, like a trinket, no drink, no smoke, no etc.

As a man, you have to: have decency in you, know when to intervene and when not, and have that splash of masculinity and imposing but without being mobbish or superior. -> A man is not meant to be like a brute, you can actually be sensitive, some women like Loki more than Thor and for real.

Like without being vulgar or acting like a quote unquote "peasant", ignorant, rude and generally unsophisticated. (Like the average worker whistling after women) And I think that's a balance many men don't get, because, and without trying to drag it into politics, we have a lot of toxic masculinity out there. (aggressive masculinity, not tough, aggressive) Sure, women are at fault for this too, because there are women who validate and appreciate those cad people (bad mannered, bad talking and aggressive), they wouldn't have engaged in those behaviors if it wouldn't have led to some form of social success, but the fact remains that they still do it and it's a form of toxic masculinity.

Know when to intervene and when not, as in know when to stand up for others or yourself and when to not. To have the ability to stand up and end a conflict or fight back if it rises, like Dean Sampson, an imposing but imposing for defusal, not imposing for domination. To intervene when a wrong is done. To stand up for justice. To be tough, not aggressive. To not cause any conflict or bad things, to have harmony and understand with others and good vibes and general respect, but to be able to stand up for it and to that if or when that happens. To be that protection, that's the difference between a person who knows when to intervene and the cad people talked above. Of course, you don't have to be all that, you can have that and sensitivity and joy for fun in childish stuff and depth as in the ability to speak from the heart and talk about your feelings or what is wrong with the world, what you don't like in the world and is wrong with it, concepts like money and poverty, and knowledge. -> Like if you would see a guy beating a wounded animal, would you get mad and try to intervene to save the animal? or if someone is shouting at someone on the table and starts to get physically agressive, would you stand up to them, block their palm and try to defuse the situation? being tough but also in a language to calm them out? -> To be strong yet kind and able to stand up for yourself and others, to be able to stand up for and seek to deliver justice -> Like strong for justice.

To be able to and try to defusal a situation through diplomatic means and power. But power of intimation, like "let's get along and try to see how we fix this" (shall we? because I also have strength) rather than power as in actually jumping to a fight and being the first to instigate. With people. Because your goal is to cool off the conflict not make it worse. -> Strong and kind, with a moral fiber.

As opposed to men who are just "strong aggressive men, capable of violence" and that's the main thing of their personality, their kindness and sensivity just cast aside not mentioned as important in Red Pill. But rather, not only as not important, but a detriment, because "women don't like nice guys" according to Red Pill. Sure, don't only be nice, be nice and be good looking, and have a good personality. But nice is an important part as well. Niceness alone won't get you tons of women, you need other qualities as well such as good looks and personality as I was saying, but it's definetly a perk. You can do it without kindness, clearly, if you have good looks and a good personality you can be a jerk. But for women with a moral fiber, I think that characters matters as well, to be a good person, to be nice, kind, sensitive, etc. All those things I was talking about.

Ok, so I think TL;DR, women want a man who is nice but capable of violence.

Like a man who is generally nice, but if your neighbour would beat your dog he would be capable to intervene without much of a fuss and a second thought.

Where the aggression is not the dominant part of this personality, but is part of his personality when needed. If that makes sense.

A good man who will protect but is capable of violence when necessary.

That's what I think women want. And this is the root of the confusion between "nice guy" and "bad boy" in my opinion. They don't want a defenseless nice guy but don't want a guy who is overwhelmingly or predominantly bad boy either. Women in general, because there are exceptions of course.

A man who is generally kind but capable of violence. That's what I think women want.

In the way men are thought by society, there are no social skills, just tips. Are there things that will truly help us recover?

24 (greatsa). Don't be too much of a nice guy, not in your advantage - just say "ok". Don't say "thank you for helping me with this one, I'll let you go watch your movie now", instead, say "ok, thanks, if I have any more trouble I know where to appeal".

Nice, but not nice, perfect combo, be nice, but don't be a full too nice guy, too thankful, isn't good, it will only backfire, doesn't show a spine. Instead, ameliorate the situation with jokes. Ameliorare the atmosphere with jokes. Even if "I'm a little bad" kind of jokes, it will do much better for your situation than being too much of a nice guy. "I'm a little bad kind of jokes" as in jokes where you are the bad or the selfish character, implying you only have your best interest at heart. The laughing spirit can save you like "ok, if I have any more trouble I'll let you know". The thanks is dubious, one hand shows appreciation, another hand may go into that too nice territory, rather you frame it as "something expected from them", that's bad boy and that's attractive. And you ameliorate it with jokes.

But being decent: can I use your account to enter on that move; and see if the subtitles are there; was very important.

25 (greatsu) Have a motivated mindset:

I want to do everything right right now.

The work.

The losing weight.

The concepts.

I want to change my life and do better right now.

I feel motivated right now.

Because I have purpose right now.


There is nothing wrong with a girl having a boyfriend. As long as she likes him. It's not permiscous. It's non-permoscous still. The issues goes when stuff like that happen outside of that for a girl. That's when permiscous is called into question. I'm saying the male perspective here not what I want to be true.

Heck, I've even heard women telling other women to marry at 20 years old. Like "come on, marry, what are you waiting for?". Like "marry Penny, 20 yo". Not a good inspiration. A bit fked up in my opinion. Don't think the marriage at 20 was healthy.

Make sure they are positive - make sure they feel good about you. Duck, become memorable for people.

"I want to be a good thought for people, when they think of me to think well".

Make sure you leave a good parfume behind.
Even when talking to strangers, extra nice, they might give me a bigger share.
Think about the people, and accommodate the people.

People want to feel loved and accepted. That's why it's worth working for that. (Good looks etc, diet, personality, good thought, etc)

'hes a good man', be a good man, meaning morally good man. Who seeks to help and protect (Is appreciated). With moral fiber.

You can impress with emotions. And also compromise yourself for emotions.

Be appropriate, adopt to the circumstances.

Here arrived. It's very important to be amiable.

Just think about joy and focus on joyous. Be joyous.

"I do not care, you come here!", "you can do it from home. And online" - joke, sarcasm, play.

"You usually aren't right" - joke.

"Now, I can't always be right" - joke.

You have to be polite, or at least appear to be polite, in everything.

Remember the mindset set here, not at home. BBQ, when at a BBQ, remember the mindset here not at home, this polite thing.

You have to be polite, or at least appear to be polite, in everything.

A good mindset can help:
- I don't want to be the underdog anymore. I want to be the winner. I don't want to be awkward.
- I want to feel motivated all the time. Not only when I'm close to the deadline.
- I want to think in the future, how to make my life a better place.

23? Simping. Simping is not an issue for men who aren't simping, it's an issue for men who are simping, because they want something in return and don't get anything in return for their efforts. There was a funny video once, a guy donated 10.000$ to a streamer girl saying I love you, it's all my savings, etc. The girl was like "wow, thanks dude, I appreciate it, but you know, it's your poverty, he babe we have 10.000$".

So yeah, clearly not ok to be a simp, you end up in a losing situation. Some simps are like: "yes, I'm aware of her OnlyFans page, I support her choice, I don't own her, you know?". This poor attempt of virtue signaling translates as: Yes, I can't do better, I don't have the looks, nor the personality, nor the character to get a good woman that I actually want. So I'm actually here to pick off the rest, single moms or promiscuous who want to settle down after being the main attraction of the campus and no other men would want them for that. I can't accept this reality though, way too humiliating for me to admit that I have low standards simply because I can't be otherwise, so I'll turn my simping and leading with money for a woman who doesn't actually want me and just uses me for money or because she has no other choice into a virtue to feel better about myself, it's a great way to cope. Also, I have 3 kids but I'm not the father, it's her choice, her womb her choice, who am I to tell her who to sleep with and make children with?

Simps can do what they want, it's their money, the issue comes when they try to virtue signal and enforce their bad beliefs upon yourself, they turned their simping into a virtue signaling and if you don't follow suit you're a bad person because unlike you they actually 'respect women' to be translated as getting used by women and being a doormat as well as the ideal canditate for single moms and women who just want money from a man or can't find a good man anymore because they've slept around too much.

I'm not speaking of masculine stereotypes, simps are annoying cause they want you to be like them, if they simp for them, it's their money, their life, I don't care. My life won't get worse because Kyle is in the friendzone, used for money, donating money to a streamer, uses only fans or is used as a second wheel to turn back to/financial support by women. But when they raise their fked up beliefs to some holy standard and then try to chastise you for not wanting to simp like them, that's when I have an issue.

When you try to take that crap and turn it to pride because you "respect women" unlike me who won't date a woman who has slept around with 15 men, it's your issues man.

But when you try to chastise for not wanting to pick off the rest, single moms or promiscuous who want to settle down after being the main attraction of the campus and no other men would want them for that. That's when I have an issue.

I don't see this as toxic masculinity versus hopeless self-loathing simps. Both haver distorted world views on how healthy human interaction and how to propperly set up your integrity.

I think I made a case on what self-loathing simps are. What are toxic masculinity in your eyes? men who get women or? men without character who are simply brutes to women? or men who get women but are the average Jocks you see on American TV shows?

Not siding with toxic masculinity but the fact remains that toxic masculinity still get more women than simps. Best to be a balanced individual, but it's clear that at least some amount of women have a strong preference of toxic masculinity over simps.

Sometimes yes, but not always. Sometimes there are masculine men who are really masculine. I won't deny that there are compensating men too, but not all masculine men are compensating.

I'd let them go about their bussiness, if they wouldn't try to enforce their fked up beliefs on me.

"Masculinity is behavior typicaly associated with man" is not a good definition in my opinion. It's like saying "jumping is the ability to jump", if you don't know what jump means and go look up in a dictionary you'll be even more confused.

You can find plenty of simps who are not afraid to take responsability. Simping is leading with money for a woman who doesn't actually want me and just uses me for money or because she has no other choice into a virtue to feel better about myself, it's a great way to cope. But at the same time, simps are very responsble because of this.

Simps are not angry, no matter how much you wipe the floor with them. Simps do show anger and frustration at times but quickly cover them up and go back to being the nice guy uncapable of any violent thought.

So in my opinion, some definitions of positive masculinity overlaps 2/3 with simping. Well, sometimes those projections are right, sometimes they are wrong. Everybody projects what men should be.

There's plenty of other subjects to cover in here: laws of attraction, red flags, money sharing, health, baggage from the past, moving on while still having feelings, how important are money, long term couples, is it wrong to not want to date this or that person, social points for attractiveness, gym, chances in dating, red flags, loves you but don't want a relationship, taking days off, responsability for the past, do looks matter? how much?, bad character as in being crazy and quick to anger, having things in common.
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Apothecary
 
  0  
Reply Sat 18 Feb, 2023 09:20 am
@Apothecary,
Part 3

TO SUMMARIZE SO FAR:

You got to put your bone to work -> At some point in your life, and how your life would have been better if you have made different decisions? Maybe you could have shown more that you care, been more romantic, been more invinting "would you like to?", showing emotions, showing care, showing love, showing appreciation. Shown your feelings more and maybe the other person would have appreciated it.

The past is past, you cannot change it, but your present will be your past, so what are going to do now?

We often regret the things we didn't do. Missed opportunities rather than failed opportunities.

Not being bold enough to take action, that's what we regret.

Make order in your life and bring added value.


Behave in society, be decent and such, and talk to convince not to throw punches blindly.


But also about appearances like looking well, dressing well, being seen well by the world.


Communication. Support. Accept different. Similar energies. Get good looking. That you talk about what is she into or what you have in common. Relationship based on mutual support and reciprocity. As well as on the acceptance of differences. People with the same energy resonate with each other. Get good looking. Be polite and helpful, like if you were with her/his parents.

I enjoy at a person to have what to talk with her. To mulate yourself on things. Ok, don't talk with me about particles accelerator. But to have what to talk about.

It's important to establish an emotional connection with the other person.

We like it very much when we know that someone is on our team. That they have our best interests at heart. That they are trying to help us, and be there for us.



So there is a part of fun, and a part of care. I think fun & care have to go hand in hand in a relationship. Although it's possible not to have fun in sad moments, it's not dependent on that.

Differences can be the charmest thing in a relationship if you can come to appreciate them, they can be what makes a relationship special and fun, the different interactions between your different differences.

IMPORTANT:
Maybe some of the bitterness can come from the fear of being weak, but not everything that you do that seems weak to you is actually weak.
Some may be strong or even appreciated for a connection, because a relationship is a connection not a fight, a connection of having a good time and a lot of warmth and a feeling of getting along and being good with each other.
It's a feeling of belonging, understading and having a great time with each other above anything else. Being along and getting along.
You know, when you just go and talk to her and everything works out. When you try to be funny and witty and everything works out. That builds a connection, and makes you 2 closer.

Like: "I was thinking about her crying and how I was going to tell her I can't come on Tuesday. Also about her sensitivity, I love that sensitivity."
I heard a guy saying that about his girlfriend once and I was mindblown. It expresses such care.

IMPORTANT:
Another similar case: "You have a great day with seeing her again. First you are covered and someone next to you, she is cooking, and you use your 2 fings to like scare her and her laughing.

Then yesterday before the work, got a like from her, got fired up, got to the work, did the work. Then at night dreamt about her. Then the next day she gave me a second "wow". Now she is expecting me to contact her, because she contacted me. Sneaky way to nice. Sneaky nice way. Now I'm like "I can do this right". She fires up, I fired up, she gets to see me. If she likes it or not fine. Maybe cause of that non-message there? Don't know. I'm with my doubts and my fears and I accept them. That will keep me from always being hip yippy happy (the point is that you do actually get in a conversation with her, you do actually get to interact with her, and try to have fun in the conversation, try to make it a pleasant experience for both). She hopes me to respond that challenge with an "yes" and I will. Just go there and be fired up, and you'll see if she likes you or not."

Now she is expecting me to text her or get in contact again. And fired up bc of her message. I dreamt about her then got a second message, even more reinforcement of that."
It was the same guy, but before they got together. The saw each other, had a great time, she gave him a like, which is a sneaky way of approval and saying she wants to be contacted. He got fired up and motivated because of that. Actually dreamt about her. Then the next day she gave him a "wow" and now it's clear that she expected him to contact her, because she 'contacted' him. A sneaky nice way to do it. She clearly fired up, so he fired up too. He "went for it".

A relationship is care, is sensitivity, is respect. Things like that can really melt your heart. It can cause you to "get serious" and look past other stuff.

Like when looking at a wounded animal and wanting to help him (not saying that you're with people out of "mercy", but the feeling is similar, there is that sensitivty and taking down of barricades there, because you are simply impressed by the other person, there isn't aggressiveness, impressed by the sensitivity).

Someone on this forum said that good men use their "power for kindness" or "good men use their power for kindness not for abuse or dominance" and I think that reflects that.

They said something like "he reminds you of Superman how he's always saving the day" and "When your mother's car was making a strange noise, he came over and popped the hood to see what was wrong. Then he jacked up the heavy car and slid underneath to fix something. When you were trying to climb up the cabinet to reach your favorite snack, he paused his video game to reach it for you. When your sister fell and sprained her ankle, he carried her in the house and wrapped her foot in gauze", basically "using his physical advantage to do kind acts for those in his community".

IMPORTANT:
Getting along means if I sit a certain way, like with my leg above, and you don't like it, you feel bothered for it for some reason, I bring it down, without any questions, because I try to get along with you, and because it's no big deal.

IMPORTANT:
As in you walked over and you still being attentive, that's the wuss, so yes be attentive and try to get along, but look at their behavior as well.
A lot of people are like "I just go to this person and my mind goes blank, I just don't know what to say", that's because you don't have a good mindset, a good mindset is "I'm trying to get along and have a great time with this person". And if they try to do the same great, if they don't also great. Like the "tip for tat" strategy, you start with the positive and see how that other person beahves, if they do the same great, if they don't, change your strategy as in your behavior. If someone is an ahole to you, be an ahole to them, you are allowed to do that, since they started it and you have all the moral justification for it. Not going to the extremes, but generally just giving them their own mediciene.

IMPORTANT:
And I'm not talking about having interesting discussions, not being boring, you got to make the discussion interesting.
You can make an interesting discusion out of everything. That's a perk, but you're not crazy if you're not doing that, it's a perk if it is not a red flag if it isn't.
If nothing comes to your hear, think of:

Storytelling

Ask them what they are doing

Ask them about something they are doing

Try to make a joke as in something ridiculous about the enviroment

Or a sarcasm meaning the opposite of what you say or something clearly not true

Think of a topic or people around your enviroment and ask them about that

Think about your recent experiences or their recent experiences and ask them about that

Or find something funny to do, something amusing

That's how you're being entertaining, try to interact with them above all else, try to connect with them, to be there with them, you don't have to be pink all the time, but in the early stages of a relationship, it's kind of important you are.

IMPORTANT:
Hot and sensitive. That's what women want, hot and sensitive. Like a work of art. Like Loki. Hot and sensitive. With a soul. But also hot.

Any interaction is either positive or negative, there is no neutral. So make sure there are positive ones, give people a good time talking to you. At work. At home. In your life. In dating.

Basically, make people feel good talking to you, make people have a good feeling after talking to you. You can have fun, and sensitivity and for work politeness there to make that happen, and impress people. Leave a positive interaction overall. It's very important and will help you a lot in life.

a) IMPORTANT:
How can I give this person a good time talking to me? what can I do or say to give this person a good time talking to me?

Make people have a good feeling after talking to you - that's the key.
Make sure your interactions are positive ones, that they feel good, because there's no neutral - that's also the key.

It applies everywhere, make people feel good when taking to you. Make sure they have a feeling of good, a positive feeling when talking to you. Make sure they have a positive interaction with you - that's also key.

Leave a positive impression overall, and be understanding of them. And listen to them.

"I try to make you feel good, I listen to you, I'm also understanding of you", that's gold. There is a sort of softness and proximity in that attitude.

We like someone who truly listens.

ON INTERACTION, YOU GOT TO HAVE INITATIVE, TO ENGAGE WITH THEM:
Women don't want to be treated with respect from afar, they want to be engaged with, they want to be asked to do stuff. They want to be touched, they want to be have funed with and I don't mean sex.

FOR HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS: I think you can reach the point where you like the other person when you can have a lot of "depth" with them. Like a discussion where you really "get" each other. Feelings. This may sound weird, but you know that Taylor Swift song "you belong with me?", pretty much that.

There's a lot of sensitivity there, depth, sincerity. Non-permiscous, with a personality that matches. Again a level of sweetness and even naievity in Taylor Swift case (bf material). But I think it's a beautiful kind of level of sweetness and even naievity. Imagine a genuinely kind person but equally a genuinely militaristic person, seeing a girl and see care for her. "People want to be in it for them" that's the sweet spot. A kind man, will also commit. People want a 5 on 5 relationship but with care, and attraction for that very same reason, goodness of the heart. Personality that matches with similar level of looks. This is what a girl (like Taylor swift) would accept as her boyfriend. "You belong with me". Someone that treats all women with that amount of care and respect.

You could make a "high school clause", with a personality that matches and similar level of looks. But also a bit of depth and care for one another. That love and sweetness for one another, that is what is looked for. (that is what makes bf material) This is not to say that everything that isn't like that is toxic..... but that's how a non-toxic relationship would look like in my opinion.

AS FOR THE IDEAL MAN? NO ALPHA OR BETA BS BUT:
A kind violent man. A kind man capable of violence.

That's what some women find attractive. Someone who can stand up for himself or others, but he himself is a kind man. As stated above, good men use their "power for kindness". Or as the old Japanese proverb says "it's better to be a warrior in a garden than a gardener in a war".

Self-educate. Maybe nobody thought you anything because they didn't had time for you. But you need to self-educate, to read books. In today's world, that's how youths self-educate, they look online.

b) ON INTERACTION:
Any interaction with someone is either positive or negative. So make sure you have a positive one. Make sure you give a lasting impression. Make sure they feel good when talking to you and they will reward you 10 fold. That's all you have to do, to make sure they feel good when talking to you, and they will begin to like you.

IMPORTANT:
Kind, cute, sensitive and fun.
Be soft-spoken (have excuses).

c) WHEN TRYING TO GET DEPTH WITH SOMEONE, RELATE TO THEM, SIMPLY RELATE TO THEM, DON'T DO ANYTHING, JUST RELATE TO THEM, AND DON'T BE AGGRESSIVE, DON'T BE GRUMPY AS A DEFENSE MECHANISM:
And when trying to comfort someone, you can easily say "yeah, that sucks man", or "I'm sorry, that must suck a lot" it's much better to have your feelings validated than anything else.

The best response is to reflect their feelings. This provides validation and conveys a mutual understanding. It increases your understanding of the other person's viewpoint and encourages them to listen to you when you speak later on.

It's plain and simple empathy.

d) HOW IMPORTANT IS TO BE A POSITIVE EXPERIENCE FOR OTHERS WHEN TALKING TO THEM? TO MAKE THEM FEEL GOOD WHEN TALKING TO YOU?
Someone once said that: "if you meet a girl's friends it's almost always going to lead to them disliking you, independent of what they truly think of you. If you're low-value, they'll say the truth of what they think, if you're high value, they'll lie and try to bring you down motivated by not wanting to lose their friends. They believe you'll steal time away from them and her so they'll try to do as much as they can to stop you from getting together". My opinion is that: not if you are an enjoyable experience when talking to them.

Then, her friends will want you to be around them. Because you are simply such a great experience to be around. They like you to be around them. So they won't say bad stuff about you. If you're funny and witty and they like you to be around, they'll like you to be around.

IF YOU MAKE THEM FEEL GOOD WHEN TALKING TO YOU THEY WILL PASS ALL THAT AND IGNORE IT.

Be an enjoyable experience when talking to people. Impress. Seek to impress. Go meta. Go wild. Justify yourself (but also don't justify yourself, aplanation, don't give just negative feedback).

So yeah, speech? Seek to impress. Go meta. Go wild. Make show. A calm voice can make people more willing to listen - illustrations bring ideas across the table. Support your team. Hand gesticulation is important. Asking questions is important. A speech is just make a good show. Go wild.

Sometimes people want you to insist of on them. And sometimes they cleary don't. You have to become good at reading these things. Reading the social clues basically.

Some convincing would have been really creepy if she was really genuinely wanting you to leave them alone, so it pays to know social clues.

It's important to keep in mind that you miss 100% of the shots you don't take, so you want to take action and go for it and be bold if you don't want to live a life full of regrets.

As I said originally: We often regret the things we didn't do. Missed opportunities rather than failed opportunities.

So go there based on that mindset. To not miss an opportunity.

When you feel good:
Don't be badan, dour, etc (beat-em-up guy; sensless; offending), tough guy, etc. No badan, dour, etc.
No lout, tough guy, etc. Sweet and nice. Attract with the softness of the heart. No lout, tough guy, etc. (Sweet and nice) attract with softness of the heart.

A lout or badan is someone who:

Isn't aware that they offend other people with their actions.

Unpolite, with gross, rough, crude approaches; lacking delicacy.

Opposite of helpful and open to other people and aware how they make people feel.

Someone without good sense and politeness.

Uneducated. Badly raised. Rude.

Not careful at other people's feelings.

Not caring of other people.

Rough on the edges, sometimes offending people without wanting to.

Opposite of allowing yourself to be sensitive.

Usually angry and crude.

Sensless, without good sense, sometimes at an insulting point, not taking care of other people's feelings.

Guy who tries to brag or raise himself above.

Instead, be sweet and nice, and attract with the softness of your heart.


Like without being vulgar or acting like a quote unquote "peasant", ignorant, rude and generally unsophisticated. And I think that's a balance many men don't get, because, and without trying to drag it into politics, we have a lot of toxic masculinity out there. Sure, women are at fault for this too, because there are women who validate and appreciate those cad people, they wouldn't have engaged in those behaviors if it wouldn't have led to some form of social success, but the fact remains that they still do it and it's a form of toxic masculinity.

The most important thing is that people feel good with one another.

Don't be bitter and angry for some reason.
Remember these parties, with kind people who hug each other at the start of the party, they have decency, common sense, want an easy atmosphere, and to ameliorate the atmosphere, let the atmosphere flow with joyous calm nice and happiness, there's no bitterness here, only nice and good.

INSTEAD:
When you are with them, be sweet and nice. Women appreciate people who are sweet and nice, they really do, it's just that you have to have other qualities too to get out of the friendzone or get into a relationship. You can't be all on sweet and nice and expect being sweet and nice to carry the conversation or the relationship, but it's a bonus, a bonus above being a ruffian because it's appreciated. Decent people with good behavior and afraid not to hurt other people's feelings appreciate it. Being sweet and nice doesn't mean being submissive, it means behaving nicely.


Like always seeking the avoidance of hurting people's feelings and having decency and stuff like that.

Sure you can bring up your "mean" side but bring it up as a joke. Don't be rough or angry in general.

Instead, to be a bit of polite and helpful. To make people appreciate you.

So yeah, you can win by not being badan or dour, instead you can be sweet and nice, attract with the softness of your heart. With empathy. "Poor thing" kind of thing.


As a woman, you have to be: delicate, sensitive and feminine. You are seen different, you are not allowed to make mistakes. If you do what a man does you are looked at differently. -> A woman is meant to be delicate, like a flower, like a trinket, no drink, no smoke, no etc.

As a man, you have to: have decency in you, know when to intervene and when not, and have that splash of masculinity and imposing but without being mobbish or superior. -> A man is not meant to be like a brute, you can actually be sensitive, some women like Loki more than Thor and for real. -> To be a force for good, a man who uses his power for kindness.

Paternal investment kind of man.

IMPORTANT:
Don't be too much of a nice guy, not in your advantage - just say "ok". Don't say "thank you for helping me with this one, I'll let you go watch your movie now", instead, say "ok, thanks, if I have any more trouble I know where to appeal".

Nice, but not nice, perfect combo, be nice, but don't be a full too nice guy, too thankful, isn't good, it will only backfire, doesn't show a spine. Instead, ameliorate the situation with jokes. Ameliorare the atmosphere with jokes. Even if "I'm a little bad" kind of jokes, it will do much better for your situation than being too much of a nice guy. "I'm a little bad kind of jokes" as in jokes where you are the bad or the selfish character, implying you only have your best interest at heart. The laughing spirit can save you like "ok, if I have any more trouble I'll let you know". The thanks is dubious, one hand shows appreciation, another hand may go into that too nice territory, rather you frame it as "something expected from them", that's bad boy and that's attractive. And you ameliorate it with jokes.

IMPORTANT:
Have a motivated mindset:

I want to do everything right right now.

The work.

The losing weight.

The concepts.

I want to change my life and do better right now.

I feel motivated right now.

Because I have purpose right now.

There is nothing wrong with a girl having a boyfriend. As long as she likes him. It's not permiscous. It's non-permoscous still. The issues goes when stuff like that happen outside of that for a girl. That's when permiscous is called into question. I'm saying the male perspective here not what I want to be true.

Heck, I've even heard women telling other women to marry at 20 years old. Like "come on, marry, what are you waiting for?". Like "marry Penny, 20 yo". Not a good inspiration. A bit fked up in my opinion. Don't think the marriage at 20 was healthy.

He likes him, she likes her, what's the issue? If they like each other and are in love, it's all great.

People want to feel loved and accepted. That's why it's worth working for that. (Good looks etc, diet, personality, good thought, etc)
Apothecary
 
  0  
Reply Sat 18 Feb, 2023 09:21 am
@Apothecary,
Part 4

It's important to work even when you feel relaxed. When you feel like you have nothing to do.
Then when you feel the freeest, when you have options.

1. Value: I need to get in good spirits with people.
2. Conversation: things in common, what things you have in common (find what a person is passionate about, and talk about that thing)
3. For a soldier the most important things are a civilian's life, seeking to protect.
4. And being attractive, all these 3 on top of being physically as in bodily atttractive.

To be a bit of polite and helpful. To make people appreciate you.

Want a genuine human connection.

A genuinely kind person and sensitive but also with militaristic tendencies. A good boy and a bad boy at the same time. A good boy who likes to protect. And knows it can protect. A defender, fighting for justice. This element of good and bad is what makes him attractive. Because he's a good guy with bad guy tendencies. Able to apply swift justice if the case and take militaristic action, but at the same time being a genuinely kind person who is able to serve and protect. This dichtonomy works great for them and is not contradictory at all. They know that force must be applied when necessary but also have a sense of and a respect for justice and kindness and people's wills and demands. We can find INFJ at the extreme of both sides: TOMAS JEF, but also AH and OSA BIN. They can be a radical in this way, for good and bad. They are equally capable to be both the healer and the warrior. At the same time. Imagine the sensitivty of INFP combined with the ruthlessness of INTJ, sometimes allowing them to do what is necessary, for the greater good, being the necessary evil in order to stop evil. A necessary evil for good. Like a sniper shootinga a taliban extremist who likes to kill and rape. INFJ have that stopping power in them to make that killing blow in order to protect what is good. While also having that INFP sensitvity in order to be what is good themselves. That INTJ ruthlessnes and calculating nature combined with the INFP idealism, in a single person. They are albe to see the good in the world, while also doing the bad in order to protect what is good in the world.

Relationship based on mutual support and reciprocity. As well as on the acceptance of differences.

Acceptance of differences is not the same thing as tolearting it. Because tolerating is when when someone cuts your way in traffic, you may tolerate it (leave it from yourself) but you still insult them because you do not like it.
So acceptance of differences, that someone is like that and leave them that way, rather than tolerance/leaving from yourself which imples a bad feeling a resentiment there, so it's not exactly a precise term or good thing.
INFJ can be a very non-aggressive temperament, but at the same time strangely and surprisingly overly-aggressive when they have to be aggressive.

INFJ can be a very non-aggressive temperament, conflict avoidant, seeking and focusing on peace and understanding, getting along with each other, but at the same time strangely and surprisingly overly-aggressive when they have to be aggressive, dominating, powerful, blant, squishing. Usually peaceful conflict avoidant monk, seeking the acceptance of differences and getting along together well, but going from peaceful conflict-avoidant monk to overkill when necessary.


Teasing (playing with them with the hat)

Talking a big in-depth thing about (deep talk + shallow talk) - in-depth convo

Getting good looking body (the 3 convo steps, etc)

Getting emotionally closer. Being emotionally aware of people (the one with overthinking; the one with objectivity and having to translate)

phone As


Can't you be a good enough standard for her that she likes you for you?

Give men the best deal and women the best deal and see what happens.

When I was in high school, I had a lot of women hitting on me, so I know what it's like, I know the female perspective.

The A post with writing about that, there is some gold in there, some lessons to be had.

WHEN DEALING WITH PEOPLE WITH ISSUES:
Trust. As a woman, you can't know whether the man you are with is in it for you or not.

People want to know you care about them, people want to be cared for, that's what love is and how they know you're a keeper. People looking for deep connections want someone to be in it for them, not their looks and cars. People want to see that you appreciate them, not their belongings.

"I appreciate you" can be a bigger demonstration of love if said correctly than "I love you". Because it implies it's something about them, about themselves, and that is stronger than "love", as in, stronger than the word "love". Because you can love someone for their cars, their looks, etc.

Women being loved for their looks is the equivalent of men being loved for their money. Sure, they would appreciate being liked for their looks, but that's not enough, it's superficial. They want to be loved for the person they are, not for the body they have. Not caring about your looks, but caring about the person you are, caring that you feel good, wanting the best for you.

They want to see the person that is inside, not the body that is outside.

So, what can be done about this? what can you do if you have a toxic partner? first of all avoid it. See the red flags and avoid it. It's not worth it.

First of all, lead by example. Be an example to them on how not to be. If they are crazy. Be not crazy but still grounded in yourself. Do not put up with their BS, but at the same time do not answer fire with fire to end up in their game. Stand your ground but without being crazy yourself, being reasonable. They may see that and adapt to that.

Second of all, talk to them. But be listening of them, be compassionate. Don't talk to them just to "dump on them" like they dump on you. That would only lead to more crazy as it's basically fighting fire with fire. And they are a master at this fire game.

Be listening of them if you want them to hear you too. Understand and accept their greviances, no matter how unreasonable they are, listen to them, be listening of them, and be compassionate, if you want them to be able to reach you too. Whatever you do, do not dismiss their feelings. Whatever they are feeling, they must be right, their attitude about that feeling may be wrong, or the way they approach it in the world, but whatever they are feeling is right. Nobody likes it when their feelings are being invalidated and we usually get defensive.

MONEY SHARING TALK:
Sometimes people can get to have bad blood between each other or resentment out of money issues. How to deal with that?

Well, when people go out it's usually about: sarcasm, making funs of, mischievousness (jokingly).

And if you go out on a date you can clearly make the case that: It's the looks! If I have the looks, she will want me!

Getting along: having a fun time together, laughing together.

You can get into a relationship with a woman by being close to her heart. This may sound very naive, like a Taylor Swift song, but I think it's true.

You can be in an interview expressing how looks matter and how this may be controversial. Sure, a lot of people may get offended by this, but at the same time, those same people who get offended judge people based on looks, they pick who they want to date or not based on looks, including women, so you may have people being offeded by this, but those people will not practice what they preach, look at what people do not what people say, looks are important, we generally want to date someone on the same looks level as us. At the same time, I don't think it's that controversial, it depends on people whether they want to accept it or not.

Money don't work, the provider clause: If you lead with gold not going to make much. Rabbits can have one person who feeds then and one person they like.

I had a revelation moment once: "I need to go to the gym and all my problems will be fixed" and they were.

And then there is this little theory with the minimum looks threshold. That anything on that minium threshold is fine, anthing above that minimum threshold is a bonus.

In terms of personality, when talking to a girl:
1. We had lots of fun
2. Don't let the trail get cold

Whatever you do, don't do stuff to break her heart: like talking to other girls about how you like them more or about how you want to be with another girl, stuff that suck for her, might make her lose interest exactly because of that.

One guy was talking to a friend "hey future godfather" and she got offended by that, she was interested in him but then he got to talk with a good friend about being a godfather and she assumed he already has a girlfriend and they are close to being engaged, so that was weird. Wasn't the case. He told me afterwards "we were talking about being a godfather, of etc, and it really sucked for her". Because well, if that happens she might lose hope.

What can you do? Be like a pillar. Meaning? keep talking to her, but not desperate look into your eyes, just fun to be around. Attract from a distance.

Focus on being fun to be around and that's it. And improve your looks.

Realistically, that's the best bet you have so far, being like a pillar and working on improving your looks.

I never had the need to prove myself. Sure, I do stuff, but I do it for me. I'm not feeling that "I need to impress people". I mean I know wearing a nice suit gets you places at your work job, but I only do that because I know it gets you places, not because I feel the need for approval from those people.

I know approval is important (it's not true approval anyway) so I go for it, but I don't go for it because I feel the need for it, but because of the utility it brings.

It's not much, just:

Try to get good-looking (people do treat you differently based on looks),

Dress well (your dress is your looks, for the most part)

Smile and behave with people like they are an old friend you haven't seen in a while (pun not intended)

Be a bit of polite and helpful, to make people appreciate you (as long as you do it with eagerness and not in a downer like a loser way, helping because you want to help, because you think it's nice and helpful of you, not helping because you feel you won't be liked otherwise or because you feel that's your only way to stay afloat above the waters, helping because it's a nice thing to do, not a weakness in helping)

An ENFJ friend of mine said "I want to be a good thought for people" and I think that mentality really nails it.


"I want people to think well when they think of me". Not going to the people-pleasing extreme, doing things you don't like to impress others, but there's plenty of things you do like and have nothing to lose that can impress people.

People can behave better towards you if they sense your sincerity.

Stuff like "as i sense your sincerity" and appreciate things from people. Just being honest sometimes can help, if you want them to help you with something and they are good people they will understand. Sensing your sincerity and lowering your guard can help. As i sense your sincerity I can open up to you and met you where you're at.

I remember looking up to Dean Sampson, he's a force for good, he is kind, yet at the same time he has "presence", "strength", "power" but is a power used for defusal, not for agression, a sport of power like a guardian, like a santinel, not like a viking or invading barbarian.

Is it for good? sometimes there may be no real evil.

I usually complain that TV shows don't have this complexitiy, it's usually the "good guys" and the "bad guys"

Relationships are a trade basically, and yes, looks matter, other stuff too: your character, your personality, your charisma, being yourself also matter (being honest about who you are and what you like), being grounded, but bottom line is: stuff matters. why? because relationships are a trade, you got to offer some to get some, so what do you have to offer? this is why some men have 10.000 women while others 0.

Being a simpleton won't get you much in terms of dating, have some complexity. Some have stuff to offer, others don't.

I know a guy who always says the same thing, you can tell him a 1000 things each day and he wont remember 1 and even his brother started hardcore laughing when i joked to him he was simple (to which he trademarked looked at me in sillence with no thing to say which hammered the point home even more). Some have stuff to offer, others don't.

One thing to appreciate in people is that they follow what is true not what is "good". 9/10 would be disgusted by this thought because they don't like reality that way, never even bothering to question whether it's actually true or not for the simple fact that they don't like reality that way.

The world is filled with idiots, you can get mad at their idiocy or take advantage by their idiocy, see how you can use that to your advantage. I used to do the former, until I realised it's much better to do the latter, including mentally for yourself.

If they only care about 'rules', yeah, how can you use their stubbornes for rules to your advantage? don't try to reason with them, doesn't work.

In relationships, you first have to sense if they like you, see if there is that vibe there, you can't ask for a date right away.

Some people see it like a shot in the dark but it's really not, you talk to them and see if they like you, build that connection etc.

And then if it turns out they like you ask for a date.

Or if they start giving hints, like literal close to reality hints, you can do the bold move and insta-kiss them.

Level 80 warlock stun. But you have to be really sure they like you then. Because it can go horribly wrong if they don't.

When it comes to making a move towards someone you are interested in, you should give it a try. It doesn't work out, it doesn't. But if it does, it does. How do you know there's not a chance? maybe it would work out even with that. Heck, I've seen my share of weird relationships and yours could be barely above the line. Of long lasting weird relationships I mean.

What if you have some issues? you are not doing anything bad to her, she enters a relationship with you because she wants it, if it gets worse, she can't handle it and leaves, it's because she wants it, all because she wants it, it's her own voilition and you're not acting with any bad intent towards her.

You don't know what she wants, you may have a vision of what she deserves that could be completely different from what she wants.

You may think "she could meet someone, who is just like me, but far more able to give, which she deserves, IF she is agood person" or she could meet no one who is just like you, good people get used, wouldn't be surprised if she gets into an abusive relationship, wouldn't be the first naive girl to do so.

You can explain that to her your issues and let her decide for herself, out of her own voilition, no secrets.

"theres plenty of girls that would say no even if they liked me if i told them sraight up thats why i thought at first to lie and tell it later once she is attached but then it would means id lie", yeah, a sound strategy, but as I hypothetically assumed you said, you don't want to be the bad actor in this.

Tell her the truth and let her decide, don't have to over-dramatize it, just tell her what is going on with you, what issues you have, if she doesn't like it, that's fine, it's her own voilition, if she does, that's great.

When more men like a woman, suddenly that woman is more valueable. It's true with women for men too.

When more women like a man, that's a good catch. It creates what I said earlier, trade/value. When I said that a relationship is like a trade, of value.

And for women, it's a lot like marketting, like branding, they like the marketting/branding you are putting up to when many other women like you. It's like a scanner for reputation, sort of, not completely accurate but there.

If women like you, that can make you more attractive in the eyes of other women, for the reasons said above.

I like to look with simpathy at all kids of people: idiots, thieves, hookers, you name it, and just talk. For idiots, it's not their fault they are idiots, they didn't choose to be idiots. So I have mixed feelings about this, you can't really accuse them of "idiocy", because it wasn't their fault, and they may have other redeeming qualities, maybe they're good people. I like to get to know them, their life story. For hookers, the ones who are actively practicing it I mean, real hookers, sometimes if you talk to them you may discover they don't really enjoy it, some of the worst clients are the drivers, but they do it because they need money and find no other better way. I like to look with simpathy at all kinds of people. Sure, I would never date a hooker, but that doesn't mean they don't deserve some compassion.

Usually, when people like you "they put money on you". That doesn't mean simping for you, but usually agreeing to split the bill since they see themselves long-term in a relationship. They see it as a long-term investment. I'm not recommending leading with money, not at all. But I'm just saying that what I found to be the biggest indicator to see whether a girl is genuinely interested in me is whether she is or is not financially invested. Everytime a woman has put money down and has been open to paying for things then the relationship would work out, but everytime the opposite happened and she expected myself to pay for things, then things would fizzle out rapidly, she would end up getting flacky with texts, ghosting or something like that.

So investment of a woman in you financially speaking can be a big indicator of interest, if not the biggest. This is why whether she pays for things on the 3rd date or not is very important, not for the sake of the money but for the sake of this. If a girl finds you attractive and puts money on the table, you know she is genuinely interested.

There should hardly be any question of money in a healthy relationship. It's okay for the man to pay on the 1st or 2nd date. But if by the 3rd she doesn't offer to pay herself too, it may mean she is not financially interested in the relationship. And if she is not financially interested in the relationship, she is not interested in the relationship.

So don't make a big deal out of money, money don't care that much. But look for that side when it comes to money.

However, what if you are with a group of friends, and at the end of the can't agree on how to split the bill. What can you do about that?

I think for a relationship to grow the most important thing is that people feel good with one another. This can make you attractive in terms of your personality.

Most of the time, people care how you made them feel. People don't care about how interesting you are, people care how you made them feel. Being childish, being similar, stuff like that can help.

But also being able to "attract from a distance" meaning being able to be attractive and look attractive both in terms of your looks and especially in terms of your personality in spite of talking to her. Just having that drawing charisma drawn out to you inspite of you talking or not to her, that's what I think "attracting from a distance" means, just being a good presence to be around, a pleasant presence to be around, an engaging and enjoyable one, one full of action and of laughs, and she will be drawn to you.

Heck, if you want to show her your appreciation, you can even write her a letter like: Making a letter telling her how great, amazing she is. Writing something so great, about her sensitivity, about her delicateness, about her great spirit, about her, something that would impress her. About her joyfullness, about her smile. While sarcastically saying that you feel like a convict writing why they love the police.

And that's the thing, exclusivity. And there's another thing, have those traits related to something about her character, it can be even "have a great smile", her joyfulness, her something, just not something strictly about her looks. The difference between a generic love letter that you could have read to anyone else and would have the same impact, and a love letter specifically tailored to that other person, her quirks, her smile, what you especially like about her; a letter that if you would have read to anyone else it wouldn't have made much sense, is enmorums. Because it's specific, it's exclusive.

Something like: I feel like a conving writing about why I love the police. And in that letter, say very detailed stuff about them, of why they are so awesome. Detailed & particular about them. I guess you can add romance to the list: Making a letter telling her how great, amazing she is. Writing something so great, about her sensitivity, about her delicateness, about her great spirit, about her, something that would impress her. About her joyfullness, about her smile. While sarcastically saying that you feel like a convict writing why they love the police. You can even sarcastically write that letter, read it, and then eat that letter to have all traces erased. Saying "I can't risk someone else reading it now can I?", and remember, you need a bodily attractiveness for all of this to work and make sense.

It can even be a sad-ish letter: I'm torn, I'm in pain, I know I want this, but I also know it isn't good. That's why I go back & fourth. I just don't know what to do. In fact, that's why I had a problem with most of my grades. I can't say more but that's the thing.

The conversation to be engaging for her to want to be interested in you. And I guess looks as well but first and foremost that. And of course, like the letter from above, a display of emotions never hurt. Making her interested in you, "conquering" her, that's how you do it.

Heck, you can be full of doubts like: "And not expecting different reactions from people, like when I told her that, I didn't expect that maybe it could have been otherwise, maybe she could have said that because she might have thought it weird or whatever, and I should have kept hope. I should have insisted back there but in other ways, not with a declaration like that, but with an invitation, a talk and a proper invitation, a real one, a normal one, a proper one, a simple one, not a mr.Cooker style one. Trying to get more appropiate with her sort of thing. That's what I should have done, not that"; "Getting closer to her. Is this getting closer to her really working? I guess yes, it's from grim and is also compatible with what I said here above on the emotional stuff, I guess. The we want to feel seen&understood stuff. So yeah, I was too much of a simp, going way to forward emotionally, I should have taken it easy. Being a pleasant experience & company first, people want to feel seen, understood. That's what makes it romantic. Because you know they are there for you and care for you & and that they feel understood at the core of who they are. And I regreted it afterwards, instead of being bold and making a move. But this is different, you are ss."

You can write a letter like: Why you? Why special? Because I started to l you as I got to know you. I didn't think much of you when I first met you. But as I got to know you I started to l you. That's why I think it's special, because it was gradual, it was no instant, it was as I got to know you, it was because of your personality and you wholly, not some initial instinct; no matter what happens, you will still be you. And I know there are a lot more thoughts and expectations in a r, but I hope we can get past that and be both carefree in spite of it all. If you have a problem, an issue, or just want to be left alone, just say it, for real no question asked. If you have an issue with me doing that, just say it, for real, no question asked, that you feel bad becaue I want to go out and play with friends. We can discuss it for real with no drama or surface reading. And care for each other but also our own interests. 60-40 each other and our own interests and I think it should be good. What do you say of no thoughts and expectations and just carefree r? With honsty and just saying it for real?".

However, what if you are with a group of friends, and at the end of the can't agree on how to split the bill. What can you do about that?

You really need to look into that frame and fix it. Make a convenit frame. You're not cripple.

Just pay whatever, be like "whatever". We just find a version that everybody likes and then we pay. We try to split it as fair as possible, but at the same time be like whatever. Whatever. It seemed to me that that version was more fair but whatever, that version was more simple, no look at money, that's the underlying point. "I'm not looking at money" sort of things. As long as we got along and understood each other it's all fine. I have nothing to gain from it.

As long as there is consensus there there is fine. "Yeah, we pay all like X and that's it, ok - not looks at money, I'm not looking at money. Friends in general when they go out they don't look at money.

GENERAL ISSUES: Procrastination, Motivation, Stress, Failure, Insecurity, Emotions, Personality, Communication, etc.

Procrastination is an incredibly efficient task completion strategy in terms of value and efficiency (yield/effort). Therefore, Procrastination is a solution, not a problem.

At first glance, it seems like people would rather play games with a 0% chance of finding a job, than apply for a job with a 10% chance of success. However, people would rather play games with a 100% chance of feeling better rather than applying for a job with a 10% chance of success.

I have the problem, that I need to get a job and have only 10% chance of success. What is my solution to this? do something with 100% chance of success.
You have an issue you can't solve, and your solution is to find something else you can solve. That is procrastionation.

We feel like we need to increase our likelihood of success to start acting/behaving in a certain way. The likelihood of success depends on your confidence in your own ability. If you have low confidence, then you will have a low likelihood of success. Which leads to procrastination and low motivation or lack of behavior.
So in a way, you are procrastinating because of your low confidence in doing the thing that you are procrastinating about.

You are not confident, so you don't think you can do it, you don't think you can do it, so you'd rather do something that you know you can do, even if it's not really what you want.

Why don't you wake up every day and try to jump up and fly? It may sound good in theory, but we don't do it because we know the likelihood of success is 0%.

Low confidence, so why even bother trying to fly? it's stupid. And logical at the same time.

We want to increase motivation, so how do we increase confidence and the likelihood of success?

1. Break the task apart -> Example: "find a job" (1%) -> "apply for a job" (30%) -> "fill out a job application" (50%) -> "download job application" (80%).
2. Dealing with negative emotions: example: shame, fear, low self-worth. Explore and understand them, understand where they come from within yourself.
3. Understand where your lack of confidence comes from. Contrary to popular belief, success does not lead to confidence. Success actually leads to imposter syndrome. Surviving failure leads to confidence, which leads to success.

How Important are looks really? Very important!
I don't think everyone only cares about how good-looking you are. I think everyone only cares mostly about how good-looking you are.
I think women are more comfortable with this idea, they know men mostly care about looks. It's what they expect, it's why they wear make-up, they know that a man will be attracted to your looks first before being attracted to your personality and the person you are.

By contrast, it's men who have an issue with the fact that women care mostly about looks, because they did not expect this.
Because when a woman cares about looks she is "superficial". But when a man cares about looks he's just doing what a man is supposed to do. I think there are these double standards in society and they are the reason why men have a harder time to believe that yes women care about looks too.

Men probably can't stand the idea that women would first be attracted to your looks first before being attracted to your personality and the person you are. Why is this idea disgusting, but the other way around when it's men looking at women it's perfectly acceptable to go for looks first? I think we're all humans.

Similar to gender-reversed case, as a man, you can find a woman with depth, but even they are going to care about looks on some level. She may not be as interested about looks as other women, but even she is going to be interested about looks. I don't think there is "I don't care about looks at all".

If you look beautiful, people want you, simple as that.

So, yeah, if you're a man, advice - improve your looks, because women mostly care about looks. They care about others things too, but they mostly care about looks.
And these are true for men too, so don't consider it hypocrisy. They are obviously going to care about other things as well, but are going to mostly care about looks.
Your looks can make or save your life. Your looks can make or break your relationship.

How does this work?

TL;DR - Minimum threshold, anything on that minium threshold is fine, anthing above that minimum threshold is a bonus.

Everybody had different standards for looks, so a minimum threshold requirement. But everybody has a threshold, and for everybody anything above that threshold is a bonus.

Usually people's threshold is their threshold. If someone is a 6, their threshold is usually a 6. Anything below that is "no dating zone" everything above that is "great and a bonus zone".
I say usually because there are always exceptions, you can find men/women who are a 5 but only look for 8 or even look for 3, but these are exceptions not the general rule.

What do I mean by this? Women can understand this better with the friendzone.

Let's say you're a man/woman and your minimum looks threshold is 7, and you have 3 suitors, one is a 3 the other is a 6 and the last one 8. If your minimum threshold is 6, you won't even consider the girl with 3 in terms of looks. She could have the best personality in the world, she will be a friend at best to you because you're simply not attracted to her.

Heck, she could be the greatest person in the world. You would simply not be attracted to her because you are not attracted to her looks. (the same thing is true for men, gender-reversed, you could be the greatest guy in the world, you're a 3, she won't be attracted to you)

Now, for the girls with 6 and 8, the both pass your minimum threshold attraction level, so you have the potential to see them attractive and see them as "dating potential". You could see yourself dating both of them. (again, same thing applies with women for men)

From now on, since they passed your minimum threshold requirement, it's a battle between looks & personality. Looks will always be a bonus, but personality can compensate. By personality meaning: being more similar, having many stuff together, having things in common, getting along with each other well, being a pleasant experience amongst each other, stuff like that.

The girl who is an 8 has a huge advantage in looks, but the girl who is a 6 can more than make up for this in personality.

Men would choose women who are less beautiful if they think that their personality is better. Now, if the 6 girl and 8 girl would have equal personalities, obviously he would choose the 8 girl. But if the 8 girl has a crap personality and the 6 girl has a great personality, he would choose the 6 girl with a great personality over the 8 girl with problems. Some men would go for the 8 girl anyway but I think they are a minority.

Now, for the woman. (can be gender-reversed, but I just wanted to switch genders)

Same case: Let's say you're a woman and your minimum looks threshold is 7, and you have 3 suitors, one is a 3 the other is a 6 and the last one 8. The one who is a 3, he's so ugly compared to your standards you may not even want to be friends with him (I've seen it happen, when he guy was literally "too ugly" to be her friend). The one who is a 6 is a perfect friendzone material, not quite on her looks level but close enough to be friendzone material, no amount of personality is going to get him out of the friendzone, because he's simply below her looks threshold level. He could be the most kind, supportive, funny, protective, lighten the mood, always helping her and doing what she wants, always lifting her up, guy out there, he will never get out of the friendzone because he's just not attractive enough for her. Doesn't pass her looks threshold level.

Now there, are some cases, where a guy was all those things a good personality is supposed to be: kind, supportive, funny, protective, lighten the mood, helping her, couch phychologist, etc; and he did eventually got out of the friendzone. In that case, he did pass her looks threshold level, but only at the limit or passed it by a little, so he girl was looking for a better option. When she couldn't find a better option, she returned to this guy who was fine but acceptable.

Or maybe he didn't pass her looks threshold but she figured that's the best she could get. Not entierly content with it, but also not looking for someone else.

The case with this girl is similar, the guy in the friendzone may be a 7 and so he would barely make it into her looks treshhold level, or 7.5. But the girl was still looking for an 8 or a 9 in spite of the guy's personality. It was only when she couldn't find an 8 or a 9 that she decided to eventually accept her fate and settle for the 7 or 7.5. And this was because he was above her looks threshold level, if he wasn't, she wouldn't even do that, as she simply wouldn't consider him attractive enough.

Or maybe she would be with him if she figured she didn't have any other options, or fear that she was getting old or something like that, but it was never a true acceptance of his looks level, more like a compromise, a "settle for less because I can't do more" in her eyes, I'm not content but I'm satisfied. This is excluding the financial situation. As if the guy was rich he could be a 5 and the situation would change, however, she would never like him for his looks, and there's little case to be made about his personality or his soul or the person he is, likely she'll like him for what he can provide to her.

There was a guy somewhat attractive, a 6 to her 7, or even 7 to her 7, but she knew that she could do better, with a great personality but she didn't care about personality at all, she would pick him if she had no better options, so get out of the friendzone. If he was a 7 she'd be content, she tried but couldn't do better. If he was a 6 she wouldn't be content, she tried but couldn't do better, so she had to compromise, settling for less than what she wanted of a man in terms of looks.

Versus there is a guy she is not attracted to at all, a 4 to her 7, but she knew that she could do better, with a great personality. But his great personality didn't made any relevance, she would still not be attracted to him no matter what personality he had, so never get out of the friendzone, sometimes not even getting in the friendzone in the first place.

Ok, maybe not "she didn't care about his personality at all". She did care about his personality, but cared about his personality very little. A personality for her may be a small positive if it is, or a big negative if it isn't. This could be different for different people. Generally, it's a big positive if is, and small negative if it isn't, could also have no personally basically be plain and play it all based on looks, but it depends from person to person.

Some people may see it as a big positive if you have a great personality, but not a big deal, as in a small negative if you have a terrible personality. And absolutely no negative if you have no personality and just let looks carry you. Others may be quite neutral on both. Others may see it as a great positive if you have a great personality, and a great negative if not an even greater negative if you have a terrible personality. We're all humans with different preferences. But I think it's important or useful to see how these preferences are in different people, or simply acknowledge that they are there.

Now, if the girl had a looks threshold level of 5 the story could be completely different, but in our story the girl has a looks threshold level of 7. Probably because her own looks are around 5 or 7.

WHAT EVIDENCE IS THERE THAT WOMEN CARE ABOUT LOOKS?
Because I believe the counterpart, that men care about looks, is so common sense that I do not need to prove it.

But for the part concerning women:

1. I seriously doubt attractiveness is quite subjective. Sure, you may have person A and person B who has a niche preference for red hair or curly hair, but for the most part looks are objective.

2. There was a Tinder study where they found out that 50% of men get 85% of likes, and out of those 10% of men get 60% of likes. If attractiveness is quite subjective, why is that, why isn't it all random?

3. I get that Tinder is more about looks than real life. But that's exactly my point, if women don't care about looks why women are even more selective than men on Tinder? It should be the other way around if they didn't care about looks. Tinder is more about looks than real life and look what happen. There clearly is a conventional attractiveness standard.

And I think even outside Tinder looks still play a part, a big part, although not as big as on Tinder who is the king of selection based on looks. Your personality matters, but looks has always been and will always be the most important factor in life for both men and women.

5. Being atractive is like having a VIP card for everything. If you are rich, she wants your money. If you have a good personality, she wants to be your friend. If you are attractive, she wants you.

6. I as a dude used to have the same "oh I care about personality not looks" mentality when I was a teenager. But then I analyzed my own behaviour and realized that I was lying to myself to make myself feel like I was less shallow.

What I actually meant when I said "I don't care about looks just personality" was that once a girl makes my minimum looks threshold, I don't care about looks, only personality. But if a girl didn't make my minimum looks threshold, I didn't even see her as an option. She was invisible to me from a relationship standpoint.

So to give an example, if my minimum looks threshold is a 6 out of 10, and I have 3 girls, ones a 4, ones a 6 and ones an 8, I'll take whoever has the better personality out of the 6 or the 8, but the 4 is never an option regardless of how good her personality is, at best, she's a friend.

Many women think this exact way but I guess they lack the self awareness to figure it out. Or they know and don't want to expose themselves.

Personality matters most for women. When she has to choose between two Chads.

7. The best example I have seen was the guy who made a fake Tinder with Chad pictures. His bio said he has been in prison. Women opened the conversation (of course, they will say hi first if you are Chad) and then he asked them if they read his bio. They said yes and asked why he has been in prison. He said he had sex with a minor. They would reply with "oh damn that is bad but have you changed now"? I get that Tinder is more looks-focused than real life, but this is just fked up. Women (and not one, a lot, were willing to ignore that part, because he was good looking).

8. I've seen this guy in real life who is 6'5 and above average handsome. He is also openly alt-right, narcissistic, controlling, a bully, unambitious, I could go on. You could argue in a red pill way that he is an ‘alpha male’ behaviour that makes him attractive. But I don't think so. He has always had loads of success with attractive women. Looks can't get you everywhere, but they will get you in a lot of places.

If looks were subjective and "beauty is in the eyes of the beholder", this would literally not be the case.

9. A woman told me that a man's height would not matter to her at all. However, when she praised her daughter's new boyfriend, the first thing that came spontaneously out of her mouth with much enthusiasm was "tall".

10. And the "nice guy" / "I want a guy just like you, but not you" probem has a simple explaination:

Had a friend, when he was younger a lot of girls would say they wished more guys would be like him. He was attracted to them but they weren't attracted to him. It confused him to no end. I'm finally understanding. They wished they could transplant his personality onto another guy they found attractive. Personality does not go as far as looks or height. They don't want personality for the sake of personality. They want the upper 15% to have personality. The best thing you can do for yourself in finding someone to date is become more fit physically fit and work on presentation.

You could make the case that "personality was still the issue, he was not assertive enough". If personality was his issue, why would a lot of girls be friends with him? you aren't friends with people whose personality you dislike. By contrast, when I was younger I was shy and introverted so I didn't have girl friends, but I had women who would hit on me, women wouldn't want me as a friend, they would want me romantically. It's like I said above for myself with the 4/10 girl that if she didn't pass a certain threshold, she was never an option regardless of how good her personality is, at best, she's a friend.

Once you have weeded out 80% of guys based on looks, personality becomes a big factor.

11. I wonder how much of women's self-report is due to a lack of self-awareness rather than a lie. My experience of women, from intimate conversations with them, is that they don't really know what makes their own sexuality work.

In addition, there is a study I remember where women had the same genital blood flow as men in response to pornography, but they reported little or no increase in sexual desire in response to viewing porn. This makes me think that it's possible that women are actually wired to not know what turns them on.

I think that part of how human courtship works is that women present themselves as intermittently interested in men, so that they create a random intermittent reinforcement schedule to incentivize male resource provision. I have no data to support this, but it sure looks this way to me as my experience towards an "average guy" is that women are not reliably interested in sex. I think that not being aware when they are turned on is part of female psychology, simply because it incentivizes this random intermittent reinforcement schedule in their relationships with their suitors.

If she is not chasing you, she is not interested.

12. Don't trust people's words. Look at their actions. Dont listen to what they tell you. Had a relative who worked in a high status Hotel as a waiter and Barista and I can assure you the women tip 99% of the times an attractive male waiter and try to get him to stay on the table and talk to them as long as they can.1

13. Something like this also happen in elementary, female teacher's favorite kid was a cute one, while always ugly one was one she can't stand. Just go through younger days and you will notice this.

I can tell this because I was that child, even as a child I was like "wtf, this is unfair treatment, why am I getting so much attention from the female teachers?".

Every, single, one, of, them. I know I had good grades. But I was not the only kid with good grades. Those good grades were not enough to explain it. And just imagine how sizeable it must have been the difference that even as a child I have noticed it.

HAVING A PERSONALITY THAT MATCHES:

SHALLOW AND DEEP CONVERSATION:

HOW TO MAKE CONVERSATION INTERESTING AND ALWAYS HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY:

TEASING DO'S AND DON'TS:

HOW TO BE COOL AND SUCH LIKE AY AND THE 9:

CLOSING THOUGHTS:

THE SIMP IDEA, DOES OR DOESN'T WORK:

PROMISCUITY IN MEN AND WOMEN, DOS AND DON'TS:

RAJ'S ART OF SEDUCTION SUMMARY:

SOME OLD BELIEFS ABOUT MEN & WOMEN:

HOW TO GET ALONG IN SPITE OF YOUR DIFFERENCES & SOLVE CONFLICT:

A FEW SCATTERED BELIEFS:

RAJ'S ART OF SECUDTION:

GREENE'S ART OF SEDUCTION:
0 Replies
 
izzythepush
 
  1  
Reply Sat 18 Feb, 2023 09:22 am
@Apothecary,
Just a word of warning. After you post you have ten minutes or so to delete/edit it and then it's there for good.

This place has been likened to The Hotel California, "You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave."

People have started very angry posts about not being able to delete threads or user names.

Once it's here, it's here for good, so bear that in mind.
Apothecary
 
  1  
Reply Sat 18 Feb, 2023 09:28 am
@izzythepush,
I understand, thank you for the warning.

I don't know if I'll regret it later, but as of now I think it will help me a lot as I am in a really bad spot and need this as a journey to self-discovery.
Apothecary
 
  0  
Reply Sat 18 Feb, 2023 09:29 am
@Apothecary,
Part 5

HAVING A PERSONALITY THAT MATCHES:

Yes, I did say previously that looks is the most important thing, and I stand by that, but personality matters too.

Having a personality that matches is important.

The more you get to know a person the more personality is going to be important, this is why warm approach is the least based on looks since at that time you have the time to know each other's personality, common interests and the relationship develops organically. It's also the "safest approach" since you can usually tell based on her body language and her words if a girl is interested before asking her out. Yes, personality matters, but looks matter more. Have a great personality and keep the girl engaged. Having engaging conversations where you have fun with one another.

Having with personalities that match, being funny, having things in common, etc. And if your personality really matches I can totally see how you can compromise on looks. But this doesn't seem to dismiss the fact that looks matter.

If "men care about looks and women care about personality" wouldn't it be logical that it would be men on Tinder and OkCupid who will say no to girls based on looks while women will say yes to more men because "maybe he has a good personality". But this is not what we see.

If women wouldn't care about looks, in the speed dating study. Why when sureveyed for themselves women would say "intelligence, honest, fun, looks." but when surveyed for other women they would say "looks, fun, intelligence, ambitious"?

Basically saying "it's those other women who care about looks, not me, I care about personality, I'm not like other women". And what actually led to a relationship was more similar to how women would describe other women, than how women would describe themselves.

If you are good looking, looks are going to carry you. If you are normal looking, then personality is going to play a big part for you. If you are terrible looking, personality is not going to save you from everything, you need to desperately work on improving your looks.

Maybe you need to work on personality, to be more understanding, kind, etc.

Being kind, supportive, funny, protective, lighten the mood, helping her, couch phychologist, is a + in my opinion. But you need to have looks to back it up, to be at least in the minimum looks threshold.

So yeah, being the most be the most kind, supportive, funny, protective, lighten the mood, always helping her and doing what she wants, always lifting her up, guy out there will work, as long as you also have the looks to back it up, and women will appreciate you. Otherwise it won't work and they will only see you as a friend.

Find a girl of similar looks level as yours.

Being "just friends" in my opinion translates as "I really love your personality but you're just not that attractive for me". This may come across as offensive to some people, but why would people otherwise be in the friendzone? she doesn't like your personality? if she wouldn't have liked your personality, she wouldn't be friends with you to begin with.

People in the friendzone could be told "they are missing personality" or "the right girl will come for you", but really, what is wrong with you? is the personality the problem? clearly, she wouldn't want to be your friend if your personality was the problem, you wouldn't want to be friends with someone whose personality you dislike.

She's just not ready for a relationship? sometimes that is true, but other times, if there was a hot tall dude that she was attracted to, she my throw all of that "I'm not ready for a relationship" out the window out of sheer attraction to him.

Usually when she says something like "I wish I could find a guy just like you", she means a guy like you but with another face. A guy with your personality but another face.

This is not to say "oh, some people are so superficial", it's okay for people to have standards. You have standards too. You wouldn't want to date someone you are not attracted to, would you? wouldn't you find offensive to have your freedom restrained? So this is not to say judge people, but figure it out so you can make the best decisions available, in my opinion, work on your looks and date someone on your looks level. I'm going to assume you have a great personality since you gave me no reasons to think otherwsie. Additionally, it may help becoming good at things that are appreciated by other people, becoming good at other people's values. Like dancing, football, etc. If you become good at what most people appreciate you will be valued for it.

Although being fun is important and that's part of the personality, being honest is important and that's part of "game". Like if a woman ask you "how is this dress?" and instead of lying "wow, it's amazing!" I think being honest and saying "it's okay" if you really find it average/ok is a lot better and makes you much more attractive for behing honest. Because you don't try to pander them but tell it like it is.

Also, being funny, I think is a no-brainer. As long as your jokes are more funny than they are offensive you should be good. Or making fun of each other to the point where people think you are arguing for real. Not real arguments, but simulated arguments, simulated fights if you will. Where both parties know everything is okay and it's all a play. At the same time, you should be aware that this may not be everyone's cup of tea, so be careful when doing this and look at the other person if they can "take it".

Yes, absolutely. You really need to become like someone (a friend), before asking them out or to hang out.

You need to get to know a person before asking them out. Before the asking them out-ing is the get to know-ing. Let's say 1 or 2 weeks or texing and talking on the phone with each other, and if they are interested, you'll know it. Then you ask them out.

If you approach people in person the correct way you can minimize the risk of rejection to almost 0.

The best and most common way I see guys succeding in approaching people in person is by taking the initaitive to get to know them, then waiting for a girl to give clear choosing signals: her deliberately laughing at bad jokes, repeatedly replies to your story with flirtatious remarks. Anyway, if either of these things happen and she gave you clear signals, it's a no brainer for you to shoot your shot. And then, as long as you don't screw up, in other words act normal, your chances of success should be very high.

Obviously, you need to be at least average or above average in order to have women give you choosing signals in the first place, but the point is if and when they do happen, if you follow the steps it's unlikely you'll get rejected when you approach her, which therefore means your self-esteem will always remain intact.

Yep, ask them if they would be interested in doing something one on one, outside of classes, or clubs, or friend groups. Or even better, ask them if they want to talk, or just find a reason to talk through text and initiative conversation with them.

Like, find reasons to talk to them, even in person. Without being creepy. But being engaging and just generally good to be around. So they see your personality and see if you click.

It's all until you find that good subject, when you find that good subject the conversation flows naturally.

So again, I'm not saying that personality, or game or if your personality match and are on the same "wave" or common interest don't matter. They say that the better looks you have, the less your personality or game or personality match matters.

Yes, personality matters, but looks matter more.

Have a great personality and keep the girl engaged. Having engaging conversations where you have fun with one another.

As I made the case above with personalities that match, being funny, having things in common, etc.

You can have a great personality and get along together perfectly and be very happy together, you can 'click' really well.

Getting along and having a good time with that person. Having a sweet personality.

So it's not only about looks, but advice on how to improve, not genetics, but your looks is good. It offers plenty of soltions in my opinion.

Your looks are based on your genetics (which, aren't they?! isn't this true?) and you start with the RNG you've been dealt in life in terms of genetics, but from then on, there's a lot more you can do to improve your looks. You have things you can't change such as height (height makes you attractive, but can't change it, so tough luck there) and weight (which you can totally change) as well as a lot of other things that you can in fact change to improve your looks. To maximize yourself.

And when it comes to personality there's advice there as well.

Admittedly, one may say "women don't care about looks as much as men, women care about personality". I don't think this is true.

Both genders care about looks and personality. But for both genders, looks play a bigger part than personality at least at first.

Having a great personality is important, but not everything.

