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Sun 14 Aug, 2005 10:51 pm
Anyone out there with a child that has this? The 3 year old in my home seems to have this. he doesn't seem to get tired at all. Is always on the go. I was told by another social worker that was here to visit the other 2 that I should talk to his social worker and have him tested cause it seemed to her that he has this. It is not a fun day since he has been here and I don't want to give up on him. I'm thinking maybe I need to work more on my daily activities? It just seems like he needs to be busy 24/7 and I'm running out of things to do with him. I thought maybe some of you could give me an Idea of how your day goes and what things you have your kids do? My daughter and the other 2 can keep them self busy if needed to but it just seems like this lil guy can't.
My day goes like this.
1.They wake up get dressed
2. Off to breakfast by 7
3. Then teeth brushed faces washed
4. From 8:30 to about 10 they can either play or watch tv.
if they choose to watch tv then when it's 10 it goes off for the rest of the day untill later in the eavning.
5. from 10 to 11:30 we have story time and music time.
6. They have clean up that Tim takes over wile I cook lunch. From 12 to 1
they have lunch
7 then it's nap time for anywhere from 1 to 2 hours depending on their mood.
8 after nap we strech and do a wake up dance. about 15 min.
then we'll go to the park or have outside play. Or coloring or painting.
ok all that worked Great for My daughter and for 1 and 2 year old they love that stuff as long as they don't eat the stuff lol. But Mr 3 durring all this day is busy getting put in time out. and by dinner time the other kids are pretty much done and ready for bath and bed time. Mr 3 is not. he is ready to keep getting out of bed finding things to break or walpaper to pull.
When he finally does fall asleep then starts the sleep walking and nightmares. I'm so tired. I'm glad I have Tim to help me cause I couldn't imagine dealing with him on my own. As I said I know I can just tell the social worker you know what your gonna have to move him but I just can't do that to this kid I'm the 3rd placement. So I'm here asking am I missing some thing from the day. Do I need more activites. We take them to the park so they can run themself tired but it just makes him aggresive and more wild. Pluss with all the appointments I'm finding it hard to keep the same times and activities. So how do you parents with more than 3 kids do it? What am I missing? Now I only have 4 kids there is a foster mom where Mr 3s sister is in that has 10. I have asked to talk to her to see how she does it but I still haven't heard anything. Now don't get me wrong Mr 3 can be very sweet and a nice kid but just all over the place. If any of you have a child iwth Hdd how do you deal with him? Thanks
The child should get a professional diagnosis pronto. ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) and ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder) are quite common among foster children. The condition, though, is not limited to this group by any means. I teach at a detention facility in Massachusetts and I'd say that about a quarter to a third of the boys who come under my care have one or the other of these syndromes.
I know a woman who had a terribly hard childhood, didn't do well in school, got into all sorts of scrapes, etc. etc. It wasn't until she was in her 40s that her condition was diagnosed as ADD, which more or less explained a lot. Once the condition was known, she was able to adjust her life-style, request the cooperation of her employer (which was gladly given) and started to lead a productive life.
Some of the symptoms are an inability to concentrate fully on any given assignment unless given complete quiet and isolation. The least interruption can totally disorient an ADD sufferer from completing a task. Making a phone call can become an ordeal if anyone else in the room is speaking. It's hardly surprising that, as a result, ADD sufferers tend to be extremely short-tempered and will take offense at small things. The small things are what distract them.
At any rate, it has absolutely nothing to do with intelligence. Many ADD sufferers tend to be extremely bright, actually. They just can't concentrate. The upshot is that it should be diagnosed when the child is still young and can adjust his/her life around the disorder. See a competent thrapist and make sure that ADD is, in fact, the problem. It could be something else. Patience is a byword.
And, btw, I congratulate you on your determination not to have the kid moved, DB. He's got enough confusion in his life now without disorienting him further. Lots of luck and God bless.
Although some professionals will diagnose a 3 year old with ADD, most won't do so until the age of 5 or 6. There is a lot of evidence that points to food sensitivities in young kids causing attention and hyperactivity issues.
How much sugar does he have in his diet? Another common trigger is red food dyes, particularly those found in red 'juice' drinks.
