I'm scared of dying from medical conditions

hey i'm chad, heres my story...

for as long as i can remember i've always been a christian and a good all around person. no i'm not perfect but no one is. and I've always been very healthy, i played sports, never had anything abnormal wrong with me except the ever so often strep throat or flu or something. never anything serious. so anyways...about 3 or 4 years ago when i was 17 (i am not 21) i was getting ready to join the navy and head off to bootcamp, at this point i had been smoking cigarettes for about 4 years or so, i never did drugs...or hardly ever if at all drank, well i decided i was going to quit smoking and start working out before i left for bootcamp...so i tried quitting..

when i quit i started feeling funny, my stomach started to swell up, my chest burned, i felt almost like i had something seriously wrong with me, so i started to chew tobacco to get nicotine, well 1 day I was sitting at my grandmothers and I started feeling like my heart was starting to beat kinda fast so i checked my pulse and it was, then all of a sudden my heart started beating 200 BPM (beats per minute) out of no where, i all of a sudden had an onset of tachycardia, i believed i was having SVT (supra ventriculr tachycardia) and i jumped in the car driving to the hospital KNOWING i was going to die, i just knew i was, i called my mom on her cell phone crying and freaking out, the left side of my chest started to burn from the heart beats, it felt like the left side of my chest was on fire (literally) i finally get to the hospital (my mom does echo's and she looks at peoples hearts for living doing ultrasound) so she took me to my doctor, and they start asking me have i been doing drugs...etc...so on this day that i freaked out, no one really gave me an answer to what was happening other than i had a panic attack. so w/e i left it at that...


well later on, i started smoking again about a month before i left for the navy, i was asleep at my grandparents house and in the middle of the night i woke up with the WORST pain in my head i had ever had in my entire life, like it crippled me, i COULD NOT move, everytime my heart beat, my eyes would throb...i could barely touch the back of my head with my hand and i could feel my heart throbbing. i thought i had had an aneuryism so i yelled for my grandmother to call 911, she said i was just freaking out and i took 3 tylenol and 4 advil, the pain still didnt go away, i then in the morning took a Vioxx, before they took it off the market, the pain went away enough with the Vioxx to get up and walk to the car, the doctor thought i might have minigitis or it may be stress, i refused to believe it was stress, but i listened to him besides, their the doctors right? so he gave me lortabs, and phenergren for 4 days i was laying on my couch like a big glob of jello, then the pain went away but would come back every day at different times, sometimes i couldnt sleep, everytime i smoked it would hurt, so i finally went to my other doctor and told her she was going to order me a contrasted MRI or i was going to beat her ass, she said "fine if i order this for you, and prove to you you have nothing wrong will you stop worrying about it" i said of course. so i had the MRI at the hospital my mom worked at and since my mom was friends with x-ray reader person, she got to find out what was wrong within about 30 minutes after they were taken...i had 2...2 centimeter cysts on my sinus's that were about half the size of 2 eggs on each side of sinus's, i knew something was wrong with me, my sinus's werent draining, and it just goes to show how doctors think that because someone is young they think they are immune to everything or something and because they arent shooting blood out or have something obviously physically wrong with them that there arent other things wrong. it pissed me off that i was telling everyone that something WAS wrong and no one would listen to me and would blame it all on stress, well she put my on zyrtec to drain my sinus's and the cysts eventually went away, so then i joined the navy....everything was great, i was in the best shape of my life, no pain nothing was wrong...my mom had looked at my heart before i left i had alot of tests done, i had an echo, holter, ultrasound,ekg,mri, and eeg done on me before i left all were normal, so i felt good...


well 1 day after i got out of the navy i all of a sudden had a severe CRIPPLING to the point i had to lay face down on my bed and cross my arms under my body to brace myself against the pain, the pain was on the mid/uppper right area around my rib cage, the pain was so bad i thought that for sure something was wrong, then it went away, but i kept getting the pain sometimes just random places, i lived with this pain ever since then, and before i joined the navy since i had the panic attack, i had constantly felt a "tickling" sensation on my left upper chest area around my heart, i cant stand to feel the pulsating heart beat when i lay on my left side, or when someone lays their head on my chest it just drives me crazy...anyways...time goes on, for awhile i was fine, i got out of the navy and was all good...didnt feel bad at all, moved back home, everything was cool then i started getting the pains again on my right side, i thought i might have gall stones or something but i havent been to a doctor in over 3 years...i sometimes think of myself as crazy because i think the smallest thing is going to kill me and I dont know how tor eact to everything because for my whole life until the time i was 17, i have ALWAYS been healthy, never had any medical problems other than a few strep throats...etc...and now all of a sudden its like my body is falling apart...im 21 now i just moved out to san diego, and now...

my body feels like it did before, i have chest pains...the pain on my right side, and as of right now im having abdominal pain, yet i cant goto the bathroom and it may be constipation, but lastnight when i was urinating, this mucus/semen like stuff came out and it had light light colored string of blood in it, u couldnt really see it unless you got right on it, but it was there, and im now freaking out, and i dont know what to do, i dont have health insurance and it really sucks not having health insurance when your a hypocandriac, alot of people cant relate, but i am...

I am so scared to die, I have lived the past 3 or 4 years of my life in fear of death, and im not afraid of a car wreck, or a bullet going through my head, im afraid of dying from 1 of the silent killer medical conditions, i am SO terrified of dying from a medical condition that it sometimes makes me want to shoot myself (not really) but sometimes i just wish i was someone else, or maybe i could just die in a car wreck so i wouldnt worry about everything. and im not scared to die because i dont want to die, im sometimes scared to die because im afraid of not going to heaven, im saved, i havent been baptized, but i am saved...i always try to put myself in God's hands, although i curse, i dont goto church, and i do wrong things sometimes, i do pray, and talk to God almost every night, but sometimes i feel like God has abandoned me, I feel so alone that I start thinking of the medical conditions and i read all this stuff about abdominal pain and it lists SO much stuff, and i mean it just sucks reading everything.

Now tomorrow im going to a doctor to see whats up with me or w/e but im also afraid to know...but i need to i guess, I'm scared right now that I wont wake up tomorrow morning....i'll die from an abdominal aortic aneuryism or something crazy weird like that...im scared the doctor will miss something and then I'll die from it, im SO scared of these damn medical conditions that it ruins what part of the actual life i do have, the medical things im afraid of ruins it.

i know there are people who have things worse off than me and would prolly kill to have some of the things like a loving family that I have but sometimes knowing i have all those things dont really help what I feel.

anyways sorry this was a long story, but if anyone has any thoughts/recommendations that would be cool, if anyone else has EVER had anything like i have i would like to hear it? anyways take care

-chad