And if your personality really matches I can totally see how you can compromise on looks.

But generally, you have to go through looks before you can get to personality. And sometimes, if you're really bad looking, not even personality can help you. By contrast, if you're really good looking, your looks can easily carry your personality, you just have to be there.

WHAT IF A WOMAN HAS ATTENTION FROM MORE GUYS?

It doesn't matter whether a woman has 0 attention or 100 attention, if he wants you, because she enjoys the conversation with you and she vibes with you, she wants you, no matter if he gets to talk to 0 or 10 other people, if she finds you special and she likes you, she finds you special and she likes you.

People should settle for someone they genuinely like while having all the other options available, including women, not settle for the best thing they could possibly get, because they couldn't do better since they don't get that much attention.

My view on this was that if she likes you she likes you.

You don't see women being into "dating world" as much as men are. If they like a man, fine, they go with him, if they don't, the average woman doesn't constatly seek a relationship but other things, a relationship will come when it comes. It may also come from the fact that women are "safer" or "more assured" in finding a partner, because guys hit on them. But this doesn't exclude the fact that when women are into the "dating world", this guy might be making some sense on some level. I find the thought reprehensible, but at the same time I don't see why not, like why is that not the case.

On average, I find men way more interested in a relationship than women, women just want to have fun. To have fun with someone. For guys, relationship is a big deal.

And I don't mean sex but literally have fun, to do fun things. And if a relationship happens as they develop feelings great, if it doesn't also great. But the point when meeting, talking and interacting with someone is to have fun.

For guys, relationship seems to be the main focus. Maybe because it comes with status? you're cool if you are in a relationship. For women, it doesn't increase your social status, they only do it for the feeling. I don't know, this is all opinion.

Can't you be a good enough standard for her that she likes you for you? Give men the best deal and women the best deal and see what happens.

If she's a 3/10, and you're a 3/10, and she likes you, she likes you. No matter how many other 3/10 dudes hit on her or whether she thinks she deserves a 9/10 or not. If you have an enjoyable experience with that person, you like that person. Everything else is just hearsay about standards. Your "standards" may be completely broken by someone you genuinely like.

You've got nothing to lose.

What if we don't connect in person? Then at the end of the date you will call that date a day and go back to your home. It's exactly as if you never went in the first place, you are not losing anything.

What if he doesn't look like his pictures or find him attractive in real life? Then at the end of the date you will call that date a day and go back to your home. It's exactly as if you never went in the first place, you are not losing anything.

What if he is a serial killer? What are the chances? 1 in 1.000.000 ? What if a plane crashes on your house right now?

What if (god forbid) I have fun? Then you tell him at the end you tell him that you really liked that date with him and wait for him to invite you a second time.

How can I calm myself down? You don't. You are nervous but go to the date anyway.

"Courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear." - Nelson Mandela

"Courage is not the absence of fear, courage is acting in spite of fear." - Carly Fiorina

"It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself in a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat" - Theodore Roosevelt

Courage in spite of the fear. You don't have to calm yourself down, be nervous and go to the date anyway.

Not "just be yourself", "just be confident", "the right one will come for you", "you just need more game", "you can make it up with more personality" and other comforting lies we tell ourselves.

Yeah, it's mostly genetics. And if you have bad genetics it just sucks. However, there a a few things you can do to improve your, not genetics, but your looks. A 1% differnce may not seem like much, but if you make many 1% differences they stack.

The point is not to get "jaded" or "resentful", the point is to get reality for what it is so you can make the best decisions available.

It's easy to say "be yourself", "be confident", "the right one will come to you" when you are a 10/10 or even 7/10 and have all the men or women you want. It's almost a hypocrisy, but really it's mostly done out of ignorance of other people's experience so lack of awareness as well as virtue signaling. But it doesn't really help. Doesn't help anyone with the problem. It's like saying "thoughts and prayers" when someone has an accident.

For the most part, your confidence is your looks. If you're good looking, it's very easy to feel confident about yourself because well you look good. If not you have a hard time fooling yourself. It's like a 1/10 guy approaching a 10/10 girl and then getting rejected because he is a 1/10, what's the issue? wasn't he confident? you need a lot of confidence to approach a 10/10 as a 1/10, confidence wasn't the issue here.

"Oh, maybe he should have realistic confidence", realistic confidence is what he has by default, before someone is telling him "just be confident", what he needs to work on is his hopefulness level, not his confidence. Because of the Halo Effect, people are going to get good personality trait to good looking people and bad personality traits to bad looking people.

Do you think he needs to hear more of that or hasn't heard that advice before?

It's much better off knowing what is actually the issue so that you know what you can actually improve.

It's like having a car that doesn't start. You're much better off knowing what the issue with the car is so you can actually fix it. Than telling yourself "this is fine", "I just haven't found the right key yet, maybe on the next key it will start". Even if the issue is like an engine failure that would cost 2000$ to fully fix or you can make small improvements to get her into working conditions and work like at best 30 mph, it's still much better off than not knowing what the issue is with the car and having no idea what to do about it.

Because of the Halo Effect, people are going to get good personality trait to good looking people and bad personality traits to bad looking people.

Yes, personality matters, but looks matter more.

Have a great personality and keep the girl engaged. Having engaging conversations where you have fun with one another.

As I made the case above with personalities that match, being funny, having things in common, etc.

Because...

You can have a great personality and get along together perfectly and be very happy together, you can 'click' really well.

Getting along and having a good time with that person. Having a sweet personality.

So not only is not only about looks, but also is important to get advice on how to improve, not genetics, but your looks.

Yes, it does say that your looks are based on your genetics (which, aren't they?! isn't this true?) and you start with the RNG you've been dealt in life in terms of genetics, but from then on, there's a lot more you can do to improve your looks. You have things you can't change such as height (height makes you attractive, but can't change it, so tough luck there) and weight (which you can totally change) as well as a lot of other things that you can in fact change to improve your looks. Or maximizing your looks potential.

And when it comes to personality there's advice there as well.

Like, if you're a woman, why wouldn't you try to date the best looking guys if you have the options to do so?

If you're going to keep thinking about the past you're going to lose your mind. You can't do that, it's gone. No second chances. Not going to do it again. The sooner and the better you accept this the better. Instead, focus on your present and your future, and realise there is a whole year between where you currently are right now and your future year, a whole year where you could do a lot of things.

So it's more about accepting your inneviable demise than changing it, live your life and do the best of your life, live your life the best way you want it, and do the best things in your life that you want, while you still got time. Consider that 1 year difference and live your life to the fullest, seek to do the best things possible in that 1 year spawn, because you are never getting younger, but you will get older.

So yeah, TL;DR - realise that once years are gone they are gone, and make the most of your future years.

There are 3 main ways of looking at the dating world: These's basically this idea "just be yourself, the one who likes you will like you for you", or the opposite "just be confident, improve yourself" and the other one "it's mostly about looks and genetics".

The one with the "girls will probably want thrill and hence chase after bad boys" you've heard about probably comes from the 2nd idea with "just be confident, improve yourself".

"Game" (meaning good attraction techniques) is seen as a detriment for the 1st mindset, the hopeful sort of sensitive and pure mindset, because "you're just not being genuine", while the personality "being kind, thoughtful, etc, bringing flowers" is what makes a or break a relationship.

The 2nd mindset however, has the opposite approach, "game" (meaning good attraction techniques) is what is going to give you the most success with women, it's what "makes or breaks a game". This is usually the kind of advice you get from an older brother, improve yourself, get success, get status, women will come. On the other hand personality is going to be detrimental to your game, it will only make you a simp a doormat and open the door to getting used by women. You're not going to be an object of desire but an object of provideness. Because "girls only like bad boys, matcho men, dangerous men, etc" and only like boys for their "kind, thoughtful, etc, bringing flowers" personalitiy after they've proven themselves with game and being a bad body.

In order words, the 2nd mindset believes that it is only after you've "secured" a girl with your game and bad boy vibes etc, being a matcho man, being dominant, being dangerous, being in the zone, having a little fun, shaking her a bit, that she is actually going to like an appreciate flowers from you (the things that girls say they appreciate from a man), that she is going to like and appreciate being kind and thoughtful for you, otherwise she is just going to ignore it, not see it as relevant, or in the worst case scenarios if you're really bad looking see you as a creep for doing it.

Now,

Accroding to the 3rd mindset, both game (meaning good attraction techniques) and personality (meaning being kind, thoughtful, bringing flowers, etc) are going to be an advantage. So they are both a +, they are both good, both that "matcho man alpha attitude" and that "sweet naive boy hopeful dreamy attitude". So no bad boy, match man, dangerous man vibes. Although being fun is important and that's part of the personality, being honest is important and that's part of "game".

But, the 3rd mindset thinks that game is only on the 2nd place, very important, meaning a big bonus, and personality (being kind, thoughtful) is again on the 3rd place, meaning being a good but at the same time being a bonus. The no.1 most important thing in deciding whether a girl finds you attractive or not is your looks. Face & height.

And to a lesser extent but still important body.

Sure, if your personalities match, that's great. But if your personalities match and you're not that attractive, it's friendzone. You can also be very submissive and causing the friendzone, but if you're very submissive and very good looking at the same time you won't get in the friendzone no matter how submissive you are.

I personally like 3rd mindset because I resonate with it. I had the experience of being someone with geneticallygood looks, then bad looks due to being overweight, then good looks again, and the difference of how you're treated, not only by girls but by society in general, it's almost staggering. I've been in more sides of the quadrons/leagues so I can tell the difference. That's just my anectodal evidence so it may not mean much for you, but just know that when I was in the good looking phase I had girls hitting on me, and I didn't want to get any girlfriend because I already knew I could have all the girls I could get, I was waiting for "the one", bad mistake in my opinion.

Before I hit the gym to restore my good looks, I pretty much took any previous privilege I had for granted, I wasn't even aware of how privileged I was with my good looks until I wasn't. And yes, women care as much about looks as men if not slightly more, some people may get offended by this but this idea in question points to a few studies to confirm this, argue with the studies not with me. This literally explained for me why happened what happened when I was genetically good looking then bad looking then good looking again for hitting the gym.

When I was good looking, girls would approach me, I didn't even had to do much, I just had to be there. I didn't had to be funny, to be smart, to be any of that, only to exist.

Girls simp way over much over men than men simp over women, it's just that the girls simp over the top 15% of men. Again, you may disagree with this, or find it uncomfortable, but check the studies, they don't exist for no reason.

Looks matter, a lot, they are the most important factor in fact, they can make or break a relationship. But this idea isn't a fatalist one, it doesn't say "if you don't have good looks you're gone", it says you can always do a 1% improvement, and if you do a 1% improvement in many areas they stack, so you get better looking.

This doesn't say that personality, or game or if your personality match and are on the same "wave" or common interest don't matter. They say that the better looks you have, the less your personality or game or personality match matters. And that if you have terrible looks at some point your personality or game won't matter at all no matter how you struggle.

Of course, this is all making generalization. But it's better to have a general rule of thumb than have nothing at all. So don't take it as set in stone, but also don't take it as not relevant at all.

As said above "Sure, if your personalities match, that's great. But if your personalities match and you're not that attractive, it's friendzone" that's the main idea of it. Looks give you a better life simply put.

Personality is still important.

Women care about looks as much as men if not more. But that's not everything they care about, clearly in those beliefs that: online dating 95% looks, nightclubs and pubs and daygame 75% looks, school and work and social group and collagues 50% looks. The gap up to 100% is going to be filled by something else.

And according to the studies above, the next best thing beside looks is personality. Whether in looks study one with common interests and fun after looks, or in looks study 2 with 48.9% looks and 34.0% personality.

And as said above, there are other types of maxing beside maxing your looks, including personality.

So yeah, basically, I'm not saying that personality, or game or if your personality match and are on the same "wave" or common interest don't matter. I say that the better looks you have, the less your personality or game or personality match matters. And that if you have terrible looks at some point your personality or game won't matter at all no matter how you struggle.

There's no point telling people "you're beautiful" when you don't get any girlfriends, it's not helping.

And yes, personality matters, but looks matter more.

A good question is, where did you get the opinion that you have about the looks or personality? because if they did not seem to come from a very good place, might explain the result. And also do not seem to have come from personal experience.

If you look good, people are attracted to you, would you disagree with that?

As I said, yes, personality matters, but looks matter more. Have a great personality and keep the girl engaged. Having engaging conversations where you have fun with one another. As I made the case above with personalities that match, being funny, having things in common, etc. All of these, are also stuff that are important. You can have a great personality and get along together perfectly and be very happy together, you can 'click' really well. Getting along and having a good time with that person. Having a sweet personality. I was talking this year with a guy, I think it was 24 august or so at a bar, who said that he did everything right but couldn't get a girlfriend, just looking at him the reason was obvious as day, he didn't took care of his looks, he looked like heck.

Start working on your looks: start maxing everything you can max. Even a 1% difference may not seem much, but if you make multiple 1% differences they add up. Like: parfume, haircut, style, hygene, teeths, etc.

It's perfectly understandable that most people can't take plastic surgery to improve their looks, but there are multiple things you can improve about your looks that won't cost you 2000$. And the biggest of all without being dead expensive is going to the gym.

You can go to the gym or buy some equipment and workout at home.

There's plenty of things you can work on you probably didn't even think of: posture, beard, breath, skin care, nose hair, clean ears, facial expressions, eyebrow thickness, etc.
0 Replies
 
Apothecary
 
  0  
Reply Sat 18 Feb, 2023 09:31 am
@Apothecary,
Part 6

PROMISCUITY IN MEN AND WOMEN, DOS AND DON'TS:

Why is there a dislike towards permiscous people? What are the motivation for slut-shaming?

The motivators:

Men slut shaming: before modern technology, you had 0 ways of knowing whether the child was indeed yours, except one - being the only one who sleeps with the woman. So I know there are people there saying "a man sleeping with many women is literally the same thing as a woman sleeping with many men" but it's really not. It doesn't compare. They are different cases.

And not only because "as a man is very difficult to be a Chad (sleep with tons of women) but as a woman is literally flawless to be a hoe (sleep with tons of men)" but that also plays a part. As a man, it's quite literally an achievement if you managed to sleep with 50 women. As a woman, it's not, it's the opposite, you have nothing special, you just have to go to a guy and ask him "do you want to have sex?". You don't need any other quality beside the ability to go out there and ask for sex.

But mainly because "if your man sleeps with another woman you can be 100% sure that the child is yours", this is literally not the case for men. This is probably the root cause for that above side-effect with a man being a Chad if he sleeps with lots of women but a woman being a slut if she sleeps with lots of men.

Hardcore feminists might downplay the importance of this or find it "unfair", but that's like downplaying the importance of strength in a man-woman situation and finding it unfair that "women can hit men, but men can't hit women". Sure, you can ignore the issues the other gender has that is compared to your privilege and demand that the other gender behaves exactly like you do in spite of his disadvantage, but that won't make the other gender's issues less true.

This is also why a woman cheating is 10 times worse than a man cheating. As a woman, you won't lose nearly as much if your partner cheats as much as a man loses if the woman cheats.

Of course, you're not a in a position to consider all of this, because hardcore feminists effect, but men are, but you don't care about men's issues, therefore the discrepancy and your offensiveness.

But what about modern world with modern technology? now, you can tell that the child is yours. But also: you have to pay alimony in cases where she broke the condom intentionally and is totally her fault, not knowing whether she indeed spends that money on the child or doing her own things, women win 70-80% custody cases despite women also being the cause of 70-80% of divorces in US. So yeah, women still have privilege in certain areas that feminists don't care about or outright get offended when their existance is mentioned. But at the same time, it's also the reason why men slut shaming still exists. Men have far more to lose by being with a slut woman than women have to lose by being with a slut man. Therefore the difference.

Women slut shaming: Someone on this forum said that "men have the monopoly on resources, women have the monopoly on sex". I doubt the vaildity of that, but it's an interesting thought nonetheless. This is why men hate simps. They hate the men who are simps because they often provide resources at their own detrimental in their despretation to be with a woman even if that women doesn't care about them and it's actually empty promises. They hate men who easily provide resources to women. Women on the other hand, hate women who easily provide sex to men for the same reason.

And I think women slut shaming other women is far more accentuated than men slut shaming women. Heck, in men slut shaming there is a form of appreciation there "I don't want this woman to be my girlfriend, I don't want to date this woman, to marry her, to show her to my parents, she is not a long term reliable woman that I want to be with, but sure as hell I will have sex with her".

And there are a lots of confused permiscous women out there, women who sleep with a lot of men and then are like "why don't men want a relationship with me? what is wrong? where are the men who want a relationship?", a lot of men want a relationship, the vast majority of men want relationships, I think men want relationships far more than women want relationships as women generally tend to focus more on money, career, having fun and just doing other stuff these days, so men want relationships, but not with you. So simply put: "where are all the good men gone?", "with good women". With non-permiscous women that can be actually considered reliable and worthy for a relationship.

You want to ignore this? sure, be a hardcore feminist and ignore this. But men won't ignore this, and you will end up with a lot of men who want to sleep with you but no men who want to have a relationship with you because no man considers you a quality woman. Commitmen and reliablity is quite low on you. You might not care about this and ignore it altogether, but they won't.

I can't say I hate permiscous women because they are responsable for all the one night stands I had. But at the same time, I never considered a one night stand woman a reliable partner or went home to show her to my parents. And if I would go, I think I would have been an idiot. So in men slut shaming there is a form of appreciation there, I don't want a relationship with her but I want to sleep with her. However, in women slut shaming is all hate, because "they take our men" and "it's just cheap competition".

I think the reasoning for women slut shaming is "If men have such an easy access to sex because of them they might not even consider relationships anymore". Which I don't think it's true, but I think that if there were no permiscous women men would be far more motivated to get into relationships than otherwise. Just as if there were no simps women would be far more motivated to look for men they actually want to be in a relationship with than otherwise.

I think the business term for this is "unfair competition" or "anti-competitive practices", this is why I think women hate permiscous women and men hate simps, they crash the market by lowering the prices.

Is this double-standard? yes, it is. Just as much as "incel" is a double-standard. You can insult a man by calling him an incel, but not a woman, that's a quality. You can insult a woman by calling her a hoe, but not a man, that's a quality, it means he was selected by other women before, he was pre-selected therefore he's good and valueable.

And this actually makes a lot of sense. A woman is an incel only by choice. A woman is a hoe only by choice. It's simply about understanding the biological differences in men and women.

It's rather, knowing she is permiscous means there's an increased chance she will cheat or go seek other men. It's not difficult to draw the conclusion that a non-permiscous woman is safer than a permiscous woman. It's like saying the MMA fighter man is more likely to beat his wife than the librarian man. It's not a guarantee that the MMA man is going to beat his wife, but it's definetly more likely.

I don't whether Andrew Tate indeed beat those women so I'm not making a case that he did/didn't. But I'm making the case that nobody was surprised by this. In the same way, if Elijah Wood beat his wife I guarantee that there are going to be a lot of people saying "seriously? is this a joke? this is seriously a joke?".

So yeah, there is issue to with sleeping with many men while not in a committed relationship. Everything I said previously applies for sleeping with many men while not in a committed relationship.

There are famous f***boy baseball players. Those basketball players have plenty of money to pay those alimony.

Not to mention these are problems with the laws not with the ways men & women are biologically structured

Not to mention (x2) I don't think there's a particular issue with them that they have many kids with many women and spread their genes some may be even proud of that as they have the money to support them (like, saying "yeah, I have 9 kids with 5 different mothers", how is that shame? like that's not what happens)

Not to mention (x3) that you can have sex with many women without having kids with them with no consequences.

This is literally selection bias at its finest, not considering all cases but only considering the cases that confirm the "this is bad" narrative. This is literally like looking hard to find something bad in something that's actually good, good for the men who sleep around with many women I mean. Like searching for plane crash articles to justify why flying with a plane is bad.

Look at Leonardo Dicaprio, he just dumped his girlfriend who turned 25 and is all over the news. Apparetly, he had 6 or 7 other girlfriends and they were dumped when they turned 25, despite him being 40 or something. If this was a woman, she would be clearly a slut. But because he's a man, he's a Chad, and is he bothered by this? not at all. Is society bothered by this? not at all. If anything, society is amazed at this. There are different "rules" because men and women have different biologies. It's not a social construct, this has been the case is almost every society known to man, from India to pre-Columbus America that never communicated with one another. There have been a few societies were there was no slut-shaming in history but those were the exception rather than the rule and as you can see by looking at a geography map these societies didn't last.

Let's say a law passes that makes calling permiscous women "sluts" illegal.

Will men want to have girlfriends, dates, wives or show to their parents women who are not promiscuous? yes. Not only because they themselves will not find them long term reliable women, but also because other people (including women) will shame them for it "look at this guy, he's with that woman who was with 20 other guys, it's probably the best he can do" like taking the remains and such, so there is some status in this too, like a woman dating a man who is dead broke, other men/women may laugh at her.

Will men want to have girlfriends, dates, wives or show to their parents women who are not promiscuous regadless of whether other people blame/are allowed to blame them for being promiscuous? yes. Because, as pointed out originally, it's more than just "as a man is very difficult to be a Chad (sleep with tons of women) but as a woman is literally flawless to be a hoe (sleep with tons of men)", that's just a side-effect, but the real cause is "if your man sleeps with another woman you can be 100% sure that the child is yours", this is literally not the case for men.

This is also why a woman cheating is 10 times worse than a man cheating. As a woman, you won't lose nearly as much if your partner cheats as much as a man loses if the woman cheats.

I don't think that as a man I can put into perspective this to a woman. Imagine if your man cheated, the state would come and take your kid. Through no fault of your own. How much would that suck?

This is literally something that men always have into account.

Just like women when walking alone at 2 AM on dark alleys always have into account not to get robbed. Maybe not the same intensity, but women think about not being beaten/robbed because they can't overpower a man, in life in general, but men think about that.

Because of this, even if society creates a law "IF YOU CALL WOMEN SLUTS 12 YEARS IN PRISON" nobody would call women sluts anymore, but would men want to have girlfriends, dates, wives or show to their parents women who are promiscuous? no.

The only thing that would change, is that those women wouldn't know they have to be non-promiscuous in order to find a good man.

I said previously that it's a lot better for a woman if you want to be chaste, because you have a huge array of men available to you and you pick the one you like best, men literally stand at your door and it's easy for you to pick them. You just have to select the quality one, by that I mean morally.

This is literally not the case if you're not a chaste woman but a promiscuous, men would still want you, except not for relationship but this time only for sex. Even if you're a chaste woman men would still want you for relationship & sex but this time as a promiscuous woman it's only for sex with no regards for a relationship. Heck, even as a chaste you still have to filter out men who only want you for sex.

Which is why I think slut shaming is necessary, not for the sake of the men, for the sake of the women. Because for men this is not a cultural thing, you can try to ban it, but you won't really ban it.

Because men would not date promiscuous women regadless of what society tells them, they are not biologically designed to. And if they do they make compromises. Because they know you can't be 30 years old and never have had a single partner, but they if they could would have prefered you were a virgin. And those who say "I like a woman who is more experienced" are just (a) one night stands where yes they would really like a woman who is more experienced that is no lie or (b) cope for a serious relationship, nobody would want a serious relationship with a woman and actually prefer the fact that she was with 20 other men over the fact that she was a virgin. The excuse in this cope is "experience" but literally you can learn together.

But women on the other hand, if they don't realise that men want them to be not promiscuous, because you don't know this by default, you aren't born with information. Some will be promiscuous and then wonder what happened, because men don't actually want a relationship with them, and they wonder what they did wrong.

It's like men not knowing that being funny or supporting her in time of need or showing a demonstration of love like leaving her a letter telling her how much you care about her is important for a girl, if they don't know that, how are they going to do that? ok, the comparison isn't on the same intensity, I admit, but it's the first that came to my mind to illustrate the point. The comparison's point is that you need to know what the other gender likes in order to be what the other gender likes. Because you want to be liked by the other gender.

And slut shaming does exactly that. It tells women "hey, there's danger there!", "there's no man zone there!", "be careful!".

I agree that sometimes slut shaming may be completely blown out of proportions, but that's a side effect of something that happens naturally precisely because so many men disagree with it, and women too, it's the side-effect of the collective dislikes which sometimes crosses the line far more than it should, but that doesn't contradict the benefits of slut shaming which is basically awareness.

TL;DR is, men are still going to have girlfriends, dates, wives or show to their parents women who are not promiscuous regardless of what society tells them, so it's better to have society tell them that to women in some shape of form, because they won't get that automatically, a woman won't have a man's perspective and vice-versa.

What if every woman ever becomes promiscuous? I don't think that would happen. But if assuming by absurd it will, I think men on average will care less about women, they will stop thinking far less in terms of "their woman" and have sex with whoever they want to have sex hoping that out of 50 women 1 child would be his. They won't care about a particular woman. Kind of a dystopian society if you think about it, maybe it's a good basis for a movie.

Don't get me wrong. Men can be stupid with this too. It's not only women being ignorant about this. But men ignorant on how they present themselves or where they find women.

I've had men who said they don't want permiscous women but they only pick up women at a nightclub, where are you more likely to find permiscous women than anywhere else excepy maybe on Tinder? at a nightclub.

It's simply bad strategy on the man's part.

Lots of men, want a relationship, but at the same time, ask women to go to their home first. For something casual. This is equally true of guys who really want something casual and guys who actually want to commit.

The issue is that if you do that you're 100% guaranteed only to attract low purity women. Because what would the high purity women say if you ask them to their home first that you want for a relationship? no. They are going to say no, that's why they are high purity. And that's why you are single and only find "bad women".

Instead of asking them to go to their home first, if you really want a relationship, ask them for coffe. You're more likely to find high purity women there who would accept this.

If you would ask for coffe instead of going to your place, you're going to have equally high purity and low purity women accepting the offer I think, because I don't think a low purity woman would say no to coffe in the same way a high purity woman would say no to bed, and from them you can filter using red flags to see who is actually high purity and not.

I think this creating your own selection bias also works in reverse. Like men giving f-boy vibes and such. Like having pictures with other women, shirtless body gym, pictures of them smoking, pictures of wealth, instead of for example a picture of them with a dog. Or a picture of them in a plain new T-shirt with nothing special about them.

Who is the pictures with other women, shirtless body gym, pictures of them smoking, pictures of wealth going to attract? low purity women.
Who is the pictures with the dog or the pictures with them with a plain new T-shirt and nothing special going on in the background going to attract? high purity women. Women who want to commit, women who want something special, so to speak. Or even if you have a hobby, a picture with a violin or playing chess, who is it going to attract? it's like being a niche market for your own audience.

A woman who only goes for f-boys is not going to go for a man playing a violin or playing chess in his pictures unless he's extremely attractive like 9/10. On the other hand, women are going to see the personality of this man and like more his personality. By the way, you don't have to be "nerdy looking" to play violin and play chess. If you are "nerdy looking" that's another issue in itself not related to that. You can be average looking and do that.

So much like the women getting with physically and mentally abusive men, these men are creating their own selection bias and then complain about the results.

And it's not even their fault because people do that without realising.

The whole idea of Nice Guy vs. Bad Guy is blew out of proportions in my opinion. Women aren't with you because you are a nice guy/bad guy. Women are with you because they are/aren't attracted to you. This has mostly to do with your looks, your money, your social status and your social skills aka personality.

In my opinion, I think personality is a plus but not everything. I think that being: kind, supportive, funny, protective, lighten the mood, helping her, couch phychologist, etc; are positive qualities. Sure, they are not enough to get you out of the friendzone if she doesn't find you attractive. But if you're already in the friendzone it means your personality isn't the problem, we are not friends with people whose personality we dislike. it means you problems must be somewhere else in terms of looks or status or connection with her.

And I can see how being weak&submissive can make you less attractive to most women. But this is again blew out of proportions. Just be a decent person who is able to stand up for itself, not take crap from anyone and burry your head in the sand like a dog and that's it. It's basically being reactive when bad things happen to you, being able to stand up for yourself. Because it implies you can stand up for others too. It doesn't mean you have to be an MMA fighter or something. Heck, even diplomatically standing up for yourself is still standing up for yourself and not being weak and submissive. So yeah, self-respect can be a thing/problem but I think this is seriously blew out of proportions.

Like don't be an ahole. You don't need to be an ahole to get women. Of course, it depends on what everyone's definition of ahole is. But I don't think your personality as in being: kind, supportive, funny, protective, lighten the mood, helping her, couch phychologist, etc; is a detrimental. But a lot of the people who follow the "bad boy" narrative think it is.

Girls don't like aholes for the sake of being aholes. Girls like aholes because they alraedy have other qualities that make them attracted to them. The ahole part is just a tolerated part of a side part of that.

If girls really were in it for ahole all those bitter extremist groups you were talking about would be full of women.

And yes, some women clearly have a preference for bad boys, won't deny that, I've seen them myself jumping from terrible relationship to terrible relationship, due to their own issues, etc; but those are a minority of women and not representative for most women.

Red Pill seems to be full of men who think that will self-improvement you can get all the women in the world. They offer good advice. But I think a lot of that is exaggerated. Not everyone is Leonardo DiCaprio, and they don't care about looks at all. And they see personality as a detrimental as I have said. Maybe it works out for some guys, I don't know. But I can easily see how this can also be used by bitter men as a means to cope. Much like feminism, can be used by some to actually push for equality, while for others to cope and be mad at men for existing.

Everything that's like that can be easily used by mad men for cope. This is not only true in Red Pill but every nische organization I think. Heck, even climate rights activists have their nutjobs.

Absolutely, more often than not in my opinion, gold diggers are non-permiscous women. Permiscous women go for sex. Gold diggers go for money. Gold diggers know that they need to be "top class" in order to attract a rich man whose resources she can drain. And she knows she can't do that by being a hoe but rather a highly wanted and highly attractive women. Being something everybody wants, and being someone with exclusivity, an exclusivity that the rich man can get access to, for a price.

Women usually like that boy-ish prince charming type of good looks and behavior. Like a slightly nervous 'hi' with a normal interaction, but also having some initiative.

'Low purity' could be either women who know the Chad is using them but they don't care, because they just want to get on with an attractive guy, for sex. Or they are 'low purity' really naive women who just want to "lock" a Chad. Thinking that if they will sleep with him or something the Chad will stay.

Men are programmed to KNOW instinctively a woman that probably is not 'wifey' material to bother dating if they are trying to create a family, well put. But I do not see how you having more masculine dominated traits results in you being far less likely to screw a chad than the women I deem innocent. Can you explain that in more detail please?

Just like women probably are for husby material, paternal investment.

There is real pure & there is pretend to be pure. I think women know that men look for 'high purity' in women, so even 'low purity' women would pretend to be 'high purity' to get with men. I've seen a few such cases myself.

Chads are way more known for ruining 'good' girls reputations vs 'bad' girls' reputations, why do you think is that? Why do you think high purity women fall for that as opposed to low purity women? Do you think the Chad specifically targets for them or something? nope, the Chads are just attractive and high purity women fall for it.

I've seen my share of women in their 20s who slut shame other women.

I can totally see how a man would call a woman a hoe for not wanting to sleep with him (lol?), but more often that not, it's because she slept with other men, that feeling is genuine and is about her actions and consequences, not some personal vendeta against her. Even if he himself does not want to date her, he would still look down on her and call her a hoe for the simple fact she has slept with other men. But at the same time, he would not hesitate to have sex with her.

I don't know why he would do this given that he's not interested in her, I can totally see not being interested in her for a relationship but looking down on her and calling her a hoe for being a hoe is more like, and I might make a huge speculation here, a collective gender-defensiveness thing? like men know other men don't want hoes, so they are "programmed" to look down on hoes and demonize hoes to protect other men, even if they themselves are not interested in that woman and would not date her.

Kind of like women do a lot of collective gender-defensiveness protective behaviors as well. Like, you don't have to be involved for you to take the defense of another woman.

BEING HONEST AND HOW THAT CAN BE PLAYFUL:

I think the main misunderstanding here, is that we've been told for like 30 years, to be nice and respectful to women, and the problem is that men take that crap literally. Does that work? no. A woman won't be with you just because you are nice an respectful.

There's literally memes made about this like that Morty meme with "times I've respected women" 9 out of 10 times, implying that he expects to sleep with a woman when he gets to the 10th respect. Making fun of his conceptions that "just because you're nice you deserve women to sleep with you", but this is what men have been told, how do you pick-up a woman? just be nice and respectful. Even some women give that advice.

The result is a bunch of men who are too nice and too respectful for their own good, and then get wrongfully misconstrued as manipulative. Because women aren't attracted to them so they'd rather label them "manipulative" than admit they simply aren't attracted to them in the first place despite being nice. It's an easier excuse to digest.

Make a conscious effort to repress that education because it doesn't offer any good result until you're already in a solid long-term relationship. When you're in a long-term relationship, you can use that. Before that? no. A relationship is a lot like a supernova, it needs a lot of power to get going, but once it's formed it can keep going on less power.

But that's not being manipulative, that's following the instructions manual, we can't blame men for being that Nice Guy TM when the message that we've fed them is that they should be Nice Guys TM.

We have to stop spreading the message that being "nice" is required, and that being "respectful" is required, because that's a lie.

The traits that I mentioned like kind, supportive, funny, protective, lighten the mood, helping her, couch phychologist, they don't have to be detrimental, true, but that's not how one becomes attractive most of the time. They're what makes you a friend, not a boyfriend or any kind of serious partner. That will work sometimes, don't get me wrong, but if there isn't also that a-holeness to balance it, that will also destroy the relationship because those are the traits that make someone boring, and women aren't aroused by boring.

From what I've seen both in my relationships and in other people's relationships, the one thing that's common to all of those relationships, is that "nice" and "respectful" are clearly not required, and betting a good deal on those two traits will get you psychologically trampled.

And all of those men that I know who are in successful long-term relationships, they stand their ground, but they're also dicks about it, because that's apparently the only way to get the point across. I don't understand why, but I'm sorry, women like the emotional roller coaster more than peace, and being an a-hole is how to do that, it is what it is, at this point it's demonstrably true.

You may not like aholes, but you actually do like aholes. If people with the ahole trait wouldn't have enough women to reporduce there wouldn't be aholes here today. You want nice and respectful men, but you don't want to sleep with them, you want to keep them as friends. When men are looking for 'relationship advice' they are not looking 'how to become the best friends with women', which can be advantageous to some women because they get resources for free but that's not what those men are asking for, they are looking for 'how to get into a relationship with a woman and possibly sleep with her'.

And if being an ahole is the way to go, don't hate the players hate the game, men wouldn't have to be aholes to get women if there wouldn't be women who are enjoyed and entertained even aroused by men being aholes.

It's women who actually set the standard for what is attractive in being a man. Not based on what women say but based on what women do.

I've seen my best friend talk to his girlfriend in a way that was completely undeserved, and that if anyone talked to me like that, I would stop being around them. Yet, 10 years after, she's still there.

And I insist, if my girlfriend talked to me like that, I would boot her immediately, no negotiation, because in the situations I witnessed, it was every time a case of him assuming bad faith/bad intentions on her part (her testing him for example), so a blatant lack of respect.

That's not "not being an a-hole", to me, on the contrary it is exactly being an a-hole. Same with my parents' relationship, same with my cousin's, same with my sister's, same with a bunch of other friends', and I'm pretty sure I've seen that in my grandparents' relationship when I was a child. They're not just standing their ground, they're being a-holes about it.

That seems to be the main factor in having a successful relationship. After that, I can agree that "good" traits go a long way, but they do come after ; before everything else, stand your ground, and don't be afraid of being a dick about it.

This is why I think the message needs to change. Mainly, I think the message needs to not come from women, but from other men. This is why having good male role models is so important for boys/men, because women will systematically send the wrong message to their boys.

When girls say “We just want a guy who’s kind and respectful” they’re actually not lying. It’s just that the word “guy” for them carries a hugeload of baggage which includes “hot, tall, funny, confident, young, and sexy”. It’s like someone saying “I just want a car that’s red” but they don’t actually just want any old car as long as it’s red. By “car” they already mean a powerful, reliable, nice-looking vehicle with a strong engine. The red color is just a side-bonus. The same thing applies to these girls’ standards. For them, guy doesn’t just = “male” but a specific type of male with all these specific characteristics. That’s the key.

Women are are adding an invisible "that I find physically attractive". In this sense, this just means that passing the looks threshold can be the be all/end all.

I think the thing is, the a**h*** makes an emotional impact/reaction. Where as someone who takes advice on being nice too literally, just becomes bland boring and forgettable. I know I tend to say some outrageous stuff in RL, that does raise a few eyebrows. Then I chill out and become normal again. Yeah, it gets me remembered, why the hell would I want to be bland, boring and forgettable.

Dating advice from women is usually bad, ineffective. I don't know why that is, part of it may be women give advice to "keep creeps away" rather than a genuine interest to give you dating advice, but part of it is they are not lying but they just have no idea what they want or what works on them. If you're attracted to a man, you don't know why you're attracted to a man, you just find yourself attracted to a man and then try to rationalize it backwards, therefore the bad advice.

I think men asking dating advice from women needs to stop. Also, in regards to men wanting advice on getting laid. Why the hell is a woman going to help a guy achieve that? The BlackPill weirdo's who blame their mums for their lack of sexual prowess, well I am sure when women give birth, they look at a baby boy and think "One day I want you to become GigaChad and bang lots of women, helping spread diseases and creating bastard children", yeah.... just no.

And.... women asking advice from men. Sorry I just think men and women face totally difference issues generally in the dating market. As a guy, if my issue was how to filter out from loads of avaliable men and choose one that wants something serious and not just use me. I wouldn't have a f**king clue. I'm a dude, I don't live in that level of abundance. Most mens dating problems from what I have seen, are how to attract a woman. Hence men giving stupid advice to women like "Put on some lipstick and just be nice". Its Solapism from both parties.

Life is much simpler when you stop explaining yourself to people and just do what works for you. The rules of Fight Club.

There are men out there who look at looks and overlook anything else about the woman, including red flags. But I think women are guily of the same thing when it comes to men, this is why the Chad stereotype exists.

While yes looks are important, at least in the very start they carry you, but even afterwards are important, if you don't pass a certain looks threshold you are a no-name. People want to know you care about them, people want to be cared for, that's what love is and how they know you're a keeper. People looking for deep connections want someone to be in it for them, not their looks and cars.

Women being loved for their looks is the equivalent of men being loved for their money. Sure, they would appreciate being liked for their looks, but that's not enough, it's superficial. They want to be loved for the person they are, not for the body they have. Not caring about your looks, but caring about the person you are, caring that you feel good, wanting the best for you.

To get to that "deep connection" you have to look wholly at her. Looking at how she behaves, and appreciate her for something about her personality rather than anything else. Heck, that's how I got my current relationship. She was definetly there in terms of looks, but that didn't make me attracted to her, I didn't even try to 'hit on her' ever, we just happened to cross roads a few times a day and naturally we would talk. I got to know the person she is, I got to know her personality, and I liked it. That's when I started to be attracted to her enough to want to go on a date with her.

As I said, the a**h*** makes an emotional impact/reaction. Where as someone who takes advice on being nice too literally, just becomes bland boring and forgettable. I know I tend to say some outrageous stuff in RL, that does raise a few eyebrows. Then I chill out and become normal again. Yeah, it gets me remembered, why the hell would I want to be bland, boring and forgettable.

You can do those emotional spikes with simply being funny. Obviously, jokes are an important part of having fun with each other. The more fun she has the better she feels and the more likely she is to say yes to you, to accept your requests for a date or other things. There was saying "if you want her to like you, make her laugh", that's the short way to put it.

You can do any kind of joke, everything is okay as long as you two laugh and have a good time. It's important to be able to be each other around each other, to be able to express yourselves, to not feel restricted or controlled, for this someone has to make the first step, a small step, and maybe the other will follow, when he does, keep going and so on.

You can make any kind of jokes: self-humor as in dissing yourself in a fun way with a tone that gives it away that I'm joking, absurdity as in making fun of things that make no sense, sarcasm as in implying the opposite of what is obvious.

Some girls like to be made fun of, to have a bit of negative emotional spikes in the conversation as well. If you want to tease them, make sure you already are familiar enough with each other when you do and keep it respectful, do not be offensive, you can be touchy and stingy but not offensive. It's very important to be funny not insulting.

In teasing, you make fun of something is not so deranging. But you do push some bundaries, you give some negative spikes. And you create some challenge there. You say something they don't like, but it's not bad enough to be offensive. And you can even "cover it up" with good behavior, compliments or self-humor, dissing yourself so they know it's a joke.

How far you can go? well you can say: "look, even animals run away from you" (making fun that they aren't liked), "don't worry about failing in life, you can always work as a janitor" (making fun that they are not good enough). Or if they are right about something: "even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while" (making fun that they are often wrong), "you are such a backstabber, I expected more from you" or "I knew I shouldn't trust you" (making fun that they aren't trustworthy) with the light tonality that gives it away that it's a joke. Or use their own words against them, change the narrative (turn something good for them or bad for you, in something good for you or bad for them). When someone challenges you, you need to learn to give good replies so that you win the talk fight, to have good comebacks. Not because it's a competition, but because it makes everything more fun.

You can say: "you're so skinny that if someone tries to shoot me and you stand in front of me, I get shot and you don't" (making fun that they are slim), or "you look like a zombie" (if they have something on their face or are very tired, don't say this about their general face, that's offensive, it's not making fun of their looks, it's temporray looks), or "I literally grew a beard waiting for you" (making fun that they take long to prepare),

Making scare jokes can be a form of teasing. Teasing can also imply pushing some boundaries: "you can stop [doing something inconvenient] now, it's okay", "but you didn't stay for [something else]", so you push some boundaries, but you have to make sure the other person is cool with it based on their tone and general attitude. If they laugh when saying "you can stop [doing something inconvenient] now, it's okay" it means they are going with the joke, if they are serious do actually stop. Most of communication is non-verbal.

You can also tease by exaggerating various things about them or the enviroment. For example, if they are very cold you can say: "we are here in Siberia, there is no snow yet but it's very cold, as you can see (making fun of them for being cold), keep freezing, we are going to equip ourselves for this very cold weather [gives her your jacket]" (still caring about her at the end). And she says "goodbye" or "leave me alone" but laughs, keep doing it, you push some boundaries and show defiance but it's actually in good spirit because she laughs. As I said, most of communication is non-verbal.

Or if it's raining outside and they are very wet, you can say "how are you doing [her name], are you coming here again? / do you want to come here again? / do you like it here?" (making fun of them because clearly they don't enjoy the experience and won't want to come there again) and now she could banter by teasing you back "no, not with you" (making it personal) and you can reply "but it's my fault that it started raining?" (denying that it's personal). And then be like "go, go, go". Just say what you think and see what it comes to mind, find your style and see what works best with it. If you have an opinion about something, say what it comes to mind, as restricting yourself too much might actually be the reason why you can't pull it off and are closed up in yourself.

You can also tease them by challenging them. Like literally challenging them to a game to decide which person is going to do or not do a certain thing you don't want. Or by pretending to give them something then slowly pull it off away.

Or sarcastically say "thank you for the support" (clearly you don't appreciate it) when it's clearly not the case, and if they tell that to you "always, you know that you can always count on me", "I appreciate it" (again, clearly meaning the opposite of what you say).

Or you can roleplay by continuing the tease pretending to be upset like "no, you are like that", "you have block" (pretending to be upset). Or twist their words into something negative for them/positive for you leading to a back and forth exchange: "will you buy it for me?", "buy it and I will pay it for you when I remember" (pretending to trick them into buying it).

Someone once said "my love language is telling jokes at your expense that are so progressively more inappropiate until I cross a line and have to apologize", so don't worry about being too offensive, worry about being not entertaining or engaging enough, worry about being boring. And also have moments of realness, of being honest, of speaking from the heart, of seeking closure and telling how you feel.

Pretty much...

We remember things that are surprising out of the ordinary, emotional spikes if you may. That's why things such as talking about what she likes, smiling and laughing, goofy humor, helping her, showing her that you're being there for her or being romantic work. They cause very positive emotional spikes. If you do something on the extreme positive emotional spike, it will be remembered.

If you do something on the extreme negative spike, down below the normal threshold it will also be remembered. But that's not always a bad thing. Yes, if you are remembered for being cruel with others, lacking empathy for the suffering of others or lacking a moral code and completely disconsidering other people, that is bad. Being remembered for not being nice is bad, don't be that. All those "nice guys finish last" vs "bad boys get the girls" are superficial ways of looking at things that ignore a lot of details, both about the men, who need to be nice but have to have other qualities to make them attractive as well, and women who are not all interested in a brute or a strongman or a bodyguard, but a partner, which is why it's essential to be nice. However, you can create the good type of extreme negative spike by: giving your honest opinion, teasing, not texting daily.

I can't tell for sure, but I think teasing works best with a mindset. And I think the mindset for it is don't be serious, a light feeling of superiority, a willingness to make fun of them and contradict them, to be honest whether something was amazing or lame, and the desire to be caring, to be attentive. Like: even if I have this great sense of independence, I'm still very attentive towards you. But you are not above making fun of them. And remember that most of communication is non-verbal. It's all good natured, good spirits, that how affective teasing is supposed to be.

You can also tease by jokingly prasing yourself, not saying "I'm so great" but "that's what it means to be a boss", praising yourself in some indirect way. And of course, praising yourself about non-serious minor things, so that they won't think you're an arrogant or bragger.

If you're too worried about coming across as offensive you may close yourself and never actually speak as in state your mind. And if you never do that, you will never get feedback whether what you did was right or wrong, so you're stuck in that cyrcle of uncertainity or fear. But if you do speak your mind, even with the risk of being offensive at times, you will eventually learn what is funny and isn't and adapt. As the old saying goes, practice makes perfect, so don't be too worried about coming across as offensive. But at the same time, look for the social clues as most of communication is non-verbal so you can actually learn from your mistakes if there are any. The 1st time you do it you might fell, the 24th time you do it, you may have already learned something.

Probably the most telling in teasing is the attitude. A good smiling and dynamic attitude can get the point across that you are joking. But the more serious and rigid you are, the more people won't be able to pick up on sarcasm. And for good reason, you gave no tell. So even if teasing is by it's nature offensive, because you're saying something apparently mean about a person, it has to be good natured, good spirits, that how affective teasing is supposed to be.

As for how not to cross the line between playful teasing and offensive teasing. While you should just say what you think and see what it comes to mind. You have to remember to keep the teasing light, nothing too offensive that the other person would be insecure about. And you have to remember that the most funny thing is the narrative. How is said and what is said, rather than the most devastating insult possible, it's teasing not a roast. That's why things like when it's raining outside and she's cold asking her "how are you doing [her name], do you want to come here again?/do you like it here?" can be so funny, you're not saying anything offensive or insulting, you're poking fun at her for being cold.

It's about building a frame, not stating it outright but letting the conclusion be formed, the conclusion in that case being that you're poking fun at her for being too cold, but you don't outright say "haha, haha, you're too cold". Teasing is basically playing with them.

Teasing is delicious when done at appropriate times, and with the right person. Don't worry about going too far and hurting someone's feelings with this because it happens at times, ideally not to, but no one is perfect with teasing. It's loving to jokingly tease and being teased in return, as long as it doesn't go too far, often times it's during light-hearted teasing when one accidentally ends up actually hurting the other's feelings.

Teasing is a way of expressing your comfort with someone. For example, say you were verbally teasing your boyfriend or girlfriend by saying that you were cheating on them. If the trust between the two of you wasn't very large yet, or your partner actually does occasionally worry of the possibility that you might cheat on them, they may not find it even the slightest bit funny. But if you're absolutely secure with each other and you know that your partner would never cheat on you, then you might find it very funny. The key words being: does, know, never.

You can get a little bit competitive with banter, regular teasing on a 2-way street. Beside being affectionate, teasing can be a form of courage, it shows that a guy has the guts enough to tease you. But only if it's done right. You make fun of a trait that is not so bothersome. And you know when you've done right if you've pissed them off but they still like it. When someone teases you, you can try to chase him to "get him back".

Essentially...

Not only women, but people in general, men too, like to have emotional spikes. To feel either extremely positive or extremely negative for a short duration of time. It's right there in your definition, extremely negative: playfully teasing; extremely positive: interesting, make them laugh.

You can't be all like a deflated balloon, all agreeing with her, you can't just be there and be nice and expect girls will like you. You got to push some boundaries, but in a respectful way.

The issue with be nice, non-threatening, and therefore boring is not that there is a problem with being nice. It's that everyone is nice with the person they like. You're not special. You're literally doing what absolutely everyone else is doing expecting different results. Yes, it's a perk to be nice, it's better to be nice than not to be nice, to be attentive and helpful towards her, even romantic and tender, but, and this is a big but, you also have to have other things going on for you in order to make yourself attractive and make her fall in love with you.

You got to feel the person, to establish an emotional connection, you got to understand and be aware of the emotions of other people. And based on their reactions adjust or change your behavior. It's all about those emotional spikes.

You can be a bit insistent in teasing as long as the insisting is playful and the other person also laughs. Make jokes about having an proper/improper, normal/abnormal or moral/immoral behavior.

However, teasing has to be non-hurtful. You can be offensive yet respectful. The purpose is to entertain the other person and make them laugh, not make them feel bad. There is a slight superiority in teasing. Or implication of lack of importance for them.

You can make fun of them in an indirect way by waiting for them to make a mistake. Don't say anything, just let them make a mistake, waiting for them to make the mistake, and then laugh at it. Again, all of this is in a playful way, I don't mean a mistake that has consequences.

On the other side of the coin, you could jokingly praise yourself on non-important stuff. It's not bragging because (a) you're not saying "look how great I am" but are rather indirect and jokingly "that's what it means to be a boss" and (b) it's not about something important, it's not about something that says "I'm superior to others".

You can make scare jokes, or show defiance in little but respectful ways, and if they show insistance to your defiance, show more defiance, of course I mean all of this in a playful respectful way, not when it comes to serious things.

You could also mix doing little things for them with not doing things for them and challenging them to be the ones that go and do those little things. Notice that I said little, because it's all in a playful atmosphere, I don't mean "no, I'm not going to pick you up with my car from the train station", but rather "nah, I won't turn off the light because I'm too far, you go ahead and do it".

The point of these defiances is that they make the interaction a little bit spicy, it's a lot better than having someone who always agrees with you and always does what he is asked of.

The "not always does what he is asked of" was discussed above with a mix of doing and not doing little things, show defiance, jokingly praise yourself on non-important stuff, make fun of them in an indirect way by waiting for them to make a mistake, make jokes about having an proper/improper, normal/abnormal or moral/immoral behavior, push some boundaries but in a respectful way. None of these are for real, in a serious situation with consequences don't do any of these, but they are just jokes for the moment in a casual way that keeps the conversation and interaction spicy.

So it's not really "bad boy" as a "ahole", more like defiance and simulating bad that makes the emotional spikes.

That can absolutely work with being a bad boy/ahole too, but in my experinece, women who fall for bad boys/aholes have their own set of issues and are not that safe generally speaking. It's not naivity that they fall for bad boys/aholes, they want something in that bad boy-ish, ahole-ness, they like and admire that bad by-ish, ahole-ness.

Once you have no issue with attraction the issue becomes "how to filer out the bad ones" just like the women do.

My terrible man-made dating advice for women would be - You just have to select the quality one, by that I mean morally.

By that I mean, you have to select a man who is moral. Look how they treat others he has nothing to gain from. Heck, even look how they treat animals, especially the animals they don't like. Speaking of animals they don't like, I don't like children, I don't enjoy being in their presence or talking to them, I'm not that 'nurturing' in this regard, or so I think. Because on a few occasions I've been around children and my girlfriend she was like "dude, if that's your I don't like kids version, I really want to see how you behave with kids you like", she was basically saying that even though I say that 'I don't like kids' I don't behave at all like someone who doesn't like kids, so I guess everyone having different ranges around this can also be a thing.

And I think men do that too, men select too, this whole thing is proof of that, with men selecting for permiscous and non-permiscous women. This is also a way of separating "the good from the bad".

While I agree with that it only seems like its about looks to people who do not have the looks. Once people are above the looks threshold, its a different game, I think at the same time understates how important looks are. Yesterday, I was at a supermarket at a very late hour, and I literally remained the last client inside the supermarket, the boss of the supermarket was a woman, and I was clearly in a situation where I would put her and everyone else to stay over the program, when I realised it's pass the closing time I rushed and told her "sorry, I just need to find some spinach and I'll be on my way", I was at the frige looking for frozen spinach, she actually suggested me that I should take raw spinach or bottled spinach instead, and then took me to those particular parts of the store to show me where the raw spinach and bottled spinach are, while the store was already above closing hours. I took the bottled one even though I wanted the frozen one not to look like an ass. She actually went to the cashier with me (was the last client so this could be explained) and kept making jokes, one of the jokes was like "now I want some spinach, lol", after everything was checked out, before I left, she told me "maybe next time you could offer me a bottle of spinach too" and I was like "yeah, if I come here again I'll make sure to leave you one on the table". You can take this as "she was just being nice", but how nice do you have to be, really?

She slowed everybody down to help me find the perfect spinach, despite me wanting the frozen spinach. And what do you think attracted her to me? It clearly wasn't my personality, she just met me. If I wanted to date, I think this would have been an easy date, a flawlessly easy date, all because of looks.

Be a dick from time to time, in reasonable situations, and the results will be immediately positive.

I don't think it has to be overboard, but maybe I'm wrong, because clearly I'm being shown that maybe I do need to go overboard. For now I'm getting positive by not going too far into it, so that's good, but what's certain is that if I do it less, I get more negative than positive.

I don't think that what women say publicly is a valuable piece of information, as a face-value kind of thing. Those people who are highly disagreeable are objectively disagreeable in the non-big5 sense in the eyes of pretty much everyone. It just so happens that they still get more action from women than men who are overly agreeable, that's my point.

CAN THE BAD BE GOOD IN REASONABLE CASES TO MAKE YOU REMEMBERED NOT BLAND AND BORING:

Looks matter, before you see someone's character or personality, you are attracted to their looks. Regardless of whether you were born with good looking genes or not, you can always invest in your good looks. Get good looking facially and physically, it makes everything else easier, and not just in dating.

First you are attracted by someone physically, then you go talk to them and get to know them and if it happens you fall in love with their personality.

Is there a destiny or are people just falling in love randomly or based on attraction? We all know of people who are a 1 or a 10 on the sexual attractiveness scale or social attractiveness. There doesn't seem to be much room left for destiny when one can have 100 people and others can't even have one. What you do is what you get. If you want to experiment everything life has to offer you got to work for it. This is equally valid in your career as it is in love.

We like people because they have certain qualities that makes us feel good around them, either in how they make us feel or the values they exhibit, even when we are not aware of those things.

It can grow into care for that other person, as in love, but initially we care about looks, then character and personality.

People want to know you care about them, people want to be cared for, that's what love is and how they know you're a keeper. People looking for deep connections want someone to be in it for them, not their looks and cars. Even if you are a bit cold and detached at time, like a piller. But still attractive due to your personality. You can be cold and detached at time, like a pillar, but still caring when the time needs. Like not all the time but when it's seriously needed.

Probably the most romantic thing ever is intimacy. Not buying 1000 flowers, but being able to be yourself around the other person, being able to share your more secret thoughts and desires.

How to be attractive? Charisma and looks. Charisma is to know how to make atmosphere.

There are many ways to be charismatic, such as being able to make and keep a spicy conversation, being able to find and talk about interesting subjects, being able to make jokes and maintain good spirits, and so on. Even talking about tattoos or other spicy and sexual topics can be quite charismatic. And even being monkey-like, full entertaining, always asking, always doing stuff, all the time.

Charisma is to know how to make yourself likeable. Treat people right and be gentle with them. You also don't have to insist on her. You just have to be great around her.

Make yourself likeable by making the other person feel pleasant around you. Attraction is a feeling.

I cannot stress this enough - ATTRACTION IS A FEELING. You make people FEEL attracted to you. It's NOT A CONSCIOUS CHOICE, it's a WANT. A WANT caused by your behavior, funny, witty, always there all the time, on time, etc; and your looks. - This is why, you don't have to insist on her. You just have to be great around her

You can eventually talk about deep stuff, transition from small talk to big talk. Have an honest discussion, share, open your hearts to various things that bothers you or her or talk about various issues in the world or with other people, that is equally interesting, to be emotionally connected with the other person.

Be open to talk about feelings, it doesn't have to be a 2-way discussion. It's a mix of being fun and caring, which is natural for humans, not only in dating but with anyone.

In order to be truly charismatic I think you need to like yourself first. Which is why I recommend to have dignity and self-respect.

Dignity means to believe you are worthy of respect and to stand up for yourself when appropiate. You feel entitled to respect in a way. Self-respect means that you care about you and don't allow other people to disrespect you.

Be yourself, as in be the default version that you can be without effort, but in the limit of common sense, at the same time have decency and be considerate of other people.

You can be more attractive when you are trying to be natural than when you are trying to be a certain thing. It gives you confidence and it shows there's something genuine that can't be replicated.

It's important to be socially appropiate, to be aware of your relationship and position towards the other person. And of the level of opneness you can afford with the other person depending on how close you are.

The decision whether we like other people is mostly emotional, if we feel good with or around them then we like them, if not then we don't like them.

But don't be just entertaining, have some depth, show that yes you can be a joker if you want to but you're not just a joker. You can switch from having moments of laugh and ironies to having moments of just being polite like saying "please", "may I please", "would you like to" in a nice way that makes it hard to refuse, a non-intimidating yet confident way, or switch to having depth moments with some honesty and emotional connection. -> Well, not necessarly going as far as saying "please" because that implies non-closeness, but saying "may I", "would you like to", showing that you won't do certain stuff without her approval and that you have decency.

Like admitting your mistakes, stating your intentions and things like that. You can be like "look, I'm not trying to, I know you and I don't want to, but I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry about that, I made a lot of mistakes, I was going over the top; I never actually asked you, I just sort of insisted and implied it; and I had this idea like so I went over too far with my declarations, I went in too deep too soon, and I never communicated when I thought something was off or had a worry, I was inexperienced and acted way too immaturely and I'm sorry for that, it was my fault".

You got to feel the other person, look at them and see if they are responsive to that when you speak from your heart. It also shows you have depth, that you have warmth, that you can be real, that you can be you without a mask or being hidden, that you are not simply a joker or an entertainer, or simply a platonic nice polite guy. It also makes it less likely to have miscomunication in the future, by making them more likely for them share when they think something is off or have a worry, because you just did that and you showed them it's okay to do it.

Being fun is the most attractive trait someone can have, not more than looks, but more than money or status or popularity.

This doesn’t mean that in order to win people over you have to constantly be playing the dancing monkey and always putting on a performance. You just want to be someone who creates good vibes and who's fun to be around in general. You're a cool person, not the entertainment director.

Optimism and confidence are important, because optimism and confidence can reach the other person. We speak beyond words with non-verbal messages. A smile is very important. You attitude can infect the other person, attitude is contageous, is yours worth taking?
0 Replies
 
Apothecary
 
  0  
Reply Sat 18 Feb, 2023 09:32 am
@Apothecary,
HOW TO BE TRUSTWORTHY AND WHO TO TRUST?

Be honest, competent, reliable, empathetic, kind, generous, humble and discrete. Over time the majority of people will trust you if you display these qualities.

"What happens in Vegas says in Vegas", kind of thing, also, people are more likely to trust you more first if you are the first to share an embarassing story about yourself.

Be genuine, be original, don't shy away from your flaws. Be original, don't be perfect. Don't be too diplomatic, too much flattering and praising is always doubtful.

Be discrete, don't tell everyone about what you're doing or to others what others are doing, don't leak one's secrets to the other, even if it's your loved ones. The trait of confidentiality is the most important step in trust-building.

People with good perception will realise that if you tell them about what other people are doing, you will tell other people about what they are doing. So be discrete, be confidential, don't leak others' secrets and don't tell about what others are doing.

Keep your word, it's a symbol of your integrity. If your word is very important to you, it will also be very important to them.

Have strong values and guiding principles. Having no committed values, you bend when it suits you and this will undermine all your achievements.

In reverse, some people may have a harder time trusting the other gender because of past experiences. To this, I would say, be rational about it, people will act in their advantage. You can expect people to act in their advantage, their best interest. We can trust people to do what is in their nature or in their personal interest.

And I would also say that sometimes it's worth the risk to take a leap of faith. Screw the risk of pain. You're effectively robbing yourself of the chance to have one of the most beautiful things you can possibly have, because of a risk of pain.

You can trust people to act in their nature. Trust everyone but cut the cards. Trust everyone but make sure nobody is cheating in the game. So, at the same time, as you should be, doing all the right things to give the girl what she needs and to play into female nature and make it a win for her to be with you, at the same time, you need to cover your bases.

HOW TO GAIN PEOPLE'S TRUST:

Be there for them, be a guardian angel. Don't be judgemental and listen, actively listen. If anything, offer reassurance in the form of an advice instead, rather than judgment. I don't want to say "treat her like sister you never had" since you're hitting on them romantically but you probably understand the protective feeling and genuine care that comes out of that statement.

Make them feel comfortable, to feel that you are somebody they can talk to when they have an issue. Get to know each other even more well. Develop even more intimacy.

I think intimacy is when you make someone really feel connected, when you go from "how are you doing?" to questions about feelings "did you enjoy that?", "how it made you feel?".

Intimacy is being able to be yourself around the other person without fear of being judged, being able to share your more secret thoughts, insecurities and desires without fear that they will spoil or be indifferent to them.

If you happen to experience a communication block, meaning she won't talk to you, try to be her friend rather than an authority figure. Come across as someone who is trying to understand her, don't come across as someone who is trying to educate her or teach her a lesson.

And be considerate about the way she feels at the moment of your discussion, don't try to push her too hard, don't jump to questions suddenly as it came out of nowhere, and if you asked a question and you see that she doesn't want to answer drop it, don't push her, because she may not want to answer.

You can ask around the block questions instead, for example, if she doesn't want to tell you where she has been in weekend, don't insist, instead ask "where you there with many friends or just your boyfriend?", "do I know what place?", she might not give you the answer but she will give you hints.

And whatever you do, don't do something she wouldn't like. It's exactly because of that that she won't tell you what is going on in the first place.

Intimacy is built on trust, you got to make an attempt to get closer with each other by talking about your concerns and worries. The "how it make you feel?" kind of thing. In a way, be a guardian angel. And approach people with softness, because they may back down if they are pushed too far.

And don't be judgmental, whatever you do, be someone who tries to give advice or just listen to her, not someone who tries to make a moral out of this.

Offer reassurance in the form of an advice, but only after you're listened and don't force it upon her.

It's great to have someone that you can talk about anything with, including your insecurities. Have deep talks about life and so on. For this, you need mutual trust, and well, you got to be the first person who do it.

This is key in intimacy - being able to talk about your insecurities. How should you react to that? smoothe their insecurities and try to reassure them to build a deep connection. You can even make jokes about it, but say right away "I'm kidding, I'm kidding".

Being joyful and fun, that can be very attractive.

THIS IS KEY: BEING JOYFUL AND FUN, THAT CAN BE VERY ATTRACTIVE. Even if it doesn't work, at least it works partially if you try it, at least you have confirmation on what kind of joyful and fun is good, and what kind of joyful and fun is bad. In general - just be yourself, express yourself - and see how it goes. Being joyful and fun like what? like her. We usually like people who are like us. Who are high spirit and albe to keep up and entertain the atmosphere. Not be dull, or be taken away by the atmosphere, but create atmosphere themselves. By being themselves and acting out of their own impluses.

If people feel you are genuine, they are genuiney. They may feel the need or the desire to replicate it. And thus, this is how you create atmosphere by being fun (and being fun) by being yourself. In a way, being yourself can make you fun for this very reason - there is something genuine that can't be replicated there, because it comes from the heart, it comes from yourself, it comes from what you feel and say, and it comes with totaly joyness, with total happiness, and other people are going to see, like, and feel like emulating. Emulating your passion. It's like you see someone eating with a lot of desire and you feel like eating too because of him, but this time with the attitude because you are yourself and enjoy being yourself.

THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT AND I'll COME BACK TO IT LATER - you need to show her that she is being understood at the core of who she is. Raj had a pretty good section on this on seduction. If you show her that she is being understood at the core of who she is, she will begin to trust you, trust you with her feelings, but even more than that, she will beging to be attracted to you for different various reasons. The "I get you" sort of thing.

She needs to get to a place where she can trust you with her feelings. Probably, you need to show her that she is being understood at the core of who she is.

Show her kindness and desire to help her and she may begin to trust you. Make her understand that you will be there for her. Showing that you're being someone she can rely and count on. When she will trust you, she will open up by herself without you pushing her to open up and you can talk to her about her insecurities.

"You can tell me everything because I won't pass it on", "if you have a problem, whatever problem you have, I'm on your side".

You can also share a secret to make her trust you more. Sharing a secret shows her that you trust her. If you trust her, this will make her more likey to trust you.

People look at the character of the other person when they decide whether to trust them or not. So far, what have you done to show that she can have confidence in you?

Greet her as if you were greeting an old friend you hadn't seen in a while. Smile deeply. A great smile is remembered.

Talk slowly, being a fast talker has negative connotations, people respond better to someone who talks slowly and deliberately. Exude calmness and be measure in your speech. Don't talk or feel rushed.

Find commonality. Mentally, people are looking to check a box that they can make some sort of affiliation with you, however distant. Find any sort of commonality, shared interests and common connection. For example: I see you went to school in New England", "you also know Joe", "yes, Joe's a great guy. I went to school with him. How do you know him?", it goes a long ways in terms of building trust.

Listen as if she was the only person in the room and make her feel that way. Look her in the eyes. Show her that you're listening by focusing on what she's saying. Don't interrupt her or finish her sentences. When she finishs saying something, wait a second before responding. This indicates you've really listened and you're taking it in.

Validate them, this most often comes in the form of agreeing with them. When people sense disagreement they put up barriers, reinforce their reasoning, and create distance. This principal is called "Yes, and ..." it's how you build on a story and create spontaneity and consensus.

Think of the times you’ve met someone new and walked away with a good impression. Look back on the encounter and think of what made you feel that way. Chances are what you really felt was validated and listened to.

Become a good listener, ask more questions, suspend your ego, be authentic, admit you are not perfect, don't be pushy, adjust to almost any situation, don't be judgemental, copy body language, tell a secret.

Expect good things, people treat others consistent with their expectations, and, therefore, cause the person to behave in a way that confirms such expectations. If you think someone is an a**h***, you'll act toward him or her in a way that will produce “a**h***” behavior. On the other hand, if you expect someone to be friendly toward you, they are likely to behave in a friendly fashion because of your ingratiating actions.

You can be the first to talk about your worries and doubts with her or share a secret. When she moderately trusts you, ask her questions about herself without being judgmetnal, agreeing with and actively listening to her without interrupting, and offering reassurance in the form of advice. Listen to her, help her, don't be an authority figure who tries to judge her. Don't try to educate her or teach her a lesson, try to understand her, her situation and her perspective, how she feels about things.

If she doesn't want to answer to a certain thing don't insist, accept it and ask latteral questions instead, she might not give you the answer but she will give you hints, and eventually may give you the answer to that thing she was originally hesitant about.

And whatever you do, do not invalidate her feelings, whatever she is feeling it must be right. The "you should not feel that way" is probably the worst thing you can hear.

And offer advice but in the form of a guide, an opinion, without forcing her words, her hands or pushing her around. If she doesn't want to answer to a certain thing don't insist, accept it and ask latteral questions instead, she might not give you the answer but she will give you hints, and eventually may give you the answer to that thing she was originally hesitant about. And expect good things, if you expect someone to be friendly toward you, they are likely to behave in a friendly fashion because of your ingratiating actions.

An example of advice is courage over fear. Like if someone has a fear, you can tell them that it's okay to be afraid, we're all afraid sometimes, but that's no incentive not to do it. Or that it's okay to fail sometimes, nobody is born learned, trying and doing it, this is how we learn.

Then you can understand her situation, it will make you closer to each other and then you can ask her for a date.