A friend of mine just put her family on a sugar detox regimine because of some attention issues with her youngest child. She lost 10 lbs, he gained the ability to sit in his seat and focus.
Have a 13 year old with AHDD and it's a very tough conundrum. We hate it when we have to medicate him and he's insufferable when wd don't.
Recently we cut out the caffeine and sugar but so far it hasn't helped.
Because his teachers wouldn't give him the extra attention he needs he reads and does math at a 3rd grade level. But he's intelligent.
The first 2 weeks of this school year we've had 4 calls from his teachers about his behaviour.Don't know which way to turn.
I admire your determination too, DB.
I know how full my hands feel with Mo, who sounds a lot like Mr. 3. I can't imagine having to care for two smaller kids at the same time.
I don't know if you saw the topic I started on video games. I know this sounds very counter intuitive to calming a child but a lot of the newest research points in that direction.
I bought Mo a game boy but he didn't show a lot of interest in it. The screen is small, the buttons are smaller and even the easiest games are hardish.
I shelved it.
Then the other day I saw these game-and-go things advertised so I bought one of Sponge Bob games. Mo loves it. For $18 at Target (the game thing plugs right into the TV and doesn't require cartridges or anything) it might be worth a try.
Here's the conversation on video games:
http://www.able2know.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=55845&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0
Noddy posted some great articles on page #2 -- be sure to check those out!
Yes the fact that they may medicate is what worried me. I knew a lil boy who they did medicate and as he gew up he got tics like twitching and such. I also have noticed that ALOT of kids in foster care are deamed ADD or HADD. I just don't what to mistake this for "normal" 3 year old behaviour. What I notice most is I can tell him no don't do this or that and explain and have eye contact have him tell me after a time out what he did to be put in there and he will but no more than a minute later he's doing it again. This goes on asll day long. I keep telling myself hes only been on this earth 3 years and doesn't know all the rules so It's up to me to show him wile I can. But man is it ever rough.
I was just re-reading the first post with the activity log for the day, DB - and it doesn't seem like there is enough activity for most of the three year olds in my life.
They need a LOT of physical activity. They're on the go from about 7 a.m. til 9 or 10 p.m. - no reading, no naps, often no real meal breaks - just go go go. Is there some play group or something that your 3 year old can participate in, to up the wearout level.
That's a very good point eBeth. Our days are filled with physical stuff. We swim at least three times a week but most days we dig.
In the last year we have dug up almost our whole back yard. We have a big backyard.
With littler ones around such things aren't entirely practicle.
This boy is only three and you're his third placement? How long has he been in foster care, DB?
Does he have regular visits with his family? Does his bad behavior peak after family visits?
That's what happens with Mo. Usually a day or two after spending time with his mom, all hell breaks loose. I've learned to kind of plan for it.
A lot of people recommended a mini-trampoline to me. With winter coming on I intend to get one.
It is so hard to find the right balance between wear 'em out and keep 'em rational. When Mo is really tired his behavior veers to the extreme end of not being able to listen or control himself.
I don't have a lot of advice but I've got a good "been there" ear to listen with.
I heard about ADD back in the '60's. We lived on the second floor of a two-family house. A British couple and their two children lived downstairs. Their son was a rather tiresome, fidgety child: interrupting, twiddling, a genius at creating unpleasant noise. His mother was extremely patient, but this kid was a handful.
When he started school he was diagnosed with ADD and put on Ritilan. After a week, he looked across the breakfast table at his mother and announced, "Mummie, I'm sitting very still--and it isn't an effort."
He hadn't turned into a zombie--he'd turned into a kid who could control his impulses. The entire family was much happier.
Two of my stepsons were ADD. One was treated--one was not. The first is a respectable member of society. The second stepson started heavy drinking and drug experimention in his mid-teen years--quite possibly as an effort at self-medication. He can hold a job, but he's abandoned many girls and women and has two or three children whom he never sees and does not support.
He borrows money which he never repays and several small, valuable, pawnable items have been missed after his visits.
Evidence is starting to accumulate that ADD and ADHD, like autism and asthma and allergies, may be either caused or intensified by pollution of the water, air, food chain, etc.
Get Mr. 3 to an expert. If a doctor says medication will help, try medication.
Good luck.
