Is love really what the movies make it out to be?

Movies are fiction, not reality. Don't use them to model personal relationships.

Don't confuse "the right" person with "the perfect" person. Perfect people do not exist. The right person is someone with whom they and we are willing to have a personal relationship despite our and their imperfections.

Societally, we have individual lives that involve other individual lives. A relationship is a commitment to share individuals' lives with others'.

Don't rely on internet apps to meet people. Get involved in in-person activities.

Depends on the film, Sex Lives of the Potato Men is pretty accurate.

This (although I would say that apps can help, particularly if you are in an isolated area). ^

People age, gain or lose weight, gain or lose hair, have bad days, lose their jobs, get busy with life, get tired, experience grief and doubt, can be insensitive, etc.

And so do you.

I don't believe that soulmates are born. I think they're made. And they are made over time. We make each other into our soulmates. We craft the person into who we love, and they craft us, and we craft ourselves as well, of course.

I like the expression, "Love is a choice." Because it is. It's not just, "Okay, I'm gonna be in love today!"

It's more like - "I love this person even though their dirty socks are on the floor and I've told them several times how much that bugs me, and I want them to stop."

or

"I love this person even though their hair fell out due to chemo and they've had a body part cut off and they will never look the same again."

or

"I love this person even thought I am tired or cranky or feeling down."

You are still in a time of your life where you should be still looking. Settling down early is silly. Your brain isn't fully formed, and you honestly don't know what you want yet. So, spend time with people. And be okay with not every relationship going the distance, because the vast majority of them do not. And that's okay — but once you get past ~ 25 you can up the odds a bit.

Find someone who's a likely candidate for a future soulmate. This should mean something along the lines of:

• They are not abusive in any manner (this should be a no-brainer)
  
• You share the same values
  
• You agree 100% on children, whatever that agreement looks like (people who do not ever want to have children should not try to spend eternity with folks who do, as there is no reasonable compromise possible)
  
• You get along well enough (doesn't have to be perfectly) with the people in their life, whether that's family, found family, coworkers, fellow congregants at a house of worship or whatever.
  
  Case in point: I have a dear friend married 3x and I knew Bob was the one almost before she did, because he reached out to me to become friends, and neither of her exes ever did. That's someone who sees their love as a whole person, with a life that existed before they were together, and who sees that old friends, etc. are meaningful to that potential soulmate.
  
• You are willing to have patience with each other
  
• You can laugh about things together

This list is by no means exhaustive and it is not a recipe that you must follow. But I have found, over time, that when this stuff is in place, a couple is far more likely to stay together.

And one more thing. Sometimes relationships just plain run out of gas. There is no shame in calling it quits, even if the stars seemed to have aligned before. Better to part on amicable terms than to beat a dead horse. Nobody gets martyr points for staying in a bad relationship — and time served should not be a reason to stay if there are no other reasons (that is, if you feel you can't leave because you've been together for 10 years, how are you going to feel if things are still not working but now it's 20 years? This is the sunk cost fallacy in action. Don't let it run your life).

Do some living. And when you're ready, try again.

I find it hard to imagine anyone actually asking that question. Of course they are not. There is no such thing as a soulmate. Yes...pretty much, we are grasping at straws, and there are many short ones. From what I have heard about tinder, yes, uninstall it. Concentrate on yourself and things you enjoy doing. Make yourself the top priority.

Hi Wings,
good question, and for the most part I would give it a solid NO.

A good life partner can be a valuable thing if you can find one. The thing you should avoid at all costs is the artificial psychological need to have one. Most people have this need indoctrinated into them by all the usual suspects: Family, Hollywood, Religion and society at large. It's hard to fight that kind of conditioning, not to mention sex drive and all that.

I wish someone had told me when I was young that it is OK or even wonderful to live alone. Consider this when tempted to settle for a 'less than acceptable' partner. The idea of 'building the relationship' after making the commitment is tempting. Don't fall for that.