CHARACTER:

A good character matters. Character is to treat people right, to take into account how other people feel and not wish to make them feel bad. Character is to be educated (not in the sense of having much knowledge, but in the common sense and dececny sense) and take into account other people.

To have a good soul, want to help others and appreciate what others do for you. I'm going to take a wild guess and assume girls with sensitivity like polite and respectful men with sensitivity and a gentle soul.

Someone who can open their heart and can show depths of feeling. Someone loving who is like a gentleman.

Showing sensitivity is attractive, like learning an instrument, looking at art, listening to opera, music about the soul like rap. Girls with sensitivity like men who show that they look beyond looks and appreciate the person they are.

Helping her would be appreciated, when she has an issue or problem offering to help can be quite romantic even if it doesn't look as such. Even small things like opening the door for her or pouring soda can be apprciated. Filling out the other person's needs is romantic, especially if you do it in an unexpected way.

Make people appreciate you. Perhaps the best thing to get from others is appreciation rather than respect. Look for people to appreciate you. That is what is important, to be appreciated by people. Please everyone, split yourself the best you can, without neglecting yourself. That will prove your reputation wrong and gain people's respect and admiration.

It can be simple things like remembering people's birthday, or telling them things they want to hear like "good thoughts" or "good words". It can really make people feel seen and valued.

Women appreciate displaying kindness, showing sensitivity. Women like men with kindness, desire to help, depth of feeling and a gentle soul.

For good character, it's also important to be polite, it can soften people. You can simply be polite by formulating your words very nicely and asking for permission, "can I come to your place?", "can I do that?", "can I walk with you?", "can I do this?", "do you want me to do that?", or offering to do things for them without them actually asking, like taking the trash or doing the small things.

Of course, don't exaggerate with this, there are situations when you don't have to ask for permission, such as when you're trying to be romantic or unexpected, or when it comes to very small things like taking a pen, but what I'm trying to say is that being polite by asking for permission can be attractive for it shows common sense and good education. It essentially says that you're taking into account their desires before doing something, and people appreciate that. And people appreciate politeness in general, being soft-spoken "can I", "can I take that", "can I close that", "can I do this".

Showing sensitivity and romantic care be equally attractive through the softness of your heart, it shows depth of feelings, which is something many women find attractive in a romantic partner.

You can show sensitivity by listening to music with deep messages, by learning an instrument, by looking at and being fascinated by art, by listening to opera, by being tender and romantic with them, making them unexpected gifts that are very specific. Or even things like leaving them a note telling them how much they mean to you.

Compassion is what makes a good character, not only to want the best for others and actively encourage them in that direction, but to also appreciate what others do for you and to be grateful for their support. Even thinking "poor thing" when you see a stray dog is a sign of compassion.

Warmth works, being a warm person works. Be a man with high character, look at them for what they are.

FUN STILL MATTERS & BAD BOY HINT NOT FULL NICENESS:

Of course, you still have to be fun. If you meet a girl that is kind of boring and unattractive but very nice and loving, would you consider dating her? It certainly helps, she is very delicate and attentive and helpful but doesn't have much going on for her in terms of having a fun time together or having good looks. So you may have doubts because of the latter parts.

Although I talked a lot about the importance of being nice and loving, helping her with small things and doing things for her, pretty much everyone is delicate and attentive with the people they like, everyone is a gentleman when they like that person, you're not special for doing it.

Let's do something fun. I know I will go there and it will be fun.

Having a personality that match is a great thing, being similar.

Being on the same wave, being sensitive, "I'm asking you nicely", "poor thing".

Adopt the attitude of the room. How to fit in? that's how.

Better to make a mistake on your own than something right on someone else's hand, you learn.

7 years of home. Raised well. To know how to behave.

Make a good impression and be civilized.

Being kissed by her in her bed while everybody was left. We had our movement gags ourselves, I imagine me lifting her up at on point, like Ai.

I got to be fun for her, no doubt about it.

Combine that with good looks and "we had our movement gags ourselves" familiarity and maybe depth and that's it.

Distance also work. Distance is fascinating. If you can attract from a distance by being fun to be around but not especially focused on her. But still caring about her.

I need to rediscover my jokes and my confidence.

Also being thoughtful and compassionate helps.

(fun, thoughtful, and compassionate)

Being with an helps me behave

Be in the present moment, it's not bad luck it's you. Change location, it might be the location. "I'm just having a job and my job is to...".

Be serious about your studies. Sleeping in class? what the heck is that? you should be paying attention, not all the time but paying attention.

I enjoy fighting, but fight for the lolz not serious fighting, in playing, not for real. Fighting for not serious subjects that we both know are fake.

Cattering, etc, on hype, on chill, personality. That is personality. (Just feeling good and transmitting that feeling of feeling good, that warm feeling, always happy, enfp energy. Always joyful, I don't believe you etc, always smiling, your attitude). Charisma.

If she's not attr to me right now, make her attr to me right now, make her feel good with me rn, personality-wise; charisma stuff, etc. Always smile, and always laugh. Smile often. Laugh often.
Making funs, sarcasm, cattering, get better at these.
Make her attr to you - have a good time with her. - have that fun connection (How? be yourself, express yourself) - have a good time with her.

You got to look good, it's really really really really really important. (Think how they look at you when they see you, visualize that - and of the social standards accepted, think of that too)
If You look good people appreciate you, and value you.

And pay more attention to you, and listen to you, etc. Looks is important. Looks is everything.
Have a good time with her & looks is everything, really really really really important.
Have a good time with her.

And having external value - if other people appreciate you, other people will appreciate you too

Bring in the joke, bring in the spirit.

Jokes without jerkyness.

It's important to be put into seaming and to put into seaming.

Bring up your childish spirit.

The one with the leagues is real. The leagues make a huge difference. The leagues of attractiveness. There is looks. And then there is personality, childish, etc. Compatible (personalities) (meaning: having fun together)

It's funny for me, that's enough for me.

(meaning: having fun together)

Teasing = give with bully.

I too give with bully but to friends but not too much.

Insecurity = that you're ugly. Insecurity nose = ugly nose. Or that's how you feel.

"Come on, he wants it too" concept of wants. Like a kid.

Teasing is like bullying but when not taken seriously and when not taken too far enough.

You can be a nice guy with a hint of bad boy and also desperate about her. Desperate in the sense of in love and very carring and attentive towards her.

Someone once told me that the woman will always try to test your limits, to find your limits. So that she can make you her dog, so that she can see how long she can keep it up until you say "stop". If you're a man or if you aren't. "Are we doing how I am saying?", until you say "stop, no, we are no doing how you are saying". A man has to have authority, to say his point of view, but without insults or beating and so on. And that so that a man can be in love with a woman, he has to stay more after her, at least one month, for the woman to be a bit hard to get, not to be so easy to get.

You can also be indirect not towards the other person, but towards other people around you in general, to be discrete in your romantic dealings, to make advances but not on the face where only the person that you make advances towards knows what is about.

Like, trying to get physically closer to her, touching her etc, buying her a drink or something, giving her a place to sit next to you, asking her "can I come with you?" so you can have some time with her, etc. Being indirect towards other people while making advances towards the person you're attracted towards.

You don't need to be a bad boy, you just need not to be a wuss, chicken, dummy, beta, you get the slang. Someone who, if a woman would make advances towards him, would know what to do, or would not be afraid to also make the advances himself.

Why is it important to also have a hint of bad boy? If you’re spending a ton of time wondering how to get girls to simply like you, you’re probably focusing on the wrong thing. Because if a girl only likes you, she'll be polite to you, she'll be nice to you (maybe), she'll put you in the friend zone, and she will not sleep with you. Here’s the bottom line: The actions you take to make a girl like you are completely opposite to the actions you need to take to make her deeply attracted to you.

Attractive girls have lots and lots of choices, and they’re not daydreaming about the “average nice guy” just like you’re not dreaming about the 5’s and 6’s. Hot girls know they can do better. Your goal shouldn’t be for a girl to simply see you as the average nice guy that she “likes”. Your goal should be to make her intensely attracted to you.

She has to see you as a 9 or a 10, and not just a “nice guy” 5 or 6. So stop wondering how to get your crush to like you, and read on to figure out how to get the girl you like to truly want you, how to get her to be deeply attracted to you, to be insanely attracted to you, not to like you.

Some nice guys are fakes. In fact, some nice guys are usually anything but nice. Your “nice guy” attitude is just a coping mechanism for reality being just too harsh. Because you can't be otherwise. You’re nice because you can’t get away with not being nice.

When you’re nice because you can't be otherwise you are nothing but a doormat to women. And women, especially hot ones, can spot a fake nice guy from miles away. By being nice you show her that you’ve gotten bad social reactions in the past from not being nice and that you’re not strong enough to deal with the social blowback. So the only option left for you is to act nicely so you don’t get picked on or abused.

You’re basically saying to women that you’re a beta male that’s too afraid to be polarizing. A guy that’s too afraid to say what he really thinks. Not to mention be who he really is.

Women don't like nice guys because that's what most men are to them. Those same girls can see straight through that “nice guy” facade and it sickens them. So they want something different, they crave a ballsy, unique, high value guy that can spark their emotions and make them feel things. That's the key word, feel things, for attraction is a feeling.

Okay, so what makes a man attractive to hot women? To get a girl attracted to you, you need to do things that might potentially make her hate you. Women love men who take risks but are still like they know what they're doing.

Women madly love men who take risks, who are resilient, strong, and decisive. They love men who are leaders. These are the traits of alpha males.

An attractive man takes risks. Attractive alpha males play to win, and when you play to win you will have to take some risks. To get the girl to want you, maybe even chase you, you will have to risk losing her as well.

The fact that you take risks tells her that you’ve gotten good social feedback out of those actions in the past, and even if you’ve gotten rejection it says that you are strong enough to handle it. And those are behaviors of a high-value man, those are the traits that show her that you’re the alpha male that she wants.

What do women want?
Women want both the man with the best possible genes (strong, resilient, decisive, able to take risks and still be like they know what they're doing)
And the man who will stick around and raise their kids (caring, nurturing, empathic, real, sensitive).

You need to be a nice guy with a hint to bad guy, or a bad guy with a hint of nice guy. You need to have a combination of both. To be able to be on both sides. Both the sensitive and the warrior. Both the diplomant and the stand up for himselfer. The nice because he perfers and the can get away without being nice, the can be not nice if required, and sometimes is not nice. The risk taker and the protector, the guy who will stand up for himself, because then you will also stand up for her. The nurturing who is contlict avoidant but is okay with a conflict if there is no other choice. Comfortable with conflict. Like that Sting song "Confront your enemies, avoid them when you can, a genlteman will walk but never run". Someone who can show depths of feelings but also someone who can be a bit mean at times and is not afraid of negative social feedback.

Your mindset should never be: "How do I get her to like me?" because if that’s your mindset, you’re going to play it safe, you’re not going to take any risks. The goal is to knock her socks off, the goal is to be amazing, the goal is to play to win, rather than to play to not lose, "how do I know her socks off, how do I play to win?".

You know when a girl says: "You know when you like a guy, and then he's mean to you, but then like you're confused and then he's nice to you and then and then" and she's getting all wrapped up and all emotional about this thing.

That actually really hits the point which is that women don't dislike nice behavior and they don't even dislike nice guys, they dislike guys who know only one coping strategy which is to be nice. They don't like guys that have no choice but to be nice. Guys who can't be anything else but nice.

Take for example a teacher: You have teacher A that gives everybody an A, and teacher B that gives everybody a C but you get a B in his class. How do you feel about teacher A's A? he's nice, but he's kind of generic, he's kind of there, you appreciate the A but not much. How do you feel about teacher B's B? Wow, you rock, you feel amazing, you got a B at this teacher that gives everybody bad grades. He actually treated you less nicely but you appreciate it more because you had to work for it.

If a guy is nice all the time, the girl will feel like he's nice because that's the only way he knows to get through the world, he's nice because he's afraid that if he's not nice he'll get negative social feedback. She may not dislike him, but just like teacher A she won't think much of him, he's just there.

On the other hand, if you're generally nice but you show that you can get through life without being nice, you occasionally stand up and speak your mind, you occasionally say something a little mean or rude and you stand up for yourself, such as teasting, a little bully now and there, now every single time you are nice it's not taken with a grain of salt anymore, it's actually seen as real, because you had times when you were not nice.

It's actually trusted because the person knows absolutely you can get through life without using that as a coping strategy. She knows you're capable of not being nice so your niceness is not just taken as some meaningless gesture, it's taken as it must actually be real.

The ironic thing is this: You can actually be nicer by occasionally being a jerk. If you occasionally are not nice, your niceness has more value. And overall you can give more niceness to a person. Be the guy who stands up for himself, the guy who genuinely does what he thinks is right but has good intentions for her.

And that's the type of nice guy you want to be. A nice guy with a hint of bad boy. A nice guy who can be a little mean at times. A nice guy who can get away with not being nice.

The issue is not the nice behavior, it's where they think the nice behavior is coming from that makes it a problem.

Let's talk about this in practice: have you ever had girls that liked you and at the same time girls that you liked but they didn't like you? The reason for that is that you started acting differently around the latter. You started acting differently around them, you started acting quite frankly weird around them. Going out of your way to be around them, going out of your way to agree with them, going out of your way to have similarities with them.

And also, not be willing to take risks, not be willing to say or do things that offend them. And so, even if they tolerate you politely or think you are like a nice guy, there was no validation associated there. They knew they had so, so why would they work for you, why would they chase you? And really, in terms of attraction you want to get the girls chasing you.

On the other hand, with the girls you're not attracted to, you can just tell it like it is. If they say something dumb you can just tell them it was dumb. If there was a controversial opinion you would express it, just express it and wouldn't worry if you'd be judged, you wouldn't worry if they agreed with it. And so those girls really liked you, those girls really got attracted to you.

COMPLIMENTS:

The same is true with compliments, if you only compliment some of the time, and are willing to be honest about how a certain thing looks like, when you're complimenting it's actually valued more because you're being honest. Your compliment is not taken with a grain of salt because you were not complimenting so many times.

If you compliment her, compliment something distinct about her, something specfic about her rather than a generic compliment, that will take notice and will be appreciated.

The guy who stands up for himself, the guy who is honest about what he likes and dislikes, even what he likes and dislikes about her dress, or how her hair is like right now, even willing to state a controversial political opinion and genuinely does what he thinks is right but has good intentions for her. So nice behavior are not inherently bad, but if all you have is nice behaviors, you're boring, you look pathetic, and ironically: you're going to be perceived as less nice and less trusted than someone who is occasionally nice.

You will be perceived as having an agenda if you are too nice. So get away from that, be your honest self. Put it out there. If you honestly disagree with the girl, say it. If you honestly want to tease the girl, take that risk. Occasionally, yes you will offend the girl with your teasing, more often than not though: she'll respect you for it, she'll appreciate it and she'll get much more attracted to you as a ressult. Honesty is appreciated because it's rare, we like people who tell us things like it is because we can trust it, you don't have to tell it in a jerkish way, but you can disagree respectfully.

As I said previously, you need to be a nice guy with a hint to bad guy, or a bad guy with a hint of nice guy. You need to have a combination of both. To be able to be on both sides. Both the sensitive and the warrior. Both the diplomant and the stand up for himselfer. The nice because he perfers and the can get away without being nice, the can be not nice if required, and sometimes is not nice. The risk taker and the protector, the guy who will stand up for himself, because then you will also stand up for her. The nurturing who is contlict avoidant but is okay with a conflict if there is no other choice. Comfortable with conflict. Like that Sting song "Confront your enemies, avoid them when you can, a genlteman will walk but never run". Someone who can show depths of feelings but also someone who can be a bit mean at times and is not afraid of negative social feedback.
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Apothecary
 
  0  
Reply Sat 18 Feb, 2023 09:33 am
@Apothecary,
Part 7 (includes jokes)

ALPHA VS BETA OR WHAT THE HECK?

There is a a simp infestation. And it's not their fault, in the current leftwing-dominated world there's a lot of emphasis on feminism and women's rights but completely ignoring the men's side. Even talking about men's issues can raise from eyebrows and trigger some people the wrong way.

The result of this is - men don't know how to be men anymore, because society never teaches them. If you have a father or uncle who is an authentic man, a good man, a strong man who uses his power for kindness, a good man who will protect but is capable of violence when necessary, a man who is generally kind but capable of violence, then you are lucky. But we can't expect that from everyone since society doesn't teach men that anymore.

Not a rabbit, nobody likes a rabbit. But not a predator either. Some men go the opposite way - "women don't like nice and sensitive guys, they like strong aggressive men, capable of violence" to which I disagree. Yes, I see how women may like strong men capable of violence, but I think women like kind violent men.

Men who are generally kind, kind people themselves, and sensitive, but at the same time equally capable to be violent when the situation calls out for it, when they are wronged or somebody else is wronged. In other words, I think women like kind violent men in the sense of kind men capable to stand up for themselves and others, capable to take action and stand up for themselves when wronged.

Women like good people who are able to stand up for themselves and others. Their dominant traits are kindness and sensitivity, but can be the opposite when called out for.

As opposed to men who are just "strong aggressive men, capable of violence" and that's the main thing of their personality, their kindness and sensivity just cast aside not mentioned as important.

And sometimes rather, not only as not important, but a detriment, because "women don't like nice guys" according to some men. Sure, don't only be nice, be nice and be good looking, and have a good personality. But nice is an important part as well. Niceness alone won't get you tons of women, you need other qualities as well such as good looks and personality as I was saying, but it's definetly a perk. You can do it without kindness, clearly, if you have good looks and a good personality you can be a jerk. But for women with a moral fiber, I think that characters matters as well, to be a good person, to be nice, kind, sensitive, etc. All those things I was talking about.

TL;DR, women want a man who is nice but capable of violence. Like a man who is generally nice, but if your neighbour would beat your dog he would be capable to intervene without much of a fuss and a second thought. Where the aggression is not the dominant part of this personality, but is part of his personality when needed. If that makes sense. A good man who will protect but is capable of violence when necessary. That's what I think women want. And this is the root of the confusion between "nice guy" and "bad boy" in my opinion. They don't want a defenseless nice guy but don't want a guy who is overwhelmingly or predominantly bad boy either. Women in general, because there are exceptions of course. A man who is generally kind but capable of violence. That's what I think women want.

As a woman, you have a huge array of men available to you and you pick the one you like best, men literally stand at your door and it's easy for you to pick them. You just have to select the quality one, by that I mean morally.

Women fantasies be like: I slept in bed with him, next to him, now I have feelings for him. He's such a tall, muscular and handsome man. He went and cuddled me, with his jawline above my head. He took the time to unveil himself and veil me. He hugged me from behind and kept me in that protected position. I never felt so protected. And so loved at the same time. We didn't had sex, but if the time arrived I would have. When he left and turned back on his side of the bed I started crying because I have never felt that way in my life. Now I have feelings for him, what do I do? He's such a protective and tell and handsome guy.

So yeah, Alphafuxxx and Betabuxxx, he's like an alpha and beta at the same time. A beta doing the same thing wouldn't have had the same effect. But because he's an alpha it works. What I mean by alpha is alpha in terms of looks, good looking. Tall, muscular, handsome, as you said.

Alphafuxxx and Betabuxxx? Be the alpha and the beta, be both at the same time. The sensitivity and care of the beta combined with the strength and the good looks of the alpha is probably what every woman wants. Someone to care for them and protect them while bring this strong and masculine and loveable man.

The handsome simp. Women love the handsome simp. The one who cares for her but is also good looking.

You can joke about mishearing everything you thought you heard "so you mean to tell me that I am?". And reply like "well, you've said it".

It's all in the spirit of let's do something fun. I know I will go there and it will be fun.

Someone keeps asking you about your health? Send him a video doing a 180 with the skateboard or some gymnastic cool stuff and wait for him to reply "sick move!".

And then you can misinterpret the comment and say "why, do you think I'm sick? is that why you've been asking all the time if I have health problems", "no, I was asking you to make sure you are okay", "no, you were asking me about health problems, you wanted to make sure I don't have health issues, is that it? tell me that that is it, because that is it". Then you can follow it up like: "I know it, that's what you were looking for, to not date a disabled woman, you all men are the same", "you know what, that's very sick of you, you're sick".

Basically, make the worst case possible out of everything. See how he reacts. His reaction would be priceless. You either have a good laugh or he follows the game. And you all banter together.

Hey, you're cute, do you have a healthy liver?

RAISING KIDS:

I think children need to be cultivated not raised. They are growing each day without your intervention, they need to be cultivated.

With kids, you got to teach them but also expose them to the world. Cultivate them meaning let them experience, let them learn, let them figure out for themselves. Be there for them in case they do something stupid and fall hard. But in general be a helping hand around them while letting them explore and discover. Let them experience alone and discover, you just got to make sure they don't do something very very stupid.

I'm of the opinon that a parent (both male and female) should cultivate their child not simply raise him. Because a child already raises himself alone, he will age up every year. If you're the over-protective & critical parent you stunt that growth, it's not a nurturing trait but selfish if anything as you only want him/her for yourself, not what's best for him/her.

For example, when rasing a child, doing it properly I think it only comes down to a few things, and it may sound harsh at first but it has long-term benefits: The child, if it cries, you must leave him cry and not give him what we wants. Because he will know that he can always get away or get his way with crying and he will basically become the parent. But if you've done that, and are trying to deuse him to that now, before it's a downway hill there is an upway hill. Afterwards, if he is used to get what he wants until he gives up crying, he amplifies crying. Until he eventually realises that it doesn't work anymore and stops.

At the same time, you have to be understanding with your kid, you have to be first and foremost his friend, and then his parent and an authority figure.

And the child must be left to discover life alone. Left to explore, to fall, to get hit. He has to be protected more from behind from the shadow, to intervene only in grave cases, in extreme cases. When there's a life and death danger or something like that. In rest, let him discover and experiment alone. To not be overlyprotective with him.

Going back to shyness vs shameless. Shyness or lack of confidence can cause you to not try out of fear of getting a "no" when you could maybe get an "yes". It's also related to your opinion about the self, how much do you think you're worth. For we tend to assume other people judge us by the same standards we judge ourselves with.

But at the same time, some people aren't going to be as judgmental as you assume to be, and you might have a surprise. A pleasant one. It depends on what kind of people you find your life, what perceptions they have.

And even when we're not outright verbally judged, we feel judged and we don't like that. If other people, especially in the family, judge us like that, with criticism rather than acceptance and likeness, we feel that and internalize that. We either try to live up to their expectations to get that acceptance and likeness we crave, or completely rebel against it. But I think it's important in the healthy development of a child and any person in general to feel loved and accepted regardless, and not secrelty judged and criticzed, disliked, even if it's not outright stated, because we internalize the most what we get from the family leading to a healthy or unhealthy development.

But, parents can be like a force of nature, you can't change them as much as you can't change an average person on the street. As long as the expecations aren't doctor or asian or it's not imposing on the child what to do in spite of his wishes, I think a child could benefit from trying to live to his parent's expectations rather than revolt against it. As long as there is indeed a reward of acceptance and likeness and not "no matter what you do, I will never be proud of you".

Parents aside and society in general. We all hate being judged. So we take measures to avoid being judged. It's not even outright stating it, but that displeasat look when you know you're being judged, it hurts, it's pain. So we take measures to avoid being judged. We may accept being judged when we know that we are doing so with a cause: such as being judged but you know you are right, or a politician being judged by the opposition but knowing he will be supported by his group or standing out for what he believes. We may accept being judged when it's with a cause. But we don't accept being judged when, it's for no reason, just for the sake of being judged.

And so people take precautions to avoid being judged. Taking care of their looks, behaving appropate in society, and such. Because we know it's the judgement that makes the rules. We don't need a legal judge, we the society are our own judge and the sentence is that disapproving gaze that everyone knows but nobody liked.

You got to show your value. You got to show your worth. And I don't mean money or clothes or luxury items. You got to show your heart and your mind. That you are someone they can talk to and someone with a good soul. Someone they have what to talk about. But also someone with a future, someone who is a capable human being.

SHALLOW AND DEEP CONVERSATION:

So you start with 3 choices: be direct, use the pretext of a commonality or use the pretext of asking for help. In the 1st case, it depends a lot on the location, in a library you probably have to talk about books while in a club you can talk about how hot your are or that I have noticed you. In the 2nd case you tell her that you saw her there and talk about that thing you have in common. In the 3rd case, you find a pretext to talk to her such as asking for help, and next time just ask her how is she doing.

Then you go to basic talk: weather, arts, entertainment, sports, family, food, work, school, travel, celebrity gossip, hobbies, hometown. It's also okay to have moments of silence and feel comfortable in the silence, even make fun of silence. Additionally, find similar interests, have you tried anything she's interested in? communication is key in any relationship. Things aren't complicated, we overcomplicate them out of fear or desire to make everything perfect. The most important thing in a relationship is communcation, when you have a problem to say it, not to keep it buckled up in yourself.

Then when you are more familiar with each other and in touch for a bit, you can shift to big talk, to talk about the deeper concepts of life: money, poverty, justice, fairness, happiness, motivation, desire, knowledge, communication. And as you get to know her and she gets to know you on these issues, you'll both get a better idea of who the other person is. By, you know, just talking about life in general.

And then you can talk about personal issues, if you have already talked about the deeper concepts of life in general she already knows you enough to trust whatever is she dealing with, so you can talk about: struggles, failures, fears, doubts, insecurities, regrets, worries. And when you are on the receiving end of these issues, respond with warmth and reassurance. There is a mutual feeling of trust in those scenarios. That is how you emotionally connect with people, understand their struggles and seek to comfort them. And being on their side, not necessarliy always giving advice, but just listening.

Have deep discussions. About life: money, how we need money, etc. You can even start a random topic, just like that. Religion, about religion. People, their goal, their purpose, their happiness. What makes someone happy. Most of these discussions involve a bit of sadness and introspection. And also talking with the other person, having a conversation, not just spewing your ideas. You have to like/love someone before you want to connect. But you can also show you're someone worth connecting with. What about love? what is love? what about love for a stranger, or a begger, or a fellow human?

HOW TO MAKE CONVERSATION INTERESTING AND ALWAYS HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY:

A lot of people are like "I just go to this person and my mind goes blank, I just don't know what to say", that's because you don't have a good mindset, a good mindset is "I'm trying to get along and have a great time with this person". And if they try to do the same great, if they don't also great. Like the "tip for tat" strategy, you start with the positive and see how that other person beahves, if they do the same great, if they don't, change your strategy as in your behavior. If someone is an ahole to you, be an ahole to them, you are allowed to do that, since they started it and you have all the moral justification for it. Not going to the extremes, but generally just giving them their own mediciene.

Having things in common is great, on the same time, not having things in common is also great and is also about the acceptance of differences. A relationship is usually about having a great time and getting along with that person. If you feel good with one another, everything else is irrelevant, even if you have differences.
For some people, their view of love was kind of redundant and they paid no attention to care.
As love at its core is based on care, care for the other person, not having the same nosebleed. Although things in common help.
It's all about having a great time and getting along with that other person in spite of your differences.
And I think the guys with the nosebleed got that. And the lady with the biscuits.

So, how to hold a conversation with someone with whom you have never talked before?

First of all: Be expressive. There is a time to be serious and to joke.

There is this book "The Secrets of Success" by John D. Rockefeller, one of the richest men in USA. He said that the ability to get along well with people can be bought like any merchandise such as sugar and coffer and said that "I will pay more for that ability and for anything else under the sun". When you learn about emotional intelligence, you shouldn't take it too logically, you should be aware of how people feel.

Be expressive, your state should depend on the enviroment you are in. Usually, you want to adopt the feel of the people around you. For example, at a party: high vibes, fun, etc.

Don't think that you seem like a robot in situations as such, that you expression is different from the enviroment and the vibe of the group, that you don't react well with the group. Without working hard for it. Without you struggling, meaning you doing it manually.

Another example: At dinner with the employees, be more restricted, more cautious, more formal, because that's how you should be because that's how everyone else is there. Mind game, mind theory. Think what they think. Impress people and conduct appropriately.

This doesn't mean that you shouldn't start to get your friends in a good vibe if you are at a party and everyone is "dead". But on the other side, if the enviroment is more formal, even if there is a person or 2 which whom you can be more open, more chill, you don't have to cross the limits, because in general, you should scan the atmosphere, scan the room, and adapt from the room, be like the rest of the people.

See how people are and be like them. If everybody laughs because someone in the group said something, I suppose you should do the same thing. If you think it's funny, laugh, if not, smile, out of common sense.

You can't stay there with a sad face not saying a sound. It would be weird. Are these things, things that we should do automatically? as in, it's weird if you try to do them? most of the time I think we do it manually. You are at a party, you are not in the mood, but say to yourself "come on, let's not stay here sad". It also depends on the people you are talking to, how real are them, not fakes. You kind of learn how to pretend, you have to adapt a bit to the enviroment.

With the attitude, to be there where the world is. And afterwards, maybe the vibe really comes to you, maybe a manual process becomes an automatic one if you give it a try.

Adapt to the group, be on the theme, when it's the time to laugh, laugh, whne it's the time to be sad, be sad. But there's a difference between doing it automatically, and doing it manually as described above. We usually do it automatically, do you want to do it manually? you can give the manual process a try and eventually will become automatic.

It also depends on the subject, if you talk with someone about a subject that you like, clearly that will be you, natural, automatic, without hiding, without pretending.
It's kind of the same thing, but done manually, to have the same vibe with the world, not to say sad in a corner. Let's be honest, to be natural today, meaning, to behave exactly how you feel, you will be on the news the next day. We are always more or less ourselves, or different aspects of ourselves, we behave differently with every person.

Like, you are in a group, the whole group laughs, and afterwards you laugh too, except you didn't find it funny. You behaved automatically there, and it's to be appreciated. But this is why this thing is explained, because it's good to also do it manually, to integrate with people. To not have moments like that. You got to learn to be fake. Non-ironically perfectly described. Althought it's best to laugh when you truly feel the need. Not like that, but nah. Laugh, out of common sense. If everybody laughs and you are like "dude, what the heck are these people talking about?" it gives you a bad vibe, doesn't make you likeable, therefore, be fake. But at the same time, it sucks to laugh like an idiot when you pretend that you know what it's talking about, especially if it's an inside joke.

Now, for the talking.

Know how to notice people and go talk to them. Just talk, talk about anything. Usually, talk about what they are interested in.

Step one: Ask them about themselves, how are they doing, where they are from, what do they do for fun, what have they done recently, where have they been recently - this is a big one, and pretty much anything you can think about them to uncover them up. It's like your goal is to discover them and know more about them. Like you're Sherlock Holmes. Avoid boring stuff like job and education, but in absence of everything else. That can work out too.

Afterwards, step two: talk about what they are interested in or what you have in common. When you found out what they like, what they are passionate about, what recent experineces they have, and you see that they enjoy talking about these or they enjoy those experiences, ask them about them. You don't have to relate to them. You really don't have to relate to them. You just have to be curious. Curious about their experiences and about themselves.

People appreciate it when you are curious about their experiences and about themselves and love to talk about those things, and love to have someone listening to those things. That way, you can be interesting by being interested. Without being interesting yourself. Because at the end of the day, we don't care whether someone is interesting, we only care how they make us feel, so be interested in them and their experiences and you will make them feel great.

Step 3 optional: basic subjects like: venerating the glorious leader Kim Jong-Un, music, movies, school, work, friends, opinion on current events, footbal, sports, politics, even religion, you just got to start the field small not "what do you think of our lord and savior Jesus?" but "I've never been to a religious organization or place before, do you think there is an afterlife? or reincarnation?" and not insert your own opinion before their inset them.

Same with politics, start the field small, not "Trump sucks!" but "what do you think about the current state of affairs? have you seen what that senator Tom has done? it's wild" and expand the conversation from there.

What is usually considered small talk. Just ask them a question about that "do you like football?", or "do you like ping-pong?" or "have you ever been to karting? me? never, but I'd love too, it's so funny to see all those little cars yet having such a high speed" or "what do you think about the recent events happening in UK?" or "what do you think about what that star Demi Lovato was doing?" or "what kind of music do you like?" and you can go on from there.

You can find plenty of subjects if you think about them, fashon, and then ask "what do you think about that guy's hood over there?" and then more often than not, the discussion will diverge into fashon, because you asked a question about a fashon-related thing, and within the enviroment. It's a bit weird to ask "what do you think about fashon?" but when you do it like that, and start with a concrete example, possibility within the enviroment, circumstantial, it makes it way more likely that the discussion will go in that direction.

This is where you can check them and radar them, are they interested in that discussion, yes or no? if yes, keep going, keep talking about it. If not, and they give you the dry "aha" or "ok", change the subject to a more interesting to their liking one. I mean, it's your choice, but if you continue talking about something they don't like talking about, it's only a matter of time before they leave the conversation and won't improve your reputation.

Or connection with them for that matter. You want to have fun too, so find a middle ground, find something that both you like to talk about, and they like to talk about. By swiping through various subjects until you find one that is a match. This is why asking them about themselves is a blessing. When you ask them about themselves, they will tell you about themselves, and then you can figure out right away what subjects they like and they don't.

All of this helps a lot in making you more likeable and making people having a greater time having a conversation with you, which in turn makes you more appreciated. We all like to have conversations with people that we like. But we like those people mainly because we like the conversations with them. And if you are like "well, I can't, I'm not interested in anything, I won't find anything interesting for me, let alone the other person". Well, think. Think about something random and see if you can find a way to get him there to that conversation. As I gave the example above with fashon. You can also do it for wrestling, the enviroment or whatever.

And then see if you can find a way to bring that other person to that page/subject by using the enviroment (pun not intended). And then, after you brought them to that subject, see if they like the conversation or not. If your social clue tell you that they don't like the conversation, the dry "aha" or "ok" then switch to another subject and so on until you can find a subject you both like and it's a match, like a Tinder match. But really, the easiest way to go about this is, as I said, ask them about themselves, talk about themselves "hi, I'm Joe!", "I saw you from across over there and I haven't seen you before", or whatever excuse you can think of to go talk to him, "you look like someone I knew" as ridicuous as it sounds it works, to give sort of a reason of why you're talking to them if you're like 2 total strangers that never crossed paths with one another before, or weren't strangers but broght together by a common friend.

If that's the case, you can even use the common friend as a conversation initiatior "you know Bob?", "how do you like this party?", and then just go into seeking mode: "what do you do?", "where are you from?", "how do you like it here?", get them to talk about themselves, and from there, the rest is history. If you get stuck at a certain time or don't know what to say, apply the optional step 3 and find a relevant subject within the enviroment that you can later use to talk about a subject in general. You can do this with literally any subject you can think of, "oh, look at that TV, it looks like a plasma?!, or looks like a Playstation desktop, by the way do you play video games?", "what kind of games?", "I personally enjoy these kind of games, and are you good at those games?", "wow, rank 7, nice, must have taken you a long time to get there".

And by the way, your message doesn't have to be perfect, it just has to come from you. You can be all over the place and still do a great job because it came from you. If you stop and think about the "perfect" answer you'll never find anything to say because there's no such thing as the perfect answer. So just do or say the first thing that comes to mind first, the insta-thing that comes to mind first, and don't think too much about it.

In fact, don't think at all, it should be natural, and come from yourself, and not filtered that much.

In fact, the reason you may find nothing to say it's because you may filter yourself too much because everything you say has to be "perfect", it doesn't it just has to come from you. And there's no such thing as the "perfect said thing", as I said, you can be all over the place with your speech and your explainiations and still do great, because it came from you.

In fact, look at this text of mine, probably there are a million ways to write this better, to be more concise and other qualities, more clean, etc , it doesn't mean I wrote this bad right now, does it? in fact, there is a certain soul to it if it comes from yourself. A soul that you can't make-up just by saying what you were previously reading from a textbook, a thing that comes from yourself when you say something, when you speak, when you speak your mind.

So, don't wait for the perfect word, it doesn't have to be perfect, it doesn't have to be good enough, it just has to come from you, and it will be great. And if you have nothing to say, embrace the silence for a while, there's nothing wrong with silence. In fact, if not all then most conversations have a lot of silence in general. People are not these robots that talk all the time non-stop, they only talk when they feel that they have something to say, and that "feel they have something to say" of different people may either overlap or not be present for both at a certain time, and there's nothing wrong with that. So if you have silence for a while, don't try to cover it up, enjoy the silence for a while, a few seconds, maybe 5 or 10, sometimes 20, 30, and then you can say something, make a reference or something.

Is this work? not really, it's really really easy once you get the mechanism. How come other people don't do that? well, they do, the people who are really good communicators do that. But they either do it without thinking or do something similar. That's why, for some people, it's not only you but it's a lot of people that enjoy talking to them. Sure, you can have a friend where you already have established subjects in common so you know right away without any sort of "instructions" what to talk about, because you have these passions or subjects in common and you know it. But, if you found a person that when you met that person you didn't know what to say, and 10 minutes later you are talking about the wildest things, and the discussion is great, chances are the other person did that to you, what I described above, or something similar.

Bonus, what if they want to leave? If they try to leave you can always look in their general direction and say "well, Jesus he knows me, and he knows I'm right", no seriously, if someone leaves, either says they want to leave, implies they want to leave, or seem generally boring in the conversation, as in replying uninterested with "aha", "ok", just let them leave.

You save your reputation far more by letting them leave because they did not enjoy the experience than for constantly being a pain for them and forcing your speech on them, and they just have to sit there and take it because they just want to be nice and don't want to be rude and tell it in your face like it is, that they are not interested anymore, so notice it, and just let it go.

Generally, you can never 100% read these things, but generally, if you're unsure, keep going with the converastion. Up to the point where you are actually fully confident that they really want to leave or they actually get up and leave, either invoking an excuse or genuinely leaving, you get experience points, you get a reality-check that will help you later in further conversation, so don't leave or assume they want to leave until you are 100% convinced.

And even then, if you're 100% convinced too many times, better give it a shot and try to see what is happening if you're 100% convinced a person doesn't want to talk to you yet you still talk to them, was that 100% convincing only in your head or was it accurate? the point is to gain a reality-check from this and see the situation for what it really is, the point is to get XP points. It's like Skyrim, the more you practice one-handed the better at one-handed you get, the more you practice speech and observing the feelings of the other person, the better at speech and observing the feelings of the other person you get. And then you level up, and invest points in the vampire perk because you want to be immortal.

Well, that's it. I hope it helps and it's in a very neat format. It may seem like a lot of info but it's really really easy to understand. Because the principles behind it are easy, I just went the extra step to be as in-depth as possible. This is it, so, good luck!

Good spirits & joke.

Communication: jokes, teasing, what is she into, about herself.
Teasing is arogance. "I'm better than you".
Quirky humor example: baptization of stone. PS, are those his legs?
"you ahole, you gave us this, disguized as that".
"If you see Joe you forget about Dean", "you'll have statuses taht you miss him".
"Where do you know this? from one of his wives, I'm kidding, from his mistress".
"Yes bro".

I would say, don't hurry for a relationship, wait for someone you really connect with. For example, some people appreciate weird quirky humor. Funny quirky, I like that.

Communication is also important: jokes, teasing, what is she into, about herself.
Make people feel good around you.

Be enthusiastic, be warm, show warmth. Be interested but it doesn't hurt sometimes to make it seem like you are not interested. I mean not reply as soon as possible but also being attractive yourself. Although, if you are good-looking, you can go full-interest and it will still work. Going and aiming for that emotional connection.

And if you want to see if someone loves you, look at the way their demonstrated their love through deeds. The same is apply for yourself. How did you demonstrate your love? Be nurturing. And also be about your own tastes. Not mimicking or copy paste their tastes. Showing your big love can impress people, showing depths of feelings. With confidence. Not that you're drawing back or pushing back, but that you're genuinely honest and sincere about the nature of your love and want to get to know them and know them more. Depth of love. Just look at the pop songs and see what is cool, what is desireable, what is attractive. It's all superficial, but that superficial part matters. You can have depth (being caring, etc) but also superficiality (being good looking like that, etc). Be a light of encouragement for people. Say positive things about them, "what a good sport". Even if they are not real (you can compliment a fat person for being athletic) people like them. And talk "closer" to people, for example with the boys, simply taking with "bro" implies you 2 are close and often has that effect.

There's plenty of points to talk about in dating:

teasing (good at jokes and nagging people)

positive attitude

trust

qualify and disqualify

the birthday's wish.

the asking for people for the "why's"

conversation / deep subjects of discussion.

being under the table, with subtext.

having 3 good pillars: attractive, personality and socially.

Being entertained and inviting to draw people closer. Focused on them rather than on you.

Basically:
1. Find out what they like.
2. Talk about that thing.


Find out what she is into that you could also be into, people like to talk about subjects that fascinate them.

Find what that person is interested in, talk about that thing.

How to become better at communication? People like to talk about themselves. People like to talk about what they are doing, where they have been and so on.

How to 'touch' people, how to become emotionally closer to them, when someone likes you they open up to you and encourages you to do the same. She's letting you see her dorky goofy side. That's how you touch them and become emotionally closer to them, by opening up to them because it encourages them to open up to you too, or share a secret. But talking about themselves or talking about something they are interested in is a good place to start.

You don't have to be high all the time. You just want to be generally fun. Generally fun to be around, but not high all the time. You don't need to always laugh and smile and so on, and being around such people can be exhausting. You can be serious and simple at times.

"Let's do something fun. I know I will go there and it will be fun." is a good attitude to have.

In order to become confident you got to get rid of the fears by facing them and dropping control.

In order to become wanted you to got become good looking.

And look for the signs, of whether she likes you or not, while having a good time with her.

So you haven't interacted with the person, you start with 3 choices: be direct, use the pretext of a commonality or use the pretext of asking for help. In the 1st case, it depends a lot on the location, in a library you probably have to talk about books while in a club you can talk about how hot your are or that I have noticed you. In the 2nd case you tell her that you saw her there and talk about that thing you have in common. In the 3rd case, you find a pretext to talk to her such as asking for help, and next time just ask her how is she doing.

So you go to basic talk: weather, arts, entertainment, sports, family, food, work, school, travel, celebrity gossip, hobbies, hometown. It's also okay to have moments of silence and feel comfortable in the silence, even make fun of silence. Additionally, find similar interests, have you tried anything she's interested in? communication is key in any relationship. Things aren't complicated, we overcomplicate them out of fear or desire to make everything perfect. The most important thing in a relationship is communcation, when you have a problem to say it, not to keep it buckled up in yourself.

Then when you are more familiar with each other and in touch for a bit, you can shift to big talk, to talk about the deeper concepts of life: money, poverty, justice, fairness, happiness, motivation, desire, knowledge, communication. And as you get to know her and she gets to know you on these issues, you'll both get a better idea of who the other person is. By, you know, just talking about life in general.

And then you can talk about personal issues, if you have already talked about the deeper concepts of life in general she already knows you enough to trust whatever is she dealing with, so you can talk about: struggles, failures, fears, doubts, insecurities, regrets, worries. And when you are on the receiving end of these issues, respond with warmth and reassurance. There is a mutual feeling of trust in those scenarios. That is how you emotionally connect with people, understand their struggles and seek to comfort them. And being on their side, not necessarliy always giving advice, but just listening.

Just simply go and talk to her first. You can find an "excuse" to talk to her or simply talk to her right out of the blue. Have a conversation, present your personality and find what she is into that you could also be into.

And generally, I would advise - treat people as an individual person not as a class. Ask her and talk to her about her interests, what she is into that you could also be into. And don't always agree with her, instead, be honest about what you like and dislike.

So yeah, just hit her up, talk to each other for 1-3 weeks, try to get each to know each other and emotionally connect. And when she feels comfortable with you ask her out. Look for icebreakers, treat her as an individual person not a class, and see what she is into that you could also be into.

You can also be funny. Sarcasm with arrogance. Praising yourself. I'm the best uncle you can have. Congratulations for the best uncle you can have. An indirect personal praise.

I think that if you're funny, have common interests (passions) and are moderately attractive (average) you should have no issues as long as you get over that initial fear of failure.

So, I think that if you're funny, look okay as in average and have common interests you should be good. And I think it's better to start off with a friendly attitude rather than heading straight for a relationship.

To me, teasing is arrogances "I'm better than you". Thug life. Not real hurtful ones, jokingly ones.

Of course, may not work with everyone, but when they work, they are great.

A lot of teasing is just sarcasm, saying things you don't really mean for the humor effect, making fun of them, or of someone else, but in light ways, like (that do end up being hurtful, but not offensive, if you understand where the balance is; I guess being honest but being honest as a joke; just give up on your funny spirit and let if flow):

1. Talking about someone you don't like and giving someone else as comparison:

It would look like him if he wouldn't have a beard, too bad he's worse.

So there's a chance they are relatives.

Unfortunately, mabye if he was born later I would have been lucky and got away.

Or earlier, maybe he would have retired before meeting you.

That's what I meant.

Or maybe with 40 years ealier.

He would have been bullied a lot.

He's the kind of guy with "sir, these guys want to cross on the red"

He would probably beat us given how tall he is.

I think he was like that, this is why he hates a lot of people.

Truly, I can't think of something else.

Or more to get revenge on people.


2. Or someone has a bad tatoo "if you can understand what he writes there I'll admit I have no idea about tattoos".

3. Or misrepresenting what they said:

Officially, it's my last day here.

You can even leave now if you want.

Where, here or at my job?

Wherever you want.


4. Or just doing random stuff and seeing where it's going. Playing a frame game, taking their words and turining them into the worst case possible. Making them look bad or yourself look better.

Are you okay?

Yes, why you ask?

Just making sure.

You broke my chain of pictures, sad.

Oh, am I a joke to you?

That's exactly what I wanted to say.

That's very offensive.

For me or for you?

I think you wanted to say something else.

What did I want to say?

Ok, you're starting to become naughty.

Oh, really, you don't say.

More like, come pick me up, I'm scared.

More like, they ask you how you are and you just have to say you're fine.

Really, you right now.

But what have I done?

When I didn't get your pictures and broke the chain.

How can you not understand such a thing, they are art. I see you're not a woman of culture.

Good joke, stop doing it. I'm crying.

Stop crying, stop crying, you have suffered enough, that's enough, be strong.

Come on, stop being such a jerk.

Does sleeping before the movie ends seem familiar to you?

I call BS.

You want to go to the casino and make tons of money?

If you get the jackpot you're cool.

Look who knows.

Who me? I don't know anything about these.

How much did you made the most?

Who, me? about 200, I'm kidding.

Yeah, sure, you're kidding.

I got the salary today.

So that's where you salary goes.

What? Not true, I kept half of it.

Yeah, for dog races.

I think I'll lose my job.

What I hate in my life the most, work.

Respect.

Don't worry, you have other options, the low jobs are always there for you, or stealing.

Stealing doesn't sound so bad anymore.

There are options.

I'll put a good word for you.

We'll start our criminal career based on good words.

It would really be sad to end up this way.

You as the worker and me as the manager, we're making a company out of this.

I'll split the salary.

Can you give me some cash?

Double?

Meaning?

Double for me.

We're doing half-half, you pay me half for real and half off the record.

What are you doing here?

You're going to be the loser, there has to be a loser.

No. You're the loser.

Come on, I'll give you tickets. Have you ever seen a loser as manager?

Who says we're going off the record, we're going on the record.

Recoding stealings?

You know what, before that we should make some tools.

I don't know, talk to the guys on the field, I'm the manager.

If I get the money I can be whoever needs to be.

Exactly, because Dorel is the one producing.

Oh, excuse me.

You're forgiven (not taking the sarcasm seriously and responding to it for what it is)

Really?

That's exactly what you'll say when I get my first salary.

Money first.

Is the minnimum wage okay?

No, I'll look like that when you stand and do nothing. I'll think about it.

Plus some tickets.

How cool you are this one who is the manager (again, not falling into the sarcasm but taking it for what it is, that way you disarm the sarcasm)

Thank you. I'm the king.

You don't learn resourcefullness, you are born with it.


Of course, most of the conversations are around common interests you both like, but it's also fun to have non-sense talks like these.

I'm not saying be a jerk. Have decency. Have dignity. Remember to have dignity. Be a guardian angel. The sister you never had (sort of, in the sense of be romantically invested but also treat her like a sister, as there plenty of couples who treat each other like crap). Be her friend and she will begin to trust you.

You can even be romantic about it. It was at a hotel, going back with my family, picked up some sandwiches, when I met this girl I knew on the halways, asked her if she would like to come with me, as I previously asked her online whether she knows any good places to visit, on the road told her thanks for telling me where I could find those, took a little detour in park, then when to a town center, searched there a bit, found a workout place, she wanted in, I dragged her a little back gently "no, no, no, this is not for [her home town] girls", "but this is for [my home town] girls?", "yes, yes, yes, do you want to come to the [another location]?", "ok my cuite" and smiled", then went on to kiss her, as I realsied she liked me.

You can do this in many way. For example if you're with her watching a movie, and she gives hints that she doesn't like it, then ask her "why are you watching it if you don't like it?", "because you are watching it", "what?", "I watch it because you are watching it", then when on and kiss her, as you realise she likes you.

There's plenty of other ways to tease. You can make scare jokes, especially if you're in a forest or somehwere like that. You can try to take a picture of her when she is in a funny moment, if she doesn't start filming and be like: "ok, ok", "but you can stop filiming me, it's okay", "but you didn't stay for the photo", so you pushed some boundaries. The non-verbal language is very important here, does she laugh and smiles when she says "but you can stop filiming me, it's okay" or not?

Or you can be sarcastic if she's very cold of stuff like that" "we are here at the mountainside is Alaska, there is now show yet but it's very cold, as you can see (pointing out to her being cold)", "keep freezing [her name]", "look, we are still coming to equip ourselves for this, this weather very cold, "goodbye", keeps filming [defiance], "goodbye!", "what?", "goodbye! [insistnace]", "goodbye what? [more defiance]", "go ahead, start it", "well, go ahead". So you would mix doing things for them with not doing things for them and challenging for games like rock, paper, scissors], "ok, fine".

Or looking at them when they are doing something they're not very good at, waiting for them to make a mistake to laugh at them.

Or a smug indirect brag of yourself, arrogances, again. Sarcasm with arrogance. Praising yourself. I'm the best [whatever you are] you can have. Congratulations for the best [whatever you are] you can have. An indirect personal praise.

Or "that's what it means to be a boss" when you do something well.

Now, have all these jokes, all these arrogances, but also be very warm as a person.

Have a light feeling of superiority, a willingness to make fun of them and contradict them, to be honest whether something was amazing or lame, and the desire to be caring, to be attentive. Like: even if I have this great sense of independence, I'm still very attentive towards you. That you are not above making fun of them.

Teasing, in my opinion, it's like a fight. But it's not so much about establishing superiority (dominate the conversation; but with moral fiber) as it is about playing a game. Making fun of them, mockery.

In a world where women are so used with being treated from above, that teasing can come across as being equals or even being treated from below, treating them like other people, you know, the making fun of them, the mockery.

It also shows you're someone with standards.

Poking holes in their logic cand be another form of teasing.
And a very satisfying one. And a very easy to use.

As well as exaggerating their mistakes. Making them worse than the actually are. Or finding similar comparisons. Or saying that they always do those mistakes. Sarcastically saying it, smuggish sort of way.
It can also be kind of cute.
Making fun, the making funs of.

There needs to be a certain spirit for it, a sort of non-serious and fun atmosphere, and sometimes you have to set the tune for it.

Conversation Tips: What is he into?

Getting trust. People like to talk about themselves and what they are into. If you want to be interesting, be interested.

A bit of flavor with feelings. Taking care of their needs. Being emotionally aware and available.

Just simply go and talk to her first. You can find an "excuse" to talk to her or simply talk to her right out of the blue. Have a conversation, present your personality and find what she is into that you could also be into.

If you can't think of things to say: weather, arts, entertainment, sports, family, food, work, school, travel, celebrity gossip, hobbies, hometown.

Really a lot of conversation is just telling what you've been doing and funny moments from your past. While also talking about what she is into.

If you want to make something up on the moment, look around and find things that you can use to make conversation:

She has a certain backpack, which shows you she's a student. (what college are you at? what do you study?)

She has a certain key ring that shows you she visited some place, and so on. (have you been to?)

While you ask her about stuff like that, you also talk about yourself, what opinions you have about stuff like that.

The idea is to get to know each other a bit, to get her to know you a bit, and to make her feel comfortable around you a bit.

You don't say you're "dating interest", you don't hit her up "hey, love" or "hey, I want to date you", but you don't go around and call yourselves "friends" either. Let it happen organically.

Show your personality, like posting on social media. The way you present yourself matters.

You should have a combination between "true to yourself/you own values" but also "socially attractive/likeable". I guess pick from yourself the parts you have best.

Make her want you.

Remember the qualify and disqualify games.

Romantic but also strong and competent like a sensitive but tough guy.

People can impress with their sensitivty and by becoming good at social values.

People can impress by expressing empathy, like "poor thing", some girls, especially the ones with compassion, are not into Chads.

Try to approach people emotionally.

And say what they are probably thinking, not what they want to believe but what they are probably thinking.
0 Replies
 
izzythepush
 
  1  
Reply Sat 18 Feb, 2023 09:36 am
@Apothecary,
Stay anonymous.
0 Replies
 
Apothecary
 
  0  
Reply Sat 18 Feb, 2023 09:42 am
@Apothecary,
TEASING DO'S AND DON'TS:

Jokes are like food.

Not everyone likes all kinds of food.

You got to know your audience.

You can:
1. Make jokes about daddy issues to a person with daddy issues and they take it as a joke.
2. Make jokes about daddy issues to a person with daddy issues and they get offerended by it.
3. Make jokes about daddy issues to a person without daddy issues and they take it as a joke.
4. Make jokes about daddy issues to a person without daddy issues and they get offerended by it.

It also depends on the severity vs funness of the joke. Meaning, how funny the joke was compared to how cruel it was.

Because, trust me, if you manage to say something really funny, your subject could be genocide and you will still get people laughing because the joke is too fun.

They will consider it was made in that joke spirit. And will assume you were joking because the joke was too funny. You will be considered that you were just kidding.

But if the joke isn't more funny than is cruel. Meaning Cruel > Funny. People will not consider that you made that in a joke spirit, in a joke attitude and such.

You will not be considered that you are just kidding. You will be considered that you attempted to make a bad joke and your morals are fked up.

Seriously, try to make nazi jokes to a left-wing test this. If the joke is really good, you will get lots of laughter even when the subject is bad, if the joke is really bad or blunt you will get a "what the heck is wrong with you?" even if the subject is the same.

Because if it's funny, people know clearly it's a joke. You don't get an "it's funny" simply for trying.

So, LESSON 1: Bring in the joke, bring in the spirit, but make sure your jokes are more funny than they are cruel.

But even if you make sure that funny > cruel. There are plenty of people with plenty of different subjective opinions and plenty of reactions as shown in the "you can" list with 4 cases.

Humor, is by its very nature subjective, so you can never predict what people are going to like and what they're going to don't.

You can only take an educated look at your audience and make an estimated guess, but even then you can never be 100% sure, you got to either take a risk or get to know your audience more.

This is exactly the reaoson we don't joke with strangers, we "can't afford them", we don't know them well enough - to afford making fun of them and ensure that they take it in great spirit.

Usually if a stranger makes fun of you your first reaction is to get offended because "how dares he?", "he shouldn't have afforded it", "he doesn't even know me!", but a friend that you know can curse all your relatives from A-Z skipping the dog and you will think it's the funniest thing ever. Because you know he's not being serious, you know that person, you trust that person, with the stranger you can't tell.

So, LESSON 2: Humor is subjective, know your audience.

What about personal attacks? where does teasing end and bullying starts?

Well basically: teasing = give bully to someone.

I also "bully" friends sometimes but not too much. (to be understood "bully" as tease here)

Although teasing is literally the same thing as bullying in execution, without context you can't tell them apart, there are differences between them.

The first one is seriousness, you know a bully is serious, he wants to make YOU FEEL BAD, he wants to make YOU FEEL MISERABLE, he wants to BRING YOU DOWN

A friend who is teasing you on the other hand is complete opposite, he wants to MAKE FUN OF YOU, he wants to HAVE A GOOD LAUGH AT YOU, he wants to TILT YOU, he wants to look at you and "PLAY" WITH YOU for a few seconds, he wants to DRIVE YOU INTO A STATE OF DISPERATION AND GET AMUSED BY YOUR TILT.

I think there's a big line between "drive you in a state of desperation and get amused by your tilt" vs "you feel miserable".

The one is like a simulated fight. The other is like a real fight.

And the second thing is taking it too far.

In teasing, when you TAKE IT TOO FAR and THE OTHER PERSON BEGINS TO FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE you STOP. Because your point was never to MAKE THEM FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE but to HAVE A LAUGH AT THEM, to TILT THEM and ANNOY THEM a little bit, and get AMSUED BY THEIR TILT. The moment you see it spiral downwards and they become ANGRY OR MISERABLE, like REALLY HATING IT, you stop, because that was never your intended purpose.

In bullying, TAKING IT TOO FAR IS THE EXACT POINT OF BULLYING, that's the end goal. It's not something to avoid when you see the other person gets too angry, it's SOMETHING TO DO and to SEE HOW TO GET THE OTHER PERSON THERE.

So they be very similar in execution but are very different in intention and intensity.

With one taking it too far being the main point, with the other just enough to get you tilted or annoyed being the main point but not hurting your feelings.

So, LESSON 3: Teasing is like bullying but when not taken seriously and when not taken too far enough.

Because part of what makes teasing interesting is that you know YOUR FRIENDS ARE NOT BEING SERIOUS when they insult all your relatives from A-Z, you know they are JUST SAYING THAT TO MESS WITH YOU and that gives you comfort and makes you not offended, because you know them, and you know their real intentions is to have fun, to have a laugh, not to make you feel miserable.

And what makes teasing different from bullying despite teasing being functionally bullying, beside the intention meaning whether they are serious or not, is that intensity that they want, teasing is something light, bullying is not. Sure, people will make fun of you in teasing, a lot, but not nearly enough to HURT YOUR FEELINGS, and when they do, THEY STOP.

If they don't, and you make it CLEAR you're being UNCOMFORTABLE, you know you're dealing with bullying not teasing here.

That's pretty much it.

There are other factors as well such as "if you go to a comedy club and someone makes fun of your daddy issues and you get offended you're the ahole, because the context makes it clear that that place is a place for comedy, when you got there, you assume it", and such, but I think I've pretty much covered the main points.

A joke/insult is rarely jokingly/insulting by itself and of itself, it has mostly to do with context, what is happening around it.

You can have someone very rigid on daddy issue, very easy to offend, and if they find a good joker that joker can make fun of them in such a way that they get a laugh and don't get offended.

Or you can have someone very relaxed on daddy issues, very hard to offended, and if they find someone with jokes so terrible and so blunt they will have an easy time being offended even if they generally aren't

Also, key factor I forgot to mention: don't pick on people's insecurities, unless you know them very very very very well.

Because insecurities are usually one of those things that are very easy to offend, because the person is .... insecure .... about them. It's easy to hurt and cut there.

I say ususally, look from person to person, you be the judge, but generally that's how it is.

Simplified: Insecurity = that you're ugly. Insecurity about knees = you believe your knees are ugly.

Imagine you thinking your knees are ugly and someone makes a joke about your knees, it's hard not to get offended.

Now: Insecurity about knees = your knees are ugly OR that's how you feel.

It doesn't necessarly mean that your knees are ugly if you feel that your knees are ugly, but it's still an insecurity regardless.

You may think "this person has handsome knees, I can afford making some fun of her knees since they have nothing to be worried about", but if they are insecure (think that they're ugly) about their knees, it doesn't matter whether that person has the most handsome or the ugliest knees in the world, they are still going to respond as if they had the ugliest knees in the world, because that's what they believe.

Teasing is a great way to create fun and atmosphere and to make the other person enjoy the discussion with you. People who are good at teasing are not those who horrify people with their teasing "look what he hold me, oh my god, ew, how could he possibly say that about me? that's upsetting, what a jerk", but those who make people come back looking for more "look what he told me, it was so fun, can't wait to see what else he's going to say about me".

So what makes the differece between this upsetting vs. not upsetting, or offensive vs. not offensive? Many factors:

1. The gravity of the joke, you can't make fun o a disabled person about being disabled, that's clearly offensive and upsetting, unless you are very long friends and they made it clear they are cool with it.

2. How well you know each other, as the long friends example above points out, how familiar and open you are or can be with a person can mean the difference between an appropiate or inappropiate joke, as a rule of thumb, try to get to know the person a bit and make other types of jokes before moving in with the teasing personal jokes, or make very light teasing personal jokes, make fun of things that in themselves are not so offensive/upsetting, like making fun of them for being cold by pretending you are even colder than them or saying "I didn't realise we moved to Alaska", like for real, how upsetting can that really be? what bad trait about them are you actually implying, that they are cold? not so offensive.

3. Generally, you want to establish some comfort before making jokes about each other, and when you do make jokes about each other, it's more about finding something bad about them and pointing it out, usually by implying it, or by exaggerating it in some way. All with the idea in the back of your head that "this is funny", this is why you are doing it, because "this is funny", the main goal and the reason for it is the laugh.

4. Everyone has a different "stress tolerance" for teasing, so you might want to discover first what kind of person they are being before going all-in with the teasing. You may want to start with something light, the "implying a sense of superiority sort of type", make fun of something that puts them in a bad light but puts you in a good light, but without coming across as bragging, because bragging is not cool. Taking them over the feet and such. Finding a flaw and "playing around" with it, all with the goal to "provoke them". If they are the type of person that tease other people as well, that's a good sign they enjoy teasing.

5. If not, stay to low-end teasing, the type of teasing you could make that is very absurd and funny by it's absurdity "bro, if you don't answer I'm calling the police" or "there has been 3 days since you haven't taken a picture on the bridge, bro, take a picture". Or"at least you're not at the park because you like to take pictures there", "take a picture fast", "no", "such a shame". Or "hey, when are you going to take a nice picture again?" and playfully persistent "answer bro or I'm getting upset with you", or "bro if you don't answer I'm calling the police". They are funny because it makes no sense, it's funny because it's absurd and pointless, the "that's not how this works" type of funny. It's a way to humor people. Or low-end teasing about them, avoid potential hurtful things like "you're going to fail in life", "you are so bad at that" type of teasing unless you know the person well. Instead go for something like "come on, I know you can make it, I hope" or simply witty replies that don't target them in particular, or those that target someone else. Take them over the feet with something light. You want them to have a good time with you.*

6. So just to recap: The gravity of the joke is important, don't make disability jokes with people with disabilities, it's just bad taste. You want to make sure the person you make fun of has some sort of control over the things you make fun of, like being a bad cook. Or doesn't but it's not that important, like being cold. The type of person they are, look at them and think of yourself whether they are the type that enjoy a good tease or not. And remember, a tease is not like a roast, a tease is when they are like "look what he told me, it was so fun, can't wait to see what else he's going to say about me" where as a roast is where they are like "look what he hold me, oh my god, ew, how could he possibly say that about me? that's upsetting, what a jerk". A roast is meant to be hurtful, a tease is not, a tease is meant to pull over their feets, to play with them, to nag them, a tease is the idea that "this is funny", you are doing it because "this is funny" and the main goal and the reason for it is the laugh, not to hurt the other person's feelings. And how well you know that person yourself, because you want to establish some comfort with them and estabilsh the fact that in general you are a good guy but all of your jokes are just jokes, because if they don't know you, they don't know that, and it may come off as offensive. You want them to have a good time with you.

7. And the last most important thing is: location. Like literally physical location. Yes, you can't make the same jokes around people you are supposed to be more formal with, it's courtesy. But also, a joke can be good or bad given the current circumstances of your location. If people are in a place where they expect to be made fun of, or not. A joke can be distasteful given the current circumstances of being at the library, not at a stand up club where by going in, you assume every joke that it's going to be made about yourself. The context matters, if you go at a stand up night, you assume it because you are going there. But at a library people don't expect at such a thing.

You got to keep that little thing in the back of your head "will this offend this person or not?" and have a good sense whether or what will offend them or not, offend as in upset them.

In essence, teasing -> implying bad things in them.

Treating them like a child and implyong bad things about them. Taking them over the foot.

Teasing is implying bad things can be translated as: teasing is not outright saying bad things, but implying it, giving the context, saying it indirectly. Not saying it, but making it understood that that's the case. Like, they want to read what is on your T-shirt, you can say "hey, my eyes are up here".

Or if someone has some very ugly shoes you can say "hey, stop taking them over the foot". Or "they'll get on their feet someday", or "sorry for that, looks like you're with one foot in the mud and with another in heaven". Or "stop it, or they might put their feets in and leave".

You don't have to be pink all the time. Because you don't have to expect that whenever you are going somewhere people are expecting you to make a joke all the time. You don't have to be pink all the time means so people won't expect all the time to make a joke or be high energy. This is also important when it comes to being fun.

So, teasing is in essence: implying bad things.

My sense of humor is usually dark humor, very contrary to what I usually am. A friend of mine had puppies and I told him that "they look like a bunch of piggies scratching for food".

I don't think it's bad, if anything, I think it says "I see the bad in the world but don't really care". Sort of like inappropiate humor but making it appropiate because of the context of humor.

It's humor by doing something that people usually would not do, or saying something that people usually would not say. Or turning the tables and implying "bad intent" in others.

Like joking that they did X for malign purposes. If they are working at a morgue say about living people "look at all those future clients" implying that they are only going for their self-interest.

Implying they are a bad person for comic effect.

Or exaggerations, like "bro, if you're not answering I'm calling the police". Or "why have you stopped taking pictures there, please take more pictures there", things that are like WTF.

Or roleplaying type of humor. Where you assume a role and hope the other person "jumps in".

A lot of humor comes from roleplay. It's like roleplay. Figuring out the role and playing the role. Playing the role you're supposed to have, in the false scenario.

That people have little mean desires, jokes can be highlighting them. I made cookies once and someone wasn't eating them so I told them "Do you want me to leave so you can throw it to the bin?", implying that they don't like it but won't throw them into the bin because they don't like them. Again, assuming bad intent.

Highlighting the little meanness of people. Or being a little mean yourself. It's the idea that people want to be mean but have to be good.

All in joke spirit of course. But that's the underlying principle.

It's playing with these concepts of mean and good. Of what is expected and what is not expected, of you in society. Like once, I got a blanket and the storekeeper said that a small part of it is dirty, I told him "eh, you'll get rid of the blanket anyway".

Or not roleplay but an appeal to manners. People are supposed to be nice and helpful, you can make fun of them by asking them nicely to do something they might otherwise not want to do.

Especially when they are around relative strangers and they have to behave, they have to be polite, people are supposed to do stuff like that so they are supposed to do it to save face, even when otherwise they might not want it.

Or even the give&take teasing trying to outsmart them, pretending to give them something, then turn it back.

It's a little mean, but that's what makes it funny.

At the end of the day is this concept when you try to outsmart one another and have a friendly competition.

It's an "ouch", it's something bad for them or their belongings, the place where they are from, what they are doing, their skills in a particular thing, their resistance to something, etc. But it's not something that is actually offensive or insulting because it's not something that is actually personal. Something that really hurts.

It's also not something blunt and direct, like "you're stupid". Of course tone and context matters, if you say it with a sweet voice and satisfied smile and in a context when they actually did something bad, that may come off as teasing because you're not actually serious. But if you are blunt and direct with a strong voice and straight face "you're stupid", that may not come off as joking. It's the intention behind the thought and your attitude that matters. The "look at you how you are bad, satisfied" than "you are bad, angry". Basically playing with them.

Your character matters as well, if you're a person with care and a mission greater than yourself you can do all of these and it will clearly come out as a joke, that you're not being real.

If you are unsure whether something is offensive or not, ask them. If they allow it, if they explain it that they are cool with it. Also, balancing out the teasing, balancing it out with other things, it can't be the only thing you do.

