Wed 2 Nov, 2022 03:52 pm
Hi all thank you in advance for taking the time to help me. I am in a relationship that began casual and turned into a relationship. At first when we were not in a relationship, we were around each other so often that I was introduced to the family. My boyfriend admitted to me at the time he told his siblings not to invite me to events because he wasn’t trying to settle down with me. His brother ended up getting into a relationship with a female and me and her became cordial with one another. We were friends on social media, and she was always acting so nice to me. Come to find out she was trying to connect my then not boyfriend with her friend, so ever since that happened, I didn’t care for her too much.
Eventually we became a couple, and he told his family we were official and that they should include me. His sister and the other two gfs continued to do dinners, arcades etc and go out with all their kids, but not invite me or my kids. Note: All the gfs have kids from a previous relationship including me. So, none of our kids are from our current partners. I tried to look past whatever issues we had.
When the kids have birthdays, I get them all gifts. They get each other kid’s gifts. They get each other gifts for their birthdays. They all post each other on social media on the birthdays also. When It was my kids birthday or my birthday we get nothing, not even a birthday story on social media. Only for each other, but never for my kids or me. On Christmas everyone’s kid’s names were written out except my kid’s gifts said my name-oldest my name- youngest. I find it extremely rude, and I have grown to really dislike them. I expressed to my bf how much it bothers me, so he told his mom to tell his sister something, but nothing has changed. The last straw for me was on Halloween when the sister and the gfs all went trick or treating together with their kids. They did not extend an invite to me and my kids. I take their posts tagging each other on social media to irritate me as we all follow each other.
I also noticed that the brother’s gf recently tried to have her friend follow my boyfriend on Instagram and ask him to be her personal trainer at the gym (He is big into working out/gym). This girl requested him, and her photos have her breast all out exposed. I told him I was uncomfortable with it, and I wanted him to delete her. We got into a HUGE fight, and I broke up with him. He removed her from his followers, but he is still following her. I really do not understand why he is still following her or why it was such a big fight over deleting her. He says I am insecure and that he would never want a girl like that blah blah etc, but I ended it. I can’t take all the disrespect anymore. I finally deleted most of his family that are messing with me off social media. I only kept one gf that I like and his other brother that has been nothing but nice to me. His parents love me, but am I crazy for feeling this guy is not sticking up for me or setting boundaries with his family? They are all close and tight knit family. I just can’t take it anymore. This whole situation depresses and drains me. Should I just call it quits for good?
@surprise1408,
Yes, I think you should call it quits. It's up to your boyfriend to set things straight and if he can't or won't, it's only going to get worse. Sorry for the bad news.
@surprise1408,
I think you put way too much energy focusing on being accepted into his family. They've clearly shown you that they have no interest and as sad as that may sound, don't torture yourself or your children over it.
You have friends and family of your own and those are the ones that matter. You don't have to be part of his family, he just has to be part of yours if you want him.
Delete and block all of them off of social media and decline any invitations that may come backhandedly. Don't worry about some trainer or anyone else. If he's a keeper, then none of these are actual issues. If you do have to worry, then he really isn't a keeper now is he...
All of you are adults but only you can act better than this. You don't need him to stand up for you, you can do that all by yourself.
@neptuneblue,
Thank you and I for sure was letting them get the best of me. I deleted them completely off all social media. He did end up removing the girl that was bothering me as well, but there is a lack of respect/boundaries of the relationship on his side that's making it really difficult for me. I've spent years with him so its hard to walk away. Deep down inside I am feeling like I am making a mistake trying so hard to make it work.
Oh, no ... not this chestnut again?
@surprise1408,
surprise1408 wrote:
I've spent years with him so its hard to walk away. Deep down inside I am feeling like I am making a mistake trying so hard to make it work.
I don't see why this is still an issue? Keep the ones who respect you and delete the rest. If your 'boyfriend' is invalidating your feelings, he's an ass. It's not like he's working with her - this is completely optional. I find his behaviour very disrespectful. Think he'd like it if you were doing this? The fact that he doesn't think it's disrespectful is a head's up to you, girl.
What would you tell your girlfriends if this was their story and then take your own advice.
It doesn't matter how many years have elapsed. If you are not feeling good, change things.
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