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Thinking about confessing my love for a coworker

 
 
Reply Thu 17 Nov, 2022 07:32 am
I’ve had these feelings of love towards a coworker of mine for about 1 1/2 years now and she is a couple years older than me (I’m 22 and she’s 25 I think) and we don’t talk at all out of work or anything in fact the only talking we do is usually work related and even then it’s small talk. I don’t know too much about her neither does she know a lot about me. I get jealous seeing her talk to other guys when I work with her(it’s at a Starbucks by the way) and I don’t feel an adrenaline rush when I’m not working with her. I’ve tried coping with these feelings toward her by either drinking or smoking weed from time to time but they’ve only made my feelings for her more stronger. These feelings however have slowly been turning into a strong lust for her where I just want to have her all to myself. I’ve talked about this with my therapist and they’ve told me to simply journal my thoughts which I’ve been doing this , though there are days where I don’t journal my thoughts. Today however I woke up with a sort of confidence of just going for the kill and just confessing my love to her the next time I see her. I don’t know if it’s the right call or not because I do want a better relationship with her and build it up,but after about a year and a half I’ve come to realize that these feelings have gone on long enough…i feel the need to get rid of them. I have her phone number-thanks to work-and I work with her tomorrow for about 30 minutes, I don’t know whether I should just ignore these feelings yet again and not act on them or just confess my feelings to her and get closure on these feelings. What do you guys/gals think?
 
View best answer, chosen by neffari0us
neptuneblue
  Selected Answer
 
  4  
Reply Thu 17 Nov, 2022 07:46 am
@neffari0us,
Your language style seems a bit... too aggressive.

You're talking about Love and you've not actually spoken to her of even asking her out on a date. Do you know if she's already in a relationship? Wouldn't a conversation be the foremost other than professing Love?

0 Replies
 
bobsal u1553115
 
  3  
Reply Thu 17 Nov, 2022 08:09 am
Listen to Neptune. Think about it. And don't do it. Join a church, join a club, volunteer. Meet a bunch of new people. Leave your co-workers alone.
0 Replies
 
Mame
 
  3  
Reply Thu 17 Nov, 2022 08:10 am
@neffari0us,
First of all, I would not be calling her unless she gave you her number. Calling her because her number is listed on a work sheet is invasive, at the very least. It's for WORK, not love calls.

Secondly, you are obsessing over her. You haven't invited her out or even initiated an interesting non-work conversation. How many women have you dated at 22? Is this your normal manner of dealing with women? If so, you need relationship advice.

Thirdly, you're jumping way ahead. Slow down and consider if she would even be interested in a younger man, or you in particular. It's not all about you and your wants/needs, you know. You could very well ruin things for yourself at work. Take your therapist's advice and journal. Journal, journal, journal and leave her alone for now until you can get your emotions under control. What you are experiencing now is not at all attractive to anyone, believe me. I don't think you're hoping for closure - I think you're hoping to get lucky.
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  5  
Reply Thu 17 Nov, 2022 04:39 pm
@neffari0us,
No. Just, no.

Even if she likes you at all (and you have zero context or clues beyond your own fevered imagination), she wouldn't be in the same place as you emotionally.

This isn't Star Trek, where you can start off in one place and, in a manner of seconds, materialize in another place, miles and miles from the first. We live in a world where you can't do that, where getting from point A to point Z means you have to go through point B, point C, etc.

Consider relationships the same way. You can't skip all the in-between stuff, of getting to know someone and asking them out before you start measuring them for a wedding gown.

If you just want a quick roll in the hay, you can buy that, fer chrissakes. But if you want a relationship with someone, no matter what the movies say, you have to go along a path. Will people go along that path always the same way? Of course not.

But, "hello, I love you, won't you tell me your name?" are lyrics to a song by the Doors. They're not a manual for how to live.

Talk to her about something other than work. Ask her if she'd like to get a soda (yes, I really mean that -- it's not alcoholic, no real commitment, and you're both around coffee so much I imagine you're sick of it by day's end).

PS you don't have to tell me, but your actions and your coping mechanisms scream autism spectrum to me. If routines and procedures appeal to you, then understand that your plan has no procedural context whatsoever.

While the vast majority of human beings don't follow perfect procedural pathways in relationships or in really any other area, I can tell you for a fact that coming up to someone you barely talk to and blurting out that you love them is going to creep out virtually everyone.

If you do this, you will blow even the most meager of chances that you might have to go on a date with her, let alone start a meaningful relationship.

So, don't do it.
0 Replies
 
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Mrknowspeople
 
  -3  
Reply Sat 19 Nov, 2022 05:51 am
@Agent Smith,
Agent Smith wrote:

Please post a before and after picture of yourself and her too if that's ok with you of course. Bonam fortunam.

I would normally agree with you Agent but I wonder if you are using the right tense on your bonam fortuna staement. Is it tunam or tuna in this case? Oh well, it is that dead language bit. Or, troll.

Have you seen the NEO lately? Did you ever dig up that Saturday night steak guy?

With you of course is funny and nefarious to boot!

They are on the social platforms talking on the air...smoking their smoke like dragons. Altitude makes a huge difference!!
Agent Smith
 
  -3  
Reply Sat 19 Nov, 2022 06:58 am
@Mrknowspeople,
Mrknowspeople wrote:
I would normally agree with you Agent but I wonder if you are using the right tense on your bonam fortuna staement. Is it tunam or tuna in this case? Oh well, it is that dead language bit. Or, troll.


Apologies, I just couldn't get my hands on a good English to Latin translator. I used Google Translate; looks like the AI needs more work. As for trolling, apologies. Not intentional, but that makes me feel worse about myself.

By NEO do you mean Near Earth Object? If you do, yep, I've seen some news articles on it, but as usual false alarms.
0 Replies
 
Lash
 
  1  
Reply Sun 20 Nov, 2022 05:31 am
Don’t poop where you eat.

(Translation: never dip your stick (or scary stalker emotions) in anything at a job.)

Never.
0 Replies
 
 

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