It's important to have a balance between the teasing. It can't be the only thing you do. More importantly, it doesn't work if you're the only one making fun of the other person in the relationship. The point is the other person getting back at you, it doesn't have to be right away, but just striving for some equality is important. If the person usually has a positive response but rarely takes the initiative to tease you, you can occasionally make fun of yourself instead to balance it a bit.

It can't be the only thing you do. Make these jokes but also, have moments where you show a lot of depth, that you're being human, that you're having an interaction where you are interested in getting to know them, that you are having sensitivity, that you talk about what is she into or what you have in common. That's how you make an enjoyable discussion, a pleasant discussion. And it can't be the only jokes you do, also make other types of jokes that essentially don't affect anyone. And don't inisst on them, make them once or twice and them stop, don't be a bully, it's fun at first but annoying to have these all the time. And be playful, most important, be playful, in good spirits, when making them. With laugher and amusement, mutual laughter, not with hate and conviction, and consideration for their feelings and desire to make them laugh even if they are slightly dismissed at first like "hey!", that's what makes the difference between a good teaser and a troll or a bully. The teaser is merely poking them, challenging them, saiyng something slightly bad about them in a funny and sarcastic way, that is bad but not terrible, like saying something about their hair, downplaying them, the troll or bully is insulting, saying something seriously bad in a blunt and direct way. The teaser is a slight push or sting with a needle but also has a pillow underneath, creating a safe enviroment to not be offended trhough your words while still being made fun of, the troll or bully is a direct punch.

When you are teasing someone, attacking is a bit of a wrong word. You don't have to hurt their feelings or be attacking. You don't have to be offensive. Instead, you have to be more of the bragging or braggish "I'm better than you" type. I explained this better in other posts. The "you are doing bad" kind of thing like the "don't worry about failing in life, you'll always find room to work as a janitor" kind of thing or the "I'm genuinely making fun of you" kind of thing like the frezing thing or making fun of them for holding a chair. These two work great with empathy combined. Or the ragging brash "I'm going to change myself/cool, where is your window?" of saying the unproper things for comedic effect, or the ones I said previously about doing/saying unproper things and asking/forcing them to do/say unproper things/things that they don't want because it's socially acceptable and they are expected to be good in society.

Or even the give&take teasing trying to outsmart (pretending to give something, then turn it back). Somtimes, teasing is just non-serious talk, like "heeeeey!". Implying they did something bad but in a friendly brotherly way. I can't really put the tone into writing but imagine something like "Jhoooooon!" with a lower accent in the middle like "oh, John, you always do that". Basically implying "John, you're incompetent". Or saying things like "you don't have tastes".

Making each other look better or worse. A friendly competition about making each other look better or worse. You can even put salt on the wound. If someone teases someone else about something that implies they are uninteresting, such as "eh, you're just not worth listening to", you can say "ouch, he made you uninteresting", pointing out the obvious but adding salt on the wound in the process.

And also the adding of the premise into the question, like: There’s a world of difference between “I can see that your hair roots are obviously a different color than your hair.” and “Wow! I love your hair! But how on earth did you manage to dye just the roots and not the ends?”.

Teasing has an emphasis on being creative, "you look like Jodan Peterson" type.

So, teasing, how not to be offensive? Shooting with blind bullets. Not saying anything true, permanent or things that they are insecure about, that they would lose face if exposed. Not making fun of something true about them and serious, like leg jokes with someone with one leg.

A lot of teasing is just sarcasm. Saying the opposite of what you mean. Or simply assuming bad intent in tohers. Or "forcing people to do things they don't want to do for the sake of apperances. Also flame war.



Part 8 (underlined stuff related to jokes, an ressumary)

Teasing has an emphasis on being creative, "you look like Jodan Peterson" type.

So, teasing, how not to be offensive? Shooting with blind bullets. Not saying anything true, permanent or things that they are insecure about, that they would lose face if exposed. Not making fun of something true about them and serious, like leg jokes with someone with one leg.

A lot of teasing is just sarcasm. Saying the opposite of what you mean. Or simply assuming bad intent in tohers. Or "forcing people to do things they don't want to do for the sake of apperances. Also flame war.

People and boys tease each other all the time. It's very important to know if:
(a) Those teases are for real.
(b) Those teases are just jokes.

If it's the latter, be cool with it, laugh at them, and if you find a good comeback, say that comeback. If it really is bothering you, you can outright say that it bothers you and don't do it.

If you say that it bothers you and don't do it, and they still keep doing it, it's probably (a) those teases are for real, they are not your real friends.

You see, it's not a big deal to get offended, unless you get very offended. There are degrees is what I'm trying to say. Not all offends are equal, and not all offends are bad. Being offended can actually help you learn and grow sometimes, and it can be challenging some other times, like a call to arms. It's probably the last that your friends are aiming for. As a joke, in a fun spirit, to be amused, even if it offends you a bit, not to hurt your feelings.

There are a few sort of common sense rules when it comes to making fun of other people:
1. Stay away from things that are permanent ->

Their face - nobody likes being made fun of their face, it's not like they can change their face.

Their weight - it's not permanent, but it's very difficult to change, so you might as well consider it permanent.

Long habbits - such as smoking, don't make fun of someone for being a smoker, chances are they may be trying to quit, in general, it's like the weight, not permanent but not that easy to change.

However, you can make fun of them that with a cigar in their mouth they look like [X] or making a stereotype out of them "are you one of those types who (...)".


2. Stay away from things that they are insecure about, that they would lose face if exposed ->

They may be considered offensive regadless whether or not it's a joke.

If someone is missing a teeth, don't make fun of that, they are very insecure about it, they don't like it and will be upset no matter the joke.

If someone having an implant or something or being very insecure about a part of their body.

Again, these things are sort of permanent so it's not like it's something they can change.

Usually things people are very insecure about are also things sort of permanent.


3. Be honest, if there is something you don't like say you don't like it. Honesty will be appreciated and will make the compliments seem more genuine.

4. What to do instead? shoot with blind bullets. Instead, make fun of things that:
(a) They don't care about
(b) Clearly not true
(c) Are temporary / momentarily.

5. (a) Make fun of things they don't care about:

If someone doesn't care about being a fast, you can make fun all day about how slow they are and they won't be upset about it, because they don't care about it.

If someone doesn't care about their cooking skills, you can make fun of their cooking skills all day and they won't be offended, as they don't care about it.


6. (b) Clearly not true:

If a person is very skinny and not insecure at all about their weight, you can make fun of them for gaining some weight.

They will not be insecure and therefore upset about it becuase they know this is clearly not true.

On the other hand, if you would make the same weight joke with a fat person, they will be upset / offended about it since they are insecure about it.

Just as above with cooking, if someone is a very good cook and you clearly enjoy eating what they made, you can make fun all day about how bad the food is or how afraid you are to eat it, since this is clearly not true.

You can make fun of a skinny person for being too fat, of an A+ student for being a failure after a B, etc.


7. The clearly not true optionally also implies / requests a level of trust between people:

Such as making racist jokes with your friends, it's only funny becuase you know that person is not racist.

Sometimes when it's about people but not about skills or events.

Or making jokes about cheating or meeting other people with your lover. If the trust between you is high enough for them to consider that this is clearly not true, you can make cheating jokes all you like, they will not be upset / offended because they are not insecure about it. So it still goes back to whether there's insecurity or not.

They trust that you can't possibly be like that/believe that, so it's clearly not true.


8. This "clearly not true" also explains why reputation and personal relationship is important in teasing:
* You can't tell right away whether a tease is a joke or not. So you need to get to know a person a bit to determine whether that teasing is probably a joke or not. By determining the kind of person they are.

This works in 2 ways: with your personal relationship with them, the more you know a person the more of their true colors they will show, also the more you know a person the more comfortable and open you can be around them.

And with reputation, which is basically like "review from others", others review their personal relation with that person in the form of reputation.

Reputation can be important, if you are known as a joker, someone who makes fun often, a lot of what you say can be easily labeled as "clearly not true" by people around you, since that's how you are.

On the other hand, if people don't know you as a funny person or someone who is generally joking around, you may attempt to be funny and be taken seriously simply because people don't expect you to be funny, that's not how they're used to you.


9. If sometimes your joke doens't deliver, it may have to do with your reputation within that certain enviroment.

As much as it has to do with (a) the attitude in your delivery as well as the (b) severity and (c) humor of the joke itself.

Take the "PewDiePie is a nazi" controversy from a few years ago, a lot of people didn't understood the joke simply because they didn't expect PewDiePie to be a comedian.

Their viewers knew this, but the people who watched him one and wrote that article weren't his constant viewers. Just some guys who saw him once, took him out of context, and didn't expect him to be joking because they don't know that that man jokes all the time, so they took him out of context.

Is this dumb? I'd argue yes. You don't have to have a "comedian" badge to determine whether a joke is funny or not, or whether something is serious or not, context regardless of the person involved should be enough.

But apparently, not all people are like that, so it is what it is. And you have to "play by these rules of reputation" otherwise you risk getting into PewDiePie's situation sometimes where people don't know you are joking simply because they don't expect you to be joking.

They don't expect you as a person to be the type of person who jokes all the time. PewDiePie's example was an extreme case, but I hope it helps get the point across.


10. If people know you as a joker, they are more likely to consider your jokes, jokes.

If someone doesn't get it, and has a chance to take you seriously, you can simply say "I'm kidding" to make things clear.

This is so good that sometimes you may really say the truth and be it considered a joke. Exactly because of this joker reputation effect.

Especially when people know you as a joker, you can say things for real and people will believe you make fun of them. And, on the other side of the coin, you can be serious while joking.


11. For example of this "joker reputation effect":

If you're really going to a [funny thing, unusual: classical music; not country or pop, as these are usual] concert, you can tell your parents you're doing that and they won't take you seriously.

But if they know you as a kid who doesn't joke around, their reaction might be "what are you doing there?".

And on the other side, if you really think someone has an ugly T-shirt, you can tell them how ugly that T-shirt is "that T-shirt looks like [....]" and they will laugh at it and consider it a joke, but you may be serious.

So yeah, reputation in joking is important, as absrud as it sounds.

If you're not known as a joker in a certain enviroment, start with small jokes until people get the hang of it and laugh (jokes that can be considered non-offensive for most of the time), if someone doesn't get it you can say "I'm kidding", if they still don't laugh it means the joke wasn't funny rather than they thought you are serious and speaking for real.

After people get used to laughing at your small (non-offensive) jokes, and start to develop a reputation as a joker, you can go for even more bold or daring jokes (possibly offensive), as now you will have a decreased chance of being taken seriously.


12. The "epitomy" of this is when boys insult each other about everything but nobody is offended / upset because nobody takes it seriously but as a joke.

Now, with girls you will probably not reach such epitomy since girls are usually less exposed to this kind of "sheet talk" and more conscious of themselves, but you can still reach pretty high heights that you couldn't if you didn't have a reputation as a joker and had the risk of people taking you seriously.

If you happen to misjudge, just say "I'm kidding" and move on.

Your real intetion is not to hurt their feelings but have fun.

Mostly, don't do personal jokes, about themselves, with girls.

And when you do, make sure it's something light about themselves. Not implying that they are stupid or ugly or things they would be insecure about.

You can imply that they are bossy or a bad person or taking advantage of you some other moral drawback who is not that personal. Or unskilled at something or taking advantage of someone else.


13. Something indirect, not outright saying it "you're bossy" but implying it with other words "could you give me a break, m'am?": or

"After I'm done with this will I get my minimum Amazon wage?" (implying they treat you like a slave)

"Yes boss, you're the master" (outright implying they are the boss)

"yes princess, your wish is a desire for me" (implying you are their servant)

All in a sarcastic tone.

If you have a reputation as a joker you can get away with many, but calling them stupid or ugly is probably not going to be one of them, since they aren't used to as much trash talk as the guys and will get offended / upset regardless whether it's a joke or not.

It's a big flaw for them and they are a lot more insecure about being ugly or stupid than men are.

I'm not saying there aren't exceptions, there are exceptions everywhere, but I'm talking about the general tendency here.


TL;DR - stay away from calling them ugly or stupid, in rest go for it with any flaw you can find and make fun of that, some women love it.

There is a workaround: Making fun of something, and I stress this, temporarily, that makes them look ugly, like they have something on their face, because it's not permanent.

It's not that offensive/upsetting because it's not permanent. The point is: Don't make fun of things that they will be upset / insecure about. If they are insecure about it, they will likely be upset about it and feel hurt.

This things require trial & error. So go for it, test, and adjust. They will be upset / offended about it if they are insecure about that thing you make fun of. So stay away from things that people could potentially be insecure about, it could hurt their feelings. Some people can take it, others can't, but better play it safe until you get to know the person better.

Also: When seeing whether they enjoy a good tease or not, look for non-verbal gestures & reactions.

Most of communication is non-verbal. If they say "stop!" but laugh, do you really think they want you to stop? Or if they act all upset, but their body langauge didn't dictate that, their body language dictates laughter and entertainment, do you really think they are really upset or just playing along? pretending to be upset "for the drama?".

Like: If someone teases you, you can even continue the tease by pretending to agree with them like "oh, look, you're already upset", "you have block".

Teasing is basically playing, being playful, it's all in good humor, it's all pretending. They're pretending to be mean to you and you're pretending to be mean to them. I guess that's one way to put teasing - pretending to be mean. Teasing is basically a game of predenting, a roleplaying.

And the key idea in this "pretending to be mean" is: you appear to 'attack' or contradict them with something, but not enough to hurt their feelings. You are making fun of them but only lightly. Now, "lightly" is relative from person to person, but you probably get what I mean.

14. You can make fun of the way they behave or of something they do or even of something they wear (because those are not permanent things) As long as they understood that it's a joke (and you don't seriously mean it), and you kind of have a reputation for a joker:

And you do it light, keeping their feelings in mind.

Now, their feelings can be "attacked" a bit, nobody says to treat them with gloves, they can be offended a bit, stinged by a bee.

All humor and teasing is that, you can't make fun of them for being bossy or cold without implying they are bossy or cold so there is something a bit offensive there too, so there is a bit of wickedness too but not really as it's not serious.

The point is not to hurt their feelings, the point is to amuse them and be amused yourself.

The point is not to treat them with gloves, but to make fun of things that they will not be upset / insecure about.

Like, you make fun of them for being a bad cook. Clearly offensive! they don't know how to cook, but if they don't care about being a good cook, it's not a big deal for them, how offensive is it really? a bit, like being stinged by a bee, but not to the point where you're insecure about.


TL;DR - If you're offended a bit, you feel more challenged if anything, you feel 'attacked' and feel the need to 'fight back'. That is what makes it funny. And leads to that "play of words".

If you're offended a lot, usually when they make fun of something you are insecure about, usually things that are permanent and you can't change/are hard to change, you're going to be like a lot of hurt, and you're not going to feel challenged or attacked or feel the need to fight back, you are going to feel sad or upset or hurt.

Like: Some trips and says "it happens to everyone". "Really [her name], it happens to everyone?" or "I don't see anyone else falling down here" or "Really? or does it only happen to you?", now this implies they are clumsy. You find a flaw they have and exaggerate it, challenging them in this way. Obviously, being clumsy is bad, but how offensive is it really? If you are with someone close and they know how to take a joke, probably not that much.

Now for the humor itself, those are the rules of how to tease without being offensive, but how to be actually funny?

So, being funny:

15. A lot of humor is simply by comparison. You can probably see there is a theme of "you look like" or "you sound like" in all of my examples.

And well, that's kind of how humor is.

Comparisons, associations, breaking expectations. Weird things that make no sense, like a priest in rapper's clothes.

But again, given the insecure and personal relationship example, if you do this joke about a priest in rapper's clothes to a very religious person, they are probably not going to find it funny, they are not going to be amused by it.

They are going to be offended by it since it violates one of their core values, and not a bit offended like a bee's sting but a lot of offended like upset.

By the way, surprisingly, once you build enough reputation as a joker and maybe have a close relationship, the B-word is okay as long as you don't say it but imply it, I've seen plenty of women positively responding to that and being amused. Mainly because it's not such a bad moral flaw to some of them, it's like being bossy in some way or having standards. It's like saying "you're such a Karen" or "You complain a lot about everything".


16. Until you build that joker reputation you can start with small jokes and gardually escalate.

Or quickly escalate, depending on the enviroment, people your age or someone you have to be more formal with.

You can see how many things you can afford to do or say when people consider it as a joke and don't take you seriously.


17. Exaggerate your jokes to ridiculousness:

Similar to clearly not true, you can make something clearly not true by exaggerating it to ridiculousness.

Like "I literally grew a beard waiting for you".

A lot of humor is exaggerations, sarcasm and things that clearly make no sense. The more absurd something is, the better.

Also, the more specific something is, also the better, which is why stereotypes can be funny.


18. Temporary / momentarily:

This is an exception to the permanent things they are insecure about, if they have something on their face or just woke up very early.

You can absolutely make fun of them "you look like [X]" since that is not their real face, it's just how they are in the moment.


19. You can also make fun of something that happened in the moment:

Or make fun of them for something that happened in the moment.

If they feel and tripped, you can tease them about it. "Do you like the floor, huh?". Just don't exaggerate with it by overdoing it.


20. Appeal to manners:

People are supposed to be nice and helpful, you can make fun of them by asking them nicely to do something they might otherwise not want to do.

Especially when they are around relative strangers and they have to behave, they have to be polite, people are supposed to do stuff like that so they are supposed to do it to save face, even when otherwise they might not want it.


21. Appeal to morality:

You can make fun of them by implying they are a bad person for various things, find various loopholes and exploit them. For "not doing the right thing".

Like: "I can see your such a good person you decided not to help your brother in need".


22. Appeal to personal wickedness:

You can make fun of someone else by going out of your way to be crude in a sarcastic way.

Only do it with the other person if they can take it, if they are the type of person that can enjoy a personal offensive tease like that.

Otherwise, you can do it about someone else when you are with them.

It's not being evil, it's simulating wickedness, if anything it shows that you are aware of the bad of the people but still like them. Or point out the obvious that everybody is thinking but nobody saying.

Again, make sure you have a tell, or people will not get your sarcasm. They will not get that you're kidding.

And if they do mistake your comment for real, just say "I'm kidding".

A good tell is having an amused face and speaking faster than usual.

Or by changing your tone a lot. Like speaking in a voice that is different from your normal voice. Like: "I'm not sure this is going to work" but saying it with a different tone. Anything works as long as you make it clear this is not the real you, and is only for the comic effect.

Or exaggerating with your emotions / reactions, like saying "what?!" but make that "what?!" as "what?!" as possible if that makes any sense, to make it clear that you're kidding.

Consider this phrase: "I'm going to change my clothes", "cool, where is your window?". If you say the latter speaking faster than usual and in a more high pitched voice, it makes it clear you are kidding. You need to have a tell.


23. Can you see the dynamics?

It has a lot to do with reputation, whether you have a joker reputation or not.

Becuase if you are, you can afford to say more things and be taken as a joke than otherwise.

If you don't, start with small jokes and slowly build up your jokes reputation. In that point, you can afford make more bold or dating jokes and they will be considered as "clearly not true" because of your joker reputation.

And if it ever fails and you're off the point, just say "I'm kidding" to make it clear it's a joke.

A lot of jokes is really just comparison "you look like" or "you sound like" or making stereotypes out of them.

In a joke it matters: your reputation (PewDiePie's example), the delivery and the attitude of the joke, and how severe and funny the joke was.

If the jokes was very funny, it can be "forgiven" even if it was too severe and even by the people who normally don't take these kinds of jokes well.

If a joke was too severe as pointed in the begining: about something permanent or about something they would be insecure about, it's not a good joke, and most of the time people will be offended, like big offended really upset not small offended like a bee's sting.


24. Now, if people get offended or upset once in a while for you made fun of something they are insecure about, it's not really a big thing.

They will get over it and forget it.

Apologise and say you won't do it again. It's not the end of the world.

Don't get all defensive and low about it, yes, you made a bad joke, and you are sorry and you will make up for it.

Keep up your attitude. You admit your mistake and consider it but still raise up above it. You don't get on your knees and beg or consider this the end of the relationship.

It's not the end of the relationship if they get offended once or twice with a bad joke you made, people are usually understanding of this, that other people make mistakes.

You say "I'm sorry, I didn't realise, I won't make fun of it in the future" and more on.

Your purpose is to amuse not to upset other people.

And yes, there is a bit of stingy 'attack' in teasing, like the bee's sting as I gave the example, but that stinging can be fun.

There is a difference between that stinging 'attack' and a real big offensive teasing that would upset them and hurt their feelings in a bad way.


But yeah, a lot of these jokes involve a bit of trust, so you need to make people trust you.

This is why many jokes simply don't work with strangers. They simply don't know you enough to trust you. Until they have established that they can trust you or you have a good reputation they can trust.

Think of "the cool kid", he can probably make any joke and people will laugh, even a knock-knock joke. While a guy who is hated, people will only laugh if the joke is really really good. Chances are, they don't even want to laugh.

It's also about the attitude, the atmosphere in the air. It can change everything. But you can create that atmosphere. Of fun. Of laughter. Of amusement. By being the first to laugh and make jokes yourself. Just don't be the first to laugh at your own jokes.

Attitude is contageous. We take it from other people, and we give it to other people. Is your attitude worth taking?

Ok, so I feel like that says a lot. But it still doesn't go into depths about actually being funny.

What does it mean to be funny? how to be funny? what is actually the process of being funny? Well, sarcasm. Non-hurtful sarcasm at first, but you can gradually evolve.

And remember to have a "good spirits" attitude on your face. As I said, attitude is contageous. That atmosphere of being funny. Where everything is all fun and games. Of fun, laughter and amusement as I said above. You got to initiate it, you got to create that atmosphere. Sarcasm with a good tell.

You got to initiate it by being the first to laugh and make jokes yourself. If you don't have the attitude, even the funniest joke can come across as blunt, it's called "delivery". So, what makes a good joke? How do you make a good joke?

BTW: If someone is roasting you in mean spirits, it means there are no rules. You can be as roasting and as devastating as you want. You have more freedom. Since they are also not pulling back when it comes to you.

Just think & consider whether that conflict is really worth it depending on the case. Anyway, back to the main subject, part 2.

People want to have fun and have a good time, that's how you make them enjoy your presence.

But, you need to have the tone to make it clear its sarcasm.

Some people say "just have good intention" but that's obviously not enough as obviously she had good intentions but still failed, her tells just weren't good enough. They weren't there, so the people took her seriously. Her meanness and defensiveness were taken seriously, rather than as just a joke.

She was clearly trying to be witty & funny. But because she didn't had a good tell her sarcasm would usually not be noticed. Sarcasm requires a tell. When you make fun of people, you need a sudden change in your voice or tone to make it clear you're not serious in those moments.

Without going over the top, her sacrasm appears sincere defensiveness. Going over the top communicates that you don't mean what you say. When you're being sacrastic, do not be flat in your delivery, especially if the literal interpretation of what you're saying would make you sound like a jerk. Go over the top in changing your tone, your gestures or facial expressions to help people, this helps people disthinguish between normal conversation and a character that you're playing for the joke.

If there's no absurdity, no exaggeration, no smile, no high-pitched voice, just flat out statements, there's no tell for playfulness.

As for the how? There's no clear definition, that's the nature of humor, it's random. Humor is simply things that are absurd, that make no sense, something is funny because it's weird, it stands out, it's a break from the social or moral norms, just let your mind run wild and see what you come up with.

The same is true for teasing, there's no set in stone rule for a perfect tease, you have to be creative, and the best tease is usually indirect, you don't outright call a person fat or ugly or unskilled or whatever, but you imply it with something else. And teasing is usually circumstantial, you make things of the situation or things you have around you to make a good tease, or even make stereotypes or point out the obvious.

Teasing is also, importantly: playful. You are basically grinding their gears. You're basically playing with them "poking holes in them".

You can tease someone for having an immoral behavior, an out of order behavior, you can throw random comments like "I know you will lose" it's still a form of teasing.

If you want, you can turn it the other way around and make a "good tease" or "positive tease". Like, instead of "I know you will lose" say "You are already 3 steps ahead of us" with a sarcastic tone. You are still making fun of them, you are still "challenging them" and "poking holes in them". But are you "poking holes in them" for what? for being 3 steps ahead you? for being a mastermind and being better than you? or maybe you're being sarcastic. Who knows?

And, you can dispel one of their insecurities with teasing. You can turn it the other way around and make a "good tease" about something they are insecure about, to boost their spirit.

If they are insecure about something, make fun of them for making a big deal about something so minor, like if someone thinks they have an ugly costume, you can be like "that's it? is this what I'm supposed to be shocked about? wow" or "Am I supposed to be impressed? I expected a lot worse." or "wow, is that all, where is the bad in that?". You don't tease them about something bad about them, but instead tease them for feeling bad about something that's good about them or not a big deal/neutral.

Just don't, and I mean don't, make fun of something they are insecure about. If someone is fat and very self-conscious about that part of their body. Don't make fun of that. You will only hurt their feelings. Don't make fat jokes with fat people I guess. Unless they are your friends and you know, and I do mean know, they can take it.

On the other hand, if someone is very slim, very well built or even ripped, make fun of them for gaining weight or bing a little fat, having a little fat now and there, as much as you want. They are cleary not insecure about their body so you can make fun of their body. Also, don't make fun of anorexic people, they may be very insecure about being fat despite being the opposite of fat.

When it comes to "positive tease", the last one is amazing because it's a tease that builds people up, it encourages them.

Or you can take advantage of people's general expectation to be compliant in society:

When something is asked of them from people who don't know them very well, like if someone you don't know asks you: "do you want to try that thing" and you probably don't want, but because you don't know that person very well you accept it.

You can take advantage of that to put people into uncomfortable situations and make fun of them. Not serious uncomfortable or bad, but slightly annoying for them.
0 Replies
 
Apothecary
 
  0  
Reply Sat 18 Feb, 2023 09:43 am
@Apothecary,
The thing is...

When you tease the implied insult has to be indirect. It has to be implied. What I mean by indirect is that you can't go around and say "you're stupid", that's being insulting not playfully teasing. You have to be creative, to imply the conclusion in one way or another, like "I just got this job!", "are they that desperate?".

You tease them about something bad about them, and downplay them, make them less important than they really are or less skilled than they really are, but without personal or direct attacks.

Teasing is essentially a playful way of saying "you're doing bad" without really meaning it and only do it with people you can afford teasing with.

Bantering and teasing are usually used interchangebly, however...

Bantering on the other hand, is just teasing with a 2-way street. Having back & fourth pride exchange on the road. The regular teasing. While also making it clear you're cool with it.

You are both trying to get the upper hand on each other, trying to "prove" that you are doing better and the other person worse. It's a friendly competition, like two baby lions fighting.

Making scare jokes can be a form of teasing. Teasing can also imply pushing some boundaries: "you can stop [doing something inconvenient] now, it's okay", "but you didn't stay for [something else]", so you push some boundaries, but you have to make sure the other person is cool with it based on their tone and general attitude. If they laugh when saying "you can stop [doing something inconvenient] now, it's okay" it means they are going with the joke, if they are serious do actually stop. Most of communication is non-verbal, so be aware of the socal clues.

You can also tease by exaggerating various things about them or the enviroment. If something is bad, make it even worse than it is. For example, if they are very cold you can say: "we are here in Siberia, there is no show yet but it's very cold, as you can see [pointing out to her being cold], keep freeing, we are going to equip ourselves for this very cold weather [gives her your jacket]". And if she says "goodbye" or "leave me alone" but laughs, keep doing it, you push some boundaries and show defiance but it's actually in good spirit because she laughs. As I said, most of communication is non-verbal.

Or another example of making things worse than they are, if it's raining outside and they are very wet, you can say "how are you doing [her name], do you want to come here again?" and now she could banter by teasing you back "no, not with you" and you can reply "but it's my fault that it started raining?". And then be like "go, go, go". Just say what you think and see what it comes to mind. If you have an opinion about something, say what it comes to mind, as restricting yourself too much might actually be the reason why you can't pull it off and are closed up in yourself.

The most funny thing is the narrative. How is said and what is said, rather than the most devastating insult possible, it's teasing not a roast. That's why things like when it's raining outside and she's cold asking her "how are you doing [her name], do you want to come here again?/do you like it here?" can be so funny, you're not saying anything too offensive or insulting, you're poking fun at her for being cold.

It's about building a frame, because it's funny, not stating it outright but letting the conclusion be formed, the conclusion in that case being that you're poking fun at her for being too cold, but you don't outright say "haha, haha, you're too cold" but imply it with other words. Teasing is basically playing with them.

You can also tease them by challenging them. Like literally challenging them to a game to decide which person is going to do or not do a certain thing you don't want. Or by pretending to give them something then slowly pull it off away. There is a bit of defiance in these games.

I can't tell for sure, but I think teasing works best with a mindset. And I think the mindset for it is don't be serious, a light feeling of superiority, a willingness to make fun of them and contradict them, to disqualify them, to be honest whether something was amazing or lame, and the desire to be caring, to be attentive.

Like: even if I have this great sense of independence, I'm still very attentive towards you. But you are not above making fun of them and disqualify them in various aspects, but not aspects they could be insecure about. And remember that most of communication is non-verbal. It's all good natured, good spirits, that how affective teasing is supposed to be.

How can you make sure that you don't disqualify or downplay them in aspects they care about? By following the rules above that I originally listed.

So what is funny? ...

Funny are just things that are out of the ordinary, that are weird. This is why they are funny, because they are out of the ordinary, they are weird, they are not in conformity with the norm.

When you tell a funny story, it's funny because it's so weird, it doesn't happen very often. If it would, it probably wouldn't have been as funny. Imagine if people would fall on banans everyday, it would just be common, it wouldn't have been as funny. But when it happens, boy that's so funny. And it's mainly non-harmful, which is another reason why its funny. If we are talking about falling on the stairs or having a car accident, it's not funny for the sole reason that people might be hurt. They are still weird, out of the ordinary, don't happen very often, but people get hurt.

Implying bad intent can also be funny. Let's say a church car almost hits you, you can say "you ran out of clients and didn't know how to make more?", implying that they tried to hit you because they wanted a funeral. This is a bit dark, so not everyone will be on board, but again, this is (hopefully) clearly not his intention, he didn't mean to almost hit you. But .... you are implying his bad intention of hitting you to make money out of you.

Of course, that one could actually hurt the feelings of the person who almost hit you, so don't do that, because he was trying to avoid you at least. It's kind of jerkish, even if it was his fault. Not to mention, it's easy to think of this theoretically in your head, but in that moment, it's probably the last thing you will think about. But the general idea behind it is: It's sarcasm, you cleary don't mean that, it's clearly not meant to be taken that way but as a joke. And if he would have really hit you, it wouldn't have been funny because people would get hurt.

You can do this for a lot of things, imply bad intentions in people. Imply that they have bad motives, that they don't mean well, and it can lead to some funny phrases out there. Implying selfishness or taking advantage of people, etc. Like: *someone says something good about themselves, "I don't know what to say..." (with a suspicious tone).

Or you can turn this around and be you the one with bad intentions. This is equally funny and less risky of being offensive. Like: "Are you going out? finally! it will be so much quieter in here!" or "why are you leaving? ; this is why [points out to him]". But again, you also have to be careful with this, since they can again come across as offensive. So be careful with this, to avoid misinterpretation, sort of, it may not be good, because when it's bad it can be really bad, the non-verbal communication I was talking about, reading the person's intent, and it shouldn't come out of nowhere, the joke I mean. There either has to be a great deal of trust between you, to make it clear this is not the case, i.e. clearly false clause from above. To have a reputation for a joker, so that it's more likely that you're kidding than not. And eventually, to make sure, you can just say it "I'm kidding". You can "break the joke" and definetly say something for your jokes overall like: "Did it bother you when I (...)?; okay, just making sure, then I'll keep going" or "I am kidding, if anything is bothering you, please tell me and I'll stop". Just to be clear that you are both on the same page, you both can take the joke and none of you is secretly offended. There is a lot to think about there.

You trademark how cool you are. Even in self-depricating humor. You don't become a clown that everyone makes fun of. The point of humor, beside being amused and have a good time, is to raise yourself in the eyes of other people. It's okay to be a goodball. But I'm saying this because you don't use humor to become the clown / target that everyone hits with pies on, if anything, you can use humor to fight back from that.

I'm saying this because sometimes you can make fun of yourself in such a way, such a long and consntat way, that everyone will just go along with it. Including yourself. But deep down you won't like it. Just fight back or be honsest about how you feel. So use it amused and have a good time, is to raise yourself in the eyes of other people, including self-depricating humor.

Also, don't be too rigid about others making fun of you. It's cool if other make fun of you, it's not cool if others make fun of you constantly and all the time. Or if they cross the line, going from offensive to more offensive and more offensive and more offensive. In that case, as I said, just fight back or be honest about how you feel. You can banter with hate, or you can banter with love and fun. It's the latter when the others' (the teased's) feelings are taken into account.

So yeah, take their feelings into account but also make fun of them. Just don't overdo it, as in constantly doing it all the time. Tease people, because it's funny, but don't overdo it, because it gets stressing.

Teasing is a bit of a "mean" behavior even if you're joking. So you need to balance out the mean behavior with some genuine moments of good, to:
(a) Make it even more clear that you're joking.
(b) Not be a constant tease, which can be annoying.

What are they insecure about? you have to know them a bit to figure that out. In rest, you can pretty much go for it. Make stereotypes, make assumptions, make comparisons; try to downplay them, etc.

Be witty. A lot of teasing is just being witty.

Somtimes, teasing is just non-serious talk, like "heeeeey!". Implying they did something bad but in a friendly brotherly way. I can't really put the tone into writing but imagine something like "Jhoooooon!" with a lower accent in the middle like "oh, John, you always do that". Basically implying "John, you're incompetent".

Or saying things like "you don't have tastes". Making each other look better or worse. A friendly competition about making each other look better or worse.

Or tease like "you're going to be bad". Like "you're going to be a bad father". Or "I wouldn't want to be your child". Or sarcastically say "wow, you're going to be an excellent father".

Teasing is basically poking fun at people but without crossing that line where you're being offensive. You downplay them, but you don't downplay them in all aspects, only some that are considered "allowable".

It's actually very easy to be with people as long as you are accepting of many behaviors. And seek to find the good in many.

You can even put salt on the wound. If someone teases someone else about something that implies they are uninteresting, such as "eh, you're just not worth listening to", you can say "ouch, he made you uninteresting", pointing out the obvious but adding salt on the wound in the process.

Being offened and bring insulted and being attacked are different things.

You got to figure out with each group of people where the limit is. Usually when you're in a new group of people, just observe the rest for what is acceptable to them. And "join the fun" once you are already familiar with each other, or if they "jump on you first". But, if you are the one who has to take the initiative, just remember that teasing is different for boys & girls, generally speaking.

Look at the points 12-16 from way up above for reference. In general, you can't just tell a girl "you're stupid" or even imply it. You have to be more delicate. Show a bit more circumspection in your behavior. There are things you just "can't afford". But, with boys, you can even outright directly say "you're stupid" like it's no big deal.

I guess this makes for a good summary, if it can be even called a summary.

ARE YOU BEING TEASED OR SARCASTIC RANTS:

I think the difference between teasing and insulting someone stands in the gravity of what you say, your tonality and the perceived relation between you two.


A lot of teasing is just sarcasm, sarcastically exposing or highlighting the perceived bad in them.

Sarcasm is when you may tell the truth but you also may not, we don't know, you are just joking.

You got to be willing to be 'attacking' a bit. You got to be willing to break some boundaries. Sometimes it can be good to step a boundary.


Attacking is a bit of a wrong word. You don't have to hurt their feelings or be attacking. You don't have to be offensive. Instead, you have to be more of the bragging or braggish "I'm better than you" type, but in an ironic way.

A shortcoming of their or something great for you:


The "you are doing bad" kind of thing - "don't worry about failing in life, you'll always find room to work as a janitor".

Or the "I'm genuinely making fun of you" - if someone is very cold, say: "we are here at the mountainside is Alaska, there is now show yet but it's very cold, as you can see (pointing out to them being cold)". Or making fun of them for looking ridiculous when holding a chair or something.

These 2 work great with emparthy combined.
- Or the ragging brash "I'm going to change myself/cool, where is your window?"

- Or breaking expectations - saying the unproper things for comedic effect. Doing the unproper. That can be fun and can be teasing. Saying the unproper. What is usually not said. Such as saying something slightly mean or implying bad intention in them. Saying about dogs that "they look like piggies" or if they are working at a morgue say about living people "look at all those future clients" implying that they are only going for their self-interest.

- Beside doing/saying unproper things yourself. Asking/forcing them to do/say unproper things/things that they don't want because it's socially acceptable and they are expected to be good in society. Like asking them nicely to do something you know that they don't want.

An appeal to manners. People are supposed to be nice and helpful, you can make fun of them by asking them nicely to do something they might otherwise not want to do. Especially when they are around relative strangers and they have to behave, they have to be polite, people are supposed to do stuff like that so they are supposed to do it to save face, even when otherwise they might not want it.

- Or even the give&take teasing trying to outsmart them, pretending to give them something, then turn it back.

- Somtimes, teasing is just making a statement like "heeeeey!". Implying they did something bad but in a friendly brotherly way. I can't really put the tone into writing but imagine something like "Jhoooooon!" (the context is: you're incompetent) with a lower accent in the middle like "oh, John, you always do that". Basically implying "John, you're incompetent".

- Or saying things like "you don't have tastes". Making each other look better or worse. A friendly competition about making each other look better or worse.

- Or tease like "you're going to be bad", as in you're going to be terrible at something. Like "you're going to be a bad father". Or "I wouldn't want to be your child". Or sarcastically say "wow, you're going to be an excellent father".

- Or adding of the premise into the question, like: there’s a world of difference between “I can see that your hair roots are obviously a different color than your hair.” and “Wow! I love your hair! But how on earth did you manage to dye just the roots and not the ends?”.

- Or the 4 short line old ones with an emphasis on being creative, "you look like Jodan Peterson" type.

As a rule of thumb, teasing has an emphasis on being creatieve, "you look like Jordan Peterson with a moustache" type:

- Start out small with very light, innocent teasing and see how they respond. Do they think it's funny? Try something small and see if you get a positive response before saying anything more bold.

- It's important to have a balance between the teasing. It can't be the only thing you do. More importantly, it doesn't work if you're the only one making fun of the other person in the relationship. The point is the other person getting back at you, it doesn't have to be right away, but just striving for some equality is important. If the person usually has a positive response but rarely takes the initiative to tease you, you can occasionally make fun of yourself instead to balance it a bit.

- A lot of humor in teasing is being creative instead of just making fun of the person. Make a specific joke! For example, instead of saying your friend sucks at some sport, make a comparison that something/someone that clearly can't play well would do a better job.

- Balance it by making up for the "mean" behavior by going out of your way to be friendly. Give genuine compliments, and try to have moments where you lift the other person up, instead of being just a "regular" friendly person. Give the person meaningful memories of you being nice as well. You don't have to do this constantly, but balance out your "good" and "bad" behavior.

Let's get them into more detail:

For the first one:

First you have to see the personality of a person, to see if they are the type that enjoy a good tease or not.

And you can't do it right away, you have to get to know them a bit, to get familiar a bit, to get close a bit, have a few interactions and a connection of trust, so that those jokes are considered safe.

But then, if you are also known as a joker and are extra expressive and objviously joking in your approach, you can skip this step, but not to the point of making fun of a person you've never met or just met.

Except when it's a scoially understodd scenario where such types of jokes are allowed. Like a stand-up club or dating texts on tinder and such.

If you don't know the person at all, you can still make jokes otherwise but not personal jokes, but jokes like "you'll have to pay, if you want to hear more from you explaining a certain thing to them, like in - you're doing them a favor but not really, as you request payment" and even then the tonality matters.

The attitude you have matters a lot in the way of saying it saying it, if you say it with a smile on your face it will likely be understood as a joke, and with a faster voice to imply faster tonality and sarcasm.

The joke as in coming across as a joke is just as important as the joke itself. If you say it with a blunt voice, a bit bored, and no expresivity and tonality on your face, don't be surprised if it's rightly interpreted as serious.


For the 2nd one:

No matter how good you are, teasing can't be the only thing you do.

Make these jokes but also, have moments where you show a lot of depth, that you're being human, that you're having an interaction where you are interested in getting to know them, that you are having sensitivity, that you talk about what is she into or what you have in common.

That's how you make an enjoyable discussion, a pleasant discussion.

And it can't be the only jokes you do, also make other types of jokes that essentially don't affect anyone.

And don't insist on them, make them once or twice and then stop, don't be a bully, it's fun at first but annoying to have these all the time.

And be playful, most important, be playful, in good spirits, when making them. With laugher and amusement, mutual laughter, not with hate and conviction, and consideration for their feelings and desire to make them laugh even if they are slightly dismissed at first like "hey!", that's what makes the difference between a good teaser and a troll or a bully.


The teaser is merely poking them, challenging them, saying something slightly bad about them in a funny and sarcastic way, that is bad but not terrible, like saying something about their hair, downplaying them, the troll or bully is insulting, saying something seriously bad in a blunt and direct way.

The teaser is a slight push or sting with a needle but also has a pillow underneath, creating a safe enviroment to not be offended through your words while still being made fun of, the troll or bully is a direct punch.

Like a woman almost tripping and saying "sorry, it happens to everyone", you can reply "does it happen to everyone? or just you?".

For the 3rd one:

You have to be creative and come up with weird ideas. The more specific the joke, the better. And the more ridiculous, also the better. And is has to have some truth in it. There has to be some seed of truth in it. But it also needs to take the other person's feelings into account.

It's indirect and has a seed of truth. That's what makes it cool. Not to mention it's attractive because it's a challenge, it's disagreement, which is cool. There is some truth in it, so your comment isn't entierly off the mark, it is relevant.

Teasing has to have a seed of truth for it to work. You usually exaggerate and misrepresent that truth, but at the end of the day there is some truth in it.

Such as if their ear is hurting "you sound a lot like Van Gogh" (implying that eventually that ear will fall off) or "you know who else had problems with the ear? Van Gogh".

It has to be ridiculous, and it has to be indirect. And it has to make fun of them.

Don't make fun of things that they will be upset / insecure about.

It can't just be a random content. It has to be relevant to their situation and make it slightly bad for them.

And as said above, good spirits. It has to be made with good spirits, with the intention to make fun of them, not with the intention to hurt. As I said about the "attacking" thing, you don't have to hurt their feelings or be attacking. You don't have to be offensive. Instead, you have to be more of the bragging or braggish "I'm better than you" type, but in an ironic way.

So, be funny, be amused, have a good delivery.

Specifc and ridculous and relevant to them and attitude (good delivery). As said in the 2nd part with the smile.


These are not the only kind of jokes, those are jokes by comparison. But there are other kinds of jokes, for example the one with "I'm going to change myself/cool, where is your window?" and the freezing thing with "we are here at the mountainside is Alaska, there is now show yet but it's very cold, as you can see (pointing out to them being cold)" and the give&take teasing trying to outsmart them, pretending to give them something, then turn it back. But these kinds of specific and relevant comparison jokes are a good rule of thumb.

In general: think of something bad about them, and extrapolate it or constantly mention it.

For the 4th one:

Don't be a joker 24/7, also have moments of human interaction, of good discussion, but do be a joker once in a while.

To connect with them, to approach with them, to have that warmth. This was already discussed in the 2nd part.


I find it useful to talk a bit more about being creative as in being indirect. Which is different from my "you look like" assertion but more similar to the advice on wording as in adding of the premise to the question "how did you manage to dye just the roots and not the ends?".

It certainly "stings", nobody wants to not have their ends dyed. But it's not offensive either. It's not like they insulted you by saying your ends are not dyed.

In teasing, there's no set in stone rule for a perfect tease, you have to be creative, and the best tease is usually indirect.

You don't outright call a person fat or ugly or unskilled or whatever, but you imply it with something else.

And teasing is usually circumstantial, you make things of the situation or things you have around you to make a good tease, or even make stereotypes or point out the obvious.

You can tease someone for having an immoral behavior, an out of order behavior, you can throw random comments like "I know you will lose" it's still a form of teasing.

Your, you can turn it the other way around and make a "good tease". Like, instead of "I know you will lose" say "You are already 3 steps ahead of us" with a sarcastic tone.

And, you can dispel one of their insecurities with teasing. If they are insecure about it, make fun of them for making a big deal about something so minor, like if someone things they have an ugly costume, you can be like "that's it? is this what I'm supposed to be shocked about? wow". You don't tease them about something bad about them, but instead tease them for feeling bad about something that's good about them.


At the end of the day, teasing only works because it contains the "read people" part:

Yes, you can "read" people. It's not about being emotional as it is about being a childish and playful person in general. Some people can be very emotional / stone cold yet very easily offended. The stone cold easily offended should be avoided at all costs. Other people can be very emotional / stone cold yet very in tune with the jokes and how humor works. You can look at them whether they have a more playful atttiude in general or are more serious.

Which is useful, because in general you should look at people and see their reactions.
"What is he like?", "What does he want?", "Is he interested?".

Some would say that sarcastic means to clearly mean the opposite of what you say. Not necessarily. Sarcastic just has to be something for the comedic effect, it doesn't necessarily have to mean that you mean the opposite of what you say like the "how did you manage to dye just the roots and not the ends?" or "I'm going to change myself/cool, where is your window?" thing.

It doesn't mean that you necessarly mean the opposite of what you say, just that you are not serious, you are joking. Or are you? that's the cool thing about sarcasm, you could be serious, you could be not. You might just tell the truth as a joke. They don't know. But don't do that. Also, sarcasm can be touchy, but not extra hurtful, just like sarcasm and as I talked about above in the "attacking" parts, the point is not to hurt their feelings but to mutually laugh.

IS TEASING A FORM OF DOMIANCE?

Is teasing a form of dominance?

And the reason teasing is "sexy" is because it asserts dominance of a man over a woman which consciously and unconsciously reminds both parties of the dominant role men nornally take?

I see it only as playfully having a good time...

A lot of teasing is just sarcasm, sarcastically exposing or highlighting the perceived bad in them.
Sarcasm is when you tell the truth but also may not, we don't know, you are just joking.
You got to be willing to be "attacking" a bit.
You got to be willing to break some boundaries.
Sometimes it can be good to break a boundary.

And if she says "goodbye" or "leave me alone" but laughs, keep doing it, you push some boundaries and show defiance but it's actually in good spirit because she laughs. Most of communication is non-verbal.
Most of communication is non-verbal, for how they act is more important than what they outright say, so be aware of social clues.

You tease them about something bad about them.
And saying it indirectly in a way that is funny, that small flaws.
The small flaws you exploit.

Sarcasm is also about breaking expectations, leading people in one direction then doing the complete opposite.
There is a bit of wickedness in teasing too but not really as it's not serious.
The point is not to hurt their feelings, the point is to amuse them and be amused yourself.

Show your personality.
Tease people, because it's funny, but don't overdo it, because it gets stressing.
You can be a bit slick and under the table.
Other things such as knowing how to dance and not being overweight helps, since we actually find people that are more attractive as more funny, we are usually more eager to give them the benefit of the doubt.

In the end, teasing is all fun, chill and high vibes. It's about the attitude. It's about having fun when talking to each other.

The teasing from the conversation can make you a cool guy.
Finding something bad about them and then exploiting it in a funny way. That is essentially teasing I guess.

But you got to be willing to go overboard and actually push some boundaries.
In a way, you could treat them "like a child", like an inexperienced child that you make fun of.
Or like that guy from that online game when you're being toxic, but this is why you don't overdo it, it's a soft toxicity, a bit of it can be fun, with them feeling "attacked" and challenged. Too much of it can be actual toxicity.

While sarcasm is essentially saying the opposite of what you mean, with the sarcastic tone clearly different from your normal tone that gives it away, and the current situation that makes it clear & obvious that's not the right answer.
You can exaggerate something to ridiculousness for sarcasm.
That's pretty much all when it comes to sarcasm & teasing.

It also helps if you increase your overall attractiveness: looks, personality, etc.

How to become a better teaser?
In short, I would say: Don't upset/offend people by making fun of something they are insecure about.

Now, if people get offened or upset once in a while for you made fun of something they are insecure about, it's not really a big thing. They will get over it and forget it. Apologise and say you won't do it again. It's not the end of the world. Don't get all defensive and low about it, yes, you made a bad joke and you are sorry and you will make up for it.

Keep your attitude, do apologise but don't get all humble and defensive.
You admit your mistake and consider it but still raise up above it. You don't get on your knees and be or consider this the end of your relationship.

I guess teasing can show dominance in some various ways like:

You dominate the conversation

Make her want you

Play qualify and disqualify games.


Qualify is when you change your behavior to try to impress someone else. In social interactions, the person who is qualifying itself to the other person is the person of lower social status. That's how it's seen. If someone is always trying to accomodate you, to appease you, to build report, then it just seems in the interaction that she's of lower social status you're of higher social status.

For example, you say: A says - "you know, I'm really into sports" and B replies - "well, I used to play volleyball". B is qualifying. And if you do it once or twice it happens, but if you do it all the time it becomes pretty apparent that you are trying to qualify to her, to become all that she wants, to appease her.

You can make an assertion and see if she falls by it "I find that adventurous people are the most fun", and if she agrees great if she doesn't agree fine because it's not like you said "please qualify to me".

If she's like "I really disagree" and gives a very logical answer, you know she's not trying to qualify herself to you. So joke around, tease her a little bit more, have some good conversations good vibe and try again later.

Qualifying is that narrative when you create the sense of she won you over, there's something special that's going to make it make more sense for you to hang out or get a number, etc. Disqualifying is going to make her try even harder and invest even more. So you want to do a little bit of both.

If every single time she tries to qualify you you just disqualify her (disagree), she'll give up and stop trying to qualify.

If every single time she tries to qualify you you always qualify her (agree with her), she's like "this guy is too easy", "there's no value in it".

So what you want is a mix of both. Occasionally qualify, occasionally disqualify.


And the best way to do it is just be honest. The things she says that really impress you, be impressed by it. The things she says that are kind of lame, don't be afraid to tell her are kind of lame.

You can be soft-spoken and still disagree. People like honest opinions because they like to know how things really are, and having someone who can give a honest opinion can be quite attractive. Being willing to say that that thing isn't that great, or that that thing doesn't look so good, or that you don't like that kind of music, or that you have another preference, etc.

Ok, I got a bit off-topic, so teasing can show dominance in some various ways like:

Romance but also being strong and competent.

People can impress with their sensitivity by becoming good at playing an instrument or simply expressing empathy and even moments of sincerity.

- Girls with sensitivity like polite and respectful men with sensitivity and a gentle soul. Someone who can open their heart and can show depths of feeling. Someone loving who is like a gentleman.

Showing sensitivity is attractive, like learning an instrument, looking at art, listening to opera, music about the soul like rap. Girls with sensitivity like men who show that they look beyond looks and appreciate the person they are.

Try to approach people emotionally, having moments of realness, of being honest, of speaking from the heart, of seeking closure and telling how you feel.

Treat people right and be gentle with them. You don't have to insist on her. You just have to be great around her. Make yourself likeable by making the other person feel pleasant around you, make her feel entertained. You can eventually talk about deep stuff, transition from small talk to big talk. Have an honest discussion, share, open your hearts to various things that bothers you or him or talk about various issues in the world or with other people, that is equally interesting, to be emotionally connected with the other person.

Be open to talk about feelings, it doesn't have to be a 2-way discussion. It's a mix of being fun and caring moments, which is natural for humans, not only in dating but with anyone.

You got to be emotionally available and look at people.

If you do have a problem, go for real talk, and I mean real talk, not just talk. To talk to her and tell her how you feel. Just be natural, let it flow. Give it on emotions. Have a discussion from the heart. If she cares about you, she will have that discussion too. To have a serious discussion from the heart. Real communication brings people closer. It also allows you to be yourself, to be you that you can be and not be hidden or wear a mask because then you are not enjoying yourself. Or at least not hidden about your feelings.

Having one of those deep discussions when you talk from the heart also helps.


And of course, be yourself.

I think it's important to be yourself, in the sense of to be the you that you can be and not be hidden or wear a mask because then you are not enjoying yourself. To say what you feel. Because if you aren't yourself and you wear a mask and are hidden then you can't really enjoy yourself while doing so and you cannot form a genuine emotional connection while not being genuine. That doesn't mean to tell her everything about your life, even the most embarassing things, but to have a healthy dose of being open about your feelings there.

That also doesn't mean not to take care of your looks or your life or your finances because "I'm being myself and if she likes me then she likes me the way I am", that's terrible advice, because everybody must have something to offer to be in a relationship, that's the bottom line question, what do you have to offer? whether it's warmth, intelligence, making them laugh or something else. There's a reason a woman with good education and wealth and looks won't be with a man of poor education who is ugly and works as a janitor. I'm not saying it's impossible, I'm saying it's not usually the case.

And the reason for this is standards. They have something to offer, otherwise you wouldn't be attracted to them. If you want to get what they have to offer, you have to have something to offer yourself that they want. To make them feel good, through warmth and fun, and yes to provide some financial support, I'm not saying be a sugar daddy but don't be an ugly janitor with no money either. A woman with standards want a man that she can have a future with, a man that can offer her a future. But, being yourself in the sense of not wearing a mask or being hidden, is not the same thing as neglecting yourself and thinking you musn't have something to offer to make being with you a good deal for the other person as well, being yourself means to have a healthy dose of being open about your feelings, to tell what you feel.

Being yourself doesn't mean being a jerk to other people either. You can learn an advice and take it to heart and then it becomes part of yourself, being yourself is more about being your emotional self than acting on every whim or instinct or impulse. You can be yourself and be able to take people with benevolence, to be understanding, like "I don't even need a reason" if she has done something or asks for something and feels the need to justify herself to you.

It can make people feel free to be more of themselves around you, more open, more authentic, when they see that certain behavior are not only accepted but celebrated. It allows people to be real, to be themselves, not wear a mask, not be hidden and talk from the heart, when they feel they don't have to fit a certain line to be accepted or celebrated, when you take people with benevolence and are understanding, the "I don't even need a reason" type where she doesn't feel the need to justify herself to you for doing something or asking for something.


And say what they are probably thinking, not what you believe they want to hear (aka praise), but what they are probably thinking.

Be a bit under the table.


- Just be amused.

What you have to offer is less of a question. More of a question is: how attractive you are?

It's all about attraction. Making people drawn to you.


- Find out what she is into that you could also be into, people like to talk about subjects that fascinate them.
- Find what that person is interested in, talk about that thing.

How to become better at communication? People like to talk about themselves. People like to talk about what they are doing, where they have been and so on.

I still don't know how to 'touch' people but talking about themselves or talking about something they are interested in is a good place to start.

When it comes to conversation, as long as you have a good smiley attitude you should be good, even if you hit on them on the street.
(A) Apart from talking about themselves and talking about something they are interested in, you can:
(B) Look at the enviroment and talk about something within the enviroment.
(C) Talk about these subjects: weather, arts, entertainment, sports, family, food, work, school, travel, celebrity gossip, hobbies, hometown, movies, music. Kind of shallow but this is how everything starts.

With a benevolent, kind, non-aggresive attitude.
I feel the need to mention this because you shouldn't be too much in their soul if you notice a drawback from them, allow people their space.
Combine that with teasing and occasional jokes and it's going to be amazing.

So you haven't interacted with the person, you start with 3 choices: be direct, use the pretext of a commonality or use the pretext of asking for help. In the 1st case, it depends a lot on the location, in a library you probably have to talk about books while in a club you can talk about how hot your are or that I have noticed you. In the 2nd case you tell her that you saw her there and talk about that thing you have in common. In the 3rd case, you find a pretext to talk to her such as asking for help, and next time just ask her how is she doing.

So you go to basic talk: weather, arts, entertainment, sports, family, food, work, school, travel, celebrity gossip, hobbies, hometown. It's also okay to have moments of silence and feel comfortable in the silence, even make fun of silence. Additionally, find similar interests, have you tried anything she's interested in? communication is key in any relationship. Things aren't complicated, we overcomplicate them out of fear or desire to make everything perfect. The most important thing in a relationship is communcation, when you have a problem to say it, not to keep it buckled up in yourself.

Then when you are more familiar with each other and in touch for a bit, you can shift to big talk, to talk about the deeper concepts of life: money, poverty, justice, fairness, happiness, motivation, desire, knowledge, communication. And as you get to know her and she gets to know you on these issues, you'll both get a better idea of who the other person is. By, you know, just talking about life in general.

And then you can talk about personal issues, if you have already talked about the deeper concepts of life in general she already knows you enough to trust whatever is she dealing with, so you can talk about: struggles, failures, fears, doubts, insecurities, regrets, worries. And when you are on the receiving end of these issues, respond with warmth and reassurance. There is a mutual feeling of trust in those scenarios. That is how you emotionally connect with people, understand their struggles and seek to comfort them. And being on their side, not necessarliy always giving advice, but just listening.

Making jokes is an absolutely essential part in having fun with each other. You can have fun in other ways like doing fun activities, but making jokes is probably the simplest and is universally valid. The magic of the humor is in it's absurdity, things are funny because they are ridiculous, either ridiculously simple or ridiculously wrong, they make no sense, or when you see something that is already ridiculous and exaggerate it even further is also funny, sarcasm works the same way, you say something that it's so ridiculous it can't be true, because you mean the opposite.

And when you are asked something: Don't answer a question directly. Either give more details or delay the answer with another conversation topic. Your job is to convey your personality, that's what you're trying to do.

When you talk to her, you try to keep her interested by talking about herself or something she is interested in.Find what that person is interested in, talk about that thing. OR look at the enviroment and talk about something within the enviroment. OR basic shallow stuff like: weather, arts, entertainment, sports, family, food, work, school, travel, celebrity gossip, hobbies, hometown, movies, music. But you also try to convey your personality, to show who you are, to create some familiarity.

Now, the assumption is that your personality is an attractive one, and you have to market it as such. If you think your personality is unattractive and act like it's unattractive, even say that your personality is unattractive, well, she can only agree with you, so why are we even here? so you have to think that your personality is an attractive one and market it as such. She might disagree, but if you market it as unattractive and she agrees it's the same thing. At least here you have a chance that you market your personality as attractive and she agrees. It's a lot more likely than the other way around, you thinking of yourself as unattractive and she disagreeing.

But you have to convey your personality because if she doesn't know who you are, she can't get attracted to you, because there's no you to get attracted to. Makes sense? If you're just a string of questions, random questions, what is she interacting with? an interview machine?

If you ask questions, ask questions in a way that converys your personality: if she works in a hotel industry, you could ask "why would you go into an industry where people yell at you and are upset with you all the time?". And also frame it positively, "you seem like a pretty competent capable person, why the hotel industry of all the things you could have done?".

When you're talking about different topics there's levels to it. Talking about random things is very not intimate, that's the least intimate. Talking about yourself is fairly not initmate because it's not a big deal for her, there's no debate in it, telling stories about yourself. Talking about her tends to be a little more intimate. What you'd really like to be talking about is you and her together, and that's the most intimate. It's: random, I, you, we.

So what you want to do is shift the topics to more intimate ones, and an easy way to do that is by teasing. Because teasers are fun and light-hearted and you're just kidding, so it's a safe way of introducting those more intimate topics.

How of creating attraction is through normal conversation, how can you get better at this an connecting with people in general? In conversation, probably the most common mistake guys make when talking to girls is that they stop being themselves, stop being enjoying the converation, paying attention and actually being in the conversation they're in, and they start thinking too much outside the conversation.

Probably the most important thing you can do in a conversation is stop trying to think of what to say in the future, stop trying to think of where to take this, etc. And mostly, just be present in the conversation. Mostly, pay attention to the girl, and really key off off what they're doing.

Trust and believe that who you are has value to offer to the conversation. If you fundamentally don't believe that, if you fundamentally think that you're taking value from the conversation, it's going to come off that that's the case, the other person is going to catch that vibe, and also, you're going to be constantly censoring and monitoring yourself and you're going to find yourself locked up and not having a lot to say.

So the first thing you can do in a conversation is understand that it's actually an interplay, it's an exchange of ideas and exchange of thoughts between you and another person or other people, and so you need to be paying attention to them.

If you're self-centered in the conversation, you're going to be missing things, you're not going to come off as charismatic, you're not going to be very relateable.

The natural instinct you should avoid, getting to self-centered in your own conversation, most people are self-centered in their conversation, most people are caught up in: their own insecurities, their own thoughts, their own little world and are barely paying attention to anybody else.

If you're the person that is actually paying attention to them, and understanding them, and showing that, showing that you care. They're going to relate a lot more to you than they would to someone who seems oblivious to them. Because they are the most relevant thing going on.

Find out who this person is, value this person, become truly interested in this person. Explore her personality to discover who she is. When you're talking to a girl, find a couple distinctive things about her that are reasons why you like her.

Because that's going to show: you paid attention, you valued her and is also going to make her feel like she earned your attention in some way. You make her feel that she has earned your attention because of who she is, what she values, what she is intersted about. You wouldn't just give it to any girl just because she's hot.

And as I said previously, have deep discussions. About life: money, how we need money, etc. You can even start a random topic, just like that. Religion, talking about religion. About people, their goal, their purpose, their happiness, what makes someone happy. Most of these discussions involve a bit of sadness and introspection. And also talking with the other person, having a conversation, not just spewing your ideas.

It's about connecting with people, getting to know them on a deeper level. You have to like/love someone before you want to connect. But you can also show you're someone worth connecting with. What about love? what is love? what about love for a stranger, or a begger, or a fellow human? You can even start them by making a statement "you know, I think human beings.." or directly ask a question "what do you think about religion?".

What would you do if you only had 3 days to live or a month? Most of these involve a "doomsday" approach, since generally they revolve around what is wrong with the world, but it's also fascinating to have a meaningful discussion like that if you find someone who is into it. And yes, even the cliche "what do you think the meaning of life is?". You will get to know what they think like, how they see life on a deeper level, and they will see the same for you.

Now, you also need a good icebreaker.

Icebreaker: what have you been doing? or a common subjects you both talk about.

As I said above - You don't have to insist on her. You just have to be great around her. Make yourself likeable by making the other person feel pleasant around you, make her feel entertained.
You make her want you by drawing her to you.

Ok, back to teasing & dominance.

At the end of the day it's all making fun, calling names, and it’s non-serious in the conversation.
You are playing with them, teasing them, lightly.

I would say “provoking them”. Downplaying them that they are not so good at something, to get a laugh. And to “attack” them a bit because its funny. And it can also be attractive. Couples tease each other all the time.

It’s like a fight, but it’s not so much about establishing superiority (dominate the conversation; but with moral fiber) as it’s about playing a game. Making fun of them, mockery.

In a world where women are so much used with being treated from above, that teasing can come across as being equals or even being treated from below. Treating them like other people, you know, the making fun of them, the mockery.

It also shows you’re someone with standards.

Poking holes in their logic can be another form of teasing.
And a very satifying one. And a very easy to use.

As well as exaggerating their mistakes, making them worse than they actually are.
Or finding similar comparisons.
Or saying that they always do those mistakes.
Sarcastically saying it, smuggish sort of way.
It can also be kind of cute.
Making funs.

That doesn’t mean you have to be a joker all the time, quite the opposite.

You can be polite, but also familiar, decent and inviting. Seek to get a closer bond.

Be likeable.

Qualify and disqualify with compliments.

If you only compliment some of the time, and are willing to be honest about how a certain thing looks like, when you're complimenting it's actually valued more because you're being honest. Your compliment is not taken with a grain of salt because you were not complimenting so many times.

If you compliment her, compliment something distinct about her, something specfic about her rather than a generic compliment, that will take notice and will be appreciated.

The guy who stands up for himself, the guy who is honest about what he likes and dislikes, even what he likes and dislikes about her dress, or how her hair is like right now, even willing to state a controversial political opinion and genuinely does what he thinks is right but has good intentions for her. So nice behavior are not inherently bad, but if all you have is nice behaviors, you're boring, you look pathetic, and ironically: you're going to be perceived as less nice and less trusted than someone who is occasionally nice.

You will be perceived as having an agenda if you are too nice. So get away from that, be your honest self. Put it out there. If you honestly disagree with the girl, say it. If you honestly want to tease the girl, take that risk. Occasionally, yes you will offend the girl with your teasing, more often than not though: she'll respect you for it, she'll appreciate it and she'll get much more attracted to you as a result. Honesty is appreciated because it's rare, we like people who tell us things like it is because we can trust it, you don't have to tell it in a jerkish way, but you can disagree respectfully.

You need to be a nice guy with a hint to bad guy, or a bad guy with a hint of nice guy. You need to have a combination of both. To be able to be on both sides. Both the sensitive and the warrior. Both the diplomant and the stand up for himselfer. The nice because he perfers and the can get away without being nice, the can be not nice if required, and sometimes is not nice. The risk taker and the protector, the guy who will stand up for himself, because then you will also stand up for her. The nurturing who is contlict avoidant but is okay with a conflict if there is no other choice. Comfortable with conflict. Like that Sting song "Confront your enemies, avoid them when you can, a genlteman will walk but never run". Someone who can show depths of feelings but also someone who can be a bit mean at times and is not afraid of negative social feedback.

There is a saying: if you want to be interesting, be interested.
You can be interesting by bering interested in them.
Because people love it when they feel validated and listened to.
The most imporntant subject for discussion for them is themselves after all.

The TL;DR version is this one:

It's like a fight, but it's not so much about establishing superiority as it is about playing a game. Making fun of them, mockery.

In a world where women are so much used with being treated from above, that teasing can come across as being equals or even being treated from below. Treating them like other people. You know, the making fun of them, mockery.

It also sort of shows you're someone with standards.

Poking holes in their logic can be another form of teasing. And a very satifying one. And a very easy to use.

As well as exaggerating their mistakes. Making them worse than they actually are. Or finding similar comparisons. Or saying that they always do those mistakes. Sarcastically saying it, smuggish sort of way. It can also be kind of cute.

Teasing is indeed a playful thing.
However it is usually done to highlight quirks and show acceptance in those.
I guess you could say it's a form of display of affection of other people's quirks.

To me, teasing is arrogances "I'm better than you". Thug life. Not real hurtful ones, jokingly ones.

Of course, may not work with everyone, but when they work, they are great.

A lot of teasing is just sarcasm, saying things you don't really mean for the humor effect, making fun of them, or of someone else, but in light ways, like (that do end up being hurtful, but not offensive, if you understand where the balance is; I guess being honest but being honest as a joke; just give up on your funny spirit and let if flow):

1. Talking about someone you don't like and giving someone else as comparison:

It would look like him if he wouldn't have a beard, too bad he's worse.

So there's a chance they are relatives.

Unfortunately, mabye if he was born later I would have been lucky and got away.

Or earlier, maybe he would have retired before meeting you.

That's what I meant.

Or maybe with 40 years ealier.

He would have been bullied a lot.

He's the kind of guy with "sir, these guys want to cross on the red"

He would probably beat us given how tall he is.

I think he was like that, this is why he hates a lot of people.

Truly, I can't think of something else.

Or more to get revenge on people.


2. Or someone has a bad tatoo "if you can understand what he writes there I'll admit I have no idea about tattoos".

3. Or misrepresenting what they said:

Officially, it's my last day here.

You can even leave now if you want.

Where, here or at my job?

Wherever you want.


4. Or just doing random stuff and seeing where it's going. Playing a frame game, taking their words and turining them into the worst case possible. Making them look bad or yourself look better.

Are you okay?

Yes, why you ask?

Just making sure.

You broke my chain of pictures

Oh, am I a joke to you?

That's exactly what I wanted to say.

That's very offensive.

For me or for you?

I think you wanted to say something else.

What did I want to say?

Ok, you're starting to become naughty.

Oh, really, you don't say.

More like, come pick me up, I'm scared.

More like, they ask you how you are and you just have to say you're fine.

Really, you right now.

But what have I done?

When I didn't get your pictures and broke the chain.

How can you not understand such a thing, they are art. I see you're not a woman of culture.

Good joke, stop doing it. I'm crying.

Stop crying, stop crying, you have suffered enough, that's enough, be strong.

Come on, stop being such a jerk.

