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May have gotten myself in a bad situation and not sure what the right thing to do is

 
 
Js8364
 
Reply Thu 13 Oct, 2022 06:09 pm
Bf (29m) and I (22f) have been together 1.5 years. In the grand scheme of things relationship has been good and we love each other.

A few months ago I found out I was pregnant. I stopped the pill to get a nexplanon implant and had a really bad reaction to it. Had it removed and was going to get a non hormonal iud a few weeks later. We used condoms so I don’t really know how it happened. He was really excited. I was terrified and freaked out, still am.

We shacked up pretty much immediately after we started dating. After we found out about the pregnancy I officially moved in, we got engaged, and I quit my job to go back to school.

Like I said overall everything has been great. He goes through these phases every few months where he is in a terrible mood. He will start a fight with me, we will get into in pretty bad and won’t talk for 2-4 days. Then he will apologize and we make up.

So last weekend he was hanging out with his friends came home at like 2am. He woke me up coming in I just went to see what was going on. He immediately thought I was being a b and trying to start a fight (really wasn’t) things got heated and he straight up choked me and hit my head against the wall a couple of times. I have some bruises on my arms. We made up everything is fine but internally I am freaking out and don’t know what to do. I am pregnant with his child, terrified, and don’t think I can do this without him. I am beyond stressed out and don’t realistically know what I should do and what would be best or if he would do it again. Me being pregnant really complicated things.
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Type: Question • Score: 4 • Views: 349 • Replies: 8
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edgarblythe
 
  2  
Reply Thu 13 Oct, 2022 06:36 pm
Being pregnant makes it all the more important that you get out of that home. The man is unstable. If he attacks you physically once he will continue to do it, probably escalating the severity.
0 Replies
 
Mame
 
  2  
Reply Thu 13 Oct, 2022 06:43 pm
@Js8364,
You have been brutally assaulted and need to get out now. There is just absolutely no justification for physical assault unless you're defending someone. Otherwise, it will just escalate - see how quickly it's escalated already? What if he hits the child? What if he kills you? Apologies are just words and physical abusers use them all the time to control their victims.

Can you move home? Can you move in with a friend? If not, you can go to a women's shelter. Please contact the local agencies in your area for help if you can't get help from your family. And even if you don't take my advice to leave, you should go and visit a women's shelter to hear some stories. You might listen to them.

Seriously. This is already a disaster.

What to do about your pregnancy I don't know. That's totally your personal decision. Keep it, abort it, adopt it out. Only you know what's best for you.

Best of luck. My heart goes out to you, J.
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Thu 13 Oct, 2022 06:45 pm
@Js8364,
You have parents or other family? Friends? Neighbors? People from work or school or church or the gym even, who you trust and can help you?

Contact them. Tell them you need to move out of where you are currently living. Tell them it's temporary but you're not sure of how long that means, but you would greatly appreciate their help. If you don't want to talk about it, tell them that you don't feel like talking about it.

Then pack your things and get the hell out of there.

This is not going to be the last time this happens. Abusers (yep, that's what this is) may swear up and down that they've changed, it was a mistake, they were drunk, they didn't really mean it, yadda yadda yadda it is all so much noise.

It'll happen again.

Actions without consequences are permission.

Do not give him permission to do this to you or to your child. If nothing else, see it as a protective measure for your child.

You've already been bruised. He's already pounded your head against a wall (have you been checked for a concussion?). Eventually, he'll give you or your child a permanent injury.

Abusers are also really, really good at being sweet as pie when they have to apologize and make up. To quote Depeche Mode, "Never again is what you swore the time before."

It'll happen again. And again.

You're terrified and freaked out. Want to be that way for decades? Of course you don't.

Contact people who you trust. Have them help you leave if you need for them to or you will be in danger by the simple act of leaving.

Is this breaking up with him? Why yes, yes it is. Yes, even if you still love him. He does not love you. These are not the acts of a loving person.

Does this mean he can never see his child? Not necessarily. But insist on supervision for visits if you can.

Be an advocate for your child if you currently cannot or will not be one for yourself. You and your child will both be far better off if you do.

Life doesn't have to be this way.
Js8364
 
  1  
Reply Thu 13 Oct, 2022 06:46 pm
@Mame,
I can move back home I’m sure. Didn’t want to tell anyone until I figured things out. Thank you
Js8364
 
  1  
Reply Thu 13 Oct, 2022 06:48 pm
@jespah,
I have my parents. Thank you
0 Replies
 
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Thu 13 Oct, 2022 06:54 pm
@Js8364,
Excellent! I'm so glad you have your parents (deep sigh of relief). Tell them everything you've told us. Please keep us posted. And I'm also very glad you found out early and that you reached out for help. You're pretty smart for 22.
Js8364
 
  2  
Reply Thu 13 Oct, 2022 07:02 pm
@Mame,
Thanks guys. Going to start coming up with a plan
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Thu 13 Oct, 2022 07:03 pm
@Js8364,
And keep us posted! Smile
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