Does sleeping before the movie ends seem familiar to you?

I call BS.

You want to go to the casino and make tons of money?

If you get the jackpot you're cool.

Look who knows.

Who me? I don't know anything about these.

How much did you made the most?

Who, me? about 200, I'm kidding.

Yeah, sure, you're kidding.

I got the salary today.

So that's where you salary goes.

What? Not true, I kept half of it.

Yeah, for dog races.

I think I'll lose my job.

What I hate in my life the most, work.

Respect.

Don't worry, you have other options, the low jobs are always there for you, or stealing.

Stealing doesn't sound so bad anymore.

There are options.

I'll put a good word for you.

We'll start our criminal career based on good words.

It would really be sad to end up this way.

You as the worker and me as the manager, we're making a company out of this.

I'll split the salary.

Can you give me some cash?

Double?

Meaning?

Double for me.

We're doing half-half, you pay me half for real and half off the record.

What are you doing here?

You're going to be the loser, there has to be a loser.

No. You're the loser.

Come on, I'll give you tickets. Have you ever seen a loser as manager?

Who says we're going off the record, we're going on the record.

Recoding stealings?

You know what, before that we should make some tools.

I don't know, talk to the guys on the field, I'm the manager.

If I get the money I can be whoever needs to be.

Exactly, because Dorel is the one producing.

Oh, excuse me.

You're forgiven (not taking the sarcasm seriously and responding to it for what it is)

Really?

That's exactly what you'll say when I get my first salary.

Money first.

Is the minnimum wage okay?

No, I'll look like that when you stand and do nothing. I'll think about it.

Plus some tickets.

How cool you are this one who is the manager (again, not falling into the sarcasm but taking it for what it is, that way you disarm the sarcasm)

Thank you. I'm the king.

You don't learn resourcefullness, you are born with it.


Of course, most of the conversations are around common interests you both like, but it's also fun to have non-sense talks like these.

I'm not saying be a jerk. Have decency. Have dignity. Remember to have dignity. Be a guardian angel. The sister you never had (sort of, in the sense of be romantically invested but also treat her like a sister, as there plenty of couples who treat each other like crap). Be her friend and she will begin to trust you.

You can even be romantic about it. It was at a hotel, going back with my family, picked up some sandwiches, when I met this girl I knew on the halways, asked her if she would like to come with me, as I previously asked her online whether she knows any good places to visit, on the road told her thanks for telling me where I could find those, took a little detour in park, then when to a town center, searched there a bit, found a workout place, she wanted in, I dragged her a little back gently "no, no, no, this is not for [her home town] girls", "but this is for [my home town] girls?", "yes, yes, yes, do you want to come to the [another location]?", "ok my cuite" and smiled", then went on to kiss her, as I realsied she liked me.

You can do this in many way. For example if you're with her watching a movie, and she gives hints that she doesn't like it, then ask her "why are you watching it if you don't like it?", "because you are watching it", "what?", "I watch it because you are watching it", then when on and kiss her, as you realise she likes you.

There's plenty of other ways to tease. You can make scare jokes, especially if you're in a forest or somehwere like that. You can try to take a picture of her when she is in a funny moment, if she doesn't start filming and be like: "ok, ok", "but you can stop filiming me, it's okay", "but you didn't stay for the photo", so you pushed some boundaries. The non-verbal language is very important here, does she laugh and smiles when she says "but you can stop filiming me, it's okay" or not?

Or you can be sarcastic if she's very cold of stuff like that" "we are here at the mountainside is Alaska, there is now show yet but it's very cold, as you can see (pointing out to her being cold)", "keep freezing [her name]", "look, we are still coming to equip ourselves for this, this weather very cold, "goodbye", keeps filming [defiance], "goodbye!", "what?", "goodbye! [insistnace]", "goodbye what? [more defiance]", "go ahead, start it", "well, go ahead". So you would mix doing things for them with not doing things for them and challenging for games like rock, paper, scissors], "ok, fine".

Or looking at them when they are doing something they're not very good at, waiting for them to make a mistake to laugh at them.

Or a smug indirect brag of yourself, arrogances, again. Sarcasm with arrogance. Praising yourself. I'm the best [whatever you are] you can have. Congratulations for the best [whatever you are] you can have. An indirect personal praise.

Or "that's what it means to be a boss" when you do something well.

Now, have all these jokes, all these arrogances, but also be very warm as a person.
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Apothecary
 
  0  
Reply Sat 18 Feb, 2023 09:44 am
@Apothecary,
Have a light feeling of superiority, a willingness to make fun of them and contradict them, to be honest whether something was amazing or lame, and the desire to be caring, to be attentive. Like: even if I have this great sense of independence, I'm still very attentive towards you. That you are not above making fun of them.

Teasing, in my opinion, it's like a fight. But it's not so much about establishing superiority (dominate the conversation; but with moral fiber) as it is about playing a game. Making fun of them, mockery.

In a world where women are so used with being treated from above, that teasing can come across as being equals or even being treated from below, treating them like other people, you know, the making fun of them, the mockery.

It also shows you're someone with standards.

Poking holes in their logic cand be another form of teasing.
And a very satisfying one. And a very easy to use.

As well as exaggerating their mistakes. Making them worse than the actually are. Or finding similar comparisons. Or saying that they always do those mistakes. Sarcastically saying it, smuggish sort of way.
It can also be kind of cute.
Making fun, the making funs of.

There needs to be a certain spirit for it, a sort of non-serious and fun atmosphere, and sometimes you have to set the tune for it.

The key lesson is this one:

To me, teasing is arrogances "I'm better than you". Thug life. Not real hurtful ones, jokingly ones.

Of course, may not work with everyone, but when they work, they are great.

A lot of teasing is just sarcasm, saying things you don't really mean for the humor effect, making fun of them, or of someone else, but in light ways (that do end up being hurtful, but not offensive, if you understand where the balance is; I guess being honest but being honest as a joke; just give up on your funny spirit and let if flow).

Not everyone is a fan of that, but beside experience around that person there's a discussion you can have to figure it out:
Conversation tips: what is she into.

The rest is just adding on top of it.

Sarcasm, lying for the comic effect, exaggerations and so on.

TL;DR of the TL;DR:
Joke - sarcasm. (How it would be like?)

Also, imagine if your date has the same name as your pet.

HOW TO BE A COOL GUY FOR HER:
Make it in her interest to be with you.
A slick guy like T.
cool like Ay.
How to be socially charismatic and cool.

CLOSING THOUGHTS:

THE SIMP IDEA, DOES OR DOESN'T WORK:

RAJ'S ART OF SEDUCTION SUMMARY:

SOME OLD BELIEFS ABOUT MEN & WOMEN:

HOW TO GET ALONG IN SPITE OF YOUR DIFFERENCES & SOLVE CONFLICT:

A FEW SCATTERED BELIEFS:

RAJ'S ART OF SECUDTION:

GREENE'S ART OF SEDUCTION:

Part 9 (old jokes)

OLD IDEAS:

Teasing is a form of showing affection, you can only tease people that you are very familar with. And such, in a weird way, teasing is a way of meaning the opposite of what you say, it's a form of affection. When you tease someone it shows or at least tries to imply that you two are very close. Beside, teasing is also fun when done well, but when the other person gets sad or upset because of this, it's probably teasing not done well, because teasing has to be non-offensive.

Teasing has to be about something clearly false, something they don't care about or something momentarily in order not to be offensive. On the other hand if you would make fun of something clearly true, that they care about or that is permanent, that would be easily offensive to almost anyone. If the teasing isn't taken well, then the teasing was bad regardless whether the teasing was objectively good or bad, you got to mold yourself on other people, be malleable, not everyone takes teasing as well as you do.

Teasing has to be used very carefully, basically you point something out about a person and you make fun of it. You have to be very careful about teasing people because it can easily come off as offensive. The key here is to have good intentions behind the joke. If you say something with the intentions to offend someone they will be offended. You also want to make sure you built a certain level of comfort with the person before making a joke like this.

There is a slight superiority in teasing. Or implication of lack of importance for them. Teasing is faked arrogance. Don't be arrogant, but you can fake it with teasing. You can be a bit insistent in teasing as long as the insisting is playful and the other person also laughs.

You can make stereotypes or point out the obvious. Or imply incompetence at a certain task they doesn't care about. Optionally, you can tease people indirectly, be subtle, let the conclusion be formed, but it's usually on the face. Teasing can take the form of exaggerations and such, take things to their extreme conclusion, so extreme it's obvious it's wrong. Make jokes about having an proper/improper, normal/abnormal or moral/immoral behavior. It's very important to make sure that they can take a joke. The problem is with crossing the line, because you can never know when you have crossed the line until after you've crossed it. Problem is where you draw this line and where others draw this line can be very different. Not everyone takes teasing as well as you do. People won't always tell you when you've made them feel bad or upset them, you got to feel yourself how you make other people feel. They might not react to you, but may be upset deep inside.

There is always the possibility that people may be offended by your teasing but won't tell you. In this case, you can ask them directly: Do my jokes offend you? If they do, please tell me, I don't want to offend you but sometimes I may cross the line without being aware of it. They may appreciate the gesture and will understand that your real intention is to have fun with one another, that you don't mean to offend them.

Teasing is a way of showing affection because usually you only tease the people you like and feel comfortable with. You can afford teasing with each other. So if someone is teasing you, they probably like you and that's their way of saying it. That's their love language. And I don't mean in romance only, but as a brother or friend. As someone once said in a more or less ironic way "my love language is telling jokes at your expense that are so progressively more inappropiate until I cross a line and have to apologize".

If the teasing isn't entertaining for the other person and the other person can't take it then it's clearly teasing done wrong, the teaser should be aware of the teased's feelings, or at least asked if they are offended by their teasing, but at the same time, you can't deny the fact that they had good intentions at heart and simply didn't know. That's just their love langauge, her way to show affection, yours might be the opposite.

If you're ever on the receiving end of an offensive tease, communicate with the other person. And I mean real talk, not just talk. Talk to them, tell them how you feel. Just be natural, let it flow. Give it on emotions. Have a discussion from the heart. If they care about you, they will have that discussion too.

Some example of teasing are: If an animal runs away from them "look, not even animals like you" or "don't worry about failing in life, you have options, there's always room to work as a janitor" or "you're so skinny that if someone tries to shoot me and you stand in front of me, I get shot and you don't". Or even sarcastically say "thank you for the support" when it's clearly not the case, and if they tell that to you "always, you know that you can always count on me", "I appreciate it".

If someone teases you, you can even continue the tease by pretending to be upset like "no, you are like that", "you have block" or twist their words into something negative for them/positive for you leading to a back and forth exchange: "you are so unused to work your hands are so soft if you apply cream it's the cream that gets cleaner", "said the one with hands smaller than the size of the cream box, you can fit your whole hand in that box" or "you know I'm always right", "even a broken clock is right twice a day" or "I wouldn't have done that if I were you", "you wouldn't have done many things if you were me", "yeah, I wouldn't have done the things that you regret", "I don't regret being succesful", "if that's what you call succes, I had failures better than your success", "which might explain why you don't have my success" or "will you buy it for me?", "buy it and I will pay it for you when I remember".

Teasing is essentially a playful way of saying "you're doing bad" without really meaning it and only do it with people you can afford teasing with. Stay away from things that are permanent, such as making weight jokes with a fat person, it's not fully permanent but it's not like they can change that in 2 minutes, so it will be offensive, and stay away from things that a person is insecure about, something that would make them anxious. Instead, tease them about something that they don't care about or it's momentarily.

If someone is insecure about something, you can turn the tease around tease them for being so insecure about that thing, acting like it's not a big deal. This has the purpose to comfort people about something they are insecure about.

Bantering on the other hand, is just teasing with a 2-way street. Having back & fourth pride exchange on the road. The regular teasing. While also making it clear you're cool with it. Be aware of how you're being perceived. You can attract with the softness of your heart. Appreciate and show appreciation. If you did something wrong, apologize, not on the too humble side as in desperation but on the genuine side. Pull up your feets with other. Be a person that others can pull up their feets with.

Making scare jokes can be a form of teasing. Teasing can also imply pushing some boundaries: "you can stop [doing something inconvenient] now, it's okay", "but you didn't stay for [something else]", so you push some boundaries, but you have to make sure the other person is cool with it based on their tone and general attitude. If they laugh when saying "you can stop [doing something inconvenient] now, it's okay" it means they are going with the joke, if they are serious do actually stop. Most of communication is non-verbal.

You can also tease by exaggerating various things about them or the enviroment. For example, if they are very cold you can say: "we are here in Siberia, there is no show yet but it's very cold, as you can see [pointing out to her being cold], keep freeing, we are going to equip ourselves for this very cold weather [gives her your jacket]". And she says "goodbye" or "leave me alone" but laughs, keep doing it, you push some boundaries and show defiance but it's actually in good spirit because she laughs. As I said, most of communication is non-verbal.

Or if it's raining outside and they are very wet, you can say "how are you doing [her name], do you want to come here again?/do you like it here?" and now she could banter by teasing you back "no, not with you" and you can reply "but it's my fault that it started raining?". And then be like "go, go, go". Just say what you think and see what it comes to mind. If you have an opinion about something, say what it comes to mind, as restricting yourself too much might actually be the reason why you can't pull it off and are closed up in yourself.

You can also tease them by challenging them. Like literally challenging them to a game to decide which person is going to do or not do a certain thing you don't want. Or by pretending to give them something then slowly pull it off away.

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I can't tell for sure, but I think teasing works best with a mindset. And I think the mindset for it is don't be serious, a light feeling of superiority, a willingness to make fun of them and contradict them, to be honest whether something was amazing or lame, and the desire to be caring, to be attentive. Like: even if I have this great sense of independence, I'm still very attentive towards you. But you are not above making fun of them. And remember that most of communication is non-verbal. It's all good natured, good spirits, that how affective teasing is supposed to be.

You can also tease by jokingly prasing yourself, not saying "I'm so great" but "that's what it means to be a boss", praising yourself in some indirect way. And of course, praising yourself about non-serious minor things, so that they won't think you're an arrogant or bragger.

If you're too worried about coming across as offensive you may close yourself and never actually speak as in state your mind. And if you never do that, you will never get feedback whether what you did was right or wrong, so you're stuck in that cyrcle of uncertainity or fear. But if you do speak your mind, even with the risk of being offensive at times, you will eventually learn what is funny and isn't and adapt. As the old saying goes, practice makes perfect, so don't be too worried about coming across as offensive. But at the same time, look for the social clues as most of communication is non-verbal so you can actually learn from your mistakes if there are any. The 1st time you do it you might fell, the 24th time you do it, you may have already learned something.

Probably the most telling in teasing is the attitude. A good smiling and dynamic attiude can get the point across that you are joking. But the more serious and rigid you are, the more people won't be able to pick up on sarcasm. And for good reason, you gave no tell. So even if teasing is by it's nature offensive, because you're saying something apparently mean about a person, it has to be good natured, good spirits, that how affective teasing is supposed to be.

As for how not to cross the line between playful teasing and offensive teasing. While you should just say what you think and see what it comes to mind. You have to remember to keep the teasing light, nothing too offensive that the other person would be insecure about. And you have to remember that the most funny thing is the narrative. How is said and what is said, rather than the most devastating insult possible, it's teasing not a roast. That's why things like when it's raining outside and she's cold asking her "how are you doing [her name], do you want to come here again?/do you like it here?" can be so funny, you're not saying anything offensive or insulting, you're poking fun at her for being cold.

It's about building a frame, not stating it outright but letting the conclusion be formed, the conclusion in that case being that you're poking fun at her for being too cold, but you don't outright say "haha, haha, you're too cold". Teasing is basically playing with them.

Teasing is delicious when done at appropriate times, and with the right person. Don't worry about going too far and hurting someone's feelings with this because it happens at times, ideally not to, but no one is perfect with teasing. It's loving to jokingly tease and being teased in return, as long as it doesn't go too far, often times it's during light-hearted teasing when one accidentally ends up actually hurting the other's feelings.

Teasing is a way of expressing your comfort with someone. For example, say you were verbally teasing your boyfriend or girlfriend by saying that you were cheating on them. If the trust between the two of you wasn't very large yet, or your partner actually does occasionally worry of the possibility that you might cheat on them, they may not find it even the slightest bit funny. But if you're absolutely secure with each other and you know that your partner would never cheat on you, then you might find it very funny. The key words being: does, know, never.

You can get a little bit competitive with banter, regular teasing on a 2-way street. Beside being affectionate, teasing can be a form of courgae, it shows that a guy has the guts enough to tease you. But only if it's done right. And you know when you've done right if you've pissed them off but they still like it. When someone teases you, you can try to chase him to "get him back".

Teasing is awesome, funny and exciting especially with a girl. There's something about the back and forth banter that's hot. Just don't go overboard. Just as an off note, "teasing" becomes "joking around" when you do it with your guy friends. There are times when they take it too far and it becomes mean spirited, in which case, you should just let it go. Teasing does get out of hand sometimes with certain people, and it bothers the teased person when it does. They may outright tell the other person to stop or not say anything but give social clues that they are not enjoying it.

The irony and perhaps cool thing about teasing is that teasing is a form of flirtation. To tease, after all, means to put someone down, usually gently and playfully, though not necessarily, however, people don't normally enjoy being put down, so why is it not only acceptable but enjoyable to be teased as a form of flirting?

Some would argue that putdowns are a way to assert dominance and when a man teases a woman he is asserting his male dominance which consciously and unconsciously reminds both parties of the dominant role men nornally take. But I actually think that teasing is fun because it's a call to arms. A challenge. That's what makes it fun. I like verbally sparring with people, when someone makes a teasing comment I see it as an invitation to some playful competition. Men love it when women tease them, so I doubt it's about male dominance.

Teasing is stimulating and fun. I think it's key to keep a positive attitude throughout the process to let the other person know you're teasing him or her because you like him or her. Playful banter is fun, call me out on my s*** and poke and prod at me in a playful way, I love it, and I love doing it. To me, it says "I know your flaws and I know exactly how you tick, and I so f***ing love you for it".

You gotta keep it light. You got to be pretty good at reading people and knowing when they're being playful or just being a dick. Sometimes people throw me off the scent off though, and I can't tell. Then I sometimes am uncomfortable with the situation, it becomes burdensome. It's only fun when both parties know it's not serious.

Teasing is from the saying "teasing something out." It's about finding something and tickling it out into the open. Often against the original intention of someone, but not necessary always something they prefer to keep hidden. First thing that comes to my mind is teasing out small crushes. Such as: "What do you think he smells like?", "Excuse me?", "That guy you've been darting your eyes towards like a young teen girl who has her feet pre-swept off the ground, just waiting for her man to embrace her. I want know more about this fantasy of yours", "I'm not fantasizing anything", "Your head is against his bare chest, listening to the beat of a heart who knows how to treat a woman", "Oh god", "You turn your face into him and breath in with the entirety of your whole chest", "I think you're the one who's falling in love with this guy", "Hey, I think it's important for couples to have at least a basic interest in the other's blinding obsessions. I'm just trying to keep up". Obviously, very minor pinching / tickling / touching at proper points in the discussion is totally appropriate.

While teasing is one way to flirt, it is also just a way to interact with the lighthearted. And I personally love teasing people and I find it frustrating when simple teasing is misinterpreted as flirtation. Teasing can imply that they like you, but they're not going to kiss you ass in order to get you interested.

Not all men prefer to be dominant, and many men enjoy taking the submissive role once in a while. Likewise, not all women prefer to be submissive, while many women enjoy playing the role of the dominant sometimes. That alternation in roles may explain the give and take in teasing you rightly point out. Another explanation may be that women use teasing to test the dominance of men, to see how they respond. In this case, women use teasing to attempt to dominate the men, not because they want to take that role in a relationship, but because they want to ascertain if the men can. So the usual power relationship between men and women is preserved, even though it might, on the face of it, appear inverted.

I don't care about "men should dominate". Now, men exist, men judge, men do things but men respect their women. Domination isn't really good, it's more about knowing where you can be hurt and trying to not reach that line. And if you do reach a line, tease them about being so insecure about that thing, acting like it's not a big deal, with the purpose of comforting people assuring them that it's no big deal something they are insecure about

Women who want a "real" man, a dominant one, an alpha? it's labelled insecured all over. They're still in the sandbox, figuring out if the white knight can actually be a lumberjack. Men can also be sensitive creatures. Some are genuinely kind, adorable, friendly and warm persons who don't really enter that whole crap about dominance.

But instead they go for: Partnership. Balance of forces. Vulnerability. Trust the other as much as he / she can trust you and show that you're reliable. Kinks are fine. Need for dominance certainly isn't. Not with a woman to be the daddy she never had. Like the bond between the two main characters in Short Term 12. That's ultimately what a healthy relationship is.

Teasing often is a "playful competition" where you get to exercise your mind in this respect, it is intellectually stimulating and fun, but what is this competition but a test of wits where there is often a "winner" and a "loser"? and if a person consistently "wins" these competitions, why does that not establish a form of dominance? how, for example, would you react if you were attracted to a man but "bested" him in these verbal bouts? would you still be just as attracted to him, then? No, even when the woman frequently "bests" people in verbal spars, the way somebody "wins" is they get the last word, or say something that makes the other burst out laughing. I'm not sure it's even right to act like there is a winner or a loser. It's just messing around. If anything, it's testing a guys sense of humour as much as whether or not he's willing to challenge the woman. People who are too serious are such a bore.

Teasing is often funny and can be a form of humor, but humor relies a good deal on wit so an exchange of humor can be a contest of wits, or again, a competition, the "last word" is a good point, so what if a woman almost always had the last word when sparring with a guy she was interested in, would that turn her off in any way? Probably not, but they would like someone to give them crap, to fight them, even if they always win. What about the guys who don't even play? Some women may not like overly submissive guys though, but not because they want to be dominanted, but because they want someone to try. There's this idea that "A man has to be dominant, as in, in control. A man has to take the lead".

Playful teasing is a form of, well, play. It's a communicating, "I'm comfortable enough with you to play with your ego and you are comfortable enough with me to handle it". And teasing can be very helpful from a self-development point of view. Because they're making you aware of something you do or something you are in a playful way. A major point of partnering is becoming more aware of yourself through the other person. That's only true if it's someone who knows you.

Familiarity is the real issue when it comes to teasing. Someone you don't know very well, someone who has a "crush" on you, who knows little about you is not allowed to tease me. That's just rude and annoying and can easily become harassment. Or people teasing you for things you have no control over. They may not have any malicious intent but they also don't know how severely those issues can get to a person.

How can you tell when teasing is harmless versus not okay? Open mindedness. If it's just two jokes and not one every five minutes, you can see if the person is solid if she's showing back some self deprecating humor. If she / he does, you got a good one. A not broken just yet.

If he / she get all defensive / a bit arrogant, I'd suggest to move away. There are also the "defensive playful" ones who are exagerating something and will twist it into plain ridiculous, these ones are keeper too. You don't want boring, do you?

Despite being used in dating and flirting, it can be difficult to distinguish whether or not it's flirtation when someone does it to you. Some teasing that you receive may make the teaser come off as more of a brother/sister rather than a love interest. So it's also possible to assume that people who playfully tease me only see you as such. Teasing you in a friendly brotherly way.

How to avoid the "one of us will get pissed at the other" situations? By following a general rule with about all forms of meanness / b****yness: Never directly damage someone's charisma. Their appearance of being intelligent, competent, attractive, etc. Note that the key word is "directly", you can absolutely indirectly call someone "stupid" when teasing by saying something that implies it.

On the other hand, calling someone "a s*** head" or telling them to "go die in a ditch" does directly target a aspect that makes up the person's charisma. Heck, if you said it because they out played you, then it just makes them look better. Or hearing from someone "shut up" because they only say it whenever they have no counter to your logic. Calling someone an "idiot" or "worthless" in reference to something they said or did is again showing that they "lost" and have no way to counter your logic. Slowly clap and say "fail" when they do such a thing.

Of course, not everyone is on board with it, it depends on the character of the other person. Some women can see it like bullying them, which is not the case. Really, you're just having some fun. But some women, they tease right back. Some could actually get you to shut up and laugh at her. Some can actually make you break out laughing. In a way, teasing can be a test of how shrewd you are.

Sometimes "playfulness" gets interpreted as "mean". Being teased verbally is fine to me if the other returns fire and is amused by it. But if I see someone that doesn't like teasing and it continues I will intervene on their behalf though. I agree that it depends on personality and the way you interpret it. That is one of my favorite forms of teasing if it is silly and not done in a way that would be embarrassing or such.

BRING UP THE MEAN SIDE:

Have a good attitude that would lift people up, we create good vibes around us. Don't lose morale no matter what. Don't lose hope. Be social, laugh, smile. Don't force yourself, but try to be as positive as you can without forcing yourself. Don't insult anyone, don't bother anyone, don't talk stupid of anyone, keep your character. Prefer to avoid conflict, don't bother anyone. Not because you can't stand up for you, but because it's better to avoid it.

Funny is benign violations, violations are anything that threaten the way you believe the world ought to be, simply put, something seems wrong. Funny is something that makes no sense, that is literally something weird, out of the ordinary, but benign, as in not harmful in effect. Violations take many forms, from violations of social norms, to violations of moral norms, things that aren't supposed to be there, benign is something not harmful in effect. Situations that are purely benign are not funny, there's no threat there and explains why you can't tickle yourself. Situations that are pure violations, or what we call malign violations, violations evil in nature are also not funny. Walking down the stairs, no violation and just normal, not funny. Falling down the stairs but being unhurt, benign violation, funny. Falling down the stairs and being badly hurt, malign violation, not funny. Make jokes with people, have fun with them, a chill and a good time, make them feel comfortable with you. Humor is hit an miss, keep trying.

When done right, teasing is sweet. You make fun of a trait that is not so bothersome. Teasing is a form of showing affection, you can only tease people that you are very familar with. And such, in a weird way, teasing is a way of meaning the opposite of what you say, it's a form of affection. When you tease someone it shows or at least tries to imply that you two are very close. Beside, teasing is also fun when done well, but when the other person gets sad or upset because of this, it's probably teasing not done well, because teasing has to be non-offensive.

Teasing has to be about something clearly false, something they don't care about or something momentarily in order not to be offensive. On the other hand if you would make fun of something clearly true, that they care about or that is permanent, that would be easily offensive to almost anyone. If the teasing isn't taken well, then the teasing was bad regardless whether the teasing was objectively good or bad, you got to mold yourself on other people, be malleable, not everyone takes teasing as well as you do.

Teasing has to be used very carefully, basically you point something out about a person and you make fun of it. You have to be very careful about teasing people because it can easily come off as offensive. The key here is to have good intentions behind the joke. If you say something with the intentions to offend someone they will be offended. You also want to make sure you built a certain level of comfort with the person before making a joke like this.

There is a slight superiority in teasing. Or implication of lack of importance for them. Teasing is faked arrogance. Don't be arrogant, but you can fake it with teasing. You can be a bit insistent in teasing as long as the insisting is playful and the other person also laughs.

You can make stereotypes or point out the obvious. Or imply incompetence at a certain task they doesn't care about. Optionally, you can tease people indirectly, be subtle, let the conclusion be formed, but it's usually on the face. Teasing can take the form of exaggerations and such, take things to their extreme conclusion, so extreme it's obvious it's wrong. Make jokes about having an proper/improper, normal/abnormal or moral/immoral behavior. It's very important to make sure that they can take a joke. The problem is with crossing the line, because you can never know when you have crossed the line until after you've crossed it. Problem is where you draw this line and where others draw this line can be very different. Not everyone takes teasing as well as you do. People won't always tell you when you've made them feel bad or upset them, you got to feel yourself how you make other people feel. They might not react to you, but may be upset deep inside.

There is always the possibility that people may be offended by your teasing but won't tell you. In this case, you can ask them directly: Do my jokes offend you? If they do, please tell me, I don't want to offend you but sometimes I may cross the line without being aware of it. They may appreciate the gesture and will understand that your real intention is to have fun with one another, that you don't mean to offend them.

Teasing is a way of showing affection because usually you only tease the people you like and feel comfortable with. You can afford teasing with each other. So if someone is teasing you, they probably like you and that's their way of saying it. That's their love language. And I don't mean in romance only, but as a brother or friend. As someone once said in a more or less ironic way "my love language is telling jokes at your expense that are so progressively more inappropiate until I cross a line and have to apologize".

If the teasing isn't entertaining for the other person and the other person can't take it then it's clearly teasing done wrong, the teaser should be aware of the teased's feelings, or at least asked if they are offended by their teasing, but at the same time, you can't deny the fact that they had good intentions at heart and simply didn't know. That's just their love langauge, her way to show affection, yours might be the opposite.

If you're ever on the receiving end of an offensive tease, communicate with the other person. And I mean real talk, not just talk. Talk to them, tell them how you feel. Just be natural, let it flow. Give it on emotions. Have a discussion from the heart. If they care about you, they will have that discussion too.

Some example of teasing are: If an animal runs away from them "look, not even animals like you" or "don't worry about failing in life, you have options, there's always room to work as a janitor" or "you're so skinny that if someone tries to shoot me and you stand in front of me, I get shot and you don't". Or even sarcastically say "thank you for the support" when it's clearly not the case, and if they tell that to you "always, you know that you can always count on me", "I appreciate it".

If someone teases you, you can even continue the tease by pretending to be upset like "no, you are like that", "you have block" or twist their words into something negative for them/positive for you leading to a back and forth exchange: "you are so unused to work your hands are so soft if you apply cream it's the cream that gets cleaner", "said the one with hands smaller than the size of the cream box, you can fit your whole hand in that box" or "you know I'm always right", "even a broken clock is right twice a day" or "I wouldn't have done that if I were you", "you wouldn't have done many things if you were me", "yeah, I wouldn't have done the things that you regret", "I don't regret being succesful", "if that's what you call succes, I had failures better than your success", "which might explain why you don't have my success" or "will you buy it for me?", "buy it and I will pay it for you when I remember".

Teasing is essentially a playful way of saying "you're doing bad" without really meaning it and only do it with people you can afford teasing with. Stay away from things that are permanent, such as making weight jokes with a fat person, it's not fully permanent but it's not like they can change that in 2 minutes, so it will be offensive, and stay away from things that a person is insecure about, something that would make them anxious. Instead, tease them about something that they don't care about or it's momentarily.

If someone is insecure about something, you can turn the tease around tease them for being so insecure about that thing, acting like it's not a big deal. This has the purpose to comfort people about something they are insecure about.

Bantering on the other hand, is just teasing with a 2-way street. Having back & fourth pride exchange on the road. The regular teasing. While also making it clear you're cool with it. Be aware of how you're being perceived. You can attract with the softness of your heart. Appreciate and show appreciation. If you did something wrong, apologize, not on the too humble side as in desperation but on the genuine side. Pull up your feets with other. Be a person that others can pull up their feets with.

Making scare jokes can be a form of teasing. Teasing can also imply pushing some boundaries: "you can stop [doing something inconvenient] now, it's okay", "but you didn't stay for [something else]", so you push some boundaries, but you have to make sure the other person is cool with it based on their tone and general attitude. If they laugh when saying "you can stop [doing something inconvenient] now, it's okay" it means they are going with the joke, if they are serious do actually stop. Most of communication is non-verbal.

You can also tease by exaggerating various things about them or the enviroment. For example, if they are very cold you can say: "we are here in Siberia, there is no show yet but it's very cold, as you can see [pointing out to her being cold], keep freeing, we are going to equip ourselves for this very cold weather [gives her your jacket]". And she says "goodbye" or "leave me alone" but laughs, keep doing it, you push some boundaries and show defiance but it's actually in good spirit because she laughs. As I said, most of communication is non-verbal.

Or if it's raining outside and they are very wet, you can say "how are you doing [her name], do you want to come here again?/do you like it here?" and now she could banter by teasing you back "no, not with you" and you can reply "but it's my fault that it started raining?". And then be like "go, go, go". Just say what you think and see what it comes to mind. If you have an opinion about something, say what it comes to mind, as restricting yourself too much might actually be the reason why you can't pull it off and are closed up in yourself.

You can also tease them by challenging them. Like literally challenging them to a game to decide which person is going to do or not do a certain thing you don't want. Or by pretending to give them something then slowly pull it off away.

When it comes to teasing, make fun of a trait that is not so bothersome. Not so deranging. That the other person isn't insecure about. Making fun of their character or worth are usually safe places. And it also depends how familiar you are with the other person, you need to build a level of comfort before that.

There are layers to things you can make fun of, start with something small, that is not so bothersome, but still implies messing with them, for example you can make fun that an object they have is really bad, like their phone, how are they going to be offended by that? or by treating them like a kid, giving them a small chair and stuff like that, again, they might find it amusing, but it's really hard to be offeded by what, being indirectly called a child? Teasing is about taking their flaws or misgivings and expoliting them in a funny way. Making fun that they are going to fail at something, that they are not so skilled at something, that they are not such a good person, that they need to do X to Y, pointing out something embarassing, making associations "you look like, play like". There are many ways in which you can tease without offending the other person. And of course, don't do it in public but in a save enviroment.

Affective teasing is a bit like nagging them, grinding their gears. There is a sort of faked arrogance in teasing. A certain pride or arrogance, or at least that's where the teasing seems to come from, jokingly assuming you have a better position than the other person, even if at the end of the day it means nothing and are just jokes. Either there is a slight superiority in teasing, a slight smug feeling of "I'm better than you" but in an ironic way. Or implication of lack of importance for them, a slight feeling of "you are lower than me" but again in an ironic not a real way. Or not necessarly in relation with "me" just "you are low".

But teasing should not be the only funny thing you do, or people would think you're a jerk. And if you do tease, also throw in some extra compliments from time to time to show that you don't really mean what you're saying and you're just joking. Eventually, you can ask them "do my jokes offend you? if they do, please tell me and I'll stop". You know, you can show your good character to make up for the bad. The 'bad' in teasing is more likely to be seen as a joke if you're thought of as as someone who would not genuinely think or do that.

And if your joking "repertoire" involves things like: normal jokes about various things, self-irony, something absurd, changing the context or making fun of someone not related to the discussion. You know, just normal non-serious talk. It's going to be way more obvious that your teasing are just jokes, since you're also making other kinds of jokes, but even then, don't overdo the teasing, there is a difference between messing with a person and cornering them and constantly making fun of them.

You have to balance the good with the bad. A lot of teasing is just being creative. Teasing is all high vibes and fun, and the teasing itself is light.

Growing up as a person is the process of abbandoning what works. When you're a kid and break a glass you can get away with that, but when you get older there are things that you used to do that you have to give up. Some reason why some student don't give it their all when they study for a test, because if you study for a test and you study as hard as you could and you get a bad grade, you're dumb. But if you're lazy, you get to hold on to being smart because I didn't give it my all. Giving it your all is the most terrifying thing in the world because then if you fall up short you're short and there's no excuse. So you got to give it your all and you got to let go of control. Abbandon what works and face uncertainity and potential failure. The best way to learn to do something is to well do it, do it until it works, learn by practice and experience.

It's okay to be vulnerable and even show you are nervous at times, it makes people relate to you, gaining their sympathy and admiration for stating it out. You can attract people with kindness, be normal and honest with them, talk to them like you would have talked to anyone except you're also interested in going for a coffe. Stay away from matcho man approach or pick-up lines, they seem fake and superficial and I think most women are repulesed by this, it's not like most women can't tell when a pick-up line is used on them. You don't have to be platonic, like a robot, but you can have a funny discussion and a pleasant discussion with them without pick-up lines, with a decent approach like "hi, hi, I've seen it at X and would like to talk to you / you've made a good impression / I'm curious what you think about Y / how are you doing?". It's a lot better than saying "you're beautiful" which again seems superficial, and yes you have to show you're interested in going out with them and wanting to know them.

SOME SAME THING BUT MORE:

People like to talk about themselves and their own interests. If you can't guess their interests, ask people about their hobbies without asking them about their hobbies, ask them indirectly, without mentioning the word hobby, it seems kind of cliche, you could ask "what you like doing in your free time?", "have you been to some cool places lately?" and such.

Try to read her and see which subjects she is or isn't interested in, you should try to make a pleasant conversation, to take feedback from her when she is not interested in a certain subject and change it, not keep going when she answers shortly. While she talks about her interests you can describe your own interests in the process and so on. Of course, most of the conversation will probably revolve around laughing with each other.

You start with 3 choices: be direct, use the pretext of a commonality or use the pretext of asking for help. In the 1st case, it depends a lot on the location, in a library you probably have to talk about books while in a club you can talk about how hot your are or that I have noticed you. In the 2nd case you tell her that you saw her there and talk about that thing you have in common. In the 3rd case, you find a pretext to talk to her such as asking for help, and next time just ask her how is she doing.

So you go to basic talk: weather, arts, entertainment, sports, family, food, work, school, travel, celebrity gossip, hobbies, hometown. It's also okay to have moments of silence and feel comfortable in the silence, even make fun of silence. Additionally, find similar interests, have you tried anything she's interested in? communication is key in any relationship. Things aren't complicated, we overcomplicate them out of fear or desire to make everything perfect. The most important thing in a relationship is communcation, when you have a problem to say it, not to keep it buckled up in yourself.

Then when you are more familiar with each other and in touch for a bit, you can shift to big talk, to talk about the deeper concepts of life: money, poverty, justice, fairness, happiness, motivation, desire, knowledge, communication. And as you get to know her and she gets to know you on these issues, you'll both get a better idea of who the other person is. By, you know, just talking about life in general.

And then you can talk about personal issues, if you have already talked about the deeper concepts of life in general she already knows you enough to trust whatever is she dealing with, so you can talk about: struggles, failures, fears, doubts, insecurities, regrets, worries. And when you are on the receiving end of these issues, respond with warmth and reassurance. There is a mutual feeling of trust in those scenarios. That is how you emotionally connect with people, understand their struggles and seek to comfort them. And being on their side, not necessarliy always giving advice, but just listening.

Making jokes is an absolutely essential part in having fun with each other. You can have fun in other ways like doing fun activities, but making jokes is probably the simplest and is universally valid. The magic of the humor is in it's absurdity, things are funny because they are ridiculous, either ridiculously simple or ridiculously wrong, they make no sense, or when you see something that is already ridiculous and exaggerate it even further is also funny, sarcasm works the same way, you say something that it's so ridiculous it can't be true, because you mean the opposite.

Humor makes you happy and helps you cope with pain, stress and adversity. The things that are ridiculous are usually non-harmful violations, violations are anything that threaten the way you believe the world ought to be, simply put, something seems wrong. Violations take many forms, from violations of social norms, to violations of moral norms. One way to make a violation non-harmful is to not be strongly committed to the social norm like if you see a priest in rapper clothes and you're not a religious person, if it's psychologically distant as in it occurs to someone else or happened long time ago or just doesn't seem real like a friend falling into an open sewer is less funny than a stranger, or if there is an alternative explaination that somehow make the violation ok like play fight or trickling because both are mock attacks.

Situations that are purely non-harmful are not funny, there's no threat there and explains why you can't tickle yourself. Situations that are pure violations, or what we call malign violations, violations evil in nature are also not funny. Walking down the stairs, no violation, not funny. Falling down the stairs but being unhurt, non-harmful violation, funny. Falling down the stairs and being badly hurt, malign violation, not funny. Puns are basically violations of linguistic norms that also seem ok.

Because a violation is a necessary condition for humor, you may experience some negative emotions in addition to your amusement. Such as in normal violations, when someone is treated unfairly but probably deserves it, like insert 100$ to see how stupid you are, the person who inserts the 100$ probably deserves it. While bringing tragic violations closer makes them less funny, like a friend falling down the stairs and getting hurt less funny than a stranger, when it comes to mild violations it's the opposite, a friend stepping on a curb is funnier than a stranger doing it. Some things are funnier when perceived up close than when from a far perspective.

Teasing is a form of showing affection, you can only tease people that you are very familar with. And such, in a weird way, teasing is a way of meaning the opposite of what you say, it's a form of affection. When you tease someone it shows or at least tries to imply that you two are very close. Beside, teasing is also fun when done well, but when the other person gets sad or upset because of this, it's probably teasing not done well, because teasing has to be non-offensive.

Teasing has to be about something clearly false, something they don't care about or something momentarily in order not to be offensive. On the other hand if you would make fun of something clearly true, that they care about or that is permanent, that would be easily offensive to almost anyone. If the teasing isn't taken well, then the teasing was bad regardless whether the teasing was objectively good or bad, you got to mold yourself on other people, be malleable, not everyone takes teasing as well as you do.

Teasing has to be used very carefully, basically you point something out about a person and you make fun of it. You have to be very careful about teasing people because it can easily come off as offensive. The key here is to have good intentions behind the joke. If you say something with the intentions to offend someone they will be offended. You also want to make sure you built a certain level of comfort with the person before making a joke like this.

There is a slight superiority in teasing. Or implication of lack of importance for them. Teasing is faked arrogance. Don't be arrogant, but you can fake it with teasing. You can be a bit insistent in teasing as long as the insisting is playful and the other person also laughs.

You can make stereotypes or point out the obvious. Or imply incompetence at a certain task they doesn't care about. Optionally, you can tease people indirectly, be subtle, let the conclusion be formed, but it's usually on the face. Teasing can take the form of exaggerations and such, take things to their extreme conclusion, so extreme it's obvious it's wrong. Make jokes about having an proper/improper, normal/abnormal or moral/immoral behavior. It's very important to make sure that they can take a joke. The problem is with crossing the line, because you can never know when you have crossed the line until after you've crossed it. Problem is where you draw this line and where others draw this line can be very different. Not everyone takes teasing as well as you do. People won't always tell you when you've made them feel bad or upset them, you got to feel yourself how you make other people feel. They might not react to you, but may be upset deep inside.

There is always the possibility that people may be offended by your teasing but won't tell you. In this case, you can ask them directly: Do my jokes offend you? If they do, please tell me, I don't want to offend you but sometimes I may cross the line without being aware of it. They may appreciate the gesture and will understand that your real intention is to have fun with one another, that you don't mean to offend them.

Teasing is a way of showing affection because usually you only tease the people you like and feel comfortable with. You can afford teasing with each other. So if someone is teasing you, they probably like you and that's their way of saying it. That's their love language. And I don't mean in romance only, but as a brother or friend. As someone once said in a more or less ironic way "my love language is telling jokes at your expense that are so progressively more inappropiate until I cross a line and have to apologize".

If the teasing isn't entertaining for the other person and the other person can't take it then it's clearly teasing done wrong, the teaser should be aware of the teased's feelings, or at least asked if they are offended by their teasing, but at the same time, you can't deny the fact that they had good intentions at heart and simply didn't know. That's just their love langauge, her way to show affection, yours might be the opposite.

If you're ever on the receiving end of an offensive tease, communicate with the other person. And I mean real talk, not just talk. Talk to them, tell them how you feel. Just be natural, let it flow. Give it on emotions. Have a discussion from the heart. If they care about you, they will have that discussion too.

Some example of teasing are: If an animal runs away from them "look, not even animals like you" or "don't worry about failing in life, you have options, there's always room to work as a janitor" or "you're so skinny that if someone tries to shoot me and you stand in front of me, I get shot and you don't". Or even sarcastically say "thank you for the support" when it's clearly not the case, and if they tell that to you "always, you know that you can always count on me", "I appreciate it".

If someone teases you, you can even continue the tease by pretending to be upset like "no, you are like that", "you have block" or twist their words into something negative for them/positive for you leading to a back and forth exchange: "you are so unused to work your hands are so soft if you apply cream it's the cream that gets cleaner", "said the one with hands smaller than the size of the cream box, you can fit your whole hand in that box" or "you know I'm always right", "even a broken clock is right twice a day" or "I wouldn't have done that if I were you", "you wouldn't have done many things if you were me", "yeah, I wouldn't have done the things that you regret", "I don't regret being succesful", "if that's what you call succes, I had failures better than your success", "which might explain why you don't have my success" or "will you buy it for me?", "buy it and I will pay it for you when I remember".

Teasing is essentially a playful way of saying "you're doing bad" without really meaning it and only do it with people you can afford teasing with. Stay away from things that are permanent, such as making weight jokes with a fat person, it's not fully permanent but it's not like they can change that in 2 minutes, so it will be offensive, and stay away from things that a person is insecure about, something that would make them anxious. Instead, tease them about something that they don't care about or it's momentarily.

If someone is insecure about something, you can turn the tease around tease them for being so insecure about that thing, acting like it's not a big deal. This has the purpose to comfort people about something they are insecure about.

Bantering on the other hand, is just teasing with a 2-way street. Having back & fourth pride exchange on the road. The regular teasing. While also making it clear you're cool with it. Be aware of how you're being perceived. You can attract with the softness of your heart. Appreciate and show appreciation. If you did something wrong, apologize, not on the too humble side as in desperation but on the genuine side. Pull up your feets with other. Be a person that others can pull up their feets with.

Making scare jokes can be a form of teasing. Teasing can also imply pushing some boundaries: "you can stop [doing something inconvenient] now, it's okay", "but you didn't stay for [something else]", so you push some boundaries, but you have to make sure the other person is cool with it based on their tone and general attitude. If they laugh when saying "you can stop [doing something inconvenient] now, it's okay" it means they are going with the joke, if they are serious do actually stop. Most of communication is non-verbal.

You can also tease by exaggerating various things about them or the enviroment. For example, if they are very cold you can say: "we are here in Siberia, there is no show yet but it's very cold, as you can see [pointing out to her being cold], keep freeing, we are going to equip ourselves for this very cold weather [gives her your jacket]". And she says "goodbye" or "leave me alone" but laughs, keep doing it, you push some boundaries and show defiance but it's actually in good spirit because she laughs. As I said, most of communication is non-verbal.

Or if it's raining outside and they are very wet, you can say "how are you doing [her name], do you want to come here again?/do you like it here?" and now she could banter by teasing you back "no, not with you" and you can reply "but it's my fault that it started raining?". And then be like "go, go, go". Just say what you think and see what it comes to mind. If you have an opinion about something, say what it comes to mind, as restricting yourself too much might actually be the reason why you can't pull it off and are closed up in yourself.

You can also tease them by challenging them. Like literally challenging them to a game to decide which person is going to do or not do a certain thing you don't want. Or by pretending to give them something then slowly pull it off away.

BRINGING UP THE MEAN PART YOURSELF:

3Apr.
My sense of humor is usually dark humor, very contrary to what I usually am. A friend of mine had puppies and I told him that "they look like a bunch of piggies scratching for food.

I don't think it's bad, if anything, I think it says "I see the bad in the world but don't really care". Sort of like inappropiate humor but making it appropiate because of the context of humor.

It's humor by doing something that people usually would not do, or saying something that people usually would not say. Or turning the tables and implying "bad intent" in others.

Like joking that they did X for malign purposes. If they are working at a morgue say about living people "look at all those future clients" implying that they are only going for their self-interest.

Implying they are a bad person for comic effect.

Or exaggerations, like "bro, if you're not answering I'm calling the police". Or "why have you stopped taking pictures there, please take more pictures there", things that are like WTF.

Or roleplaying type of humor. Where you assume a role and hope the other person "jumps in".

A lot of humor comes from roleplay. It's like roleplay. Figuring out the role and playing the role. Playing the role you're supposed to have, in the false scenario.

That people have little mean desires, jokes can be highlighting them. I made cookies once and someone wasn't eating them so I told them "Do you want me to leave so you can throw it to the bin?", implying that they don't like it but won't throw them into the bin because they don't like them. Again, assuming bad intent.

Highlighting the little meanness of people. Or being a little mean yourself. It's the idea that people want to be mean but have to be good.

All in joke spirit of course. But that's the underlying principle.

It's playing with these concepts of mean and good. Of what is expected and what is not expected, of you in society. Like once, I got a blanket and the storekeeper said that a small part of it is dirty, I told him "eh, you'll get rid of the blanket anyway".

Or not roleplay but an appeal to manners. People are supposed to be nice and helpful, you can make fun of them by asking them nicely to do something they might otherwise not want to do.

Especially when they are around relative strangers and they have to behave, they have to be polite, people are supposed to do stuff like that so they are supposed to do it to save face, even when otherwise they might not want it.

Or even the give&take teasing trying to outsmart them, pretending to give them something, then turn it back.

It's a little mean, but that's what makes it funny.

At the end of the day is this concept when you try to outsmart one another and have a friendly competition.

It's an "ouch", it's something bad for them or their belongings, the place where they are from, what they are doing, their skills in a particular thing, their resistance to something, etc. But it's not something that is actually offensive or insulting because it's not something that is actually personal. Something that really hurts.

It's also not something blunt and direct, like "you're stupid". Of course tone and context matters, if you say it with a sweet voice and satisfied smile and in a context when they actually did something bad, that may come off as teasing because you're not actually serious. But if you are blunt and direct with a strong voice and straight face "you're stupid", that may not come off as joking. It's the intention behind the thought and your attitude that matters. The "look at you how you are bad, satisfied" than "you are bad, angry". Basically playing with them.

Your character matters as well, if you're a person with care and a mission greater than yourself you can do all of these and it will clearly come out as a joke, that you're not being real.
0 Replies
 
Apothecary
 
  0  
Reply Sat 18 Feb, 2023 09:46 am
@Apothecary,
A BIT OF A SIDENOTE HERE ON:

If you have a lot of friends but don't feel understood, you will still feel alone.

We like to feel seen, to feel understood at the core of who we really are, and to be appreciated for that.

Not to be changed, but to say: "don't change a thing, you are perfect as you are. And my job, is to help the world recognize the perfection that I see". I like you just the way you are, I appreciate you just the way you are. It's not something that is said, but it's something that is understood and you feel that.

I think you need to work on communication & conversation. There a lot to talk about on this, but I'll give you my 2 cents:

The reason communication is different is because it has no goal. Washing the ditches, you know the end goal, and the steps. I do this, A, B, and I finish. It's like being a quest in a video game. But communication has no end goal, there is no end point where you can say "communication completed!" it doesn't have an objective. So, you can give it an objective yourself - try to get to know the other person. Communication can be seen as an opportunity to get to know the other person, to see what they are like.

What are you into? or what are you into that I could also be into? that's how you usually find a subject you can both enjoy.

Have an interaction where you are interested in getting to know them, that you are having sensitivity, that you talk about what they are into or what you have in common. That's how you make an enjoyable discussion, a pleasant discussion.

You can start with basic questions about themselves - what are you doing? where are you from? what do you do for a living? do you like it there? what do you think of this music?

And then when you find something they are interested in talk about that subject.

Find a subject that interests them and they will love talking about that subject. It's a good idea to ask them what they are interested in / excited about / working towards, but at the same time you will probably want to avoid turning a discussion in an interview.

Give your own imput too. Share. After they give an opinion, give your own opinion too and then ask them about something else, or give your own opinion and then wait for their reply. The idea is to make it entertaining for them, pleasant. Because:

If you want to be interesting, be interested. Make a fun and pleasant conversation with that person revolved around laughing with each other.

TL;DR In life you've got to be sweet as a person. To be a good thought for people. To have decency
To me, teasing is arrogances "I'm better than you". Thug life. Not real hurtful ones, jokingly ones. Of course, may not work with everyone, but when they work, they are great. A lot of teasing is just sarcasm, saying things you don't really mean for the humor effect.

Obviously, jokes are an important part of having fun with each other. The more fun she has the better she feels and the more likely she is to say yes to you, to accept your requests for a date or other things. There was saying "if you want her to like you, make her laugh", that's the short way to put it.

You can do any kind of joke, everything is okay as long as you two laugh and have a good time. It's important to be able to be each other around each other, to be able to express yourselves, to not feel restricted or controlled, for this someone has to make the first step, a small step, and maybe the other will follow, when he does, keep going and so on.

You can make any kind of jokes: self-humor as in dissing yourself in a fun way with a tone that gives it away that I'm joking, absurdity as in making fun of things that make no sense, sarcasm as in implying the opposite of what is obvious.

Some girls like to be made fun of, to have a bit of negative emotional spikes in the conversation as well. If you want to tease them, make sure you already are familiar enough with each other when you do and keep it respectful, do not be offensive, you can be touchy and stingy but not offensive. It's very important to be funny not insulting.

In teasing, you make fun of something is not so deranging. But you do push some bundaries, you give some negative spikes. And you create some challenge there. You say something they don't like, but it's not bad enough to be offensive. And you can even "cover it up" with good behavior, compliments or self-humor, dissing yourself so they know it's a joke.

How far you can go? well you can say: "look, even animals run away from you" (making fun that they aren't liked), "don't worry about failing in life, you can always work as a janitor" (making fun that they are not good enough). Or if they are right about something: "even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while" (making fun that they are often wrong), "you are such a backstabber, I expected more from you" or "I knew I shouldn't trust you" (making fun that they aren't trustworthy) with the light tonality that gives it away that it's a joke. Or use their own words against them, change the narrative (turn something good for them or bad for you, in something good for you or bad for them). When someone challenges you, you need to learn to give good replies so that you win the talk fight, to have good comebacks. Not because it's a competition, but because it makes everything more fun.

You can say: "you're so skinny that if someone tries to shoot me and you stand in front of me, I get shot and you don't" (making fun that they are slim), or "you look like a zombie" (if they have something on their face or are very tired, don't say this about their general face, that's offensive, it's not making fun of their looks, it's temporray looks), or "I literally grew a beard waiting for you" (making fun that they take long to prepare),

Making scare jokes can be a form of teasing. Teasing can also imply pushing some boundaries: "you can stop [doing something inconvenient] now, it's okay", "but you didn't stay for [something else]", so you push some boundaries, but you have to make sure the other person is cool with it based on their tone and general attitude. If they laugh when saying "you can stop [doing something inconvenient] now, it's okay" it means they are going with the joke, if they are serious do actually stop. Most of communication is non-verbal.

You can also tease by exaggerating various things about them or the enviroment. For example, if they are very cold you can say: "we are here in Siberia, there is no show yet but it's very cold, as you can see (making fun of them for being cold), keep freeing, we are going to equip ourselves for this very cold weather [gives her your jacket]" (still caring about her at the end). And she says "goodbye" or "leave me alone" but laughs, keep doing it, you push some boundaries and show defiance but it's actually in good spirit because she laughs. As I said, most of communication is non-verbal.

Or if it's raining outside and they are very wet, you can say "how are you doing [her name], are you coming here again? / do you want to come here again? / do you like it here?" (making for of them because clearly they don't enjoy the experience and won't want to come there again) and now she could banter by teasing you back "no, not with you" (making it personal) and you can reply "but it's my fault that it started raining?" (denying that it's personal). And then be like "go, go, go". Just say what you think and see what it comes to mind, find your style and see what works best with it. If you have an opinion about something, say what it comes to mind, as restricting yourself too much might actually be the reason why you can't pull it off and are closed up in yourself.

You can also tease them by challenging them. Like literally challenging them to a game to decide which person is going to do or not do a certain thing you don't want. Or by pretending to give them something then slowly pull it off away.

Or sarcastically say "thank you for the support" (clearly you don't appreciate it) when it's clearly not the case, and if they tell that to you "always, you know that you can always count on me", "I appreciate it" (again, clearly meaning the opposite of what you say).

Or you can roleplay by continuing the tease pretending to be upset like "no, you are like that", "you have block" (pretending to be upset). Or twist their words into something negative for them/positive for you leading to a back and forth exchange: "will you buy it for me?", "buy it and I will pay it for you when I remember" (pretending to trick them into buying it).

Someone once said "my love language is telling jokes at your expense that are so progressively more inappropiate until I cross a line and have to apologize", so don't worry about being too offensive, worry about being not entertaining or engaging enough, worry about being boring. And also have moments of realness, of being honest, of speaking from the heart, of seeking closure and telling how you feel.

If it helps, look at them as if they are a little kid. And don't be afraid to push some boundaries. You make fun of a trait that is not that bothersome. Find your style. And see what works best with it. Friends tease each other, brothers tease each other, lovers tease each other, it's all in good fun.

In spite of it's on the face "harsh treatment", teasing is actaully a form of showing affection. You can only tease people that you are very familar with, people you are close to and can afford it. Teasing is also a way of saying "I like you" but in an indirect way. It's a bit sneaky, not on the face, but that's the general rule, when someone makes fun of you, that person likes you.

What if nothing comes to mind? If nothing comes to mind then say nothing, don't tease. There are some things in life, where the more you force it, the less natural you are, the less of you than you can be and the more hidden you become, the more of wearing a mask and not enjoying yourself.

Additionally, you can even exaggerate the joke about yourself, make it even worse than it originally was. By not taking the joke seriously, you defuse it's power and turn the people from laughing at you to laughing with you, and if you can't think of something just laugh. This is much easier if you interpret positive intent in bantering rather than negative intent.

Also, most teasing is situational. It depends on the situation and the circumsntaces. Most of the things you can make fun of depend on the context and you cannot generalize them, it's usually by exaggerating things about them. And when it comes to delivery, exaggerate the tone, make it more sharp to communicate that you are joking.

To judge the appropiateness of a tease, consider the social context, the social roles that you have and whether you are at least acquaintances as well as the severity of the joke. If you can afford or can't afford it, since you can't afford to make downplaying jokes with everyone, you need to be at least acquaintances and of equal social status or roles.

You can't make fun of your teacher. And you can't make fun of a person you've just met. As a teacher, you can make fun of your students, but the other way around you can't really afford it. You can't make fun of the teacher you've just met. Without coming across as a jerk.

And you also have to keep in mind that with girls you should be more delicate and limit the severity of the joke. With the boys you can joke about almost everything, it's fair game. With girls, you need to show a certain circumspection. Don't make severe jokes, make jokes about something that's temporary, that is true but they don't care about or that is clearly not true.

When I think of humor, I think of something exaggerated, weird, absurd, something that makes no sense, that's why it's funny, because it makes no sense. Or because it reminds you of something funny, a stereotype.

Just view the world in a funny way, and ideas will come. Teasing is simply taking a flaw or misbehavior and exaggerating it. Looking at the world in a funny way. As I said previously, It's important to be able to be each other around each other, to be able to express yourselves, to not feel restricted or controlled, for this someone has to make the first step, a small step, and maybe the other will follow, when he does, keep going and so on.

Poking holes in their logic can be another form of teasing.
And a very satifying one. And a very easy to use.

As well as exaggerating their mistakes, making them worse than they actually are. Or finding similar comparisons. Or saying that they always do those mistakes. Sarcastically saying it, smuggish sort of way.
It can also be kind of cute.
Making funs.

To me, teasing is arrogances "I'm better than you". Thug life. Not real hurtful ones, jokingly ones.

Of course, may not work with everyone, but when they work, they are great.

A lot of teasing is just sarcasm, saying things you don't really mean for the humor effect, making fun of them, or of someone else, but in light ways, like (that do end up being hurtful, but not offensive, if you understand where the balance is; I guess being honest but being honest as a joke; just give up on your funny spirit and let if flow)

And:

There is a slight superiority in teasing. Or implication of lack of importance for them. Teasing is faked arrogance. Don't be arrogant, but you can fake it with teasing. You can be a bit insistent in teasing as long as the insisting is playful and the other person also laughs.

You can make stereotypes or point out the obvious. Optionally, you can tease people indirectly, be subtle, let the conclusion be formed, but it's usually on the face. Teasing can take the form of exaggerations and such, take things to their extreme conclusion, so extreme it's obvious it's wrong. Make jokes about having an proper/improper, normal/abnormal or moral/immoral behavior. It's very important to make sure that they can take a joke. The problem is with crossing the line, because you can never know when you have crossed the line until after you've crossed it. Problem is where you draw this line and where others draw this line can be very different. Not everyone takes teasing as well as you do. People won't always tell you when you've made them feel bad or upset them, you got to feel yourself how you make other people feel. They might not react to you, but may be upset deep inside.

There is always the possibility that people may be offended by your teasing but won't tell you. In this case, you can ask them directly: Do my jokes offend you? If they do, please tell me, I don't want to offend you but sometimes I may cross the line without being aware of it. They may appreciate the gesture and will understand that your real intention is to have fun with one another, that you don't mean to offend them.

Teasing is a way of showing affection because usually you only tease the people you like and feel comfortable with. You can afford teasing with each other. So if she's teasing you, she probably likes you and that's her way of saying it. That's her love language. As someone once said in a more or less ironic way "my love language is telling jokes at your expense that are so progressively more inappropiate until I cross a line and have to apologize". That might be the case for her.

If her teasing wasn't entertaining for you and you couldn't take it then I'd say it's on her, she should have been more aware about your feelings, or at least asked if you if you are offended by her teasing, but at the same time, you can't deny the fact that she had good intentions at heart and she simply didn't know. That's just her love langauge, her way to show affection, yours might be the opposite.

I don't think she treats you just like a friend. The source of your problem is - communication. And I mean real talk, not just talk. What you talked to us right now, talk to her, tell her how you feel. Just be natural, let it flow. Give it on emotions. Have a discussion from the heart. If she cares about you, she will have that discussion too. You said "unless the conversation is very serious" I believe that would be the case.

Talk about your love languages with each other, it's not that you might have different love languages, you do have different love languages.

And the thing about teasing is that:

I think the original post has a point about treating them like they're a princess. Instead, you should show her that you love her, that you care for her, pay attention to her, for her needs and how she feels, that you make her feel good, to give her symbolic gifts that represents her or you both once in a while, but also be able to say no and to treat her like an equal. You should be able to be on the same ground with her, you two are equals and treat each other like equals, what one can afford the other should be able to afford as well. And in fact, contradiction can make a relationship more fun. Otherwise it leads to those toxic relationships where there is an imbalance of power and one of the partners is abusive.

Some girls like to be made fun of, to have a bit of negative emotional spikes in the conversation as well. If you want to tease them, make sure you already are familiar enough with each other when you do and keep it respectful, do not be offensive, you can be touchy and stingy but not offensive. Make fun of things about them that are clearly false, they don't care about or are momentarily. It's very important to be funny not insulting.

Teasing, when light-hearted, is a way of showing you someone you care for them, by demonstrating your intimate knowledge of them. When you tease someone, sometimes your focus can be on dispelling one of their insecurities, tease them for feeling bad about something that's normal or good about themselves. Another form of teasing is to jokingly misconstruct what they said in a conversation, pay attention to what they say specifically and then tease them by playfully twisting their words to mean something else.

When it comes to teasing with someone you were never teasing with, test the waters first. See if they are the kind that enjoy a good teasing or get offended by it. And let some time for you to get to know each other a bit, even if you are the kind that loves a good teasing, being teased by a stranger would likely come accorss as insulting, "how dares he? he doesn't even know he", you feel your pride attacked if anything, you have to be teased by a friend you trust to have good intentions. And stay away from teasing people in public where their "image" is relatively important to them. It has to be on an one-on-one or group of close friends, doing it in public would be humiliation.

There is always the possibility that people may be offended by your teasing but won't tell you. In this case, you can ask them directly: Do my jokes offend you? If they do, please tell me, I don't want to offend you but sometimes I may cross the line without being aware of it. They may appreciate the gesture and will understand that your real intention is to have fun with one another, that you don't mean to offend them.

And also have moments when you give genuine praise and compliments, reasonable not exaggerated compliments. To counter the teasing or ironies "congratulations", "very nice earbuds, where you do you have them from?". Or expressing that you believe in her and know that she can make it. The attraction is emotional, it's an emotional connection, you got to feel it.

When you are more honest about what you like, compliments also come across as more sincere. If you always compliment someone, it seems rather dry. But when you tease someone or genuinely say that something looked better in a different way, then give a compliment, that compliment surely looks honest.

Things like: you are going to handle it, I know you can make it, I believe in you matter. Not just to a girl, but to everyone. To have someone who believes in you is important and can soften anyone. It also highlights that your teasing and jokes are just that, jokes, that in spite of that you are a good person who cares for them.

Just like a lot of things in life, if you don't make a move you will lose. Human relationships are pretty on the face, what you see is what you get. And a good way to and be attractive and be romantic is to make people feel seen. Basically, making people feel understood at the core of who they are, making them feel seen as an individual person, for what they want, they like and dislike.

I think it's also important to have an attitude with goodness that allows many behaviors, doesn't judge. To not be a judgemental person. You can even give compliments such as "you're cute" or "I've remaked you".

And:

If you do have a problem, go for real talk, and I mean real talk, not just talk. To talk to her and tell her how you feel. Just be natural, let it flow. Give it on emotions. Have a discussion from the heart. If she cares about you, she will have that discussion too. To have a serious discussion from the heart. Real communication brings people closer. It also allows you to be yourself, to be you that you can be and not be hidden or wear a mask because then you are not enjoying yourself. Or at least not hidden about your feelings.

And:

Teasing really depends on the mood of the room, there's a time and place for it. If you have a deep serious discussion it's probably not appropiate to start teasing right there. But if the atmosphere is chill, lighthearted and fun, that's the perfect time for teasing. Like: "Look, not even animals like you" or "Don't worry about failing in life, you have options, there's always room to work as a janitor" or "You're so skinny that if someone tries to shoot me and you stand in front of me, I get shot".

You can either do affectionate teasing that makes it clear it's man to woman, like if there's a gym nearby and there are lots of ripped people you can say "no, no, no, this is not for girls from (wherever is she from)". If she enjoyed it, she may continue the non-serious talk, "but this is from girls from (another location)" and then you can be like "yes, yes, yes, do you want to come to the X?". Given how the situation escalates, given that it's all ironic non-serious talk right now, she may reply something like "ok, my cutie" which is pretty much the confirmation that she likes you, and then you can go on and kiss her.

Or even in a non-ironic discussion, let's say there's a movie you know she hates and only the two of you are there, but she watches it anyway, you can ask her: "why are you watching it if you don't like it?", "because you are watching it", "what?", "I watch it because you are watching it" and then go on and kiss her.

When you tease someone, you got to push some boundaries. Like, for example you are filming someone: "you can stop filiming me, it's okay", "but you didn't stay for the photo" and keep filming. Now, the difference between playful and jerk is her reaction, she may say "you can stop filiming me, it's okay" but if she smiles or laughs while saying that it's clear she doesn't mean it and she's not upset.

Or if you're somewhere where it's very cold, you can also tease her about it. "We are here at the mountainside is Siberia, there is no snow yet but it's very cold, as you can see (point out to her being cold), keep freezing (her name), look, we are going to equip ourselves for this, this weather very cold" and if she says "goodbye" while clearly smiling, you can keep doing what you're doing, defiance, "what?" and she insists "goodbye!", you can defy even more "goodbye what?", "come on, give me your jacket", "come on, take it". This is all in a funny lighthearted attitude, if at any point she is genuinely upset, stop and give her the jacket already. Mix doing things for them with not doing things for them and instead challenging for games to see who's the one that has to go and turn off the light or close the door.

These jokes probably only work if they see you as a warm person in general. They know that this is not who you are and it's just a role, you're roleplaying.

Teasing works with your reputation hand in hand. If people know you as someone more likely to joke, they are more likely not to take your jokes seriously. Reputation and how well you know that person. If you don't know that person very well, it may not come across that well. We don't appreciate personal jokes from people we barely know. But if we know them, we know they don't mean it and we don't feel awkward.

Sometimes teasing is just playing the game / the role: like saying - "I'm not going to stick in your relationship" - if 2 people are pretending to be in a relationship as a joke. Finding out the game the others are playing and playing along.

Goldestruck - roleplay. It's like roleplay. Figuring out the role and playing the role. Playing the role you're supposed to have (like - people pretending to be in a relationship - "I'm not going to stick in your relationship")

That people have little mean desires, teasing can be highlighting them. (Do you want me to leave so you can throw it to the bin?) (car accident - did you want more clients and didn't know how to get them? like assuming bad intent)

Highlighting the little meanitiies of people. Or being a little mean yourself.

Teasing is highlighting the little meanitiies of people. Or being a little mean yourself.

It's the idea that people want to be mean but have to be good.

All in joke spirit of course. But that's the underlying principle.

So much for theory.

It's playing with these concepts of mean and good. Of what is expected and what is not expected. (Of you in society)
Like: You get rid of them anyway (telling a shopkeeper after you buy their product)

Ending Thoughts:

What makes one attractive? Being childish, is a perk. Being similar, is a perk; platonic guy, not a perk.

It depends on the way you were raised so that you won't have a stressful relationship. It's about how you think, about how you understand, about how you have the perception. If you don't have the same perceptions as another person you won't get along. Or at least you'll have a harder time getting along.

Your perceptions are things that seem normal to you because that's the way you were raised.

For example, if they don't reply to your messages, chill. You can say "I'll go watch a movie, I won't respond anymore".

And have it taken with no worries, doubts, anxiety or anger that they no longer like me or no longer want to talk to me because of that. People have other things going on in their lives, and yes you might be a priority, but you are not the only priority, we all have other things to do in our lives and in our spare time.

You know, like when you text fast, they text fast, they no longer text, so you no longer text because they don't text, you take your time to text. One of them gets upset that the other doesn't respond, and so he doesn't respond in return, and then it all escapates. As opposed to, neither has any doubts when the other doesn't respond. He or/and she responds when she can or when she sees the message. But it also matters to have the other person "ensured". To be sure of the other person.

Because that's probably all where that texting anxiety comes from, doubt, people made uncertain by the other's lack of response. Or the perception that if you text back right away when they don't you will be seen as weak or needy. Which is wrong, not texting or texting has nothing to do with being weak or needy. Or the other way around, the perception that if you don't take your time between the texts you will be seen as desperate.

To fix this, you got to have a dose of common sense and understand when the other person is not interested in the conversation anymore and let her or him go. But apart from that, when the conversation has gone dry and it's clear they no longer have an interest in texting, you can text as soon as you can or see the message right away. You can respond back right away without being weak. It's not a sign of needyness or weakness to be active in the conversation, it's a sign that you like the other person and like to have a conversation with them, it's a sign that you like them. And is appreciated by the other person if they like you too. It's also an attempt to make yourself liked, so no that, no date either.

It's the other way around, when it's clear in their short reponses of "ok", "aha" that they no longer are interested in having a discussion and it gets kind of dry, that could come across as weak or needy or desperate although I would argue not necessarily, but above all else, it makes you look like you lack common sense, because you're unable to interpret how that other person feels, or unwilling to let go dispite making the other person feel bad as they are clearly not enjoying the conversation anymore. Just let them go. Let them be. They won't break up with you for that. They'll come back later. Maybe they have something to do right now. It's not personal. Let them go and text later, or wait for them to text later, and if they don't text later.

You know, in messages, when you're upset when she doesn't respond to you, and she's upset when you don't respond to her. It's not the person that's stressful, it's the situation, it's a constant stress like that. Like, "hey, a relationship, we're supposed to be texting each other everyday". You're not necessarily supposed to, you can have a relationship without expecation or pretentions, where you are both "established" and have no texting anxiety.

For the male love interest archetype in a number of films: There is still attractiveness there, but it's more of "boyish prince charming" type of good looks. He also has a "sweet sensitive side" that now everyone always sees. The outward strength he displays to his friends and the rest of the world, signals that he can protect the female and her offsprings. But be on the nurturing side that can take care of them as well. The "he is the most beautiful and kind" type. The female "sex symbol" is more like James Franco. Men find him goofy-looking but women find him hot.

People these days, I don't think they have good perceptions, generally speaking. They seem to be more gutsiest, not bold, being bold would be guts but with common sense, they no longer have patience, they see everything with other eyes, they are raised differently, they are more bragging.

So that they stand out above the crowd, so that they brag, with what they have and so on, money and clothes and all that, and a feeling of superiority. A person's perceptions depend on the way they are raised, so I guess there's that, there are major differences between people's perceptions based on the way they were raised.

Modesty and kindness took a second place.

You don't have to be a 10 in all areas. While yes generally men want a higher number in attractiveness and women want a generally higher number in resources, they don't have to all be 10, it varies from individual to individual. And women value attractivenss as well while men value resources as well, it's just that men generally have a higher number for attractiveness than resources and women generally have a higher number for resources than attrativeness.

The study also found kindness and intelligence to be a necessity to both sexes.

Intelligence doesn't mean you have to be Harward level of intelligence, it only means you have to be generally informed.

One of the most popular yet wrong dating advice is "be an alpha, the leader of the pack, the most aggressive brute, don't be a beta, weak, submissive, always under the heel, that's how you get women", there's a fair amount of people who believe that, that you got to be quote "the man". I don't only think that that's not how it works, that people are not divided into alpha and beta, but also that they concepts of alpha and beta are flawed that they are not a correct alpha and beta as far as alpha and beta are concerned. Without any kind of mocking, not only I think it's bad but also doesn't work.

I mean look Corey who is giving dating advice. He preaches being an "alpha" but the way he talks and carries himself, is the way he himself would describe as "beta". I'm not saying about his looks, but the way he comes across as that old teacher in school that you couldn't wait for the hour to pass. I don't think he 'scores' anything with that "hello kids" approach.

And yes, some of the metods of that do have some merit, about 20%. The rest are just straight up bad. And they ignore the most human part of the interaction. The one that is actually the soul of the interaction. Instead of talking to a person, another individual, and having a good time. You have to complete all these checklists of dos and don'ts which are mostly bad. I'm not saying improvement doesn't exist. I'm saying his methods are not an improvement and it's not suppoed to be work.

And where are the ressults for that? or red pill, as they are probably the same. From what I've seen, red pill is mostly made out of people who want to get a date but are kind of weird exactly because of red pill advices. In their case, practice won't work no matter how they try because they already start with bad red pill advice, instead of treating people like people, they have this sort of mechanical approah independent on the other person. If red pill was full of people who would brag about their 'body count' a case could be made for it's efficiency, but it's not, instead it's full of scammers.

I don't believe those "alpha" and "beta" concepts as true.

In fact, I think being the alpha male ugga bugga always aggressive, dominant in the sense of tyranical, always showing off and always up for a fight with "lesser men" will get you a certain kind of women. Just not quality women in my opinion. Women value sensitivity, in men included, and they just want to be with someone they like and have a good time with, and I don't mean have a good time in a sexual way but understanding one another, clicking, having common values, having what to talk about.

They don't want or need the strongest or the most dominant man in the room. They do want some "manliness" but not even 50% to the extent that the "alpha male" red pill version would have you believe. They want confident men who can lead, who can take initiative and say what stuff to do (asking not imposing) as well as carry the conversation, men who can take initiative and "play the atmosphere", not men who can beat up anyone in the room. In fact, I had women tell me that they don't like overly ripped guys, the typical alpha male type, because they seem more likely to cheat and less likely to commit to them. Which is a human thing to do and to say, especially as a woman, you want a relationship, someone you feel good with and know will commit to you. Men in my opinion are more likely to jump from a relationship to the next while women more likely to commit, on average. But they are right about the alpha in terms of social value, popularity, etc.

As for the beta, while being weak and submissive is a bad thing. Or being people pleasing always agreeing not having a spine. Like Marshmello from the song & Marshmello & Anne-Marie - FRIENDS. Where he should just stand up and go. Or stop literally cleaning up after her. Ask her directly if she wants to be with him, directly but nicely not alpha-male aggressive, if she says not fine he leaves. Be a little more decisive and out there with conviction and initiative. Everything else is kind of crap.

Women don't want a weak-willed "beta" man, yet want someone a bit more imposing, a bit more defintive, someone who can make a decision and take action, a bit of a leader, a coordonator, and somone they can have fun with. Someone who is actually willing to boldly interact with them and direct as in sort of control be in charge of the conversation, that's not beta. Even when dating, the man is expected to prepare for the date and basically "plan" the date. Same goes to conversation and interacting with them. But they don't want a ugga bugga alpha matcho man either. People want to see the human on the other side, they want to see what you feel, what you are like, what you like and enjoy and what you don't, how you see life, what visions and beliefs you have, what you feel like, what you value, what you care about, they want to see depth, seeing what you are like is interacting with another person and you don't do that through beta or alpha approach but by being yourself and being attentive towards them. And some traits of the stereotypical beta are actually more attractive than some traits of the stereotypical alpha.

The ideal woman for men is attractive, men care a lot more about looks than women, and her personality is "not like the other girls" but "one of the boys". Women on the other hand still value attractiveness it is not as highly prioritized as men's. For women, the sensitivty and care of a man is more important because they are looking for paternal investment, or potential for paternal investment to be more exact. That's not to say women go around thinking "will this be a good father?", likely it doesn't even cross their mind, but they do care whether the man is the protecting and nurturing type who will commit, they have that under the radar while men are very unlikely to think of judge in their attractiveness "will this make a good mother?" as in looking for potential for paternal investment.

For women, the ideal male while still attractive is more of a "boyish prince charming" type of good looks. Not beta but not alpha either. He also has a sweet sensitive side, not alpha. He has outwards strength that he displays to the rest of the world, which signalsthat he can protect. But he is on the nurturing side and can take care of them as well.

I think the reason for this is biological. For men, parental investment for a woman is a given, it's biology, she has to. For women, parental investment for a man is not a given, he can literally sleep with her and go, so she has to make sure she finds someone with nurturing qualities who will stick around. Men can sleep with whoever they want and still easily reproduce, so they can easily play the numbers' game. Women can only get pregnant a few times in her life and has to invest in her child, so she has no time for low quality counterfit genes so she's being very picky on who is worthy. Men, generally look for phsyical health indicators. Women, generally look for characteristics that aid in parental investment. Men prioritize in themselves: health, resoureces, mates. Women prioritize in themselves: independence, sustainability, tenderness.

So yeah, alpha, beta, bad. The best thing to do is have a human interaction, meaning treating the other person like another human, and see how it goes from there.

So a counter-intuitive way on how to get the girls? empathy. Love for others. Value for others.

What you need is the social element.

Although there is the importance of being nice and loving, helping her with small things and doing things for her, pretty much everyone is delicate and attentive with the people they like, everyone is a gentleman when they like that person, you're not special for doing it. You got to compensate with a good and fun character as well, a good and fun personalty I mean, and with look too, even as a man, looks matter in some measure. So such, saying that your dating quality is "being nice" is like saying your running quality is "having legs". It's essentially saying "I'm an average guy", everyone is nice with the person they like, if that's your only redeeming quality you'll lose against better competition. But you also need to be not boring.

You also need a bit of emotional intelligence, to sense yourself when people don't want to be bothered and such. To sense when people would want a certain thing but won't tell you, etc. To show a decent amount of politness, especially when you are with her parents, or when you come home with her.

It's a lot easier when you don't actually care, because there is no stake, you can lie and have no issue with it. You can be the "perfect man" when you don't care because there are no stakes.

There's more to that.

HOW TO BE A COOL GUY FOR HER:

CLOSING THOUGHTS:

THE SIMP IDEA, DOES OR DOESN'T WORK:

RAJ'S ART OF SEDUCTION SUMMARY:

SOME OLD BELIEFS ABOUT MEN & WOMEN:

HOW TO GET ALONG IN SPITE OF YOUR DIFFERENCES & SOLVE CONFLICT:

A FEW SCATTERED BELIEFS:

RAJ'S ART OF SECUDTION:

GREENE'S ART OF SEDUCTION:

Part 10 (The mythical chad, and clown level, under the table, roleplay, selfish, and hat)

THE CHAD VS THE INCEL:

Incel & Chad - The Difference
Mythical Chad <-> Incel:
Good looking <-> Skinny, glasses.
Goes to gym, not fully ripped but not bad looking either <-> incel version (a) - More bones than muscles, glasses and braces optional; incel version (b) - More fat than bones & mucles combined, fedora hat.
Social <-> Sits in a corner waiting for things to happen.
Goes out there and talks to people <-> Sits in a corner waiting for things to happen.
Approaches and says "hi" to a woman when he's interested in her <-> Sits in a corner waiting for things to happen.
Talks about appropiate subjects that would be of interest to both of them (how is this party going?; where are you from?; what do you do for a living?) <-> talks about his collection of rocks.

Loves to dance and have fun <-> Is secretly a level 80 warlock, also sits in a corner waiting for things to happen.
Takes it slowly with a girl, either goes to talk to her and tries to get closer to her as a person before asking her out or simply tries to get to know her first <-> His opener is usually "hi, do you want to go out with me?" or "hi, I've been in love with you for so long". And is shocked that the girl is shocked that someone she doesn't know would open up with something so huge.
Has good looks but doesn't count everything on good looks either. Know girls appreciate more than good looks in men and is in fact men who are more obsessed with looks. <-> Thinks his failures are because of his looks, which while yes they play a part, and mainly because of his lack of trying and bitter attitude towards women on rejection.
Is indifferent towards incels <-> hates Chads.

Takes rejections nicely, says "ok" and moves on. The girl wasn't interested, it's her choice. <-> How dares she reject me? is it because I have no money? all girls are gold diggers selfish scums. If only I had more money, I would get all the girls and those Chads would see.
Girl lies to him about having a boyfriend, finds it a bit immature but also slightly cautious as some men wouldn't take no for an answer and "I have a boyfriend" is usually the best way to combat such a thing, takes the answer for what it was, a rejection, regardless of the reason, and moves on. <-> She is such a manipulative prick! how dares she lie to me? gosh, this is how all women are! all selfish materialistic shallow hoes. If only they had a real man like me. If only they knew what a real man I really am. But they are too shallow for that, too shallow to see that.

Only loves a girl after getting to know her, loves her personality, her way of being. <-> Falls in love instantly, it's actually just lust but he doesn't know that. Gets piled up with emotions, then goes out to confess/ditch his feelings in the most overwhelming way possible "hi, do you want to go out with me?" or "hi, I've been in love with you for so long", girl gets shocked as it's too much, it's overwhelming, it'sl also weird, it's out of nowhere, and she doesn't even know this guy, rejects him. This is even more evidence for his "women are" theory.
Takes action <-> One day, life will change, but still sits in a corner waiting for things to happen.

Incel is essentially the radical feminist but gender-reversed. Because it's easier to justify yourself that "I hate men/women" than see your shortcomings and try to work on them. Why should I be bad when the other side can be terrible?

WILLPOWER VS VISUALIZATION:

There's also the issue of telling yourself you deserve x, visualize it, desire it, and then not do anything about it. The only thing you'll manage to do is beat yourself up and be even more sad because you lack the willpower to follow through, even though you desire it a lot. Telling yourself that you deserve it and simply desire it are different things. That's worth noting. But essentially the issue is the same.

I think willpower beats the law of attraction. In my life, the most successful people I've talked with have a mindset of:
"I have no mood to do it but I have willpower", that's what it takes to have success, willpower.

I'm forcing myself to have willpower and do it, even though I don't feel like it.

They are not people who like everything they do, they are people who just do things, even if they don't feel like it.

Even if it feels draining, saddening, bad, they do it. Even if they don't feel like it. Because of the rewards they will get later.

"I have no mood to do it but I have willpower" - focus on willpower. That's the key. Willpower. I have no mood but I have to do it. That's how succesful (that I personally talked with) people pass through life, with willpower.

One even said that "willpower is the ability to self-discipline, because by that you recognise there isn't a single part of yourself, there are multiple parts of yourself, one wants to do this, one wants to do that, and you are the brain behind, it's your duty and responsability to pick the voice that is best for you, not the best that screams the loudest".

He may have schizophrenia I don't know, but it's a pretty good metaphor for the human body & mind. Sometimes we do things we don't really want to do. And sometimes we don't do things we really want to do. Willpower is the ability to self-control that. And follow the "voice" that you want. Not the voice that rigns the hardest to you, as in the biggest desire (especially in the moment). It's like self-rule.

HOW TO BECOME CONFIDENT:

This is an advice I head on a TV show from a psychologist. It's not about dating specifically but about confidence in general. Although I think it can apply to dating since there are many parts that involve confidence in dating as well as insecurities that people may have. Whether it's insecurities of not being likeable enough, not being fun enough, not being funny, not knowing how to make a pleasant converastion, not being a pleasnt person in general, etc.

First of all, he spoke out against 'positive psychology'.

You can tell yourself "I'm confident, I'm confident, I'm confident, I'm confident, I'm confident", you won't be.

You can even tell yourself "Let's do something fun, I know I will go there and it will be fun" which may help a bit but it's not long-term sustainable.

So without further ado, here is the nature of confidence & fear. And the key thing is that - trying to control it or protect yourself from bad outcomes leads to less confidence and more fear.

Where does confidence comes from? Think of something that you're confident about, let's say for the sake of the argument: driving and cooking.

Now, think of something that you are not confident about. You have low confidence, that leads to fear such as OCD, and that leads to controlling things. OCD - as in, you try to control everything to avoid the source of your fear, to avoid having your fear made manifest. Let's say for the sake of the argument that your fears are: the way you look and giving a public speech.

So those things give you high fear. Then, in order to reduce the fear, what you do is you exert control. So you have low confidence -> fear -> control.

This is how you exert control over your fears:
The way you look -> wear a hat and many other accessories to cover your face.
Giving a public speech -> pre-writing the speech and repeating it in the mirror.

While proper preparation prevents poor performance, so pre-writing the speech and repeating it in the mirror is adviseable, what you are basically doing is exert control. Exert control over your enviroment to avoid the fear. So then because you exert control, what happens is that your fear goes down.

So you temporarily got rid of the fear because you exerted control. So you have controls over all of those things, and this (wear a hat and many other accessories to cover your face) results in getting a compliment about your looks or having a good public speech. Because you used a controller you got a good result.

Does that lead to increase in confidence? or decrease in confidence?

Decrease.

It should lead to an increase, because you did good, you excercised control over your fear by taking precautions and now you've had a compliment about your looks or a good public speech, so what happened? why didn't this actually lead to an increase in confidence? this is what we think it's going to happen. But, once you take control your fear and take precatuions about it and are successful with it, it will only make you more nervous that the next one won't be as good as the last one.

Kind of weird isn't it? Yes, you did good, but you prepared a lot for it. And now you are afraid that you will fail if you don't prepare a lot for it, again. It didn't lead to an increase in confidence but a decrease. Now you need even more preparation for that good result.

This is important to understand: we think that confidence comes from successes. But the truth is that somehow, this decreases your confidence. Especially if you've made preparations for it.

If we look at the whole nature of the confidence and fear, we find: low confidence -> fear -> control -> good result -> decrease in confidence.


And the decrease in confidence leads to even more to low confidence.

And then fear increases.

And when your fears increases, you control things more.

And so your control increases. Your control or preparation for the events increases.

And then you have another good result, and then your confidence decreases.

You can see how all of this is a vicious cycle. This is how it works.

This is why you're screwed, it's weird.

By the way. Confidence = worth. So if you want to check your confidence level, you might as well ask yourself: what are you worth? Self-worth = confidence.

What are you worth when you're a top doctor in a hospital? a lot. What are you worth when you lose that job? zero. And that's another issue altogether: your worth as a human being is not intristic, it's not interal. It's based on external factors, and as long as that's true in your belief system.

As long as your worth is determined by external things, that's the very definition of lack of confidence. Because confidence is about worth that comes from within.

So what do you do about it? How do we fix it?

Let's take the positive examples from above: driving and cooking.

What is your worth when it comes to driving?

Well, you can do it without perparation, maybe wear the seat belt but that's about it and that's for different reasons altogether. Legal stuff and safety even though you can handle driving. You don't prepare with anything really, you just do it flawlessly. You just get into your car and go where you want to go. No fear. No drawbacks. You just do it naturally, easy. You don't need preparation, you know that you can drive, and you can do it easy.

Here's the punchline about confidence: let's say I'm teaching my kid to ride a bike and he's got training wheels. So when he rides a bike, the reason that he doesn't fall over is because he has training wheels or because he knows how to ride a bike? training wheels.

If he's fearful about riding a bike and I add training wheels, his fear goes down and what happens to his confidence? it's lower, because he's relying on the training wheels.

The training wheels are the control factor.

The wear a hat and many other accessories to cover your face in case of insecurity about your looks or the pre-writing the speech and repeating it in the mirror in case of insecurity about your public speech are your training wheels.

So now we go back to the nature of the confidence model: low confidence -> fear -> control -> good result -> decrease in confidence. What happens if you don't wear a hat?

You get rid of the control. And oh boy you're afraid, you're scared as heck.

And then you go out there, and then if you have a good result, such as people compliment you anyway, what happens?

It's weird.

You accept it, but it's very weird, it came out of nowhere, you don't know what to expect or what to make of it. Because according to you, this isn't supposed to happen.

But what if you have a bad result?

Oh boy, your worst fears realised! You were right all along!

If you don't wear the hat, if you get rid of the control, your fear increases, but that's what happens when you take the training wheels off.

And here's the problem: you could have a good result or you could have a bad result.

But the funny thing is, either way, your confidence is going to increase.

Yes, even in the case of "your worst fears realised! You were right all along!" your confidence is going to increase.

Because now you are doing it without the training wheels.

Because if I'm with my kid and I take the training wheels off, he could fall, it's going to happen. But he's not always going to fall. And the more he falls or not falls, the more he's able to tolerate his fear.

The more he is able to understand the fear and realise that fear is not such a big deal.

Because, literally if I would talk to him about taking his training wheels off, he panics, because he's afraid, he's anxious.

If you're talking about overcoming fear, wearing a hat is not overcoming fear, it's feeding into it. More protection from fear through control leads to less confidence and more fear. It's making it go away artificially.

If you use forms of control to make your fear artificially go away, like perparing for it or using a hat, instead of grappling with it, instead of facing your fear, instead of having catharsis, your confidence is never going to grow.

All that's going to happen is that you're going to fall into the cycle over and over again.

And what you need to do unfortunately is face your fear.

This is the actual solution: By exposing yourself, you have the opportunity to learn about yourself. By exposing yourself, you can free yourself of this general problem.

And with the child, you can explain to him "hey, we're taking the wheels off, and you could fall, but if you do fall, I'm going to be here and I'm going to help you get back up, and we're going to try again". And the more that we do that, the more confident he is going to be.

The more he tries without the training wheels the more confident he is going to become.

When it comes to driving and cooking. Somewhere along the way, you let yourself drive and cook in spite of your fear.

And when you do things in spite of your fear, then what happens to your confidence? your confidence goes up.

Let's look at it like this: I want to drive -> low confidence, so if you give into your fear -> don't get in the car -> therefore: I can't drive.

Let's add a control factor now: I'm only going to drive with my instructor next to me, or with an adult next to me, always. What's going to happen with my confidence? it's going to increase or decrease? decrease to the point I will become dead scare to ever drive alone because I've never done it. DISCLAIMER: Training wheels do have their use, but there is a point where you have to take off the training wheels and do it yourself, alone, or else you're never going go grow, you're never going to get rid of your fear if you're never going to get rid of your control factor. And grow, because that's where growth happens, that's where the increase in confidence happens, outside your control wheels. And when you are facing your fears, when you are facing your worst possible scenario.

And regardless of the result, whether it's good or bad, you're going to get more confident. Because you're going to be like "hey, I can do it", "I know I can do it". Even if you drive alone and make an accident, as bad as it is, your confidence is actually going to increase, it's going to increase more than if you've never done it and always drove with an instructor or parent next to you, because you've done it.

It's weird but you are going to feel more confident in driving with a driving alone + accdent in your memory than no driving alone + no accident in your memory.

So let's say "I can drive", if the previous route goes to "I can't drive" how do we get here? How do you get to "I can drive"?

By driving and being good at it. But how do you get in the car to drive if you're not confident?

You just do it, and then you become confident.

Like this: I want to drive -> low confidence, but you don't give into your fear -> get in the car -> therefore: "I can drive". And sometimes "I can't drive".

This "don't get in the car" is inaction, coping, giving in to insecurity.

While "get in the car" is rolling the dice.

Sometimes you mess up. Sometimes you drive alone and your engine dies or you hit a mailbox, so you're going to be like "I can't drive". But guess what, your confidence is still going to increase, for the simple fact that you've done it.

Do you get how right here: either you control the factors and try to make all kinds of preperations possible to avoid the fear and don't open yourself up to hurt. Which is giving in to insecurity, or you roll the dice and go for it trying your best against the fear with no training wheels?

Because sometimes as you try to drive a car -> "I can't drive". You fail.

But here's the crazy thing, if you think that you can drive. And then your remember all the times when you couldn't drive, it's not going to bother you, because even when I can't drive I can still drive. That is confidence. That's it.

Even when I can't drive I can still drive. That's the nature of confidence. Even when I have a bad ressult it's a good ressult. Even when I messed up I know still that I can do it, no training wheels. Even when people don't compliment me, I'm a beautiful person. You are accepting that you are flawed and you are laughing in its face. And you're okay with it.

But you could say, "that's so much easier, I think accepting the way you drive is a lot easier than accepting the way you look or the way you give a public speech". And that would be true, for you. But there are people out there who beg to differ. Different people have different fears. There are people out there who are fearful about how good they can drive and don't care so much about their looks and have no issue with giving a public speech, they can be very confident that they are good looking and gregarious so they know they will make a good speech but very afraid of driving because they feel like they can't do it.

Simply put: to gain confidence you got to roll the dice at some point. Rolling the dice means going out there and exposing yourself to your fear with no training wheels.

And the more that you give in to your fear, and this is true about OCD as well. The more you feed your OCD by extering control, the stronger it grows.

So you have two paths:
1. Low confidence -> fear -> control -> good result -> decrease in confidence.
2. Low confidence -> fear -> get rid of the control and go out there -> roll the dice and go for it unprepared -> good result or bad result -> increase in confidence.

Trying to control it or protect yourself from bad outcomes leads to less confidence and more fear. Protection from fear leads to more fear.

When you try to extert control over your fears and insecurities, it makes you feel less fearful in the moment because it makes you feel protected, but what happens is that it makes you fear more fearful in the long-term, it makes your current experience of fear less, but it makes the size of the fear beast in your mind bigger the next time. You succeded only because you managed to protect yourself from the fear, that's what you'll learn. So it will grow, the fear will grow.

Confidence starts with little things. You got to roll the dice and you got to take a chance. Unprotected, unfiltreted, without trying wheels, just being yourself out there and going for it.

Because another confusing thing is: people assume confidence comes from success, but actually confidence comes from failure. I survived it.

If you're afraid of something coming to pass: "I'm afraid of failing a class". And once you actually fail a class, and you're like "oh, I'm actually still around, I recovered from that". You're down in the pits a little while and you come out of it. However, avoidance is what makes the pit stay there forever.

Avoidance of class is going to make it worse than actually going to the class and actively fail right then and there.

And that's where confidence, faith in yourself, security comes from. It comes from overcoming challenges, naked, not stacking the deck in your favor so you don't have to face them.

When it comes to a public speech, you have to take a chance, you're not going to feel confident until you give people the chance to reject you and they don't.

You're not going to feel loved and accepted until you give people the correct chance to reject you and they don't.

Without wearking a mask, without stacking the deck in your favor, you're not going to feel safe and confident in yourself until you do that. Give people a honest chance to reject you by being there exposed naked and they don't.

And even if they do, your confidence will grow. It's weird, but that's how it actually works. It's the avoidance, the wearking a mask, the preparing for it beforehand, that makes things worse.
0 Replies
 
Apothecary
 
  0  
Reply Sat 18 Feb, 2023 09:47 am
@Apothecary,
ON DECADENCE:

The rise of decadence.

The rise of decadence happens in comfortable societies where they already got everything they want.

They no longer strive to be the best.

Seek the schedule, go to class, and pay attention.

Take notes from their colleagues and learn.

Be the best.

Impress people with your looks and body. If you want respect, you have to look respectable.

Lack of decadence means striving for the best.

THE ISSUE WITH LACK OF MASCULINITY:

I don't remember who said it, maybe Jordan Peterson, but it went something like this:

In USA, 43% of boys are raised by single mothers, 78% of teachers are female.
So close to 50% of boys have a female influence only at home.
And the majority of boys have a predominantly female influence at school.
Maybe toxic masculinity isn't the problem, maybe the lack of masculinity is.

And this makes a lot of sense. Have you ever noticed how the vast majority of: serial killers, school shooters, and just angry simps in general are way more feminine than masculine?

Probably there are exceptions I can't think of, but I'm willing to bet that there's way more serial killers, school shooters that look like Elliot Rodgers than serial killers, school shooters that look like Andrew Tate.

You grow up with a female-predominated enviroment around you, they teach you feminist stuff, you grow up frustrated because whatever you do is not working:

You don't look as cool as you want to do and repress that part of yourself, so repressed inferiority complex towards other men.

You don't get female attention maybe friendzone as best because you're such a nice female guy but don't make them feel emotions, so repressed sexual impulses.

You are not competitive enough so you don't survive in a work enviroment without the boost of 'treat her nicer because she's a woman', so fail at work due to lack of competitiveness.

You are a people pleaser and that's a good thing to some extent to have a good soul and a good heart as that purity and joy can infect the other person, but the heathly limit is do good to yourself without hurting others, do good to others without hurting yourself, which you don't have because you were raised by women and women are naturally more people pleasing than men because they are biologically wired to raise an infant, and that 'people pleasing' behavior may work for a woman because people including dating prospects are expecting a woman to be 'nice' and 'self-sacrifcing' on some extent so it's just 'what a woman does' so it's very understandable and people appreciate you for it, but being a people pleser as a man just screams 'weak' and 'not a dating partner because you're not strong and can't stand up for you' as a man you're sure expected to be 'nice as in inviting but principled not people pleasing', sure you can absolutely be with kind people who hug each other at the start of the party that have decency, but you can't be do good to others while hurting yourself and have it appreciated like women, so you get frustrated because of the way you're treated.

We are dealt a different stack of cards. So a man learning exclusively from a woman will likely end up a frustrated man who fails in life and the best case scenario he becomes a simp or a radical feminist while worst case scenario he becomes a serial killer or school shooters. It's never people who are content in life that do this.

There was another speech from Jordan Peterson that discussed that part.

I don't remember that speech that well but it went something like this: A lot of guys who are on women's march of hardcore feminists and are overly sympathetic are actually quite predatory. Their psychology is 'maybe if I am on their side they will sleep with me'.

Which is the absolutely wost way to go, you should go the opposite direction, making yourself attractive by being more masculine and attractive to women, heck a woman can be attracted to you even if she disagrees with you, or especially if she disagrees with you, there's emotions in that disagreement, and shows you are principled, that you have your own ideas and don't try to patter her or raise her on a pedestal but treat her like a normal person.

At the same time, overly "macho" or "manly" are usually compensating men. Knowing deep inside that they lack masculinity so they need to compensate it with a big outward appearance. Maybe they have a big truck, a sleveless shirt and overall a more crude voice to apperar more masculine. While masculine men feel less insecure about their masculinity therefore they feel more comfortable bringing up their feminine side, including empathy.

For a masculine man who isn't compensating, their feminine side works in contrast with their masculine side. They have both. They don't feel ashamed to bring up their feminine side because they already feel they have their masculine side to back them up so they don't feel in danger of appearing "overly-feminine" if they express their feminine side like liking cats or liking cookies.

Usually, when one gender is too much in one direction, they are usually compensating.

There was another study about this, I'm trying to remember it but I can't.

IS MONEY AN IMPORTANT THING?

If you attract with money you'll end up an ATM. I see in the culture today the beleif that 'women attract with looks, men attract with money'. Which I think it's completely wrong, it's actually 'women attract with looks, men attract with looks'.

You attract with what you are, you don't attract with what you have, if she's not attracted to you but your belongings, she's not attracted to you, she's attracted to what you have. I'm not talking about the cases where a rich guy wants some sleeping around and uses money to get a one night stand. If you want one night stands it's 100% legit to use money to get you where you want to go, not paying for hookers but use money to impress.

But I'm talking about the cases where a guy wants something with depth, a genuine relationship with care and sensitivity but pours a lot of money in. That's where you end up losing with the money strategy. And yes, paying for the first date is usually the nice thing to do as a guy, although in my experience the biggest indicator to see whether a girl is genuinely interested in me is whether she is or is not financially invested. It's not about the sum, it's about the fact that if she is not financially interested in the relationship, she is not interested in the relationship.

It's because that communicates interest. So investment of a woman in you financially speaking can be a big indicator of interest, if not the biggest. This is why whether she pays for things on the 3rd date is important. If a girl likes a guy, she is willing to financially invest in him. Not for the sake of the money but for the sake of this. If a girl finds you attractive and puts money on the table, you know she is genuinely interested.

You can see if a woman likes you if she's financially invested in you, because then she sees you as a long-term financial investment, not just someone to be used. In reverse-gender scenario, I don't think that works the same way because (a) men are expected to pay. And (b) men are willing to financially invest even when they don't really care about the woman and just wants to sleep around with her. As a woman, you just have to select the quality one, by that I mean morally.

There's plenty of guys trying to do that. To lead with money. Rather than with themselves. But remember, rabbits can have one human who feeds them and one human who they like best. The same is true for humans. Maybe those guys are thinking that if he just puts enough money, maybe she will love him. Doesn't work like that. We don't love people simply because they do just too many good enough things for us. - You attract with what you are. How they feel around you. Handsome. Personality. And character.

Just doing good stuff for her and hoping it will work, doesn't work like that, you need to be attractive yourself, with what you are. You need to attract as in pull towards you. Not with what you have, or with what you do, meaning too many services that will end up with her appreciating it but her not wanting you for it. And yes, you can see this coming, I bet the man who ended up in a relationship with a gold digger saw the signs but he ignored them or he just didn't care about them, the fact that the woman didn't love him, because he was too busy simping.

If I feel good with this man, I'm attracted to him. If I don't feel good with this man, I'm not attracted to him. Simple as that. How many money you pour in is irrelevant.

If you are almost broke and she feels great with you - she might be willing to financially invest in you yourself.
If you are rich but she's not attracted to you at all meaning she doesn't like your personality at all and your looks are terrible - if she's not a gold digger, she just leaves, if she is a good digger, she hooks up with you but while thinking of others.

So, I don't want to say that "money don't matter at all" because that's not the case, they do matter to some level but that level is not much, you can have all the money in the world and not make a woman want you or no money in the world and make a woman want you, so in general, I would say money is a non-factor.

Clearly, she will consider money on some level, that you're not broke, but that's about it I think, depending on how much she is attracted to you. Money is clearly a bonus, status, but is not nearly a big enough of a bonus in my opinion as people make it up to be. Because in the case of money or leading exclusively with money - she doesn't like you, she likes your money. We are willing to trade feeling great for money.

Like: "hey, he may not have that much money, but I feel great with him, so it doesn't matter".

Attraction matters. That's the point.

There's plenty of "nice guys" posts like this:
The meme (I can't find it) whent something like this:
"There is a guy in my DM's that's just a little too nice and he seems boring" -> Clown level 1.
"I found an exiciting guy who is great at sex and makes me feel dangerous" -> Clown level 2.
"We didn't use contraceptives and now I am pregnant with the baby of a guy who won't return my phone calls or texts" -> Clown level 3.
"All men should have mandatory vasectomies" -> Clown level 4.

Typical "nice guys" post. To be read incel.

What these guys miss is that, they are really like:
I'm a guy who is bitter about women - clown stage 1.
Women like dangerous guys with strength and I'm neither - clown stage 2.
Women like handsome men even if they have some bad qualities and I'm ugly - clown stage 3.
I'm actually envious of that guy who slept with that woman and avoided that nice guy with no good/attractive qualities like me so I'm going to be bitter about it and make a post about it - clown stage 4.

You see the problem? You want to be that guy? be that guy. But you can't. And that's what really annoys you, that's what you're really bitter about, that you aren't good enough, that you can't be as good as that guy. Not about the injustice done to that woman or that woman's double standards.

They are really just bitter about women and that's their way to justify their bitterness. Attraction matters, and they just missed that part.
Women like a good looking man. A hot sexy man. And they are neither, so they are bitter about that, therefore the stereotype.

Completely oblivious to the fact that attraction matters and they are simply, plainly put, not attractive.
This is what they lack, this is what they miss.
If you can't feel emotions with another person, you aren't going to be interested. No matter how much of a good person they are.
This guy wasn't truly a good person, but I'm saying in the case of genuinely good persons.

A relationship isn't charity. You aren't in a relationship with someone because you feel 'charitable', you are in a relationship with someone because you feel good with them.

Do similar hobbies or interests matter? in my experience, nope. Not at all. Nada. Zero.

What matters is that I feel good around my dating prospect. If I feel good around them, everything is perfect.

If the communication is fun and pleasant, everything is perfect.

I enjoy at a person to have what to talk with her. To mulate yourself on things. Ok, don't talk with me about particles accelerator. But to have what to talk about.

Other than that, they can have whatever hobbies they want to have, I don't think they are a must. As long as it's not doing drugs or being a serial killer, I don't care if they have either 0 or 100 hobbies if I enjoy talking to them.

But let's talk about OP's main point - choosing signals. Usually, I would say that if a girl gave choosing signals you'll know it. But, it also depends who well you know each other. As people may be shy or awkward at the beginning. And as people get to know you they become more playful and open. They become more carefree with you and can afford doing more stuff with you.

Because they know you better now.

I don't think it's a sudden change, I think it's normal to become more playful as you get to know people, because you become more comfortable around them.

As you get to know people, you become more comfortable around them and so you become more playful with them.

Think of your boss, an acquaintance you've known for 2 weeks and a friend you've known for 2 years. Why are you more open and comfortable an playful around the friend you know for 2 years? because you know them for longer and are used to them.

These things develop naturally in my opinion, as you get to know the person, but if it doesn't, there are ways to "accelerate it" so to speak:

Make a point that when talking to someone always: Laugh and smile and be polite. If you laugh and smile when talking with someone, other people are going to laugh and smile with you.

You won't insntatly become more open and comfortable with that person if you laugh and smile and are polite, but it's definetly going to help you getting to know them faster, breaking that barrier faster and being more open and comfortable faster.

Laugh and smile for the attitude, and I'm including polite because people have feelings, caring about feelings. If you take care of their feelings, are comfortable and aware of the way you make them feel, not trying to push their buttons to hard and always trying to shoothe them, to be on their team, they will open up after and you will establish a connection faster.

Like, heck, if you are extra-polite with people you buy stuff from, without sounding weak (please is okay), you may have an increase change of them giving you an extra because you talked nicely to them. We appreciate people who talk nicely to us and people who take care of our feelings (are you okay?) and people who are on our team.

Like always seeking the avoidance of hurting people's feelings and having decency and stuff like that. Sure you can bring up your "mean" side but bring it up as a joke. Don't be rough or angry in general. Instead, to be a bit of polite and helpful. To make people appreciate you.

Heck, even if you're angry inside because you have a terrible day and just want to punch everything. Always have a good cover. Always seem moral. Because people will judge you for it. You need to seem moral, not angry. Do you think that if you're angry and break a table people are going to trust you more? they won't. You won't connect with them, and may make them trust you less.

The most important thing is that people feel good with one another. If I feel good with this man, I'm attracted to him. If I don't feel good with this man, I'm not attracted to him. Simple as that.

How many money you pour in is irrelevant. If you are almost broke and she feels great with you, she might be willing to financially invest in you yourself. If you are rich but she's not attracted to you at all meaning, she doesn't like your personality at all and your looks are terrible, if she's not a gold digger, she just leaves, if she is a good digger, she hooks up with you but while thinking of others. So feelings, how people feel around you, is very important.

We are willing to trade feeling great for money.

A good mindset when talking to someone is "I'm trying to get along and have a great time with this person" or "Let's do something fun. I know I will go there and it will be fun".

And if they try to do the same great, if they don't also great. Like the "tip for tat" strategy, you start with the positive and see how that other person beahves, if they do the same great, if they don't, change your strategy as in your behavior.

Getting along means if I sit a certain way, like with my leg above, and you don't like it, you feel bothered for it for some reason, I bring it down, without any questions, because I try to get along with you, and because it's no big deal.

It's not like you're asking me to do 50 push-ups or sit up this whole interview, althought I would do that for you wink wink. It's the little things that you have to compromise to get along with the other person.
It's no big deal for me, sitting with the leg like that, but it seems to be bothering you, so I take it down. A compromise to get along, being attentive of the other person's feelings and trying to have a good time.

Again, it's not weak or wussy because you're not going to unreasoalnable extremes to try to get along. It's just a leg, not sitting up the whole interview or doing 50 pushups.
It's a whole discussion where the line between reasonable and unrealsoanble extremes is, but that's the base of getting along, doing compromise to be attentive to the other person. If you feel they do the same.
Because if they don't, they are not doing any compromise to get along, and you're just being used, then you're just a doormat. And then you shouldn't but be a little bit more.. sticky, a little bit more set in your ways, a bit more like a pillar.
You have to compormise both for this to work, you can't be always the one in a losing situation, always the one being attentive while they are being unattentive.

TLDR - I compromise to try to make you feel better. I compromise to try to make you feel accomodated and taken into account. Not ignored. I think these are the basis of a healthy relationship, small, reasonable, compromises. You don't like the way I sit? fine, I'll change it, no questions asked, just because it makes you feel uncomfortable I'll change it, just becaue it makes you feel like you don't want it, because it's no big deal to me.

You got to make the discussion interesting. You can make an interesting discusion out of everything. That's a perk, but you're not crazy if you're not doing that, it's a perk if it is not a red flag if it isn't. (if nothing comes to your hear, think of storytelling, ask them what they are doing, ask them about something they are doing, try to make a joke as in something ridiculous about the enviroment, or a sarcasm meaning the opposite of what you say or something clearly not true, think of a topic or people around your enviroment and ask them about that, think about your recent experiences or their recent experiences and ask them about that, or find something funny to do, something amusing - that's how you're being entertaining, try to interact with them above all else, try to connect with them, to be there with them, you don't have to be pink all the time, but in the early stages of a relationship, it's kind of important you are)

Hot and sensitive. That's what women want, hot and sensitive. Like a work of art. Like Loki. Hot and sensitive. With a soul. But also hot.

Any interaction is either positive or negative, there is no neutral. So make sure there are positive ones, give people a good time talking to you. At work. At home. In your life. In dating.

This is key - give people a good time talking to you.

Basically, make people feel good talking to you, make people have a good feeling after talking to you. You can have fun, and sensitivity and for work politeness there to make that happen, and impress people. Leave a positive interaction overall. It's very important and will help you a lot in life.

How can I give this person a good time talking to me? what can I do or say to give this person a good time talking to me?

Basically: make them feel good when talking to you.

Being emotionally aware of how people feel, that helps a lot.

How people must feel, because you can never truly tell how they feel.

And try to validate those feelings. Not to dismiss them or get into conflict with them unless for good reason (the kind violent man; kind man in general, capable of violence when necessary; w want that).

Hey, he feels like that, I better do that, because I try to make him feel good.

Like at a stage, don't make her feel bad. And always have a "good cover", yes, that's what was it it about, all those behavioraial thing, always having a good cover, how to always have a good cover? how to predict so well and make sure that you don't want to do bad you seem like good, like there is nothing there to accuse you of - that's key, there is nothing there to accuse you of. That's what a good cover is. looking good. seeming good. That's the importance of being decent. Taking care of other people's feelings, and making them feel comfortable.

Now that we got that out of the way with becoming closer to her being important and then she will give you choosing signals. What are those signals?

To clarify: she might like you. But if she's shy and doesn't know you she might give 0% signals even though she likes you. She might even be rude or avoidant out of fear. Depends from woman to woman.

But when she got to know you and you are already familiar with each other - the signals are dead obvious:

She touches her hair, plays with her hair when talking to you.

Her head is tilted slightly to the right or left, it's not straight up.

She tries to psysically touch you in "random encounters", things that are not needed for but you know it's there.

She looks at you longer than usual, or longer than it's supposed to be.

She looks at you when you are not looking and then look back at whatever you were doing.

You walk pass her, she does or says something to get your attention, even making a simple comment now and there, just to talk to you even if for seconds. Even random stuff like "that box must be really heavy" or "I know you're sleepy" counts, because it's all about getting your attention and getting to talk to you.

She texts you first. (might also be friendzony)

She makes an effort to continue the conversation. (might also be friendzony)

She adds a lot of 'y' like 'heyyyyyy" ("hey" or "heyy" doesn't count, "heyyy" is in the middle could be either way but more than 3 y-s it's a dead obvious "notice me!")

She gives you compliments.

She is attentive of you, always listening when you have something to say.

She laughs at your jokes even if they are bad (she laughs or feels amused even when no one else is laughing at your jokes, that's how you can tell they are bad)

She might be nervous around you (avoid eye contact, messing with her fair, face; this one is with ?! she might be nervous around you because she likes you, or she might want to be left alone)

She is very comfortable with you being very close to her, witin her private space, like within an arm's length of her body (this is a big one, when you are that close to her, does he makes effort to avoid it? like her body language pulling away, just likes it and stays there, or even more it's her who makes the effort to have her body as close to you as possible. Easiest way is to look at her torso when she is close to you within that private space of arm's length, does her torso face away from you, normal unmoved unbothered like or even pulling towards you trying to move towards you? it's a big tell whether she feels comfortable with you in her private space)

She remembers things you've told her. Even things that you might have forgotten.

You catch her starting at you.

She makes time for you.

She goes out of her way to be with you.

She tries to let you know indirectly that she's single.

She copies your movements and gestures.

She asks you for help on silly little things.

She opens up to you and encourages you to do the same.

She's letting you see her dorky goofy side.

Really, once you get familiar and can be relatively open with each other, it becomes so easy you won't even need a checklist for it, it would be obvious.

THE PARADOX OF EMOTIONS:

Well, people like to feel emotions, whether good or bad, we feel emotions, that's why we're hooked with emotions.

That is why, not only women but people in general (men who complain about these kinds of things just don't realise it applies to themselves too), would not prefer a guy who is boring and dull even though he is nice, but a guy who makes you feel all sort of things, even if sometimes he makes you feel good and sometimes he makes you feel bad, because he makes you feel emotions, and that's what we want at the end of the day, emotions.

We want that emotional variety. And for that, we are willing to tolerate the bad and even enjoy the bad, as long as there is good to compensate it.

That's why smoking and alcohool exist. Men complain about women not wanting nice and dull and boring men (the nice guy TM) but at the same time they don't fancy a salad.

Yeah, salad is good, it's healthy for you, but at the same time, there's not much there.

This is why teasing works and is a thing. Not only with lovers but with friends as well.

Isn't it weird the paradox of teasing? something that is supposed to make you feel bad makes you fell good? even insulting you makes you feel good?

Because at the end of the day you feel emotions, a mix of emotions, and that's what teasing is about. There's a mix there: you're either annoyed, ragerly desperate, angry that outplayed, humiliated, made fun of, etc, but it's also funny, it's also a pleasant feeling like "yeah, good one". You can't help but notice and laugh at the humor.

This is why teasing works, because there's some mix of emotions there, there's some bad and some good.

I would make the case that although very similar, teasing is not the same as bullying.

Teasing - must always have good intent behind them and the focus must be on being funny.

Bullying - it's outright cruel.

It or them, meaning the joke, must always have a good intent behind it, and the focus of it should always be on being funny, as funny as possible. Otherwise it's outright cruel. So it's not the same.

And I think this, call it "mix of emotions" theory if you will, explains a lot of the relationship dynamics.

CONTINUE ON TEASING:

If you can't feel emotions with another person, you aren't going to be interested. No matter how much of a good person they are.

High peaks/low peaks game. Value devalue. Even feeling god/bad emotions is good. As long as you make them feel something.

"(are you okay?) -> express care, make sure they have a good time."

Things like: being a good teaser, knowing how to 'touch' people and make them trust you and feel good and listened when talking to you, feeling understood, feeling seen, knowing how to be romantic and tender, with roses and leaving notes and stuff like that, knowing what to say and make a pleasant conversation. To be a bit sneaky not everything on the face, keep up the mystery. To consider the interest level and have an indirect approach with bring friends for a while and getting comfortable. To have a loveable and likeable core personality. To make yourself likeable to the people around you. You need to make your pie perfect first while still being yourself.

Don't hide behind sarcasm all the time, have moments of being genuine. Like genuine appreciation and so on. Like "you can [do X] in peace now" after you've done a favor. Don't use jokes to run away from emotional connection.

Speak more confidently, with a deep voice confident. Do small nice gresures for people, even saying "bye" repeatedly may mean something to some. And even a small word of appreciation.

You need to be competetent. People appreciate being competent, competentence, shrewd. Like passing an exam.

You also need to stop being so innocent and passive. To take a bit more initiative and action, to speak your mind. To say what you will and say what you wish. To impose yourself a bit, to be a bit more imposing.

You can be a bit childish. In fact, some people like people who are more childish. Have an open relationship in the sense of talking about almost anything. And if someone takes you for a fool and plays with you, don't assume everyone else is going to be doing that.

Be joyful. That's attractive, to be joyful. To establish friendly relations. To be interesting so that people want to listen to you. To be a good listener, by actively listening and taking your time between replies, so that people want to listen to you. By talking about them, since they are the most important thing going on in their life.

How to make yourself likeable? You just need to find joy in life. To be happy with yourself. To be a good thought for people. To be appreciated. Don't qualify. Be honest about what you find lame and awesome. Everyone has a fear of being inconsiderate or a jerk without really meaning it. Which is good and healthy, it keeps us from doing dumb things.

Have a good character. Be helpful. That's the lesson here, to be helpful. Have common sense, what do people like: social status, atttractiveness, personality (teasing). Joyful - it's about the attitude. And intention. Look at people's intention.

UNDER THE TABLE:

Make yourself cool, make yourself cool in your speech about yourself. But don’t ignore a good self-deprecating.
People just talk, people like to talk about various things, and storytelling what they have done before.
Make precarious funny conversations. Make cool.
Think about funny things. Even if they may be a little bit mean.

Be a bit sneaky, be a bit under the table, like Tomita.

When it comes to embarrassing yourself. It depends who are going to see you. Youngers are more accepting of wild behaviors, while older people look down on it. Look shocked, wild, who is this? "What, this is what does [your name]?”, so you avoid doing it when there isn't only youngsters around.

But generally speaking about embarrassment, it's difficult until you make the first step, until you make it for the first time. Then you won't be so inhibited anymore and will have less of a difficult time making a fool out of yourself, whether that is for better or worse. So don't cross it the first time either. And if you did, act like you didn't cross it for the first time.

For example getting drunk. There is also a virtue in being resistant to drink. So be wary of that.

And usually human relationships are what they are/seem, they are pretty on the face

What about the fear that people secretly have a bad opinion about you?

You may fear that people secerelty have a bad opinion about you, and they may really do, but there’s no point acting on that, the point is changing that. So you should dismiss all that bad opinion and act the way you want to be seen, eventually your reputation may change and adapt. Biggest trap is to be how you think people assume you to be. Instead, be how you want people to see you. And eventually that way you want people to see you may become a reality. As reputation changes and adapts.

Learn instinctively, learn on the spot.
With subtext, the indirect part, be a little sneaky, a bit under the table.

ROLEPLAY HUMOR:

INFJs often have a very unique and interesting sense of humor. Since they are so kind and warm people expect them to have a very innocent sense of humor, but that is usually not true. INFJ be often be crude of even morbid with their jokes. They have a caring nature but people are often shocked by the type of things that the INFJ find funny. They can find humor in situations that other people would never imagine to be funny at all. The INFJ may slightly alter their humor delivery in front of others, depending on who they are around. They are acutely aware of those people will perceive them, and know what crowd they are sharing themselves with. When they are with someone who they can open up with, they have a way of bringing them into their infectious style of comedy.

My sense of humor is usually dark humor, very contrary to what I usually am. A friend of mine had puppies and I told him that "they look like a bunch of piggies scratching for food.

I don't think it's bad, if anything, I think it says "I see the bad in the world but don't really care". Sort of like inappropiate humor but making it appropiate because of the context of humor.

It's humor by doing something that people usually would not do, or saying something that people usually would not say. Or turning the tables and implying "bad intent" in others.

Like joking that they did X for malign purposes. If they are working at a morgue say about living people "look at all those future clients" implying that they are only going for their self-interest.

Implying they are a bad person for comic effect.

Or exaggerations, like "bro, if you're not answering I'm calling the police". Or "why have you stopped taking pictures there, please take more pictures there", things that are like WTF.

Or roleplaying type of humor. Where you assume a role and hope the other person "jumps in".

A lot of humor comes from roleplay. It's like roleplay. Figuring out the role and playing the role. Playing the role you're supposed to have, in the false scenario.

That people have little mean desires, jokes can be highlighting them. I made cookies once and someone wasn't eating them so I told them "Do you want me to leave so you can throw it to the bin?", implying that they don't like it but won't throw them into the bin because they don't like them. Again, assuming bad intent.

Highlighting the little meanness of people. Or being a little mean yourself. It's the idea that people want to be mean but have to be good.

All in joke spirit of course. But that's the underlying principle.

It's playing with these concepts of mean and good. Of what is expected and what is not expected, of you in society. Like once, I got a blanket and the storekeeper said that a small part of it is dirty, I told him "eh, you'll get rid of the blanket anyway".

Or not roleplay but an appeal to manners. People are supposed to be nice and helpful, you can make fun of them by asking them nicely to do something they might otherwise not want to do.

Especially when they are around relative strangers and they have to behave, they have to be polite, people are supposed to do stuff like that so they are supposed to do it to save face, even when otherwise they might not want it.

Or even the give&take teasing trying to outsmart them, pretending to give them something, then turn it back.

It's a little mean, but that's what makes it funny.

At the end of the day is this concept when you try to outsmart one another and have a friendly competition.

It's an "ouch", it's something bad for them or their belongings, the place where they are from, what they are doing, their skills in a particular thing, their resistance to something, etc. But it's not something that is actually offensive or insulting because it's not something that is actually personal. Something that really hurts.

It's also not something blunt and direct, like "you're stupid". Of course tone and context matters, if you say it with a sweet voice and satisfied smile and in a context when they actually did something bad, that may come off as teasing because you're not actually serious. But if you are blunt and direct with a strong voice and straight face "you're stupid", that may not come off as joking. It's the intention behind the thought and your attitude that matters. The "look at you how you are bad, satisfied" than "you are bad, angry". Basically playing with them.

Your character matters as well, if you're a person with care and a mission greater than yourself you can do all of these and it will clearly come out as a joke, that you're not being real.

A CHARACTER ANALYSIS ON INFJ:

INFJs are not magic? puts my wizard staff away

I often heard INFJ being called "the good INTJ", meaning having that planning and foreshadowing of an INTJ but combined with the sensitive nature of INFP, rather than the cold calculated nature of the INTJ. Don't get me wrong, INFJs are calculated as well, we are Ni-dom after all, but it's often because of that byproduct of having the kindness and sensitivity of an INFP, we don't get put into the "cold calculated bastard" bucket.

That's a more realistic stereotype in my opinion. Still a stereotype, but more realistic that INFJ are magic or INFJ are perfect.

And the dark side. I read somewhere that out of all types, INFJs have the best access to their subconscious, their subconscious communicates the best with their conscious. Which is why INFJ are more likely to be aware of their shadow than any other type. The shadow being the concept in psychology about the bad part of yourself that you repress.

INFJs are aware of their bad side. And I think this works as a perk because the more aware you are of something the more you can control it. The brute guy who is being an ahole and is pissing everyone off, yeah, he doesn't think he's being an ahole. He's not aware of his shadow. So his shadow controls him without even knowing. The byproduct of this is that INFJs also enjoy dark humor a lot. Like in a weird way, the worse, the better.

But in my experience, people who enjoy dark humor are usually safe. It's the psychopaths and sociopaths that don't find anything funny in dark humor because they find it normal.

Morally, INFJs are all over the place:
Mahatma Gandhi - indepdence of India. Also had some weird things going on for him*
Plato - one of the greatest philosophers of ancient Greece. You can see that his opposite Aristotle ENTJ is more sturdy, Plato being with the republic and Aristotle with authoritarianship.
Thomas Jefferson - wrote the declaration of independece "all men are created equal" and fought against slavery in Virginia. Had slaves*
Dante Alighieri - great writer, love his work. The first religious science-fiction that became cannon afterwards. The hell with lava and purgatory? yeah, not in the Bible, Dante wrote it.

I find in interesting that in INFJ even in the good guys, there's usually an asterix for them, so no, not perfect. Sometimes pragmatic (you can't be rich and maintain your wealth and become a politican because of your wealth and abolish slavery because you become a politian, if you don't have slaves to be rich in the first place in 19th century America), but not perfect.

And the bad ones, ooh, the bad ones:
Adolf Hitler - mad that they lost the war, felt betrayed by the jews, wanted to do justice to Germany.
Osama bin Laden - mad that the Americans intervene in the Middle East, his stated motivation for 9/11 is that whenever a kid in the middle east is killed by the Americans nobody cries, he will make them cry, wanted to do justice to the Middle East.
Leon Trotsky - one of the romantics of communism, he actually believed in it and thought it will bring peace and prosperity, unlike Stalin.
Chiang Kai-shek - the one who was beaten by Mao Zedong who made China communist, he was authoritarian but authoritarian to restore the republic, he stated that after China is whole again he will restore the republic and step down. He also believed that the ends justifies the means and took drastic measures sometimes. He said he wished for peace and prosperity in China under a demoractically elected republic (this army eventually left China and became Taiwan), when the Japanese attacked, he noticed that the Communists were hesitnat, waiting for the civil war that will come afterwards, he didn't care, the took the blunt of the attack either way, being the meat grinder for the Japanese while the Chinese Communists wait and rebuild their forces, he argued that should they lose it's better to live under a Chinese state be it communist rather than a Japanese dictatorship.

Weirdly, there can be seen some 'good' in the bad INFJs as well, 'good' as in they have a twisted version of justice, but they all wanted to do justice in the end. It's not like any of them was Chaotic Evil as you may see in other types. They had a moral code, a code of conduct, but it was a weird and twisted one. And very revengeful. But often revenge and justice is just a matter of perspective (shadow talk here. ok, get back in there boy).

Celebrities:
Marilyn Manson & Al Pacino - they have weird styles, unique in their own way.
Benedict Cumberbatch - probably the most non-INFJ looking INFJ.

COMMUNICATION FEELING BELONG:

If you have a lot of friends but don't feel understood, you will still feel alone.

We like to feel seen, to feel understood at the core of who we really are, and to be appreciated for that.

Not to be changed, but to say: "don't change a thing, you are perfect as you are. And my job, is to help the world recognize the perfection that I see". I like you just the way you are, I appreciate you just the way you are. It's not something that is said, but it's something that is understood and you feel that.

I think you need to work on communication & conversation. There a lot to talk about on this, but I'll give you my 2 cents:

The reason communication is different is because it has no goal. Washing the ditches, you know the end goal, and the steps. I do this, A, B, and I finish. It's like being a quest in a video game. But communication has no end goal, there is no end point where you can say "communication completed!" it doesn't have an objective. So, you can give it an objective yourself - try to get to know the other person. Communication can be seen as an opportunity to get to know the other person, to see what they are like.

What are you into? or what are you into that I could also be into? that's how you usually find a subject you can both enjoy.

Have an interaction where you are interested in getting to know them, that you are having sensitivity, that you talk about what they are into or what you have in common. That's how you make an enjoyable discussion, a pleasant discussion.

You can start with basic questions about themselves - what are you doing? where are you from? what do you do for a living? do you like it there? what do you think of this music?

And then when you find something they are interested in talk about that subject.

Find a subject that interests them and they will love talking about that subject. It's a good idea to ask them what they are interested in / excited about / working towards, but at the same time you will probably want to avoid turning a discussion in an interview.

Give your own imput too. Share. After they give an opinion, give your own opinion too and then ask them about something else, or give your own opinion and then wait for their reply. The idea is to make it entertaining for them, pleasant. Because:

If you want to be interesting, be interested. Make a fun and pleasant conversation with that person revolved around laughing with each other.

QUALIFY AND DISQUALIFY TEASING / PEOPLE APPROVE IDEA ONLY IF THEY LIKE THE PERSON:

Yes, it's called qualifying. The more you like a person, the more you want to qualitfy to them, so you agree with them.
While when you don't like a person, you may even disagree on principle simply because you dislike that person.

We are humans, we are first and emotional and then a rational being. Therefore, we act on emotions, and more often than not we use our reason as a guide or to justify our emotions.

Have you had someone that always agrees with you? chances are it's boring. To keep a conversation engaging and fun human beings want a mix of qualifying or disqualifying. This is why making fun of each other can create such a bond with people, it's a fun form of disqualifying.

Like, when you're being a bit insistent in teasing as long as the insisting is playful and the other person also laughs. Make jokes about having an proper/improper, normal/abnormal or moral/immoral behavior.

However, teasing has to be non-hurtful. You can be offensive yet respectful. The purpose is to entertain the other person, not make them feel bad. There is a slight superiority in teasing. Or implication of lack of importance for them.

You can make fun of them in an indirect way by waiting for them to make a mistake. Don't say anything, just let them make a mistake, waiting for them to make the mistake, and then laugh at it. Again, all of this is in a playful way, I don't mean a mistake that has consequences.

On the other side of the coin, you could jokingly praise yourself on non-important stuff.

It's not bragging because (a) you're not saying "look how great I am" but are rather indirect and jokingly "that's what it means to be a boss" and (b) it's not about something important, it's not about something that says "I'm superior to others", it's clearly a mockery and playful because you don't praise yourself about important stuff.

You can make scare jokes, or show defiance in little but respectful ways, and if they show insistance to your defiance, show more defiance, of course I mean all of this in a playful respectful way, not when it comes to serious things.

You could also mix doing little things for them with not doing things for them and challenging them to be the ones that go and do those little things. Notice that I said little, because it's all in a playful atmosphere, I don't mean "no, I'm not going to pick you up with my car from the train station", but rather "nah, I won't turn off the light because I'm too far, you go ahead and do it".

The point of these simulated defiances aka disqualifying is that they make the interaction a little bit spicy, it's a lot better than having someone who always agrees with you and always does what he is asked of.

As for defiance with words, as in not always agree with them, just be honest about what you find lame and what you find amazing, that's the simple version.

The general idea is: Whenever you change your behavior to try to impress someone else or to try to change their perception of you, you are qualifying yourself to them.

Know when you qualify yourself and create the behaviorial pattern of not doing it. Usually in social interactions, the person who is qualifying itself to the other person is the person of lower social status, that's just how it's seen from outside, that just happens organically. If someone is always trying to accomodate you, to appease you, to build report, then it just seems in the interaction that they're of lower social status you're of higher social status.

For example, if someone says "you know, I'm really into sports, I think that people that have done sports are more interesting people and have more like a fire in them, I really appreciate that" and you're like "well, I used to play volleyball", you are qualifying yourself to them, you are indicating a willingness and a desire to qualify yourself to them.

You can test if they too wants to qualify themselves to you, you can make an assertion and see if they falls by it "I find that adventurous people are the most fun", and if they agrees great if they doesn't agree fine because it's not like you said "please qualify to me".

That doesn't mean you have to play this game of qualifying or disqualifying to people all the time, it's just showing the mechanics and implying that you should have a dose of honesty, which implies both qualifying and disqualifying. Because if you're being honest, you're going to agree sometimes, disagree other times, do what you're told sometimes, not do what you're told sometimes, playfully brag about non-important stuff sometimes, light tease them sometimes.

All of this allows you to be yourself. And when you can be yourself, you can be more comfortable with the other person, and they feel it, and in return, they feel that they can be more comfortable with you too. It's like "we can be honest with each other and pass the niceities" but unspoken. Which leads to a more genuine connection between people, when they can pull up the feets with each other and afford to do or say a lot of things with each other.

TEASING IN THEORY:

Playful teasing is often regarded as "messing" with the other person and is executed by making a bad reference about themselves. The intended goal of playful teasing is to amuse yet also slightly anger or annoy, rather than upset or offended the person as it happens in hurtful teasing. Often the difference between playful and hurtful teasing is whether the person who is teased can accept the teasing.

In essence, teasing can be regarded as "messing with the other person" through making a bad reference about themselves. The goal of the playful teasing is to slightly anger or annoy the other person, not to have them upset or offended, however, often the difference beween what is considered a playful tease or a hurtful tease is whether the person who is being teased can accept the tease, rather than the gravity of the tease itself. In this sense, teasing can have a strongly subjective element that requires a mutual spoken or unspoken understanding between two parties that they are messing with each other as a form of fun, in the spirit of a joke. Which is why often, the teaser and the teased have to know each other previously before the mockery, otherwise it is considered rude. It is only when knowing that the other party can accept the tease and take it in good faith as a joke, rather than feeling offended by being messed with them, that the tease can be considered playful rather than hurtful.

In essence, teasing can be reduced to making a bad reference about the other person. It is not meant to hurt but to amuse the teased and at the same time make fun of the teased. Usually, because the teaser finds it funny. However, this does not always result in a playful tease even if that may be the original intention of the teaser, and even if the teaser and teased knew each other previously, because each situation is unique due to the subjective nature of teasing itself. It depends on the teased whether the result if playful teasing or hurtful teasing, even if the original goal of the teaser was not ill-intent but humor, to have fun, and may have believed the teased will find it funny too. It is a general understanding between two parties that they can make fun of each other with mockery and slightly insulting behaviors, while knowing that none of them will be offended because each of them knows that the other is not doing it in bad faith but with the goal of having fun with each other through messing with the other person.

If you don't know what to say next when there is no subiect: tell a story, ask something about them, what is she interested in, talk about what is she into or what you have in common.

You can joke that "you don't know how to carry a conversation in english".

THE HAT TRICK:

Ask questions, be inquisitive about them, be curious. Good spirit and well-intent, as well as charisma. Look at them, be inquisitive, and ask questions about them. Where are you from? what do you do? etc, anything that could make you inquisitive about them. Be curious about them and words will come. They could say "you know how to carry a conversation in english" and you reply with "you don't even know how to carry a converastion in your native language", jokingly, the tone is everything in teasing.

Roleplay on the other hand is all about implying bad intent.

There is also another type of teasing. Not necessarly roasting, taching, but more catheing, weird stuff, absurd stuff, random humor, socially inappropiate, like in Family Guy with the pedo that runs back to his house after saving a child. Totally socially inappropriate, that makes it hilarious.

Teasing criticism: "you weirdo" when they are doing something weird. If someone gives money away to charity "that man is heaven", "very nicely of him".

Teasing, communication, emotional skills.

- You have to be interested but not out in the open, not sneaky but not everything on the face, dropping hints. Take it slowly, don't reveal your feelings early.
It’s about emotional intelligence / social intelligence - pick up social clues.

People are a bit altered. When they are with other people, depeding on the social cyrcle people are a bit altered. People are on the face agreeable, because it's wise not to upset other people. To never burn your bridges.

But it’s okay to be unbearable from time to time. Didn’t anyone ever tell you “I remember, you were unbearable” back then, but it’s still cool. Especially if people know you as a joker, if you have a joker reputation. You can say things for real and people will think you make fun of them. You can be serious in a joke.

There are other things to talk about in relationship & dating: How to make people trust you? Stuff like that. How to get closer to people? Such as literally physically closer, able to touch them and talk about how things are? To have a deeper connection of support and care.

Have the underlying theme. The underlying idea that "we get along" and you will get along. This is related to trust, how to make people trust you. Looks matter a lot, looks can impress.

The same is true for teasing, there's no set in stone rule for a perfect tease, you have to be creative, and the best tease is usually indirect, you don't outright call a person fat or ugly or unskilled or whatever, but you imply it with something else.


And teasing is usually circumstantial, you make things of the situation or things you have around you to make a good tease, or even make stereotypes or point out the obvious.

You can tease someone for having an immoral behavior, an out of order behavior, you can throw random comments like "I know you will lose" it's still a form of teasing.

Your, you can turn it the other way around and make a "good tease". Like, instead of "I know you will lose" say "You are already 3 steps ahead of us" with a sarcastic tone. And, you can dispel one of their insecurities with teasing. If they are insecure about it, make fun of them for making a big deal about something so minor, like if someone things they have an ugly costume, you can be like "that's it? is this what I'm supposed to be shocked about? wow". You don't tease them about something bad about them, but instead tease them for feeling bad about something that's good about them.

You can "read" people. It's not about being emotional as it is about being a childish and playful person in general. Some people can be very emotional / stone cold yet very easily offended. The stone cold easily offended should be avoided at all costs. Other people can be very emotional / stone cold yet very in tune with the jokes and how humor works. You can look at them whether they have a more playful atttiude in general or are more serious.

It's okay to not know. It's okay, a lot of people don't know. A lot of people don't know how relationships work, they just like someone, go along and figure it out on the way.

JEZ1.

To tease someone is to tachinate them - You do something bad to them, not horrible. - like putting them a hat on the cap when they don't want it. It clearly bad, it's uncomfortable, it's annoying. But it's not something hurtful, it's not something bad, it's not something horrible, terrible that would really make their feelings hurt. That's the difference between teasing, to tachinate them, and to be cruel towards them. It's that difference between uncomfortable and annoying, which they may like on some regard because it's a challenge and funny. And the really hurtful, nasty, horrible things that could offend a person and hurt their feelings. In short, there's just so much amount of discomfort a person is able to have before you break them and hurt their feelings. And that small nagging, light tachinate, is the difference between that small amount of discomfort and unease you are allowed to cause yo become uncomfortable and annoying, but not hurtful as in hurting their feelings.

You shake them up a bit, so you break some boundaries and do something they don't want to do, you are a bit defiant, with the goal of annoying them, and have fun with them. Because in a weird way, they like that, that's why taxhination can be fun. In a weird way, people like to be made annoyed and uncomfortable a bit. But you don't go all in to hurt their feelings, make their life miserable and be cruel. - sort of, not precisely on point, but that's the general idea. Look at their emotional reaction, how you made them feel, to see whether what are you are doing is good or bad. In the meantime, you will get more social experience in this domain and become better.

Teasing is a sign of affection. Teasing is a great way to flirt. Teasing someone is often part of flirting.

Focus on being social. Without focus on her. The joke "selfish" thing. Either selfish you or selfish them.

But before that, you do make jokes like that involving her. "Go work on the baby" like.

Now that they left it's a more chill & carefree atttiude. Not that many restrictions. And more affordable jokes.

Make funs like "we crop him out of the picture" implying selfishness.

I like that purity and that sensitivity of her, combined with that sharp edge.

TEASING & CONVERSATION:

The teasing from the conversation can make you a cool guy.
Finding something bad about them and then exploiting it in a funny way. That is essentially teasing I guess.

But you got to be willing to go overboard and actually push some boundaries.
In a way, you could treat them "like a child", like an inexperienced child that you make fun of.
Or like that guy from that online game when you're being toxic, but this is why you don't overdo it, it's a soft toxicity, a bit of it can be fun, with them feeling "attacked" and challenged. Too much of it can be actual toxicity.

While sarcasm is essentially saying the opposite of what you mean, with the sarcastic tone clearly different from your normal tone that gives it away, and the current situation that makes it clear & obvious that's not the right answer.
You can exaggerate something to ridiculousness for sarcasm.
That's pretty much all when it comes to sarcasm & teasing.

It also helps if you increase your overall attractiveness: looks, personality, etc.

How to become a better teaser? Be indirect.
And in short, I would say: Don't upset/offend people by making fun of something they are insecure about.

Now, if people get offened or upset once in a while for you made fun of something they are insecure about, it's not really a big thing. They will get over it and forget it. Apologise and say you won't do it again. It's not the end of the world. Don't get all defensive and low about it, yes, you made a bad joke and you are sorry and you will make up for it.

Keep your attitude, do apologise but don't get all humble and defensive.
You admit your mistake and consider it but still raise up above it. You don't get on your knees and be or consider this the end of your relationship.

I guess teasing can show dominance in some various ways like:

You dominate the conversation

Make her want you

Play qualify and disqualify games.


Qualify is when you change your behavior to try to impress someone else. In social interactions, the person who is qualifying itself to the other person is the person of lower social status. That's how it's seen. If someone is always trying to accomodate you, to appease you, to build report, then it just seems in the interaction that she's of lower social status you're of higher social status.

For example, you say: A says - "you know, I'm really into sports" and B replies - "well, I used to play volleyball". B is qualifying. And if you do it once or twice it happens, but if you do it all the time it becomes pretty apparent that you are trying to qualify to her, to become all that she wants, to appease her.

You can make an assertion and see if she falls by it "I find that adventurous people are the most fun", and if she agrees great if she doesn't agree fine because it's not like you said "please qualify to me".

If she's like "I really disagree" and gives a very logical answer, you know she's not trying to qualify herself to you. So joke around, tease her a little bit more, have some good conversations good vibe and try again later.

Qualifying is that narrative when you create the sense of she won you over, there's something special that's going to make it make more sense for you to hang out or get a number, etc. Disqualifying is going to make her try even harder and invest even more. So you want to do a little bit of both.

If every single time she tries to qualify you you just disqualify her (disagree), she'll give up and stop trying to qualify.

If every single time she tries to qualify you you always qualify her (agree with her), she's like "this guy is too easy", "there's no value in it".

So what you want is a mix of both. Occasionally qualify, occasionally disqualify.


And the best way to do it is just be honest. The things she says that really impress you, be impressed by it. The things she says that are kind of lame, don't be afraid to tell her are kind of lame.

You can be soft-spoken and still disagree. People like honest opinions because they like to know how things really are, and having someone who can give a honest opinion can be quite attractive. Being willing to say that that thing isn't that great, or that that thing doesn't look so good, or that you don't like that kind of music, or that you have another preference, etc.

"I just need to go to gym and have courage and that's it".

THE APPROACH:

There are 2 approaches with people:

The polite approach.

The "bro" approach.

People work in 2 ways:

Professionalism -> He's serious and does his job, I like him.

Favors -> He has done it for me, I'll do it for him.

Even when a friend calls you and you don't want to/can't talk, it's still decent to tell him:
- "Bro, I'm taling with Joe, I don't know when I'm done"
And tell Joe:
- "Bro, wait 2 seconds, a friend is calling, I'll tell him I can't talk".

Even then it's considered decency, let alone when you're/was in a relationship.

Don't be too agreeable, you got to be willing to be disagreeable and honest at times "wait 2 secunds".

It matters a lot what attitude you have, and when you ask for something not to be humble, you ask for it normally, like it would be something normal.

Make money so you won't have to live a tormenting life.

The mindset and being used to stuff matters a lot. Being used to stuff is made out of habbits. Like the new year resolutions now that it's jannuary 2023.

And honesty, you can be like "I'm lazy", admitting your lazyness.

And be a warm person. Have you ever been to a place that wasn't your home but you were like: "Here I feel the warmth, I feel the family warmth sort of like" ? you probably liked it. You feel appreciated.
0 Replies
 
Apothecary
 
  0  
Reply Sat 18 Feb, 2023 11:13 am
@Apothecary,
ZJE89

Sometimes it's good to annoy by teasing people. Because you can annoy them so much that they want to fight back.

It leads to conflict and it leads to fun. And that's the fun that can come from teasing.

Basically: someone makes fun of you - beats you at a certain game, scares you, makes fun of you, won't tell you something important that you really want to know. It will annoy you. But it's not an upset type of annoy. It's a challenge type of annoy. It's a "you did this to me, I want to do this to you" type of annoy. It's a sparring type of annoy. And that's where the sparring in teasing can come from. As such, sometimes exclusively making fun of a peron and "overwhelming" them can have the opposite effect, to have them have more fun and want to fight with you "to get even". Pushing them can annoy them "look what he did to me" and want to push back to make you look bad in return. Or themselves to be the winner in return. If you push them too hard, and exaggerate with some light but hurtful-ish mean jokes "you don't know how to cook, etc" and really insist on them, and really make them feel bad/annoy them, they may want to push back to you and "get to you" so that they can "come out on top".

Not holding gloves or having a velvet touch, or holding back, really pushing for it 100%, to make them feel bad and feel cornered and want to get back to you.

Not holding gloves or having a velvet touch, really pushing for it 100%, it may challenge and annoy them in such a way that they want to get back to you and this leads to a competition. A fun competition of sparring where they want to be on top. So don't hold back. Don't hold back on teasing. Don't go with blunt insults like "you're ugly" but go with sarcastic funny insults like "that mirror has seen better days". If you manage to push them over the edge you might annoy them and make them want to get back to you and finally be on the top. You'll be "at knives". So don't hold back, go all in. Just don't be explicitly extra cruel in brutality as in "you're stupid, you're dumb" instead be the sarcastic funny type, the "I got you" type.

Like "that mirror has seen better days / don't worry, everyone is ahead, but that's only for a few years, you still did good". And do that "I got you" with consistency and you will be able to annoy them and invite them to a sparring competition where you want to be on top. And they want to be on top too.

Is teasing just a form of flirting/domination? women want only men who beat them at teasing because they show they can be better than them? In a way, holding back. And the perfect soltuion is not to holding back - like roast battle. No, in fact, it is exactly like roast battle. In fact, teasing in itself roast battle. You roast someone, you tease someone, it's the same thing.

They both imply that funny sarcastic indirect side talk like "the mirror just broke when it saw you" or "god have mercy on that mirror".

And yes, I know this doesn't work with everyone. You'll have to be a good judge of character and see whether it works with them or not. Whether when faced with annoy they lean on upset, sad, hurt or on anger and challenge. You want anger and challenge because that's what's fun and that's where the cool thing is. But for those it works with it's great. It's usually more prideful people that will lean on anger and challenge than upset, sad, hurt.

But also talk about deep stuff. I haven't talked about deep stuff with them in a long while. Why? Am I bring compromised or what? Am I redirected to the Warehouse or what? Am I no longer someone trustworthy or someone you can learn from or what? Am I no longer a leader, someone they can lean forward to, but I have actually become someone back wards, that they drag behind or keep up close or what? Well, changes are, the solution to this is just don't hold back anymore, just don't wear gloves anymore.

Someone on the sideways like a brother or someone that they don't know about and can learn forward to and can learn a thing or two about with. Someone that is ahead of them, and they can lean forward to them. This is why I no longer need to hold back and wear gloves. I indeed meds go become someone that is ahead of them, and they can lean forward to them, in smecherie. I need to outplay them. I need to have that win.

Like in the teasing is just domination example from above. It is exactly but exactly the same thing.

Jokes about being snakes, etc.

SUCH AS:

31 OCT.


This is that Chad?

Oh no. I'm scared.

If you see him you forget about anyone else.

It's okay, I don't like to share.

Yeah, yeah, after you see him you'll put a status with him.

Very good idea though, I'll think about it. Where did you get this from?

From one of his wives.

I don't believe you lol.

I'm kidding. It's from his mistress.

We laugh we laugh, but he did what many could not.

We laugh we laugh, but there's a position open, you have the interview on tuesday.

Open? I thought it was close.

He wants to extend his harem.

When did he find another one? I'm jealous already.

Don't be, I'm talking to her right now.

Come on... are you talking with your sister?

Ouch

No because she's not allowed to go there. She had to once but I told her not to leave the car.

You are afraid for her to come with you, let alone alone.

Yeah, absolutely.

Otherwise you would have went with her and returned without her.

Eh, maybe a wife would leave him when she sees he found another.

Or another one would come if she discovers why so many want him. You never know. Anyway, I'll say I'm married just in case.

I don't know why so many want him, especially at the same time. But as you said, he managed to do what many did not.

Many did not with one, let alone these many.

True

He should teach courses.

That's exactly what I wanted to say, come to me, I'll fix your love issues.

Or rather, you see that it's still him who remains with them.

It's like scouting, he teaches them but not enough to surpass him. If he likes one of them he steals them.

Omg, I think he is world renowned.

Yeah, he kind of is.

This man lives his life to the fullest. Hard.

And that's only what you've heard.

It's not excluded, he picks his women like other pick their wine "let's try this one".

I think he checked all zodiac signs.

Then he started with birthdays, I'll start with someone born on 1, then on 2. He also had moments like "we are not compatible, wait until you see my retrograd".

That's way too little for him.

Afterwads, he keeps doing it again and again, until he gets bored.

Look presentable. Take care of yourself: teeths, beard, hair everywhere, clothes, etc. People want to be understood. People want to be loved and adored. How to open your heart? Be honest, be understood and understand.


People need validation. "That sounds tough".

Validation of their feelings, like "yeah, that really is tough!" "This is exactly how I feel". Validation. People crave validation, for their feelings.

"That sounds tough" you just validated my feelings and I love you for it.

I want to have a job, and do great stuff. I want to have fun with friends, and etc.



When you're drunk you're more honest.

Open your heart and talk to people while your heart is opening. Show empathy and low defenses. No fear of being judged, and no judgement, just honesty and care and fondness "dear", "my dear" that sweet sweet moment of honesty when you open your heart and are being honest. Tell how you really feel about things.

Do whatever it takes for yourself to advance.



Show fondness and care for people who show fondness and care. That sensitivity. "Don't cry". Accept people for who they are.

Apologize, show remorse, even if it is a quietful one. "Sorry, my friends challenged me yo send a deck pick". Like, shame. - Emilia Klarke's face all over the place.

Get people to open up. Be deep and understanding of them.


(And you send a picture of a deck, with e not i)


Marilyn Monroe was sensitive, she was not as superficial as the big screens made her seem.

Principle: "I want to have a great time with these other people" / "I need to have a great time with these other people". Principle of communication when around people.

Why do I feel so loved and accepted right here? Not criticized. And understood. I love that. I feel bagated in some.


Don't be naive. At a job give 120%. Do what feels best to you on the moment and adapt later when circumstances change.

All I can say is that you're allowed to make mistakes. If you make mistakes, you fk up, you recover.

This is why you should: "I just need to go to gym and have courage and that's it".

You will never have all the information to know that it's absolutely the best decision (you will never see all the 5 cards in poker. So you will never have all the 5 cards to know the objectively best decision, we simply don't have all the right information), so do what feels best to you in the moment.

Go for it, because that's the best thing you can do, or can know at the moment.

- "How can I get the best results?"

Trick or treat with learning habit.

You win the game of poker by being good at introversion, self-awareness, that's why it must ask for others as well you (why you learn while talking with others by challenging your perceptions).

You can modify your mistwkes so you have self-awareness on them. (The remade test where the points were put, and he article where you have to think what you write)

What was the name of the company or of the Study? I don't know.

You can study on the internet and get the definitions from there, that's - "how do I get the best results?", doing the best thing you possibly can.

You need: Passion, Perseverence, Talent.

It's important to have the basis, then it gets easier.

You need to be more responsible. To respect your angagmentems.

Have a change of heart. Be more soft-hearted.

Cut the ombilical cordon.

When you are happy you feel like doing things and are doing less introspection.

You are not that much into your head. You don't question yourself that much. And feel like doing things more. It's much easier to do productive things for you. You can do and act without thinking and introspecting and doubting and crippling that much. That's the advantage of being happy. Being happy makes you productive, naturally. It makes you less doubtful, less crippling, less introspective. (Topic: the advantage of being happy when it comes to productivity and getting things done)

More happiness = less questions= more doing.

You will much more motivated to get things done and less depressed when happy. You see a point in everything. Even in trying something for the lolz.

Addiction is also very possible because you're being depressed. If you're happy, you don't see the point of drugs. If you're behind, you're feeling depressed. That's the time when you need to work for it despite feeling depressed and not asking yourself many questions. Just get to it and get things done, get stuff done. But because of the depression you will do exactly the opposite, not doing anything, procrastinating, delaying, and introspection. Because you don't feel like it, because of the depression. But if you were happy you could have done it. It's a very weird catch 22.

The solution is unfortunately, you have to push and force yourself though it, through work, and through discipline, at least until you catch up and become happy. And become less depressed, then it will be easier for you.

Remember that post about A.T and depression with achievement being the solution.

"Yeah man,it's Sunday, this is the week that I will finally fix with my concepts, and then I will finally fix with my work". I remember thinking that last week on Sunday.
"I will do the concepts first, and then I will move down to the work, no apologies this time".

I want a pretty face for a gf.

The man you have to love the most in this life is yourself. To love yourself. To respect yourself.

If you love yourself the most, in that moment you will never have the lack dignity to let anyone put you down.
The condescendence comes because I don't like the lack of respect. To talk amiable, polite and nice.
We can appraoch any subject you want but on an amiable, decent and friendly tone.
Don't insult and then I'm not mean as well. But to the insults I can't respond otherwise because I'm nobody's slave.
We are all humans and it's obvious that it bothers you when you're insulted. Why do we have to play the indifference? because you're a man not a robot.

I find men being essentially women but with different expectations from society. Imagine being sent to war. And being expected to be brave because you're a man. That's how many are build. On social cues.

Make fun of her - this will make her love you.

Part 11 (ideal mate, game of thrones, lists, deliveries, gold stuff, recap)

WOMEN NOT ONLY:

Sue me for unfair competition. Bro, the reason "dating is hard for you" is not because "other men are doing more" but because "you are doing less". There are tons of foods out there, but pizza is still good. However, you are only eating broccoli when you have no other options. You are the broccoli of dating.

Also, to calm your urges, you can talk with a woman and don't expect any relationship out of this discussion, it's just a fun discussion with someone who may not even be single for all I know, and she could be a world away from you. So yeah, sorry for breaking your hypothetical chances with the girl you never talked to, bitter man.

The only ones thinking that talking to a girl or showing interest to a girl is simping are incels.

And they can be like: Talking to a girl or showing interest is not simping. It is simping when you do it with someone you clearly have no chance of getting together and it's extra simping if you don't even know she's single.

But: This conversation is fun for me, that's why I do it, not e every conversation or contact with a person has to lead to a relationship, but that's hard to comprehend for incels who think only in sex/not sex.

Seriously, your issue is that my behavior gives women "too much confidence and expectations", that says a lot about where your worth is. Like, they need low confidence and expectations in order to actually be with you.

You'd rather live in India where people are into forced marriage or Saudi Arabia where women know their place and are worth 1/3rd of a woman. Because clearly getting a woman because she wants you, not because she has no other options or is forced to, is an issue for you, the bar is too high, set too high by ungrateful brats like me who won't stick to women in his area that he can actually f***.

If you want to stop bring an incel, start trying to convince women to be with you, to be a good deal for them, something they want having, not to pick you because they have no other options or are desperate. That's not true love, it's lack of a better alternative.

Also, not every conversation with women has to be about sex, you can talk with women without trying to be in a relationship with them. Women are not only for sex, reproduction and relationship you know?

You can play a board game with a woman, who is not your girlfriend and to whom you have no intention of her ever bring your girlfriend, and it can be really fun. Just saying, don't reduce women to dating.

So what if there are men literally throwing themselves to women and licking their feet and it can change a person? Don't change. Everybody does whatever they want without you bring their mom. Your worst fear scenario is a 3/10 with a big ego because lots of simps talk to her. So what? Let her talk, let them talk. You want the 3/10 ? talk to her, works out? great, doesn't work out, also great. You bring upset that women have "confidence and expectations" is very WTF and exactly why I compared it with India or Saudi Arabia.

You give me the vibes of "men should date 130 kg women" feminists, but gender-reversed. It's the men's choice in that case, and the women's choice in your case. Their choice to do whatever they want, for good or bad, without caring for your expectations and pretentions.

Simply put: If there are simps out there "bringing down the market value", let her talk, let them talk.

Just talk with someone you really click and connect with. It's not that hard.

If they "have expectations". That means you really don't click and connect with them. It's really easy. So move on.

Find someone who likes you and can connect with, and you like them. Everything else is just hearsay.

FEMALE GAZE:

The Ideal Man according to Women

For the male love interest archetype in a number of films:

There is still attractiveness there, but it's more of "boyish prince charming" type of good looks.

He also has a "sweet sensitive side" that now everyone always sees.

The outward strength he displays to his friends and the rest of the world, signals that he can protect the female and her offsprings.

But be on the nurturing side that can take care of them as well.

The "he is the most beautiful and kind" type. The female "sex symbol" is more like James Franco. Men find him goofy-looking but women find him hot.

While women still value attractiveness it is not as highly prioritized as men's. When it comes to body type, the body types classified as Built and Toned are rated as the most sexually desireable.

One theory that explains this is - paternal investment. How much time and energy a parent gives to their offspring. Paternal investment is usually higher in women than men. Women must pick a male that will invest time and resources in the infant.

Although bigger male may signal health and strength, this also signals elevated levels of testosterone. Elevated levels of testosterone increases their confidence and aggressiveness towards competing men.

As men enter in a relationship the need for aggression becomes less of a necessity because he's no longer competing with other men.

Although women rated the Brawny (biggest) body type as the most sexually attractive they also perceived it to be the lowest on commitment and the highest in polygamy.

So, a big muscular body type may signal to women aggression and cheating. While helpful in competing for mates and resources, it is unhelpful in nurturing children.

The female preferences lead the male interest to adopt a different tactic when presented in female media. Since a woman's ideal mate has more to do with paternal investment, aka how much will the male invest into their offsprings, the ideal male archetype for women isn't always the most muscular, strong or matcho.

As a woman, you have to be: delicate, sensitive and feminine. You are seen different, you are not allowed to make mistakes. If you do what a man does you are looked at differently.

Where as the woman isn't allowed to do what a man does, she's look at different for doing what a man does, as a man, you have expectations around you, you're the man! you should do it, you're the man! It's like, men have to carry more but they are also allowed to do many things women aren't.

Everything is about the way society wants it. If society says it's wrong, everybody is going to say that it's wrong. Hundreds of years ago, women were not allowed to wear pants, everybody said it's wrong, and today, nobody has any issue with this anymore. But, today, the woman must be decent and not drink a drop of achool.

But people these days, I don't think they have good perceptions, generally speaking. They seem to be more gutsiest, not bold, being bold would be guts but with common sense, they no longer have patience, they see everything with other eyes, they are raised differently, they are more bragging.

So that they stand out above the crowd, so that they brag, with what they have and so on, money and clothes and all that, and a feeling of superiority. A person's perceptions depend on the way they are raised, so I guess there's that, there are major differences between people's perceptions based on the way they were raised.

Modesty and kindness took a second place.

The 3 Important Traits for Women:

Independence

Sustainability

Tenderness


Women are ranking themselves according to attractive personality.

When they have only met each other, because they're all strangers, the only dimention of personality they seem to rank themselves based on is extroversion.

When strangers, women rank other extroverted women as more attractive.

This again, compliments evolutionary selection. Since women value traits in their partners that are more personality-based than aid the nurturing of offsprings. It is only natural that they idealize these same traits in themselves.

We see this in characters specifically written as the ideal female, like Elisabeth from Queen's Gambit.

In Mulan there is a scene where Mulan has impressed the match-maker so she is matched with a good husband. While her family does everything to make her look and act presentable, Mulan manages to ruin her meeting. She feels different and is not up to the cultural norms of "how to be a lady".

In the Hunger Games, Katniss Everdeen shows disinterest in pleasing an audience with how she dresses. She even states in how she has difficulties in getting people to like her.

A lot of movies have this as an obstable for the main character because physical attractiveness for women is less important. Instead, attractiveness also comes from personality-based traits.

Traits females prioritize in themselves: independence, sustainability, tenderness.

In evolutionary theory, this would mean traits that would help the surviablity of your infant: independence. sustenaibility and tenderness. Female characters that appeal to the female gaze typically show a surge of independence and susteinability. And if she doesn't begin that way her character surely evolves in that direction. While fiercly independent she also plays the role of caregiver to those important to her.

Creators who attract a mostly female audience display the same traits. We all know that top infulencers are making money beyond or wildest dreams. But it's expressed differently between male creators with mostly male audience and female creators with a mostly female audience.

While male creators tend to display resources, health and the ability to attain mates. Female creators display independence, the ability to sustain oneself and tenderness.

Independence and susteinability is a given, all these creators are running a business, live comfortably and go on vacantion. Yet, they show they are still grounded by caring for those around them.

When you're watching those videos it's almost as watching how you would act if put in their situation.

As opposed to Logan Paul, Emma Chamberlain is one creator who embodies this. From her 4.3 million dollars home Chamberlain is clearly doing well, despite this, she does not flex her wealth the way youtuber Logan Paul does, because this does not appeal to her mostly female audience.

Emma Chamberlain does display her accomplishments though, like attending the fashon week gala and travelling in general, but there is a sense of groundness in her videos. They don't have the same energy and bravado you see in Logan Paul's videos.

Logan Paul doesn't explicitly say this but his brand makes it quite clear - hard work attains resources.
Emma Chamberlain's branding is - hard work attains independence.

Obviously Logan Paul and Emma Chamberlain attained both of these features, but because they cater to different sexes, they will highlight different traits. In Emma Chamberlain's vlogs, many seem to like her hanging out with her dad.

Other creators for mostly female viewers include: Jenna Marbles, Lysa Koshy and Zoella.

Even when female creators with female audiences do show off their possessions likeTrisha Paytas or Tana Mojo it's not comparable to their male counterparts. In addition, these youtubers are often complimented because they tell it like it is. Rather than luxury cars.

ICEBREAKER:

Who? has asked you. Has bagated you in some.

Lazyness (if you heard it why aren't you turning it on?)

That feeling of inferiority when thinking about others? they are is smart, socially smart - they are good looking. Get better at these.

Sometimes treated bad, sometimes treated good, it's exciting for women.

(Don't asky me why, it just is, I can only see the result not the mental process - it's like negan)

Women want you to interact with them.

Some people are more opportunistic.

Not to seem that you are all over people's head.

How to be fun and entertaining. Need to learn that again.

"Did you know that....".

You have to know how to treat people right.

Tell about yourself, tell a story about you.

Be easily amused. Be easily amused of the jokes.

Stop being a simp, get hot. Attract with your social skills (social intelligence) and good looks, depth too, and a little bit of simping works, as long as she is also interested in you.

Vagabond.

To attract attention, you can attract it but badly.

You need to become attractive first, then you'll have a chance. Beside common personality.

Just talk and be yourself, let it flow, see how it works, see how compatible you are.

See if you have fun with each other. Without necessarily going out of your way to try to have fun with each other, see how you click, how well you click. Even with good, even with bad.

Make people feel good around you - make her feel good around you.

Make fun of her - this will make her love you.

"Who? asked you". Play with her. Tease her, downplay her, etc. Making fun, cathering.

"You have a beautiful arrogance, it's very humble, very hidden". Very modest at the same time. Thinking of yourself great but wanting to do good to others.

SOME GAME OF THRONES THOUGHTS ON THE ISSUE:

You just got to go out there and expose yourself, be yourself. No training wheels. And have good spirits with people. And be inquisitive about them. While making fun of them, but all in a good laugh spirit. See with which people you can afford it and with which people you cannot. And be diplomatic. Be cumite. Don't make a fool out of yourself. Make funny faces only when alone with friends.

Be inquisitive - look at people and seek what to ask them. And really listen.

Best one to get the mood starting - "who? has asked you".

I. The 25% Rule.

If you want to be more attractive, stop thinking about conversation purely as an exchange of information. Instead, focus on having fun and creating emotional spikes.

There are 2 easy ways you can do this:
1. Answer your questions with fun, funny answers before you give your real answer. (give a funny obviously fake answer before giving a real one)
2. Stop being unbelieably excited about everything she says. (just responding positively it's often not enough to build attraction), instead: mix that strong positivity with some playful teasing that makes you both laugh. Bounce between compliments and teases.

II. 5 Clear Signs a Woman Wants You.

1. Look for them tilting their head and exposing their neck. Women do this head tilt while flirting. One particular time you're likely to see this is when she is lauging or smiling.

2. Watch to see if a woman crosses into your initmate zone. About 45 cm distance. When someone moves into the intimate zone they want to literally be closer. Physically and emotionally.

3. Toes are the window to the soul. When we are interested in something, we want to move towards it. To do this, we angle our toes in the direction we want to move.

4. When a woman wants to be touched, she might subconsciously touch that part of her body herself. She touches her neck, her lips, her hair. It's a subconscious reaction to call attention to their health or their neck or skin. (nail-biting is not this, but a sign of nervousness)

5. A slow smile that blossoms across the face and reaches all the way up into the eyes. When we are truly delighted by someone, we smile like that. A genuine smile that reaches all the way into the eyes or upper cheek muscles. (a fake smile stays on the bottom half of the face)

III. How to avoid being boring in converastion.

1. Finish someone's incomplete sentence with a joke. (cutting someone off to genuinely finish their sentence can be annoying, but by doing it with a joke you make them laugh and instantly create a more playful vibe) "it seems you've always been very quick to .... to ruin it?".

2. If you want to constatnly make people laugh, surprise them with unexpected absurd answers. You can also use unexpected absurdity when you're the one asking questions.
3. You start with a real answer, and then pivot to an exaggeration of that answer. "pirating stuff is okay? yeah, I do that, I'm just into theft in general". It encourages others to be playful as well.

4. Lower your filter, start saying your positive thoughts out loud. "I couldn't think of anything to said" translate as "I had thoughts in my head, but I judged them as not good enough to say". We often take for granted that people know we like them, but saying it out loud can have a very positive impact on your relationship.

5. Be relentely positive, positive about things other people would normally be negative about. "I was living in a van, that's literally the stuff that helped me launch". Ignore people's negative tone and stay relentelessly positive.

6. Stop focusing on making other people like you and instead focus on having fun. Rather than orienting towards trying to look cool, orient towards having fun and making things fun for the people around you. At the end of the day, we like being around people that make us feel good.

VI. 8 Psychological tricks that make people like you immediately

1. The magnetic of having fun. People are at their most likeable when they are trying to have fun. If you've ever been to a party or bad and found yourself looking at the people who seem to be having the best time, you've felt the magnetic effect of having fun.
2. Soften your tease with a laugh. The goal here isn't to fake laugh, it's to focus on teases that are playful, lighthearted and genuinely make you laugh. Setting a playful tone early is crucial for this, if you don't, you can accidentally come off as rude.

3. Mix in compliments with your teases. This makes you less predictible than if your only way of interacting with someone is by giving them a hard time. And it makes people more likely to laugh at your jokes than get offended.

4. Pair your compliments with a warm platonic touch. These brief moments of touch help build feelings of trust and connection.

5. You don't have to have the same lifestyle and interests to connect with someone, to bond with anyone, just talk about yourself in a way that makes your life relateable to theirs. "I love playing D&D, I have a week game with my friends and it's a great way to make sure we all hang out at least once a week", even if they don't like D&D, they can relate to the fun of doing something with their friends.

6. You can make converastion easy for the other person by giving expansive answers. Simply try to talk for 10 seconds longer than you normally would. "where did you come from? LA, it was the craziest trip, because these 2 flights have been mixed up"
7. You don't want to dominate the whole conversation by doing all the talking. You also want to turn the converation back to the other person. Making sure the other person gets to chime in helps make them feel valued. If you're in a group converastion, you can answer the question and then pivot the question to someone in the group who hasn't spoken much.

8. Once you do get someone talking, focus on being a likeable listener. You want to give someone your full focus. Make people feel good when you're listening with a big laugh. If you're funny or interesting people will like you, but they'll like you ever more if you combine that with making them feel like they are funny and interesting. Use the agree & expand technique, this makes them feel heard instead of cutting them off and steamrolling what they've built, you're adding to it. "I think that's tough", "that's always tough, and it makes you sometimes more...". Agree & expand also work when someone cuts you off, agree with them so they feel heard then retake the conversational reign so you can finish your thought.

V. How to Date Someone Out of Your League

1. Have access to that person. A common mistake people make when trying to improve their dating life is to only talk to people they are attracted to. But when you go out you're much better off talking to everybody. (you can make mutual friends, and it's more attractive if someone sees you at the center of a bunch of people, telling stories and making them laugh, rather than stalking alone around the venue).

2. You have to stand out from the average person who approaches them in a positive way. See them as a normal person, never treat them any different than any other normal person. (don't treat her like a fan, that unfazed attitude can set you apart from everyone else and make you attractive)

3. But simply being unfazed isn't always enough to attract someone. Playfully tease. As opposed to yes-men and flatterers. Playfully teasing someone of high status or beauty does 2 things at once: 1. makes them laugh which builds rapport. 2. helps you stand out compared to the excluisvely complimentary people, who are scared to say anything the person won't like. (being overly-complimentary isn't the only way you can make yourself less attractive to someone, another way is saying what you think they want to hear, people act subordonately to people they admire, if your version of being nice is to be agreeable no matter what you should stop, this won't build attraction)

4. Prioritize being honest above saying what you think they want to hear. If they are extremely attractive or high status this will instantly make you stand out from most people in their lives. "how do you feel about marrige and commitment? I feel that love is commitment, I don't believe in marriage". (you may hear the dissapointment in her voice, this answer is not the answer she was looking for, but his honesty only makes her more attracted to him) This is doubly-attractive, because in addition to being honest, it makes you a bit of a challenge. (filriting with someone who is hard to get can be fun for someone who is used to always being avialable to them)

5. Don't be available all the time. Don't treat someone you've just met like they are the only good thing in your life. Not showing the intense immediate interest that most men are showing women. People can be hooked by the fact that you are a challenge to get. Neither of these are done to be a mind game, you can simply not believe in marriage and have other things going on at the time. (you don't have to wait a month before you ask someone out or hide your romantic intentions, it can be pretty obvious that you're into her, but not acting like she is the most important thing in your life)

6. There are a few things you can do to minimize your nervousness. If you're metting someone for the first time, warm up socially before you talk to them. Don't make the person you are intimidated by the first person you speak to at an event.

7. Have standards beyond fame, wealth and beauty. The average person's internal dialogue when talking to someone attractive is "I hope this person likes me". Having standards means that part of the conversation is meant to genuinely see if you like them. (you'll instantly feel more confident once you stop treating conversations like a one sided tryout)

8. "What personality traits does someone need to have to be in your life if they don't have status, wealth or good looks? it can be being fun to be around, being childish, having a sense of humor, being nurturing, having sensitivty, being orderly, being similar, being sharp, being witty, etc. Whatever works for you. Then don't let anyone into your life if they don't have those traits regardless of wealth, status or looks.

9. Recognise that dating someone out of your league is a bad goal. Often the goal to date someone out of your league comes from insecurity. When you think about dating this person, do you think about how you would enjoy their company? (or do you think about how great it makes you look or how cool other people will see you?)

GAME OF THRONES

VI. Why Daenerys loves John Snow? How to Instantly Create Attraction with Women.

1. Why does Daenerys fall for John Snow? he is powerful and handsome but Daenerys has been pursued by a bunch of powerful and handsome men. What makes John special?

2. Daario Naharis has certain traits that Dany immediately finds appealing: his penchant for taking risks and coming out on top. Women are drawn to men who take risks succesfully. Starting a business is a risk, performing on stage is a risk (even simply asking a woman out on a date can feel like a risk)

3. It is especially attractive if someone can keep a playful attitude during what others may see as a risky encounter. And even poking fun at yourself. Are so powerful in creating attraction between 2 people. When we see playfulness in the face of risk, it sub-communicates that that person is confident. (when you stay playful in the face of risk it is an incredibly attractive trait)

4. Don't be seriously persistent, following people around the bar and not taking no for an answer, be playfully persistent, cracking jokes as she walks away indicating that rejection is no big deal to him. Creating and insisitng on the narrative that you want.

5. Give them your honest opinion. And this might seem like an obvious thing to do, but with both men and women who are desireable, so many of their suitors simply tell them what they think that they want to hear. (and while disagreing with someone might create momentary tension, you might even argue about it, when you do it in a non-trivial and a respectful way, it tends to create attraction)

As Daario says "you're the queen, everyone is afraid to speak the truth, everyone but me". Add all of this up, plus a lot of good looks, and in the end Daario is someone that Dani is clearly attracted to. But in the end she has no problem leaving him, why? "I said farewell to a man who loves me, a man I thought I cared for, and I felt nothing"

You could chalk this up to Dani being heartless, but I think it speaks more of Daario's character than her that she has no problem walking away from him. He's lacking that genuine kind moments of compassion.

6. John Snow. He clearly has the risk-taking and sometimes is a bit crazy about it. John Snow is a lot like a protector, a guardian. (making sure the world is in order and all is good, he's willing to go over the top for is ideals, a man who would make a difference, a man with morals and standards) "these people..." he wants to do good (a man who fights for good, uses his power and influence for good) a man who wants to make a difference with his power and influence in the world.

7. John is also willing to tell Dany the truth, even when she might not like it. "And why would I do that? I mean no offense, your grace, but I don't know you".

8. And while John Snow is nowhere nearly as charming as Daario, he has moments of playfulness. "if I don't return at least you won't have to deal with the king in the north anymore (implying bad intent in people)

9. So a lot of the same pieces from Daario are there, and while the attraction between Dani and John Snow did take some time to build, because of John's more reserved nature, it ultimately leads to greater feelings, why? first, John has standards. Obivously, he finds Dany beautiful, but that's not enough for him to pursue her. He also has to look at her character.

10. He cares more about her character and it's not until he sees her perform an act of true sacrifice and valor that he names her his queen. "what about those who swore allegiance to you?", "they will come to see you for what you are", "I hope I deserve it", "you do".

11. This is significant, John Snow isn't bending the knee to her looks or her power or her status but to her character.

12. And the same can be said about Dany to John. She doesn't fall for his looks, even saying that he is too small for her. But beings to care for him as she learns more about him, more about his character. And that's what we truly want in a partner - someone who cares about us about who we are as a person (for the same reason, it's very important to think of how would you enjoy their company when meeting someone else, their company and their character) and loves us for who we are as a person, instead of momentary things that we have like looks, status and power.

12. Dany knows that he isn't true for Daario, who made his reasons for pursuing her entirely clear. There is nothing wrong in being with someone because you find them physically attractive, but if that's all you care about the feelings on both sides will be pretty shallow (there is a that lack of deeper connection that was talked about above, where you get to know the other person, and appreciate them for their kindness and character and other qualities)

13. And it's for that reason that it's not gut-wrenching for Dani to leave Darrio behind.

14. We love people who live by principles beyond their self-interest. We love people who have a mission, a purpose, that is bigger than themselves. We love people who help, who are kind, who are nurtuting, who think about others, as then you can develop that deeper connection. (and we love people who inspite us to be more through their example, John Snow is the embodyment of that)

15. When Dani sees the lengths that John is willing to go for others she falls for him.

16. So yeah, take social risks, give your honest opinion, those are worthwile behaviors and will probably make more people attracted to you. But if you want to build a deep connection of love and care, you have to care more about the other than looks and power. You have to care about their character.

Both have high standards for each other, John for her, and her for him. Those standards are the difference between simple attraction and a real connection that could become love.

VII. Tyrion. How Power Works. How to Turn an Argument in Your Favor.

1. Let's talk about the core of all communication, the thing that determines how persuasive you are, if you get what you want - frames. Frame is "how the argument looks from outside".

2. Frame like a picture, so how it is looked as from outside. How you arrange something. A frame is all the unstated beliefs that give meaning to any interaction. When you say something indirectly, you build a frame (the frame gives meaning and interpretation to the words that we say)

3. Tyrion in the woods about to be attacked by bandits "come, share a fire, help yourselves to our food". Clearly those banits were trying to kill them, by Tyrion tries to shift the frame and convince them to be friends. By acting like they are friends and that's exactly what he's doing. Trying to convince them to shift the frame.

4. The genious of this frame is that if they accept it, he will escape with his life. "when you meet your gods, you tell them I sent you", "I'm Tyrion, son of Tywin, of clan Lannister", "how would you like to die Tyrion son of Tywin?", "at 80s in my bed surrounded by women". Again, trying to shift the frame, trying to make it seem like this a casual amical conversation. Because if they accept the frame, he will escape with his life.

5. You would want someone to assume your frame, but they're going to ressist. His frame that they are trying to introduce each other as friends did not work as he was not accepting it. It's not working for Tyrion, so what does he do? He breaks that guy's frame with humor. Laugther is a sign that people changed their frame.

6. Usually it's the person laughing that has had their way of viewing the word disrupted. And here the guy with the axe thought that Tyrion should choose right there and right then how he dies. Tyrion responded with humor, again under the frame that they are good old friends.

7. If you are trying to persuade someone of something and they keep being ressistant, don't just keep pushing, instead you need to reframe them and humor is a great way to do it. "my house is rich and powerful". Tyrion doesn't just plea for their lives, not that he had at least broken their frame and at least gotten them to listen, he can being to persuade them.

If someone is being persistent while you're trying to persuade them, the answer is not to just go over and over down the same path. You need to disrupt their frame, you need to reframe them with humor and then you can begin to speak to their interest and speak more logically. Like the 'old friends' scenario here, the 'old friends' frame worked for Tyrion.

8. Insults. Every single insult or tease you've ever head is a frame game. It's actually about "how is this seen from the outside", "how does this argument look from the outside".

9. Even from the school days, the goal is generally to turn the insult on the person who said it. Either making it a good thing for you, or a bad thing for them.

10. How frames determine exactly who wins those back & fourth exchanges? Tyrion speaking to Robb Stark "a slightly warmer welcome on my last visit", "and many of the watch is welcome at winterfell", "any man of the watch but not I, eh, boy?", "I'm not your boy Lannister, I'm lord of winterfell while my father is away", "then you might learn a lord's courtesy". This is a diss, Tyrion calls Robb "boy" insulting his inexperience. And then Rob denies it, saying that he is a lord. Tyrion insists that Rob isn't behaving like a lord should.

11. So despite his protest, Rob doesn't come out of that exchange looking so great. Fighting the frame usually makes you look like an idiot.

12. What you want to do is take the frame and turn it on the other person. In another scene when Rob talks to Jaime Lannister "smart boy, what's wrong, don't like being called boy?" again, implying his inexperience, but this time Rob replies with "you insult yourself kingslayer, you've been defeated by a boy, you've been taken prisoner by a boy, perhaps you will be killed by a boy". Instead of fighting the frame, Rob flips it and uses it to his advantage.

13. Rob took Jamie's own words and used them against him. This works much much better because an insult is really just a battle to see who controls who.

14. When you control the frame, you control the other person. When you get mad at an insult, and you fight it, you've already lost. But when you don't fight the words, and instead change the frame, meaning that you tirn their insult into praise for you or insult for them, you've taken control and defeated their frame, you control them. That is how you win the frame game, not by having the best zinger, but by having the best comeback, by being the person in control.

15. Whoever controls the options has the power. Your options are rarely the options that people tell you you have.

THE CONCEPT OF POWER IN PRACTICE:

The concept of power in practice.

Someone is putting up the frame that you're a virgin. This is how his argument looks from the outside.

He is saying it indirectly, the frame gives meaning and interpretation to the words that we say.

It must be so hard not to get laid, therefore I'm a virgin, a frame is all the unstated beliefs that give meaning to any interaction.

What can I do?

I could do it like Tyrion and try to be his friend. Shift the frame that we are friends.

However, it's not going to work in this case, he is not a very nice person, unlike the banits who attacked Tyrion whose main interests was basically gold, his main interest is putting other people down for his own amusement.

Thus, shifting the frame, trying to make it seem like this a casual amical conversation, is going to be very difficult. You can't shift the frame and speak to their interest when their interest is to put you down, as he has all the reasons to keep the current frame for his own interest.

So I don't like the frame and I also can't befriend him, what can I do?

Insults. Mockery. Take control of the frame. I can't fight the frame, I have to take control of it.

If I were to say, "no, I'm not a virgin", how would that come off? pretty terrible. Who would have won? him.

Fighting the frame usually makes you look like an idiot.

Instead, you should accept the frame as it is, and then turn the insult on the person who said it. Either making turning it into a good thing for you, or a bad thing for them. That's how you take control in a frame game.

It doesn't need to be truthful, it just needs to be mildly believable, to have a grain of truth to it/something that can be associated with that thing, but it doesn't need to be true, a frame game is not a fact-checker game.

So, it doesn't need to be true, but it also needs not to be completely dissassociated like "you look like Mariah Carey younger alcoholic brother", like where did that come from? what's the association/connection?

It doesn't need to be the most devastating comeback, sure it's good when you have a comeback so devasating that the rest of the world goes like "ooooh", but really the person who wins is the last person to control the frame, it just needs to take control of the situation.

So what can I say to him to take control of the frame? I could take advantage over the fact that he's an ESTJ and say that whatever I will tell him will probably go right over his head, taking advatnage of the fact that ESTJs are stereotypically associated as one of the least intelligent types.

However, be careful with Area of Effect hits, this is bad for the same reasons why attacking someone's race or nationality is bad, you don't attack just that person, but a whole group of people. So that's a no-no. It needs to be something more individualized to him.

For clarification: attacking his intelligence is completely fine, in fact Tyrion did it to Rob since incompetence translates to lack of intelligence, it's attacking his intelligence while also attacking other people's intelligence as collateral damage that's the issue.

I could take advantage of his bad character, to attack his character rather than intelligence. The advantage of this is that (a) this isn't Area of Effect attack, by saying that he has a bad character, I'm saying that only he has a bad character, not his type, not his race, not his nationality, etc. (b) he already gave me plenty of material to work with by displaying bad character.

Basically, call them out, but with a frame as well, say it indirectly, not directly like "you're a jerk", because the frame is "duh!", like they don't know that. The point is making it understood that they are a jerk, not being the judge yourself. If he would have said "you're a virgin" instead of "It must be so hard not to get laid" it would have had the same impact? no.

A frame is how this argument looks from the outside, and for that it's very important you're saying it indirectly. A frame comes from the belief you have when you say that thing, and are trying to get others to buy your belief. You act like what you want to believe. But without fighting any frame, instead accepting it and turning it. And it needs to have a grain of truth in it.

Or, I could take control of the frame by not playing into his hand. This is by far the funniest frame-changer. Basically, have the opposite reaction that he would expect you to do.

Basically own it. So I could say "yes, I am a virgin". And own it. Literally what can he do if I own it? Or if you had a really embarassing moment and they bring it up you can be like "yeah, that was quite embarassing" and own it. Or if they point fingers at you and want you to apologise you can say "I'm not sorry" and own up to your actions.

Why did he say "It must be so hard not to get laid"? he is banking on my reaction, when I own it, he loses all power.

And then you can double-kill by calling them out, literally asking them "what as the purpose of bringing that up in front of everyone?".

Imagine we were all in a group, and I say something that sounds virgin-ish, and he say "It must be so hard not to get laid", and then I say "yes, I am a virgin", "what as the purpose of bringing that up in front of everyone?". Try to think of an answer for him that would not make him sound like a jerk.

Because it's clear what his purpose was, the only thing is, he wasn't called out.

You can even bring up a relateable experience or a lesson you learned from an embarassing to be more relateable.

So that's basically how you respond to an insult, which is basically a frame game. Not by having the best comeback, but by turning it on your opponent. Admittedly, in this case I didn't have much to work it, he is kind of a plain guy, but I managed to scrap enough even for him:

Change the story, to make yourself the winner or the loser, like Rob's comeback to Kingslayer "you insult yourself kingslayer, you've been defeated by a boy, you've been taken prisoner by a boy". In real life, a bald guy could make fun of you "what color is your villa?", "what color is your hair?" (it's not about having the biggest insult, it's about taking control). You turned the frame on him. Or "what color is yours", "every shade of your mother's lipstick", it's all about chaning the story, to your advantage. You change the narrative/frame and propose a new 'normal'.

Insult his intelligence, in this case it was not okay because it would insult all ESTJs but you can always insult his intelligence by using things, actions, skills that doesn't lead to Area of Effect. And it doesn't need to be true, this is not a fact-checker competition, this is why stereotypes are so popular in roasts. Implying incompetence can be an insult of intelligence.

Go for his character, taking up the frame that "you're a bad person" by calling them out, his purpose was clear from the start but he wasn't held accountable because he wasn't called out for it. If you ask 9/10 people, they will say he was an ahole, but as long as he isn't called out for it, he isn't held accountable.

Own it. Do the opposite of what he expects. He can't have power over you, if that thing he wants to have power over you, doesn't have power over you. When he insults you, he is hoping for your negative reaction, either sad, angry, or fighting back the frame, if you actually own it instead like "yes, I'm a virgin", "yeah, that was quite embarassing" or "I'm not sorry" and own up to your actions, how can he have power over you?

By the way, this was all a role, he was playing the role of generic ahole, he's not really like that, everything was staged, all of this was done to give me an opportunity to demonstrate the concept of power in practice, we talked beforehand.
0 Replies
 
Apothecary
 
  0  
Reply Sat 18 Feb, 2023 11:15 am
@Apothecary,
SOME GOLDEN THINGS ON TEASING:

I like that purity and that sensitivity of her, combined with that sharp edge. This is why you need to get good looks, social intelligence, and hit the gym.

Are you being Teased or undergo sarcastic rants?

Attacking is a bit of a wrong word. You don't have to hurt their feelings or be attacking. You don't have to be offensive. Instead, you have to be more of the bragging or braggish "I'm better than you" type, but in an ironic way.

A shortcoming of their or something great for you:

The "you are doing bad" kind of thing - "don't worry about failing in life, you'll always find room to work as a janitor".

Or the "I'm genuinely making fun of you" - if someone is very cold, say: "we are here at the mountainside is Alaska, there is now show yet but it's very cold, as you can see (pointing out to them being cold)". Or making fun of them for looking ridiculous when holding a chair or something.

These 2 work great with emparthy combined.
Or the ragging brash "I'm going to change myself/cool, where is your window?"

Or breaking expectations - saying the unproper things for comedic effect. Doing the unproper. That can be fun and can be teasing. Saying the unproper. What is usually not said. Such as saying something slightly mean or implying bad intention in them. Saying about dogs that "they look like piggies" or if they are working at a morgue say about living people "look at all those future clients" implying that they are only going for their self-interest.

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TEASING BY IMPLYING THAT PEOPLE GO FOR SELF-INTEREST
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- Beside doing/saying unproper things yourself. Asking/forcing them to do/say unproper things/things that they don't want because it's socially acceptable and they are expected to be good in society. Like asking them nicely to do something you know that they don't want.

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LIKE: CAN YOU GIVE THAT THAT CUP OF COFFE? WHEN THEY ARE FAR AWAY.
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An appeal to manners. People are supposed to be nice and helpful, you can make fun of them by asking them nicely to do something they might otherwise not want to do. Especially when they are around relative strangers and they have to behave, they have to be polite, people are supposed to do stuff like that so they are supposed to do it to save face, even when otherwise they might not want it.

- Or even the give&take teasing trying to outsmart them, pretending to give them something, then turn it back.
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TEASING IS IMPLYING BAD THING ABOUT THEM: YOU LOOK LIKE JORDAN PETERSON, YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO THIS OR ARE TERRIBLE AT THIS AND GOING TO FAIL IN LIFE, HEY, MY EYES ARE UP HERE. BUT NOT SAYING IT DIRECTLY, IMPLYING IT. THE ISSUE IS, WHERE IS THE LIMIT BETWEEN THIS AND OFFENSIVE? IS IT OKAY TO BREAK A BOUNDARY SOMETIMES IF YOU DO IT WITH CONFIDENCE?
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- Somtimes, teasing is just making a statement like "heeeeey!". Implying they did something bad but in a friendly brotherly way. I can't really put the tone into writing but imagine something like "Jhoooooon!" (the context is: you're incompetent) with a lower accent in the middle like "oh, John, you always do that". Basically implying "John, you're incompetent".

- Or saying things like "you don't have tastes". Making each other look better or worse. A friendly competition about making each other look better or worse.

- Or tease like "you're going to be bad", as in you're going to be terrible at something. Like "you're going to be a bad father". Or "I wouldn't want to be your child". Or sarcastically say "wow, you're going to be an excellent father".

- Or adding of the premise into the question, like: there’s a world of difference between “I can see that your hair roots are obviously a different color than your hair.” and “Wow! I love your hair! But how on earth did you manage to dye just the roots and not the ends?”.

- Or the 4 short line old ones with an emphasis on being creative, "you look like Jodan Peterson" type.
As a rule of thumb, teasing has an emphasis on being creatieve, "you look like Jordan Peterson with a moustache" type:

- Start out small with very light, innocent teasing and see how they respond. Do they think it's funny? Try something small and see if you get a positive response before saying anything more bold.
THE WAY YOU CAN DETERMINE IS TO LOOK AT THEM AND GET FEEDBACK FROM THEM. EMOTIONAL FEEDBACK. HOW THEY FEEL AFTER YOU SAID THAT.

- It's important to have a balance between the teasing. It can't be the only thing you do. More importantly, it doesn't work if you're the only one making fun of the other person in the relationship. The point is the other person getting back at you, it doesn't have to be right away, but just striving for some equality is important. If the person usually has a positive response but rarely takes the initiative to tease you, you can occasionally make fun of yourself instead to balance it a bit.
IT HAS TO BE 1VS1 NOT 1 CONSTATLY DESTROYING ONE. IF THEY ENJOY IT COOL, BUT IF THEY GIVE SIGNS THAT THEY ARE TIERD OF IT, DON'T OVERDO IT. MAKE FUN OF YOURSELF SOMETIMES.

- A lot of humor in teasing is being creative instead of just making fun of the person. Make a specific joke! For example, instead of saying your friend sucks at some sport, make a comparison that something/someone that clearly can't play well would do a better job.
THE COMPARISON, YOU LOOK LIKE JORDAN PETERSON TYPE.

- Balance it by making up for the "mean" behavior by going out of your way to be friendly. Give genuine compliments, and try to have moments where you lift the other person up, instead of being just a "regular" friendly person. Give the person meaningful memories of you being nice as well. You don't have to do this constantly, but balance out your "good" and "bad" behavior.
BEING REAL SO THAT YOUR BEHAVIOR IS INDEED TAKEN AND UNDERSTOOD AS A JOKE.

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IF YOU HAVE A JOKER REPUTATION YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH THESE. LIKE YOU CAN SAY A JOKE AND PEOPLE WILL NOT TAKE YOU FOR REAL BECAUSE THEY BELIEVE YOU ARE JOKING. SINCE YOU ALWAYS ARE.
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Let's get them into more detail:

For the first one:

First you have to see the personality of a person, to see if they are the type that enjoy a good tease or not.

And you can't do it right away, you have to get to know them a bit, to get familiar a bit, to get close a bit, have a few interactions and a connection of trust, so that those jokes are considered safe.

But then, if you are also known as a joker and are extra expressive and objviously joking in your approach, you can skip this step, but not to the point of making fun of a person you've never met or just met.

Except when it's a scoially understodd scenario where such types of jokes are allowed. Like a stand-up club or dating texts on tinder and such.

If you don't know the person at all, you can still make jokes otherwise but not personal jokes, but jokes like "you'll have to pay, if you want to hear more from you explaining a certain thing to them, like in - you're doing them a favor but not really, as you request payment" and even then the tonality matters.

The attitude you have matters a lot in the way of saying it saying it, if you say it with a smile on your face it will likely be understood as a joke, and with a faster voice to imply faster tonality and sarcasm.

The joke as in coming across as a joke is just as important as the joke itself. If you say it with a blunt voice, a bit bored, and no expresivity and tonality on your face, don't be surprised if it's rightly interpreted as serious.

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THE LIMIT BETWEEN BEING OFFENSIVE AND JUST BEING FUNNY IT'S JUST IN THE ATTITUDE THAT YOU SAY THE JOKE WITH, HOW COVERED IS YOUR JOKE AS IN INDIRECT IMPLYING, AND HOW WILLING IS THE OTHER PERSON TO TAKE IT. HOW GOOD IS THE JOKE/ROAST. IT IS IMPORTANT IN JOKES TO "UPBEAT THEM" A BIT, AS IN, YES YOU HAVE TO BE WILLING TO BREAK SOME BOUNDARIES.
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For the 2nd one:

No matter how good you are, teasing can't be the only thing you do.

Make these jokes but also, have moments where you show a lot of depth, that you're being human, that you're having an interaction where you are interested in getting to know them, that you are having sensitivity, that you talk about what is she into or what you have in common.

That's how you make an enjoyable discussion, a pleasant discussion.

And it can't be the only jokes you do, also make other types of jokes that essentially don't affect anyone.

And don't insist on them, make them once or twice and then stop, don't be a bully, it's fun at first but annoying to have these all the time.

And be playful, most important, be playful, in good spirits, when making them. With laugher and amusement, mutual laughter, not with hate and conviction, and consideration for their feelings and desire to make them laugh even if they are slightly dismissed at first like "hey!", that's what makes the difference between a good teaser and a troll or a bully.

Downplay them, look down on them, this is how you make a good tease.
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THAT YOU ARE HAVING AN INTERACTION WHERE YOU ARE INTERESTED IN GETTING TO KNOW THEM

TO SOLVE MY ORIGINAL QUESTION: WITH LAUGHTER AND AMUSEMENT, MUTUAL LAUGHTER, NOT WITH HATE AND CONVICTION, AND CONSIDERATION FOR THEIR FEELINGS AND DESIRE TO MAKE THEM LAUGH EVEN IF THEY ARE SLIGHTLY DISSMISED AT FIRST LIKE "HEY!". THAT'S WHAT MAKES THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN TEASING AND JUST BEING CRUEL - THE DESIRE TO MAKE THEM LAUGH. AND YES COMBINE THAT WITH "UPBEAT THEM A BIT" AND BE WILLING TO BREAK SOME BOUNDARIES".
BE WILLING TO BREAK SOME BOUNDARIES TO MAKE FUN OF THEM, IN A WAY THAT IS IMPLYING BAD THINGS INDIRECTLY ABOUT THEM AND TREATING THEM LIKE AN EQUAL AND CHALLENGE THEM OR SAYING THE UNPROPER, IN ORDER TO MAKE THEM LAUGH. AND DON'T FORGET ABOUT YOUR TONALITY AND SMILE, THAT'S YOUR CUE FOR "I'M JUST KIDDING".
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The teaser is merely poking them, challenging them, saying something slightly bad about them in a funny and sarcastic way, that is bad but not terrible, like saying something about their hair, downplaying them, the troll or bully is insulting, saying something seriously bad in a blunt and direct way.

The teaser is a slight push or sting with a needle but also has a pillow underneath, creating a safe enviroment to not be offended through your words while still being made fun of, the troll or bully is a direct punch.

For the 3rd one:

You have to be creative and come up with weird ideas. The more specific the joke, the better. And the more ridiculous, also the better.

And is has to have some truth in it. There has to be some seed of truth in it. <<< But it also needs to take the other person's feelings into account.

It's indirect and has a seed of truth. That's what makes it cool. Not to mention it's attractive because it's a challenge, it's disagreement, which is cool. <<< There is some truth in it, so your comment isn't entierly off the mark, it is relevant.

Teasing has to have a seed of truth for it to work. You usually exaggerate and misrepresent that truth, but at the end of the day there is some truth in it.

Such as if their ear is hurting "you sound a lot like Van Gogh" (implying that eventually that ear will fall off) or "you know who else had problems with the ear? Van Gogh".

It has to be ridiculous, and it has to be indirect. And it has to make fun of them.

Don't make fun of things that they will be upset / insecure about.

It can't just be a random content. It has to be relevant to their situation and make it slightly bad for them.

And as said above, good spirits. It has to be made with good spirits, with the intention to make fun of them, not with the intention to hurt. As I said about the "attacking" thing, you don't have to hurt their feelings or be attacking. You don't have to be offensive. Instead, you have to be more of the bragging or braggish "I'm better than you" type, but in an ironic way.

So, be funny, be amused, have a good delivery.

Specifc and ridculous and relevant to them and attitude (good delivery). As said in the 2nd part with the smile.

These are not the only kind of jokes, those are jokes by comparison. But there are other kinds of jokes, for example the one with "I'm going to change myself/cool, where is your window?" and the freezing thing with "we are here at the mountainside is Alaska, there is now show yet but it's very cold, as you can see (pointing out to them being cold)" and the give&take teasing trying to outsmart them, pretending to give them something, then turn it back. But these kinds of specific and relevant comparison jokes are a good rule of thumb.

In general: think of something bad about them, and extrapolate it or constantly mention it.

For the 4th one:

Don't be a joker 24/7, also have moments of human interaction, of good discussion, but do be a joker once in a while.

To connect with them, to approach with them, to have that warmth. This was already discussed in the 2nd part.

I find it useful to talk a bit more about being creative as in being indirect. Which is different from my "you look like" assertion but more similar to the advice on wording as in adding of the premise to the question "how did you manage to dye just the roots and not the ends?".

It certainly "stings", nobody wants to not have their ends dyed. But it's not offensive either. It's not like they insulted you by saying your ends are not dyed.

In teasing, there's no set in stone rule for a perfect tease, you have to be creative, and the best tease is usually indirect.

You don't outright call a person fat or ugly or unskilled or whatever, but you imply it with something else.

And teasing is usually circumstantial, you make things of the situation or things you have around you to make a good tease, or even make stereotypes or point out the obvious.

You can tease someone for having an immoral behavior, an out of order behavior, you can throw random comments like "I know you will lose" it's still a form of teasing.

Your, you can turn it the other way around and make a "good tease". Like, instead of "I know you will lose" say "You are already 3 steps ahead of us" with a sarcastic tone.

And, you can dispel one of their insecurities with teasing. If they are insecure about it, make fun of them for making a big deal about something so minor, like if someone things they have an ugly costume, you can be like "that's it? is this what I'm supposed to be shocked about? wow". You don't tease them about something bad about them, but instead tease them for feeling bad about something that's good about them.

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THE TREAT THEM LIKE A CHILD WITH HOLDING A CHAIR THING, OR MAKING FUN THAT THEY CAN'T COOK THING. EITHER SAYING THAT YOU CAN'T EAT THAT FOOD AND WAITING FOR THEM TO POISON YOU, OR FILMING THEM AND WAITING FOR THEM TO MAKE A MISTAKE BECAUSE YOU KNOW THEY WILL.
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AND IN COMEBACK: YOU DON'T DENY THEIR WORDS. YOU TAKE THEIR WORDS AND ADD ON TOP OF IT.
LIKE THE HORSE, BUT I THOUGHT IT WAS A PAWN.
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TAKE PEOPLE OVER THEIR FOOT. SO THAT'S WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE GOOD TEASER.
IF YOU ARE BEING FUNNY/CHARMING ENOUGH, EVEN A BAD TEASE NOW AND THEN CAN BE OVERLOOKED. AND YOU HAVE TO SAY PEOPLE THAT IF YOU CROSS THE LINE THEY CAN TELL YOU, REALLY, HONESTLY, NO QUESTIONS ASKED. AND YOU STOP.
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At the end of the day, teasing only works because it contains the "read people" part:

Yes, you can "read" people. It's not about being emotional as it is about being a childish and playful person in general. Some people can be very emotional / stone cold yet very easily offended. The stone cold easily offended should be avoided at all costs. Other people can be very emotional / stone cold yet very in tune with the jokes and how humor works. You can look at them whether they have a more playful atttiude in general or are more serious.

Which is useful, because in general you should look at people and see their reactions.
"What is he like?", "What does he want?", "Is he interested?".

Some would say that sarcastic means to clearly mean the opposite of what you say. Not necessarily. Sarcastic just has to be something for the comedic effect, it doesn't necessarily have to mean that you mean the opposite of what you say like the "how did you manage to dye just the roots and not the ends?" or "I'm going to change myself/cool, where is your window?" thing.

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SARCASM IS WHEN YOU SAY SOMETHING BUT IT'S NOT FOR REAL, IT'S ONLY FOR THE COMIC EFFECT. AND IF YOU DO IT WITH THE PROPER TONALITY, IT WON'T COME ACROSS AS OFFENSIVE. AND IF IT DOES: IF YOU ARE BEING FUNNY/CHARMING ENOUGH, EVEN A BAD TEASE NOW AND THEN CAN BE OVERLOOKED. DON'T JOKE ABOUT THAT BECAUSE SHE'S INSECURE ABOUT THAT - DOESN'T KNOW OR THINK THEY ARE GOOD ENOUGH. AND IN COMEBACK: YOU DON'T DENY THEIR WORDS. YOU TAKE THEIR WORDS AND ADD ON TOP OF IT. THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THIS AND CRUEL? - THE DESIRE TO MAKE THEM LAUGH. AND YES COMBINE THAT WITH "UPBEAT THEM A BIT" AND BE WILLING TO BREAK SOME BOUNDARIES". ALSO MAKE FUN OF YOURSELF. THEIR FEELINGS AND DESIRE TO MAKE THEM LAUGH EVEN IF THEY ARE SLIGHTLY DISSMISED AT FIRST LIKE "HEY!".
IF YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO GIVE GOOD REPLIES, BUT THE "MOCKERY" PART CAN HELP.
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It doesn't mean that you necessarly mean the opposite of what you say, just that you are not serious, you are joking. Or are you? that's the cool thing about sarcasm, you could be serious, you could be not. You might just tell the truth as a joke. They don't know. But don't do that. Also, sarcasm can be touchy, but not extra hurtful, just like sarcasm and as I talked about above in the "attacking" parts, the point is not to hurt their feelings but to mutually laugh.

Manipulating women and people in general by pretending you aren't interested works. It's not the only way, but it's a way.

Not showing her attention can make her want your attention, the hard to get thing, but you have to catch her interest first. That's why being cold and detached a bit works, better some cold indifference than desperation. For example: you want to demonstrate something but use someone else instead of her, like sitting on the bench and what to demonstrate is how 2 people sitting on the bench talking to each other work, maybe making a funny reference on how 2 people talked at one point.

Another example: I saw a TikTok with a part from a movie that went something like this - "there is a woman in a room with 10 men, and all 10 men are telling her how beautiful she is, how amazing she is, and they are lighting her ciggarette, buy her drinks, treating her like gold. Then walks the 11th man, takes one look at her and says "hey, how are you doing?" then turns his back on her and starts talking to his boys. That's the guy she wants to be with. The 11th men". The protagonist says that it's because "women don't want nice, they don't want real, they don't want to be treated well, not a first". But I think the real reason is sometimes people want to be treated like a normal person, on equal grounds, not like a goddess.

With quote unquote "equal rights", like you would treat one of the boys that you want nothing special from. Not like a jerk, but not going out of your way to do things for her. And see how the relationship goes from there. They don't want to be put on a pedestal because it makes them feel alienated and of course they like her for her beauty (since that's the only reason they would treat her like that without knowing her), but treated like a normal person which makes them feel included because there's that authenticity there and not a desire to please and not getting special treatment because of your looks. It makes them feel like a human not an object of desire.

OK, SO WITH EQUAL RIGHTS OUT OF THE WAY, WHAT MAKES THINGS FUNNY - BENIGN VIOLATION:

When it comes to being funny, there are multiple ways of being funny, don't focus on only one type of humor because that quickly gets repetitive.

Humor is a skill that can be learned, humor also requires hit and miss, because your jokes may not be funny all the time but that's no incentive not to keep going, practice makes perfect.

Exaggeration is one of the most common types of humor, you take an observation about something and you exaggerate it way out of proportions. The more absurd the comparison, the funnier it usually is. Like: "I literally grew this beard waiting for you".

Misdirection is another extremly common type of humor, it's when you make a connection that nobody expects. The conversation is going one way and all of a sudden you twist it to everyone's surprise. "You ever got that moment when you have a chill night without the worry of tomorrow? me neither".

Storytelling, stories are great because you can hold the punchline all the way to the end, people usually never see it coming because they're so focused on the actual story. The easiest stories that can enduce humor are embarassing or absurd stories.

Teasing is an extremly effecitve form of humor that has to be used very carefully, basically you point something out about a person and you make fun of it. Like: "Look, not even animals like you" or "Don't worry about failing in life, you have options, there's always room to work as a janitor" or "You're so skinny that if someone tries to shoot me and you stand in front of me, I get shot and you don't". If someone teases you, you can even continue the tease by pretending to agree with them like "oh, look, you're already upset", "you have block".

Or twist their words into something negative for them/positive for you leading to a back and forth exchange, like "you are so unused to work your hands are so soft if you apply cream it's the cream that gets cleaner", "said the one with hands smaller than the size of the cream box, you can fit your whole hand in that box" or "you know I'm always right", "even a broken clock is right twice a day" or "I wouldn't have done that if I were you", "You wouldn't have done many things if you were me", "Yeah, I wouldn't have done the things that you regret", "I don't regret being succesful", "If that's what you call succes, I had failures better than your success", "which might explain why you don't have my success" or "will you buy it for me?" or "buy it and I will pay it for you when I remember".

You have to be very careful about teasing people because it can easily come off as offensive. The key here is to have good intentions behind the joke. If you say something with the intentions to offend someone they will be offended. The point of teasing should be to laugh, to have a laugh with each other, not to make the other person feel bad. When done with that intention in mind, it's easier to make it right.

A tease that devalues her but in a jokingly way without making it too personal. Non-serious ironic discussions. In simple terms, teasing is taking one small flaw or misdeed and exaggerating it. Teasing is also about a funny way of looking at the world. Teasing are fun and light-hearted and you're just kidding.

You also want to make sure you built a certain level of comfort with the person before making a joke like this. And for the daring that want to skip this step, don't expect it to work every single time.

To counter the teasing, you can give reassurance to people or compliments. "eh, I know you are going to handle it, I make fun of you while I still can" or "nice headphones, where do you have them from?". It helps them understand you have good intentions, to laugh with each other, and the teasing are just jokes.

Sarcasm is a type of humor that is less commonly appreciate by people, but those who love it really love it. It's when you say something that is obviously the opposite of what you're thinking, like: it's raining and you're cought in the rain, "nice weather, isn't it?" or "I didn't finish reading the book", "oh, I expected you would have read it all by now".

Puns, words that sound like but have different meanings, like "I'd tell you a chemestry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction" or "Elsa gave the cold shoulder to her sister, Anna". Puns are usually harder to get a laugher than other forms of humor because most of the time they're gonna fly over everyone's head. But people who like puns love puns. The key when it comes to using puns is to use them very sparingly, as the can get old very fast.

Roleplaying is a great type of humor, because it's extremly hard to pull off. And it's just absurd and hillarious in its own way. Roleplaying is when you are pretending to be someone else and the other person plays the role. For example, when someone locks you out of the house, you could say "the police, open up!". Roleplaying is hard to pull off because not everyone is going to get it. The key with roleplaying is to always stay in character, if you keep at it with enough persereverence people usually get what you're trying to do.

In terms of improving the delivery of your humor, don't be the first one to laugh at your own joke. Smile, but don't be the first one to laugh. Being funny is all about catching the audience off-guard, when you laugh first you ruin the surprise. Don't have only one type of humor that you constantly fall back on, not all people get all types of humor, when you notice that a certain type of humor is failing you have to try something else.

The essence of jokes is to have fun, a common mistake people make when they are trying to be funny is that they try so hard or care so much about being funny that they actually adopt a nervous body language. When you have a nervous body language, everyone around you feels a little bit more tense. You're portraying with your body that something is wrong and this makes it very hard to tell a joke or come off as funny because in order to be funny you have to be in a relaxed state so everyone around you can tell that the vibe is calm and cool. In order to present proper body langauge for humor, slow down your speech, don't fidget that much and open up your body. Portray a calm and confident body langauge as well as tonality.

One constant truth in jokes, even for professionals, is that not everyone is going to find each and everyone of your jokes as funny. Your jokes are going to be hit or miss, and the key here is to maintain composure even when you miss, nobody is going to notice the misses unless you put a lot of attention on them. Keep calm and carry on.

The same type of humor is not for everyone, different people find different things funny. And when it comes to jokes that could potentially be offensive, only make fun of a trait that is not so bothersome. You make fun of a feature that is not so deranging.

Some light forms of making fun of someone is just nagging them.

For example: If an animal runs away from them "look, not even animals like you" or "don't worry about failing in life, you have options, there's always room to work as a janitor" or "you're so skinny that if someone tries to shoot me and you stand in front of me, I get shot and you don't". Or "you look like a zombie" if they have something on their face or are very tired. Or even sarcastically say "thank you for the support" when it's clearly not the case, and if they tell that to you "always, you know that you can always count on me", "I appreciate it".

Teasing, is saying something bad about them but you have to say it with conviction and it has to be indirect, it has to be creative. Bonus point if its based on something true, like a small flaw of theirs. As long as they are not insecure about it.

What I mean by indirect is that you can't go around and say "you're stupid", that's being insulting not playfully teasing. You have to be creative, to imply the conclusion in one way or another, like "I just got this job!", "are they that desperate?".

Even if the sarcasm is taken out of context or completely understood as serious, those things could be not offensive if you're close with that other person. Deranging and dislikeable? yes. Nobody likes to hear that animals don't like them, that they will fail in life, that they are so skinny or that they look like a zombie. But offensive? no. They will dislike that little nagging, but it's hard to be offended because someone says animals don't like you, to be offended it has to be something personal.

If someone is insecure about something, you can turn the tease around tease them for being so insecure about that thing, acting like it's not a big deal. This has the purpose to comfort people about something they are insecure about.

Bantering on the other hand, is just teasing with a 2-way street. Having back & fourth pride exchange on the road. The regular teasing. While also making it clear you're cool with it. You are both trying to get the upper hand on each other, trying to "prove" that you are doing better and the other person worse. It's a friendly competition, like two baby lions fighting.

Making scare jokes can be a form of teasing. Teasing can also imply pushing some boundaries: "you can stop [doing something inconvenient] now, it's okay", "but you didn't stay for [something else]", so you push some boundaries, but you have to make sure the other person is cool with it based on their tone and general attitude. If they laugh when saying "you can stop [doing something inconvenient] now, it's okay" it means they are going with the joke, if they are serious do actually stop. Most of communication is non-verbal, so be aware of the socal clues.

You can also tease by exaggerating various things about them or the enviroment. If something is bad, make it even worse than it is. For example, if they are very cold you can say: "we are here in Siberia, there is no show yet but it's very cold, as you can see [pointing out to her being cold], keep freeing, we are going to equip ourselves for this very cold weather [gives her your jacket]". And if she says "goodbye" or "leave me alone" but laughs, keep doing it, you push some boundaries and show defiance but it's actually in good spirit because she laughs. As I said, most of communication is non-verbal.

Or another example of making things worse than they are, if it's raining outside and they are very wet, you can say "how are you doing [her name], do you want to come here again?" and now she could banter by teasing you back "no, not with you" and you can reply "but it's my fault that it started raining?". And then be like "go, go, go". Just say what you think and see what it comes to mind. If you have an opinion about something, say what it comes to mind, as restricting yourself too much might actually be the reason why you can't pull it off and are closed up in yourself.

The most funny thing is the narrative. How is said and what is said, rather than the most devastating insult possible, it's teasing not a roast. That's why things like when it's raining outside and she's cold asking her "how are you doing [her name], do you want to come here again?/do you like it here?" can be so funny, you're not saying anything too offensive or insulting, you're poking fun at her for being cold.

It's about building a frame, because it's funny, not stating it outright but letting the conclusion be formed, the conclusion in that case being that you're poking fun at her for being too cold, but you don't outright say "haha, haha, you're too cold" but imply it with other words. Teasing is basically playing with them.

You can also tease them by challenging them. Like literally challenging them to a game to decide which person is going to do or not do a certain thing you don't want. Or by pretending to give them something then slowly pull it off away. There is a bit of defiance in these games.

I can't tell for sure, but I think teasing works best with a mindset. And I think the mindset for it is don't be serious, a light feeling of superiority, a willingness to make fun of them and contradict them, to disqualify them, to be honest whether something was amazing or lame, and the desire to be caring, to be attentive.

Like: even if I have this great sense of independence, I'm still very attentive towards you. But you are not above making fun of them and disqualify them in various aspects, but not aspects they could be insecure about. And remember that most of communication is non-verbal. It's all good natured, good spirits, that how affective teasing is supposed to be.

How can you make sure that you don't disqualify or downplay them in aspects they care about? By following a few simple rules:

- Stay away from things that are permanent: things like their face - nobody likes being made fun of their face, it's not like they can change their face. Things like their weight - it's not permanent, but it's very difficult to change, so you might as well consider it permanent. Things like their long habbits - such as smoking, don't make fun of someone for being a smoker, chances are they may be trying to quit, in general, it's like the weight, not permanent but not that easy to change. However, you can make fun of them that with a cigar in their mouth they look like [X] or making a stereotype out of them "are you one of those types who (...)".

- Stay away from things that they are insecure about, that they would lose face if exposed. Because they may be considered offensive regadless whether or not it's a joke: Like someone is missing a teeth, don't make fun of that, they are very insecure about it, they don't like it and will be upset no matter the joke. Like someone having an implant or something or being very insecure about a part of their body. Again, these things are sort of permanent so it's not like it's something they can change.

- And be honest, if there is something you don't like say you don't like it. Honesty will be appreciated and will make the compliments seem more genuine.

- What to do instead? shoot with blind bullets. Instead, make fun of things that: they don't care about, clearly not true, or temporary / momentarily.

- They don't care about: If someone doesn't care about being a fast, you can make fun all day about how slow they are and they won't be upset about it, because they don't care about it. If someone doesn't care about their cooking skills, you can make fun of their cooking skills all day and they won't be offended, as they don't care about it.

- Clearly not true: If a person is very skinny and not insecure at all about their weight, you can make fun of them for gaining some weight. They will not be insecure and therefore upset about it becuase they know this is clearly not true. On the other hand, if you would make the same weight joke with a fat person, they will be upset / offended about it since they are insecure about it. Just as above with cooking, if someone is a very good cook and you clearly enjoy eating what they made, you can make fun all day about how bad the food is or how afraid you are to eat it, since this is clearly not true. You can make fun of a skinny person for being too fat, of an A+ student for being a failure after a B, etc.

- The clearly not true optionally also implies / requests a level of trust between people: Such as making racist jokes with your friends, it's only funny becuase you know that person is not racist. Sometimes when it's about people but not about skills or events. Or making jokes about cheating or meeting other people with your lover. If the trust between you is high enough for them to consider that this is clearly not true, you can make cheating jokes all you like, they will not be upset / offended because they are not insecure about it. So it still goes back to whether there's insecurity or not.

- This "clearly not true" also explains why reputation and personal relationship is important in teasing: You can't tell right away whether a tease is a joke or not. So you need to get to know a person a bit to determine whether that teasing is probably a joke or not. By determining the kind of person they are. This works in 2 ways: with your personal relationship with them, the more you know a person the more of their true colors they will show, also the more you know a person the more comfortable and open you can be around them. And with reputation, which is basically like "review from others", others review their personal relation with that person in the form of reputation. Reputation can be important, if you are known as a joker, someone who makes fun often, a lot of what you say can be easily labeled as "clearly not true" by people around you, since that's how you are. On the other hand, if people don't know you as a funny person or someone who is generally joking around, you may attempt to be funny and be taken seriously simply because people don't expect you to be funny, that's not how they're used to you.

- So if sometimes your joke doens't deliver, it may have to do with your reputation within that certain enviroment. As much as it has to do with the attitude in your delivery as well as the severity and humor of the joke itself. Take the "PewDiePie is a nazi" controversy from a few years ago, a lot of people didn't understood the joke simply because they didn't expect PewDiePie to be a comedian. Their viewers knew this, but the people who watched him one and wrote that article weren't his constant viewers. Just some guys who saw him once, took him out of context, and didn't expect him to be joking because they don't know that that man jokes all the time, so they took him out of context. Is this dumb? I'd argue yes. You don't have to have a "comedian" badge to determine whether a joke is funny or not, or whether something is serious or not, context regardless of the person involved should be enough. But apparently, not all people are like that, so it is what it is. And you have to "play by these rules of reputation" otherwise you risk getting into PewDiePie's situation sometimes where people don't know you are joking simply because they don't expect you to be joking. They don't expect you as a person to be the type of person who jokes all the time. PewDiePie's example was an extreme case, but I hope it helps get the point across.

- If people know you as a joker, they are more likely to consider your jokes, jokes. If someone doesn't get it, and has a chance to take you seriously, you can simply say "I'm kidding" to make things clear. This is so good that sometimes you may really say the truth and be it considered a joke. Exactly because of this joker reputation effect. Especially when people know you as a joker, you can say things for real and people will believe you make fun of them. And, on the other side of the coin, you can be serious while joking.

For example: If you're really going to a [funny thing, unusual: classical music; not country or pop, as these are usual] concert, you can tell your parents you're doing that and they won't take you seriously. But if they know you as a kid who doesn't joke around, they're reaction might be "what are you doing there?". And on the other side, if you really think someone has an ugly T-shirt, you can tell them how ugly that T-shirt is "that T-shirt looks like [....]" and they will laugh at it and consider it a joke, but you may be serious. So yeah, reputation in joking is important, as absrud as it sounds. If you're not known as a joker in a certain enviroment, start with small jokes until people get the hang of it and laugh, if someone doesn't get it you can say "I'm kidding", if they still don't laugh it means the joke wasn't funny rather than they thought you are serious and speaking for real. After people get used to laughing at your small jokes, and start to develop a reputation as a joker, you can go for even more bold or daring jokes, as now you will have a decreased chance of being taken seriously.

- The "epitomy" of this is when boys insult each other about everything but nobody is offended / upset because nobody takes it seriously but as a joke. Now, with girls you will probably not reach such epitomy since girls are usually less exposed to this kind of "sheet talk" and more conscious of themselves, but you can still reach pretty high heights that you couldn't if you didn't have a reputation as a joker and had the risk of people taking you seriously. If you happen to misjudge, just say "I'm kidding" and move on. Mostly, don't do personal jokes, about themselves, with girls. And when you do, make sure it's something light about themselves. Not implying that they are stupid or ugly or things they would be insecure about. You can imply that they are bossy or a bad person or taking advantage of you some other moral drawback who is not that personal. Or unskilled at something or taking advantage of someone else.

- Something indirect, not outright saying it "you're bossy" but implying it with other words "could you give me a break, m'am?" or "after I'm done with this will I get my minimum Amazon wage?" or "yes boss, you're the master" or "yes princess, your wish is a desire for me" in a sarcastic tone. If you have a reputation as a joker you can get away with many, but calling them stupid or ugly is probably not going to be one of them, since they aren't used to as much trash talk as the guys and will get offended / upset regardless whether it's a joke or not. It's a big flaw for them and they are a lot more insecure about being ugly or stupid than men are. I'm not saying there aren't exceptions, there are exceptions everywhere, but I'm talking about the general tendency here.

- You can make fun of the way they behave or of something they do or even of something they wear. As long as they understood that it's a joke, and you kind of have a reputation for a joker. And you do it light, keeping their feelings in mind. Now, their feelings can be "attacked" a bit, nobody says to treat them with gloves, they can be offended a bit, stinged by a bee. All humor and teasing is that, you can't make fun of them for being bossy or cold without implying they are bossy or cold so there is something a bit offensive there too, so there is a bit of wickedness too but not really as it's not serious. The point is not to hurt their feelings, the point is to amuse them and be amused yourself. So the point is not to treat them with gloves but to not make fun of things that they will be upset / insecure about. Like, you make fun of them for being a bad cook. Clearly offensive! they don't know how to cook, but if they don't care about being a good cook, it's not a big deal for them, how offensive is it really? a bit, like being stinged by a bee, but not to the point where you're insecure about.

- A lot of humor is simply by comparison. You can probably see there is a theme of "you look like" or "you sound like" in all of my examples. And well, that's kind of how humor is. Comparisons, associations, breaking expectations. Weird things that make no sense, like a priest in rapper's clothes. But again, given the insecure and personal relationship example, if you do this joke about a priest in rapper's clothes to a very religious person, they are probably not going to find it funny, they are not going to be amused by it, but they are going to be offended by it since it violates one of their core values, and not a bit offended like a bee's sting but a lot of offended like upset. By the way, surprisingly, once you build enough reputation as a joker and maybe have a close relationship, the B-word is okay as long as you don't say it but imply it, I've seen plenty of women positively responding to that and being amused. Mainly because it's not such a bad moral flaw to some of them, it's like being bossy in some way or having standards. It's like saying "you're such a Karen".

- Until you build that reputation you can start with small jokes and gardually escalate. Or quickly escalate, depending on the enviroment, people your age or someone you have to be more formal with. You can see how many things you can afford to do or say when people consider it as a joke and don't take you seriously.

- Exaggerate it to ridiculousness: Similar to clearly not true, you can make something clearly not true by exaggerating it to ridiculousness, like "I literally grew a beard waiting for you". A lot of humor is exaggerations, sarcasm and things that clearly make no sense. The more absurd something is, the better. Also, the more specific something is, also the better, which is why stereotypes can be funny.

- Temporary / momentarily: This is an exception to the permanent things they are insecure about, if they have something on their face or just woke up very early. You can absolutely make fun of them "you look like [X]" since that is not their real face, it's just how they are in the moment.

- You can also make fun of something that happened in the moment. Or make fun of them for something that happened in the moment. If they feel and tripped, you can tease them about it. Just don't exaggerate with it by overdoing it.

- Appeal to manners: People are supposed to be nice and helpful, you can make fun of them by asking them nicely to do something they might otherwise not want to do, especially when they are around relative strangers and they have to behave, people are supposed to do stuff like that so they are supposed to do it to save face, even when otherwise they might not want it.

- Appeal to morality: You can make fun of them by implying they are a bad person for various things, find various loopholes and exploit them. For "not doing the right thing".

- Appeal to personal wickedness: You can make fun of someone else by going out of your way to be crude in a sarcastic way. Only do it with the other person if they can take it, if they are the type of person that can enjoy a personal offensive tease like that. Otherwise, you can do it about someone else when you are with them. It's not being evil, it's simulating wickedness, if anything it shows that you are aware of the bad of the people but still like them. Or point out the obvious that everybody is thinking but nobody saying.

You can also tease by jokingly prasing yourself, not saying "I'm so great" but "that's what it means to be a boss", praising yourself in some indirect way, with subtext. And of course, praising yourself about non-serious minor things, so that they won't think you're an arrogant or bragger.

Can you see the dynamics? It has a lot to do with reputation, whether you have a joker reputation or not. Becuase if you are, you can afford to say more things and be taken as a joke than otherwise. If you don't, start with small jokes and slowly build up your jokes reputation. In that point, you can afford make more bold or dating jokes and they will be considered as "clearly not true" because of your joker reputation. And if it ever fails and you're off the point, just say "I'm kidding" to make it clear it's a joke. A lot of jokes is really just comparison "you look like" or "you sound like" or making stereotypes out of them. In a joke it matters: your reputation (PewDiePie's example), the delivery and the attitude of the joke, and how severe and funny the joke was. If the jokes was very funny, it can be "forgiven" even if it was too severe and even by the people who normally don't take these kinds of jokes well. If a joke was too severe as pointed in the begining: about something permanent or about something they would be insecure about, it's not a good joke, and most of the time people will be offended, like big offended really upset not small offended like a bee's sting.

Now, if people get offended or upset once in a while for you made fun of something they are insecure about, it's not really a big thing. They will get over it and forget it. Apologise and say you won't do it again. It's not the end of the world. Don't get all defensive and low about it, yes, you made a bad joke, and you are sorry and you will make up for it. Keep up your attitude. You admit your mistake and consider it but still raise up above it. You don't get on your knees and beg or consider this the end of the relationship. It's not the end of the relationship if they get offended once or twice with a bad joke you made, people are usually understanding of this, that other people make mistakes. You say "I'm sorry, I didn't realise, I won't make fun of it in the future" and more on. Your purpose is to amuse not to upset other people. And yes, there is a bit of stingy 'attack' in teasing, like the bee's sting as I gave the example, but that stinging can be fun. There is a difference between that stinging 'attack' and a real big offensive teasing that would upset them and hurt their feelings in a bad way.

The reason I'm saying this "It's not the end of the world if you upset or offend someone once in a while" is because the 2021 culture has this idea that being offensive is bad, always bad. It's not. Being offended can be a signal of alarm for yourself, that something is not right there. If you hear a contradictory opinion and are offended by it, that says more about you than the contradictory opinion. And I'm not even saying a personal insult, but someone says "earth is flat/round" and you get offended by it. You get offended either because you have difficulty accepting new information, and being offended is the body's defense mechanism, so "no, earth is not round because I find that offensive, it hurts my feelings". Or you get offended because you have difficulty realising and accepting that other people have different points of view, and you have difficulty accepting them and engaging with them, like "ok, they believe the earth is flat, they are clearly wrong, but it is what they think and there's nothing I can do about it, best I can do is have a conversation about it". Either way, not accepting new information, or having difficulties engaging with and accepting people have different opinions, getting offended is a problem within yourself. It's the body's defense mechanism to protect you from that "hurtful information", that people may have different points of view or you might be wrong.

We get offended all the time, learning involves a bit of offended. You get offended when you don't know something, you get offended when you're proven wrong, you get offended when you're being made fun of. But there's a lot you can learn about yourself and about those things in those situations that could help you. Since the "being offended" is just the body's way of protecting you from "hurtful information" that you can't accept, like being made fun of, or being wrong. You get offended when you don't know something, but wait until you know something that happens to be wrong and have to adjust your view, boy you will get offended there, if not outright ressistant and shutting yourself down to it. You know who gets offended all the time? Karens. They get offended all the time, and are also some of the most inflexible people on Earth, coincidence? I think not. So yeah, all this talk about being offensive, being offended being a bad thing, it's toxic and it's wrong, it's not always bad. If you were never offended you would never be challenged.

If you would never be challenged you will never grow. Like Karen. So, if they tell you, aplogize and get up from it. They will obviously dislike it, but they won't be that broken or "I'm never going to talk to you again" kind of thing.

What are people insecure about? and try to comfort that thing. It makes them feel validated. It makes them feel good. Triangulation with kindness.
Reassure them. Reassert them. And they are yours.

FUN:

WHAT IS COOL - APPROPIATE BUT DIFFERENT:

DRK HOW TO BE FUN PART:

HOW TO BE A COOL GUY FOR HER:

CLOSING THOUGHTS:

THE SIMP IDEA, DOES OR DOESN'T WORK:

RAJ'S ART OF SEDUCTION SUMMARY:

SOME OLD BELIEFS ABOUT MEN & WOMEN:

HOW TO GET ALONG IN SPITE OF YOUR DIFFERENCES & SOLVE CONFLICT:

A FEW SCATTERED BELIEFS:

RAJ'S ART OF SECUDTION:

GREENE'S ART OF SEDUCTION:
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Apothecary
 
  0  
Reply Sat 18 Feb, 2023 11:17 am
@Apothecary,
Part 12 (after the "and try to comfort that thing", charm, good looks and good chemistry, we tend to like similar people, the chad experience 5dc)

THE IMPORTANCE OF LOOKS:

I think looks are the most important thing in a relationship. But I think that as you age up other things become more important as well, not more important than looks, but more important than they previously were, like money & status.

I mean, when you're 18 - 22 it's all about looks. Afterwards, you start to look a little bit more in the financial side. Afterwards, you start to look a bit more what kind of man/woman they are, do they have willpower? will they make a good mother/father etc? Looks is still king, but the more you age up, the more you start considering other things too.

I've seen my share of women in their 30s who think that education and income are what makes men attracted to them. This is 0% the case. I've seen a woman once, she was very ugly not going to lie, but she had the expectancies of a 10. Why? Because according to her "I'm a 10, I have a well paying job, I have a good career, I'm a 10". Yeah, no man will ever look at you like that. Your best qualification is a sugar mommy but that's it. She couldn't get any dates and she wondered why, in spite of being a 10.

Sorry for being harsh, but that's the reality. There's no point beliving your stories if they don't give you any results. You can imagine you're a 10 as much as you want, but other people won't act like it, and you're still going to wonder why you're still single or one night stands at best. There's no use to believe a lie, you only hurt yourself.

I heard a lot of women & men who complain that "all women/men are X". In my opinion, if you feel like you end up in toxic relationships over and over, it might be worth considering if there's some behaviour on your part that takes you there.

No one purposely goes around picking people that will be abusive to them, they do it subconsciosuly. We tend to form our views about the ideal man and ideal woman from our father & mother. If they are not that ideal, well, that's what we think the ideal man and woman would be. This translate into the ideal self and ideal partner. This is why women keep being with abusive men. A lot of women, wouldn't have invited/accepted abusive men in the first place, and would have dumped him with the first occasion of red flag/cheating. But because she grew up in a bad enviroment, she was conditioned to believe that thing is okay.

And, well yes, she did select them. We only accept the love we think we deserve. Do you think all her life she was only approached by abusive men? no, but she only gave the most attention to those men because there was something from them that resonated within her.

Same works for men who always hit on "crazy women". Not all women are crazy, but if that's all you hit on, you already know whose fault is that by now.

There's a lot of talk of alpha & beta nowdays...

And there's this emphasis in the pills to "be an alpha", but I say? why not both? A balanced man is both an alpha and a beta at the same time in my opinion, as far as the stereotype goes. Alphafuxx and betabuxx? How about, be the alpha and the beta at the same time. A beta doing the same thing wouldn't have had the same effect. But because he's an alpha it works. What I mean by alpha is in terms of looks, good looking. tall, muscular, handsome, as is said. (yes, I'm aware height is genetic but you can work on the others to have "good genes")

So, be the alpha and the beta at the same time. The sensitvity and care of the beta combined with the strength and the good looks of the alpha is probably what every woman wants. Someone to care for them and protect them while being this strong and masculine and loveable man.

The easiest way to get social value is to get good looking. Second place is charisma. Which includes teasing but also others concerning your behavior. Such as alpha and beta behaviors for that.

I don't think the alpha and beta concepts are necessarily true, but are worth exploring. Something are partially true, women do like "dominance" but none of that agressive alpha male ugga bugga bs. And women don't like the indicisiveness and fearfulness of the beta but appreciate the good heart and kind connection. So an alpha physically but a beta emotionally I guess?

Seem quite the opposite, they seem to be shocked by you not acting like them.

I'm in my 20s but I have a theory, it's not science of everything, just makes sense to me.... it's about biases.

You know how men say "all women want money" and women say "all men are pigs". Possibly the most negative stereotypes about men & women. Meaning each are shallow in their own way. And how I said previously that there are people who make themselves a target for those people, literally a big "PICK ME", by only selecting for those people, you're being a target for those people by only being attracted to those people.

I don't have a woman's experience, so I'll tell you the selection biases of a man's experience, how a man could come to the realisation that "all women are ....." out of entierly his own fault:

For men, the most imporant things in a woman are:

attractive (goes without saying)

purity (low partner count, never cheated, never took drugs, no tattoos, not lazy, not entitled, no children, no social media vanity, mongamous, likely to commit, no going out alone at clubs, financially independent, good relationship with parents)

young (less relevant right now but worth mentioning)


Let's imagine we have a graph and rate looks & purity on a scale from 1 to 10. All women would be spread evenly.

But then... bias comes into play, schewing perception:

1. Serial daters - "women date multiple men and always have 1 guy on the sideline in the friendzone".

Let's say you have 2 women and 10 men. One of those 2 women 1 is a serial dater. She is going to date 9 people, while 1 woman would go with 1 man. How many guys are going to have the experience of "I dated this exact same woman?" 9. How many women were there in total? 2. So the real number was 50%, but the impression that guys get is that 90% of women are going to be serial daters, because 90% of guys had this experience. But that was only because that other 1 woman was closed off with that other guy so she wasn't available to them. New guys are also going to compete with the serial dater and not with the taken woman. Simply put, the serial dater takes a broader share of the "market" so she appears more numerous and relevant than she actually is.

Therefore, it appears to them - there are a lot more women with less purity than there actually are, there are a lot less women with high purity than there actually are.

2. High standards/Selection Bias - "all the good women are gone"

Let's again say we have this scale from 1 to 10 in with women in terms of attraction & purity spread evenly. Out of these women, let's say 50% are going to have lower standards, and 50% are going to have higher standards. What happens to lower standards women? they get into relationships more easily. So they are very quick to be taken. Especially the ones above 5 in terms of attraction. So then only the above 5 high standards and below 5 all standards women are left. Attractive women with low standards is like an amazing house at a very low price that the seller is willing to sell fast. It won't stay on the market very long. In the case of this metaphor they won't last on the house buying website very long, they're just too good of a deal not to be taken.

Out of all these above 5 in terms of attraction with low standards women, the ones with low purity are more likely to break up (increased chances of cheating, high promiscuity, etc). So they come back on the market. What does this means? Women with high purity are not only more likely to be in relationships in the first place, but they are also more likely to stay in relationships. So what we are left is this dating poll where all the highly attractive, high purity women left are also women with high standards. Because those are the ones who didn't make it into a relationship yet.

Therefore, it appears to them - all good women have high standards, all attractive and purity women have high standards.

3. Age bias/Survivorship bias - "all the good women are gone in their earlier years"

Let's say women enter the dating scene at 15 - 18 years old. The vast majority of them are high purity at that point, and most of them are attractive at that point. There are many highly attractive high purity women at that point. But as time advances, those women slowly get taken and marry. There is also aging. Leaving guys in the 30s with less desireable women.

I think at 25 it's evenly distributed and at 30+ it's only downhill from there. You can find plenty of online posts even here on PerC with +30 guys compalining that the dating market is full of single moms at that point.

This is why I think it's best to get a good relationship in your early 20s. It's only downway from there, the good ones get taken.

Men are encouraged to work on their fitness, finance, health and happiness in their early 20s and only think about dating later, but I think it's equally important if not more important to go for dating in your early 20s when the dating market is relatively good.

4. Simply bad strategy on the man's part - using low purity bait and expecting high purity woman.

Lots of men, want a relationship, but at the same time, ask women to go to their home first. For something casual. This is equally true of guys who really want something casual and guys who actually want to commit.

The issue is that if you do that you're 100% guaranteed only to attract low purity women. Because what would the high purity women say if you ask them to go to your home first? no. They are going to say no, that's why they are high purity. And that's why you are single and only find "bad women". Or end up with "bad" women.

Instead of asking them to go to your home first, if you really want a relationship, ask them for coffe. You're more likely to find high purity women there who would accept this.

If you would ask for coffe instead of going to your place, you're going to have equally high purity and low purity women accepting the offer I think. Because I don't think a low purity woman would also not say no to coffe, and from them you can filter using red flags to see who is actually high purity and not.

I think this creating your own selection bias also works in reverse. Like men giving f***boy vibes and such and being shocked by the results.

Like having pictures with:

other women

shirtless body gym

pictures of them smoking

pictures of wealth


Instead of for example:

a picture of them with a dog

a picture of them in a plain new T-shirt with nothing special about them

a picture with your hobby

a picture playing violin

a picture playing chess


Who is the pictures with other women, shirtless body gym, pictures of them smoking, pictures of wealth going to attract? low purity women.

Who is the pictures with the dog or the pictures with them with a plain new T-shirt and nothing special going on in the background going to attract? high purity women.

Women who want to commit, women who want something special, so to speak. Or even if you have a hobby, a picture with a violin or playing chess, who is it going to attract? it's like being a niche market for your own audience.

If you want something deep, you're not going to find it by being shallow.

A woman who only goes for f***boys is not going to go for a man playing a violin or playing chess in his pictures unless he's extremely attractive like 9/10.

On the other hand, women are going to see the personality of this man and like more his personality. By the way, you don't have to be "nerdy looking" to play violin and play chess. If you are "nerdy looking" that's another issue in itself not related to that. You can be average looking and do that.

So much like the women getting with physically and mentally abusive men, they are creating their own selection bias and then complain about the results.

And it's not even their fault because people do that without realising.

DECADENCE:

In history, decadence is when a society turns corrupt in time. But there is a specific way this happens, the rise of decadence.

The rise of decadence happens in comfortable societies where they already got everything they want.

They no longer strive to be the best.

There's this theory of a 3 part structure of civilizations: barbarism, civilizaiton, decadence.

When they are barbarian they are strong, they have almost nothing but breed warriors for combat, to be the best of the best, they are ready.

Then, because of those qualities they end up winning and beat old civilizations, becoming the new civilization instead.

After a while, since they have everything they want, they become corrupt, decadent, no longer strying to be the best but to indulge as much as possible.

And so they become the next civilization in line to fail.

The Spartans always kept their society simple and plain. They didn't want to expand, their whole "domain" was the Peloponese peninsula, they only bred warriors and that's it, they only wished for the best warriors.

The Romans managed to survive so long because they would always change their upper classes. They founded Rome, had 7 kings, became decandent, killed them and replaced them with new elites. Had the Roman republic, expanded, became decadent, killed them and replaced them with new elites. Had the Empire, and so on until the mess of the 3rd century where the elites were just too hard to be replaced but the contrast between east and west at that time was clear.

So, as they achieved their goal and got everything they want, they became decadent no longer striving to be the best but to enjoy everything they've had. They had another source of motivation.

And your sources of motivation are important. If you have 2 sources of motivation: playing video games and being the best at your job, which one are you going to pick? Sometimes reducing a source of motivation can be beneficial to you, not to become decadent (as in lazy).

Lazy/decadent people don't lack ambition or motivaiton, their ambition and motivation is just somewhere else, to get that loot gear or make the best raid, not to be the best in class.

An ambitious student can easily to things like that to become the best:

Seek the schedule, go to class, and pay attention.

Take notes from their colleagues and learn.

Be the best.

Impress people with your looks and body. If you want respect, you have to look respectable.

Lack of decadence means striving for the best.

It's the mindset that really kills it all, the mindset of not wanting to be the best, but of hendonism, of wanting to enjoy life's pleasures, endlessly. And the test is really like a battle between a decadent society or a barbarian/civilized society.

THE ART OF FEMALE SEDUCTION FOR A DIAGNOSED SOCIOPATH:

From a video on Youtube, her name is Kanika.

My god, I couldn't stand being in the same room with this woman.

She probably has good intentions for a sociopath, high functioning, but I literally can't stand looking at her while watching the video, it's just.... off.

Maybe she's all mask off and that's why, the eyes man, I can't stand them, but if she really wanted to be charming I suppose she could manage to fake everything and I wouldn't feel such a strong dread just from looking at her, but find her the most perfect woman in the world.


Dress impecably (I cannot overstate how important this is)

When I walk into a place, I walk in like I own the place.

Have your shoulders rolled back. (otherwise makes you look lower value, like you're not very confident in yourself, it's very important to appeal)

If I want to talk to someone, I make myself somewht more welcoming so that the person doesn't think that I am going to go in and reject him right away.

Open body language expresses the desire to want to talk.

Never make the first move, undervalues you as a person, or as a woman. (a confident man will find a way to start a converastion with you)

Don't be dogmatic, don't be too agreeable, it shows a lack of assurance within yourself, that you cannot talk about a topic without being swayed immediately.

Talk about yourself very rarely, offer small bits of information.



People in general like to talk about themselves and that's a very important tool for you to use later.

The next phase, after flirting, is dating -> lovebombimg.

Lovebomb is not very intentional, but it is very powerful, give people compliments, attention, affection, the kind of love that they're looking for.

Read a person, tell what they are insecure about, what they wanted to be reassured about.

Lovebombing is a stage where you send messages, you call each other, that dopamine is through the roof.



False promises. Lavish vacantions, getting them into moddeling, the ego boost that they get from these keep them attached, it's such a powerful motivatior.

One you're past false promises, you need to start future faking. "We're going to get married, have kids, etc, tangeable plans"

Future faking gets people so invested and attached.


- The hot&cold game. (don't underestimate how powerful this is as a tool)

(It's like a supernova, once it burns brighter, it can burn colder after that, I suppose. You can be cold after you've been hot for a while to build up that dopamine).


When you start showing people the attention form the Lovebombing stage, they become very attuned to it.

You turn this off. They will be crawling desperately to you.

T

-

Wow, this just gets darker and darker.

BE THE BEST PERSON YOU CAN BE

Be the best person you can be. What does that mean to you?

Grow up. Be an adult. Do your job. And act like it.

Cut the crap. Bad parents who traumatized you? doesn't matter. You get no awards no points for being a "traumatized child", no one is going to come to you to give you money or awards for being traumatized. Victim of bullying or mugging? same thing. Take the time to mourn if it was recent, like less than a month, you deserve it. But after that? you still have to come back in into the world, and deal with the world, make your own living in the world, make your own work in the word.

What do you want? money, power, women, peace of mind, family, friends, good relationships, a more fit body? Whatever you want it's not going to come easy or fast. You got to be hardworking about it and you got to be smart about it. Because there is such thing as hardworking and dumb. Or lazy but smart. Both are useless, I would say the hardworking and dumb has an advantage over this because he at least does something. Working on 10% to 80% power is still better than working on 0% power, because saying "I'm lazy but smart" is like saying "I'm a Ferrari without wheels". Yeah, good for you, but you are no use to me, to yourself, or to anyone else. I can't drive a Ferrari without wheels, you can't drive Ferrari without wheels, nobody can Ferrari without wheels.

You are useless because you are lazy. So you better put your act to it and start working and be dilligent to get what you want. Or keep what you want only in dreams and fantasies. The kind of things you imagine 1 or 2 times a day to keep yourself sane because your life sucks. You are useless, that can cause either 1 of 2 things: cry, do something to stop being useless. It's your choice. Your choice, your responsability, your consequences.

You got to be dilligent and put your bone to it. Put your work to it.

It doesn't matter if mother/daddy treated you bad, it doesn't matter if you were bullied at school, it doesn't matter if you suck in real life at social skills, it doesn't matter whatever excuse you can think of. It doesn't matter if you are depressed and dont' feel like it.


Be dilligent and put your ass to it. In spite of how you feel.

And have a routine, build a routine, even if you don't feel like it, that's the secret of success - routine.


Because in this life we build habbits. Habbits are hard to create but auto-pilot flawlessly easy to maintain. So if you have bad habbits or good habbits I can already project what will happen with you in the next 10 - 20 years. If you continue to stay in this path with these habbits. You can probably do it too.

Cut the crap, cut the bad sources of motivation. Watching movies? it's fine, but watching movies too much while you're actually ambitious and want to do something else? cut the crap. Cut the movies 100%, if you can't show moderation in them don't have them at all. Let me repeat: if you can't show moderation in them don't have them at all. Find another source of motivation.

It's perfectly okay and acceptable to have a source of motivation or a source of relaxation. But 100% unacceptable to have a source of motivation that is in danger of becoming a habbit or a vice. Becuase then what are you going to do when you're about to work or want to work? why would you be motivated on working on that stuff when you already have the movies as a great source of fun and entertainment.

You don't feel like doing it? Do nothing. Seriously. If you have a job to do and you don't feel like doing it. Simply do nothing. Stay in bed. Don't watch TV, don't play video games. Eventually you will feel like doing it because your brain will give up since he can't find another source of motivation.

You don't owe anything to anyone and nobody owes anything to you, so it's up to you to make your own life. If you want to get stuff, you have to give something in return, it's a trade, always has been. Want a high paying job? you better have good skills and qualities. Want a hot girlfriend with a lot of qualities? you better be a hot boyfriend with a lot of qualities. Why do you think some people only attract women who loves them for their money? because they don't have anything to offer. They're not fun to be with, they are not hot, they can't joke, they don't have courage, they don't do lovebombing, etc.

The world doesn't owe you anything, and you don't owe anything to the world, it's a trade. Make sure you make good trades to get what you want.

You want a new gaming computer, recognition from the people? get your ass and work for it. Stop playing video games and wondering "what great my life would be if", yeah, but it isn't. Because you don't have the skills you imagine you have. You have the skills you have.

In life, we receive what we work for, not what we think we deserve. "Deserve" is such a subjective term. If you ask 100 people whether X deserves Y you're going to have 100 different asnwers. But if X worked to get Y then X has Y no matter who thinks he deserves it or not. This is why millionaires have money but nobody thinks they deserve it. They make good trades, and they don't care who deserve it.

So get your ass and work. Be an adult. And act like it. Ignore everything else.

No one is at fault for your current condition.

No one. Not your family, not your bully, not your ex, not your mugger, not your . No one but you. So get your ass and work if you want to make something of yourself and not be a loser.

Be dilligent and abstain yourself. Abstain yourself from temptation while working towards what you want. It's that simple.

You just have to master your body and mind. It's that simple.

"But my parents were bad", do you think your parents are going to suffer if you fail in life or you are going to suffer if you fail in life? well, you. So why the heck do you care if your parents were good or bad? just be an adult, take what you have, and deal with it.

Take what you have, and see how you can best use the resources you have available. It doesn't matter if your parents did X or Y, you and you alone are responsable for your own life. You are responasble for your own life.

But I am depressed. Well, if you would have worked towards improving your life such as going to the gym and getting more knowledge like in business or intra-social relationships you wouldn't be depressed.

You have a cause of depression: no job, no girlfriend, loss of a loved one, etc. Loss of a loved one is something temporary, it may take you 4-6 months but you'll eventually get over it. But if you can't constantly get up, that means the source of your depression is something you constantly want and are lacking. So how do you get something you constantly want and are lacking? by working for it.

By getting your ass to work. Do you think that if you have a 6-pack full of muscles and a great personality with a lot of charm and charisma and everybody would pay attention to you and a great job on a subject you are passionate about that you enjoy and is highly paying and you are really improtant at your job because you're really efficient and indisposable and evereybody appreciates you there and you get to travel, that you would be depressed?

No, you won't be depressed if only good things would happen to you. But you got to make them happen to you, that's the trick, they won't happen by themselves, you got to make them. That's why it's worth and pay to be dilligent and work your ass for it. To train your mind and body to ressist temptation and work towards what you want. It's that simple. It just takes time.

And effort. Effort in the form of struggle against temptation for what you want but know deep in your mind that is not good for you, and struggle in favor of working towards the things that you want because you know deep in your head that they are good for you, even if you don't feel like doing them. Courage to act, and courage not to act, that's what you need.

It's easy on paper, but harder in practice, because you feel those things. But you go to feel them and act in spite of feeling them. Act how you know best in spite of feeling them.

We got to busy feeling comfortable and that's why we suck. We think that "if we feel good = it's good". It doesn't work like that. Feeling good all the time can really suck your life.

Because if you feel good all the time, most of the time you're not doing anything good all the time, you're not doing anything in your favor all the time. So, get busy getting uncomfortable.

Get busy getting uncomfortable. Get busy growing.

And don't listen to anyone but yourself. Take advice from others, but you are the main driver, it's you the judge of whether that advice was good or bad, so ignore it or dismiss it or take it depending on what you think it right, how you feel things are, but feeling with your intuition not feeling "comfortable" because that's not the same thing, in this sense don't listen to anyone but yourself.

The irony of life is that often the easy path is the wrong one, and the hard path is the right one, the one that involves putting your ass to work and working for it and being dilligent. To form good habbits so that you eventually feel better about yourself but in healthy ways, feel accomplished and such.

It's like when you're driving a car, the passanger on the right seat tells you "it's clear on the right lane", do you listen to them or look yourself on the right lane? If you're a good driver, you look yourself on the right lane, you don't take the right seat passanger's word for it. Do the same with taking advice, take the advice but be the main driver, you judge the advice and accept it or ignore it and cut it off. Don't listen to anyone but yourself, you know best for yourself, you get to celebrate if you succeed, you get to suffer if you fall, they don't. They might not even care but just give advice for the sake of it.

So you be the judge for your own life, make your own decisions, and at the same time put your ass to work, because nobody else is going to put it for you.

It's a long journey but it's worth it. You will become accomplished, you will become important, you will do the things you want, you will meet your goals, you will be happy.

What if you have the wrong goal but don't know it? Still do those things. Because accomplishing the wrong goal and then figure out "this isn't what I want" beats 10 times not accomplishing any goal and being in the mud. If you've accomplished the wrong goal and figured out "this isn't what I want" you can change your goal and redirect, if you're in the mud you're still in the mud. It's much better to have 50% efficiency than 0% efficieny. So whatever you want to do it, do it, but above all, do something.

Become self-sufficient.

Cut the crap and deal with your own crap. Because no one else is going to do it for you. Be dilligent. Do stuff in your own life. Have a routine.

This is what I think it means to be the best person you can be. To Grow up. Be an adult. Do your job. And act like it.

Thank you for listening to my Ted Talk.

REASSURE:

Reassure people.

And being a great experience to be around.

"Read a person, tell what they are insecure about, what they wanted to be reassured about."

"the kind of love that they're looking for."

Agree with them - that's how you make you likeable.

RELATIONSHIPS ADVICE, ALSO FROM A SOCIOPATH:

The same one from before.


The first and most useful tactic is triangulation, this is second nature to sociopaths. Triangulation = divide & conquer.

Turning other people against this person, but in a very intimate setting. I would tell one particular person, what this person is saying about them. And to the other person I would be telling the same thing except vice-versa. Most of the time straight up lying, sometimes exaggerating. If you do have a morsel of truth in there, people will believe you. And that's where you get that perfect form of manipulation.

Once they are divided, you are number one.

There's a bonus to this too, you are going to look so good in the eyes of both of them.

Gaslighting, make you feel like you're crazy.

Question your own thoughts, whether you're actually told us something, whether you've actually felt something, whether something actually happened.

Charm. People don't seem to understand how strong charm is.

-

Charm according to her is like:

We are so nice to you, we are so nice, you're not going to want to let us down, why would you want to let us down?

Charm is just ridiculous. If you ever wonder, how did I ever get fooled by this person? it's because we were nice to you, and we made ourselves mirror everything you wanted to see.

Act of kindess.

This kind of carries on from charm. We'll make it look like we are going out of our way to help you in some way.

We may get you a gift, take you somewhere you want to go, and you don't have the means or access to do so.

We will show you so much generosity, but this generosity again is not real.

If it's easy for us to do we'll do it, it'll look like it's really hard, we'll make it look so difficult for us to do this.

For you? you're going to be like "wow, this person is incredible, I owe them". We get you in debt.

Because you feel guilt, and you feel empathy, and you feel bad that we've done so much for you and you've done nothing for us. So we can get you to do pretty much anything we want you to.

Because you feel indebted to our acts.

This kind of carries out as well into us being brandios, we will make promises that we can't keep, we will get you so exicted, so happy about something that may happen (spoiler: it won't).

That you feel like there's nothing you can't do for us.

The sociopathic charm is appearing everyone to be your friend. Making appearing everyone to be your friend.

25 THE SCIENCE OF DATING:

Well, people like to feel emotions, whether good or bad, we feel emotions, that's why we're hooked with emotions.

That is why, not only women but people in general (men who complain about these kinds of things just don't realise it applies to themselves too), would not prefer a guy who is boring and dull even though he is nice, but a guy who makes you feel all sort of things, even if sometimes he makes you feel good and sometimes he makes you feel bad, because he makes you feel emotions, and that's what we want at the end of the day, emotions.

We want that emotional variety. And for that, we are willing to tolerate the bad and even enjoy the bad, as long as there is good to compensate it.

That's why smoking and alcohool exist. Men complain about women not wanting nice and dull and boring men (the nice guy TM) but at the same time they don't fancy a salad.

Yeah, salad is good, it's healthy for you, but at the same time, there's not much there.

This is why teasing works and is a thing. Not only with lovers but with friends as well.

Isn't it weird the paradox of teasing? something that is supposed to make you feel bad makes you fell good? even insulting you makes you feel good?

Because at the end of the day you feel emotions, a mix of emotions, and that's what teasing is about. There's a mix there: you're either annoyed, ragerly desperate, angry that outplayed, humiliated, made fun of, etc, but it's also funny, it's also a pleasant feeling like "yeah, good one". You can't help but notice and laugh at the humor.

This is why teasing works, because there's some mix of emotions there, there's some bad and some good.

I would make the case that although very similar, teasing is not the same as bullying.

Teasing - must always have good intent behind them and the focus must be on being funny.

Bullying - it's outright cruel.

It or them, meaning the joke, must always have a good intent behind it, and the focus of it should always be on being funny, as funny as possible. Otherwise it's outright cruel. So it's not the same.

And I think this, call it "mix of emotions" theory if you will, explains a lot of the relationship dynamics.

5DC BFR AND AT:

Let me bullshit about personality with a post I've made a while ago about looks:

Quote:
Well - everybody loves the beauty of a good-looking person just as much as anyone else!

I don't think everyone only cares about how good-looking you are. I think everyone only cares mostly about how good-looking you are.

I think women are more comfortable with this idea, they know men mostly care about looks. It's what they expect, it's why they wear make-up, they know that a man will be attracted to your looks first before being attracted to your personality and the person you are. Sure, you can find someone with depth, but even they are going to care about looks on some level.

Before getting to personality, I think most women made peace with the idea that they have to go through looks. Society literally tells them this.

By contrast, it's men who have an issue with the fact that women care mostly about looks, because they did not expect this. They want women to care about personality, heck, even status, other things.

Because when a woman cares about looks she is "superficial". But when a man cares about looks he's just doing what a man is supposed to do. I think there are these double standards in society and they are the reason why men have a harder time to believe that yes women care about looks too.

Men probably can't stand the idea that women would first be attracted to your looks first before being attracted to your personality and the person you are. Why is this idea disgusting, but the other way around when it's men looking at women it's perfectly acceptable to go for looks first? I think we're all humans.

Similar to gender-reversed case, as a man, you can find a woman with depth, but even they are going to care about looks on some level. She may not be as interested about looks as other women, but even she is going to be interested about looks. I don't think there is "I don't care about looks at all".

So, yeah, if you're a man, advice - improve your looks, because women mostly care about looks. They care about others things too, but they mostly care about looks.

And these are true for men too, so don't consider it hypocrisy. They are obviously going to care about other things as well, but are going to mostly care about looks.

How does this work?

TL;DR - Minimum threshold, anything on that minium threshold is fine, anthing above that minimum threshold is a bonus.

Everybody had different standards for looks, so a minimum threshold requirement. But everybody has a threshold, and for everybody anything above that threshold is a bonus.

(Women can understand this better with the friendzone)

Let's say you're a man/woman and your minimum looks threshold is 4/7, and you have 3 suitors, one is a 3 the other is a 6 and the last one 8. If your minimum threshold is 4, you won't even consider the girl with 3 in terms of looks. She could have the best personality in the world, she will be a friend at best to you because you're simply not attracted to her.

Now, for the girls with 6 and 8, the both pass your minimum threshold attraction level, so you have the potential to see them attractive and "dating potential". From now on, since they passed your minimum threshold requirement, it's a battle between looks & personality. The girl who is an 8 has a huge advantage in looks, but the girl who is a 6 can more than make up for this in personality.

Men would choose women who are less beautiful if they think that their personality is better. Now, if the 6 girl and 8 girl would have equal personalities, obviously he would choose the 8 girl. But if the 8 girl has a crap personality and the 6 girl has a great personality, he would choose the 6 girl with a great personality over the 8 girl with problems. Some men would go for the 8 girl anyway but I think they are a minority.

Most men would see personality as not only compensating but more than making up for looks, as long as it passes a certain threshold.

Meanwhile, the 3 level girl, she could literally have the best personality in the world. The man would simply not be attracted to her. They could be friends at best, because he isn't interested in her.

I have female friends who are not so good looking but have a great personality, really cool people to hang out with, very fun and pleasant to be around with, the kind of people that always seem to lighten the mood. Also very helpful and kind people, the kind of people you would always expect for their help and support if it comes down to it. Do I think they have a great personality? absolutely 10/10, in fact I wouldn't see much room for improvement in terms of their personality, would I date them, no. They simply don't pass that looks threshold for me to be attracted to them. I could not be attracted to them even if I wanted. I appreciate them a lot, as a friend, but don't like them that way.

Now, none of them ever "hit on me" so a case of friendzone can't be made. But I think you can see the "mechanism" if you will.

And yes, some of you may judge me for not being attracted to this girl despite being a 10/10 on personality, but check your friendzone box (aka check your privilege). Is it my fault for not being attracted to her in the first place? would you rather have me be in a relationship I don't want and I don't enjoy just to 'be nice' ? that's kind of toxic and not how it works.

Now, for the woman.

Same case: Let's say you're a woman and your minimum looks threshold is 7, and you have 3 suitors, one is a 3 the other is a 6 and the last one 8. The one who is a 3, he's so ugly compared to your standards you may not even want to be friends with him (I've seen it happen, when he guy was literally "too ugly" to be her friend). The one who is a 6 is a perfect friendzone material, no amount of personality is going to get him out of the friendzone, because he's simply below her looks threshold level. He could be the most kind, supportive, funny, protective, lighten the mood, always helping her and doing what she wants, always lifting her up, guy out there, he will never get out of the friendzone because he's just not attractive enough for her. Doesn't pass her looks threshold level.

Now there, are some cases, where a guy was all those things a good personality is supposed to be: kind, supportive, funny, protective, lighten the mood, helping her, couch phychologist, etc; and he did eventually got out of the friendzone. In that case, he did pass her looks threshold level, but only at the limit or passed it by a little, so he girl was looking for a better option. When she couldn't find a better option, she returned to this guy who was fine but acceptable.

For some people personality matters very little. Just like for some people looks may mean very little and make less of a difference but they will still make. For other people, personality may mean very little and make less of a difference but they will still make.

As I said above, a small minority of men would take the 8 rotten personality girl over the 6 great personality girl even if the 6 great personality girl was above their looks threshold level. What does that say about them? (in a non-judgemental way) that they place a greater emphasis on looks than on personality.

The case with this girl is similar, the guy in the friendzone may be a 7 and so he would barely make it into her looks treshhold level, or 7.5. But the girl was still looking for an 8 or a 9 in spite of the guy's personality. It was only when she couldn't find an 8 or a 9 that she decided to eventually accept her fate and settle for the 7 or 7.5. And this was because he was above her looks threshold level, if he wasn't, she wouldn't even do that, as she simply wouldn't consider him attractive enough.

There was a guy somewhat attractive but she knew that she could do better, with a great personality but she didn't care about personality at all, versus there is a guy she is not attracted to at all but she knew that she could do better, with a great personality but his great personality didn't made any relevance, she would still not be attracted to him no matter what personality he had.

Ok, maybe not "she didn't care about his personality at all" she did care about his personality, but cared about his personality very little. A personality for her may be a small positive if it is, or a big negative if it isn't. This could be different for different people.

Some people may see it as a big positive if you have a great personality, but not a big deal as in a small negative if you have a terrible personality. Others may be quite neutral on both. Others may see it as a great positive if you have a great personality, and a great negative if not an even greater negative if you have a terrible personality. We're all humans with different preferences. But I think it's important or useful to see how these preferences are in different people, or simply acknowledge that they are there.

Now, if the girl had a looks threshold level of 5 the story could be completely different, but in our story the girl has a looks threshold level of 7.

As for the looks bonus, again, everybody is going to see any number above their looks threshold level as a bonus, but how much they see it as a bonus depends on the person. For someone it may mean a lot, for someone else it may not mean that much.

For someone, a 7-8 difference may be huge, for someone a 7-8 difference may be barely noticeable, but what is certain is that everybody cares about looks and everybody has a certain looks threshold level.

A level of what you're attracted to, and a level of what you aren't attracted to. A level where personality can more than make up for being at the lower end of your looks threshold level, meaning right above it or shortly above it. A level where good looks can simply carry you, like if we take the same guy and present him with a level 6 girl with a great personality and a level 10 girl, I don't think the men who would pick the level 10 woman would be a small minority anymore, sure there will still be men picking the 6, but there will also be a significant amount of men picking the 10. And it also dependes if the 10 woman has a terrible personality, is just neutral or has a great personality.

The same principle applies gender-reversed.

And sadly, if you're below a certain looks threshold level, no amount of carrying with your personality is going to make up for that. You're going to be a friend at best. You just simply aren't attractive enough for her/him. You're better off finding someone on your own looks level with much lower looks threshold level who will find you attractive and appreciate you for what you are as a potential partner. Then your personality will be valued and your looks as well, your personality will actually have an impact and your looks will be found attractive. Yes, you may find some weird cases of someone on your similar looks level with abnomaly high standards, and also you may not. Those people with similar looks level as you but abnomaly high standards are going to be single for a while.

And one more thing I wanted to touch, for the not so good looking girl with 10/10 personality, maybe that's exactly the reason she developed a 10/10 personality, she knows that she cannot carry with looks so she decided to carry with that, an adaptive mechanism if you will.

This may be off-putting to some, but is it really far fetched to think "no man will find me attractive, I better have a great personality to compensate". Not saying she is like that in general in life to "catch men" but that she developed that personality precisely because she couldn't carry with looks so she decided to carry with personality and now that personality of hers is just who she is.

This I think is a lesson to men to understand that sometimes you can't carry with looks and you're better off just finding someone else. You just aren't above that looks threshold level, where you looks will actually be appreciated and your personality taken into account as a potential partner. Because if you aren't above that looks threshold level, no amount of personality is going to do the trick for you. When you can't pass the looks threshold level, no amount of personality is going to do it for you.

So yeah, improve your personality, improve your looks, and just hope you are above that looks threshold level.

Thank you for taking the time to read my little theory.

Next time you see one of these, think of me: Quote End.

Yeah, looks are very important, if not the most important, especially when dealing with strangers.

Take it from a guy who was genetically good looking, then got bad looking due to becoming overweight, then becoming good looking again and ever more due to hitting the gym and getting ripped.

You would not believe the differences if you weren't there to experience them. In how well people treat you, strangers, when you are good looking.

In how easy is to get a date if you are good looking. Most of the time you just have to be there. Girls will even approach you. Or just have to be there and make a move, girls will easily accept it without needing too much game or "showing your personality" from your part.

Or one night stands. Are you a Chad and want one night stands? Yeah, just get Tinder, swipe on the right on those you like, and have your first message be "ons?". You don't have to struggle that much. I guarantee you'll find someone, just for the sake of your looks.

So yes, looks are very important. Very very important. Not only in dating, but even in business and with friends.

Clients prefer a good looking partner. Salesman or spokesperson. Whether it's a good looking male or female doesn't matter.

Sure, good looking males do better with female clients and vice-versa. But even male clients would prefer a good looking man over a regular man as their spokesperson.

Looks can carry you in life. A lot. And easy.

So yes, get good looking, it's worth more than you know it.

I'm going to say it again - looks are very important. Looks are very very important.

I've known this because I've been on both ends of the spectrum.

I know the privilege I have and I'm happy for it.

And for those that don't: check your privilege. Because privilege is often invisible to those who have it.

Go exterise, go running, go on a diet, go biking. Watch YouTube videos on how to take care of your face. On how to shave. On good haircuts.

There are tons of things you can work on about yourself, and it's all worth it: parfume, haircut, style, hygene, teeths (seriously, not even bring a Chad can save you from bad breath), posture, beard, breath, skin care, nose hair, clean ears, facial expressions, eyebrow thickness, etc.

However,

I would argue that money and status and looks is not everything. It's having a good heart and a good soul that counts. That purity and joy that come with her, that specific association with her, that magnetic feelings. That joyful when all around her.

That's my take on it. Looks important. But not everything. In finding the right partner. It's having a good heart and a good soul that counts. That purity and joy that come with her.

Looks are very important. But don't focus only on the looks.

Before far easier to pick better father and the rest 25-26n non-stop ^, still dots dots.

Movie about guy hypnotized to believe that ugly girls that ugly girls he met from now on would to him look like super models. Getting any women you desire because you were suddenly desireing the undesireable. "They were funny, smart and nice, pretty girls are not funny, and they're certainly not nice, not to us"

Ok. Let's look at the facts.

He only hit on ugly women. Fair. So he had a very good chance, because of looks.

(wtf? only confirming the looks theory)

Also, it's funny how most women fantasy romance movies are about average women being able to secure a Chad (50 Shades of Grey), while most men fantasy romance movies are about ugly men being able to secure a hot woman because of their soul. It's like it's everything about looks at the end of the day.

Almost like this:
It's a nice fantasy world. "We are all able to score up because of our souls".

To be noted key word 'score up'. And words like 'out of your league' and such.

It started from looks, then moved to masculinity, but it's really masculinity about looks. Thus masculine-looking man and feminine-looking man.

After far easier to pick better father and the rest 25-26n non-stop ^ this. Then so the law. The first post... my first post...

That is the usual context.

I'm down with challenging the one size fits all beauty standard pushed by magazines. A standard that purposefully excludes more women than it includes. But I'm not down with "cheering" up a friend by pretending that looks don't matter.

If your friend is not actually ugly, but feels ugly because she reads too many magazines, then lying to her and pretending that looks don't matter is not helpful. Telling her she's not ugly and that these magazines are only helpful for women who have a naturally petite frame similar to the models showing off the outfits. For someone with a larger frame, a size 0 figure would look s***. Like she's starving. You see it with a lot of runway models. They're figure does not complement their natural frame and they look like they're about to die.

The friendship thing is wild to me, and OP might even be joking, but I've noticed a pattern where being attractive = better treatment in general from everyone, including people who don't have a romantic interest. I might have that bias as well and I just don't notice it. It doesn't make sense in the way that wanting your romantic partner to be attractive makes sense. After all, you don't have to wake up next to your friend or look at their naked body, so why should it matter how attractive they are? Yet I'm confident that if you carried out a study where you had an attractive person and an unattractive person with the same temperament and attitude interact with regular people throughout the day, you would find that the more attractive person generally got treated better.

I think the last paragraph can be explained that people simply like looking at and being around beautiful people. This is especially important for romantic relationships, but doesn't exclude platonic or friendship relationships. Ever heard about a guy being cast out from a group of friends in highschool because he was too ugly? I have. In all fairness, those guys were a**h***s, but the fact remains that the a**h***s excluded the ugly one not the good looking one.

This may be my own bias at play, but as someone who was born genetically good looking, then got bad looking due to becoming overweight, then becoming good looking again and ever more due to hitting the gym and getting ripped; I feel that I have a much better understanding of both sides of the spectrum than most people.

Yes, people treat you very different based on your looks. A lot. Clients prefer a good looking partner, salesman or spokesperson. Whether it's a good looking male or female doesn't matter. Sure, ood looking males do better with female clients and vice-versa (for obvious reasons). But even male clients would prefer a good looking man over a regular man as their spokesperson. Looks can carry you in life. Having looks is really a privilege. In fact, I would even go as far as saying that the more good-looking you are the more of an a**h*** you can afford to be.

Ever seen those typical American high school movies? or stuff like that in real life? How comes the jerks are always good looking people? Because if it was an ugly looking people being a jerk everybody would ostracize him and reject him. He would have no girls, no friends, no social life. But since they are the jacks, the hot good looking guys who are also ripped and also in the school's football class (popularity), they can afford being an a**h***s and people would still accept them for it, because popularity and good looks, because they have other qualities that compensate them being an a**h***.

Willpower vs visualisation. Masculine and such...

There is an interesting dynamic in the 'dating world'.

A speeddate organization observes the male slots for their events are taken instantly from ages 18-35, whereas females can still register up to a day before the event. In other words: there is a surplus of males relative to females in this particular age group.

Ages 35-50, however, the genders tend to be more in balance. Males and females register at an equal rate.

Ages 50-..., females register much quicker, the events are "full" for females and "open" for males, at about the same - but reverse - proportions of their 18-35 counterparts.
_

What do you think explains this tendency?

I have talked about this with one of the organizers. He noted the consistency in these statistics, but himself did not have a sound explanation. Perhaps, he reasoned, it is the preference for men to select younger, 'more attractive' romantic partners, leaving an excess of females in the 50+-year-old category.

I think it can be very easily explained.

So. In real life, you have men hitting on women & women hitting on men.

Who goes to speed dating? men who fail to hit on women & women who fail to be hit on by men.

What does it take you to be a man who fails to hit on women? personal failure. Either you're not courageous enough. You don't have courage and charisma. Or you're not good looking enough. Or your personality is not fun enough, etc. Something intrinsically about you.

What does it take you to be a woman who fails to be hit on by men? Not being good looking enough. Being an ugly woman. That's it.

If you are at least average looking as a woman, even a 4/10 will do, you will be hit on by men. So you have a pool to select from. Therefore you don't need speed dating (there are OFC exceptions, but they are called exceptions for a reason. However, if you are a man who won't get dates, there are 1.000.000 reasons why you can't get dates a a man.

Therefore, naturally, the number of men who fail in the dating market will be way way way way higher than the number of women who fail in the dating market. This is absolutely the reason why all non-real life dating social media or scenarios are populated overwhelmingly by men. Simply put, it's way easier to find a date in real life a woman than as a man. Because there's only 1 reason why you won't find a date in real life as a woman. Where as there are a 1.000.000 reasons why you won't find a dating partner as a man in real life.

There are exceptions, but not enough to shift the balance. Seriously, I would love to see 1 dating market except real life where there are more women than men.

My thoughts exactly.

Writing shorter sentences.
"I don't know man, he must be doing something right to get all this popularity. I'm with you in this boat, I don't know why but people, especially women, love him."
Then my thoughts Then before 29 with looks, theop, last before ts creation. Then long list ts.
Then superficial. Then decadence. Okay, gender gap on 2fry. Diagnosed, be the best person you can be, and then that.

It's not about how men/women want to be treated, it's about the fact that women ARE treated with gloves.

There are women who go all out on men, like entitled Karens for example, and then because they piss off men past the boiling point the gloves are off. And then when they get the same treatment men get from men start complaining that "men bad", "patriarchy". You wanted to get in the ring? Stay in the ring. This is the ring.

You were treated with privilege, now you are treated normally. And it's a shock to them.

Another feasible quality is that men are expected to way harsher treatment from people, from men and from life in general. Thus why men are more resistant to "gloves off".

No, he will tell her, but he will tell her as nicely as possible. Won't do that for men. No treatment with gloves there.

Women are treated nicer or with gloves, because they are women.

Men are using glvoes with women. Exactly because they are women. This is true both in physical fights and business department. The women may be unaware of this (those who have privilege, it's invisible to them) but all men treat women different than men simply because they are women, better, more nicely. Like the "self-made man" came to realise.

Now, if a woman rises up to be "the man", "the alpha" the insert adjective here. At some point a man is going to be like "gloves off" and knock her out, either physically or metaphorically in the business enviroment.

Again, not making black & white case but generalizations.

Take a man & a woman, and pour coffe on random people on the street. 20 intentional, 20 by accident.

See whether you are more likely to get beaten as a man or as a woman.

My hypothesis is that you have:

No chance of being beaten as a woman accident.

Slim chance of being beaten as a woman intentional. (1-5 cases at best)

Fair chance of being beaten as a man accident (5-10 cases)

High chance of being beaten as a man intentional. (10-15 cases)

Or at least them being aggressive towards you, wishing to go for a fight, rather than defusal.

Or another experiment: work on something, let's say an engine. And mess things up, do a mistake as: a man, a woman.

What are the chances you'll get an "it's okay" or what are the chances you'll get "screamed at" ?
What are the chances you'll be told "get out" or what are the chances you'll be told "it's okay, you can do better" ?

See what I'm getting to?

My hypothesis is that you have:

Woman mess up (10-15 cases of it's okay) and (5-10 cases of 'get out', but not shouted just being asked to leave) (maybe 15 but overwhemlingly asked nicely to leave?)

Man mess up (10-15 cases of screamed at "you idiot", "wtf?") and (10-15 cases of being asked to leave, "get out" literally like that) (maybe 5-15 cases?)


Would you not call this privilege?

Women are simply treated nicer because they are women, but this is okay.

Men are using gloves with women. Exactly because they are women. This is true both in physical fights and business department. The women may be unaware of this (those who have privilege, it's invisible to them) but all men treat women different than men simply because they are women, better, more nicely. It's not about how men/women want to be treated, it's about the fact that women are treated with gloves. There are women who go all out on men, like entitled Karens for example, and then because they piss off men past the boiling point the gloves are off. And then when they get the same treatment men get from men start complaining that "men bad", "patriarchy". You wanted to get in the ring? Stay in the ring. This is the ring. You were treated with privilege, now you are treated normally. And it's a shock to them. Another feasible quality is that men are expected to way harsher treatment from people, from men and from life in general. Thus why men are more resistant to "gloves off". If a woman made a mistake at her workplace, her boss will tell her, but he will tell her as nicely as possible. Won't do that for men. No treatment with gloves there.

Women are more manipulative by their nature. More in-tune with social roles and social dynamics than men. Because men learned to rely on strength, women learned to rely on connections. As said originally, we play different games.

What is wrong with the fact that women are treated with gloves? isn't it better? I've seen what men do when the gloves are off. Because of this I'm okay with the way things are and I accept women having this privilege. It's necessary for them because of their lower strength and generally not accostumed with men's competitive world. If you're a woman, wouldn't you want to be treated nicer at your workplace simply because you're a woman? people treating you better? with gloves?
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