Thanks guys. Yes boomer he has visits with his mom one time every week. He is waYyyy worse after a visit. The nightmares increase. He has started seeing some one for behaviour and I'm keeping an open mind. He has been in care 9 months. He was in a temp placement then, put in a home with his sister. then put in my home with out his sister. They had to seperate the two do to worse behaviour with the both of them together. I realy think he would do best in a home with kids a little bit older than him. My home is for 0 to 5 but at the moment I have them all younger and he is very aggresive also has some sexual issues that I have to keep a very close eye on. It's just very stressful. I'm so glad to have this place as you said even a listening ear is soooooooo much help. Mr 3 can be a sweet heart and I know it must be so hard for him to not have his mom then have his sister taken away as well. He's scared. But I also have to think about the welfare of my own daughter and the other kids in care. Just the other day he asked me if we were his family right when i was thinking of calling his social worker and asking what the plan was for him. I just told him you have your mommy and your daddy and your sister they are your family and they love you very much. I'm only a mommy helper. He asked what was Joy (other foster mom) A mommy helper too? I said Yes there are a lot of momy helpers, I heard you got to meet some already. He smiled and said yes I liked them. lol Didn't say he liked me lol just that he liked them. He has also told me Joy could teach me if I needed to learn how to be a mommy helper. He knows I'm new at this lol he's heard me tell his social worker.
he's very smart for a 3 year old.
I'm thinking he has a lot more experience than most three year olds and that he is indeed much smarter in the weirdness of the world.
I know how much change rattles Mo and Mr. 3 has certainly seen more change than Mo. You can't really blame him for being angry and scared.
It's good to keep an open mind but you're right -- you also have a responsibility to yourself, your own family and the other kids in your care. If Mr. 3 is being disruptive and dangerous it isn't fair to anyone to let him stay.
I know you care about him and that it seems impossible to make a decision that you feel might further injure him. I've known Mo since the day he was born and I love him beyond measure but there are times when I think "I can't do this."
Living with a kid in emotional distress is HARD. Stressful? O yeah. I still have days where a strong breeze can knock me flat.
I'm wondering if it might help to be the "Mr. 3 helper" instead of the "Mommy helper". Explain that mommy is getting help from someone and that you are there to help him while she's gone.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the behaviorist can help. Be sure to ask for some tactics to deal with after-mom times.
If he needs to be placed in another home I think it would be better sooner rather than later. Not just for you and the other kids, but for him too.
I don't think foster parents get nearly enouch credit for all the decisions they have to make or nearly enough support from the community at large. The foster care system is imperfect but until we find a way to eliminate the need for it I can't imagine anything better.
Hang in there DB.
Devious_Britches--
Mr. 3 could be twins.
A2K exists to help good-hearted, caring people like you.
Hold your dominion.
LOL Noddy omg bite your tongue haha. That too has crossed my mind though not that he could be a twin but what if I say ok move him and the next one is a different kind of worse lol. I remember with Melody I would go through the staes and one would be bad I we would say oh god I hate this stage. then comes the next one and it was way worse lol. You know what they say the grass always looks greener on the other side. What we seem to forget is, that side needs to be mowed as well.
Speaking of twins.....
Mo's mom called this morning. The twins (Mo's half sisters) and their dad have disappeared.
The twins will be two in just another two months.
I am having serious flashbacks.
Boomer--
Some people marry into soap operas, other people adopt them.
Is Mo close enough to his half sisters to miss them? Where is grandfather?
No, Mo hardly knows the girls. I have tried to keep in touch with them but it is not easy. In fact, it is nearly impossible.
Apparently Grandpa got mad at Dad for his lack of participation in raising the girls and Dad threw Grandpa out. Grandpa moved to neighboring state. Two months passed and Dad got evicted. Dad and girls disappeard last Friday and are suspected of being in neighboring state.
Now Mom has decided that she wants custody. Some of the things she was asking me make me question this statement.
I have a feeling that the girls will quickly end up in foster care in neighboring state.
Where can I send the donation for track shoes for the social worker?
<sigh>
I've stopped answering the phone. I'm ready for this day to be over.
DB darling, I'm rooting for you.
It could be worse than twins -- you could have to deal with the parents too!
(I didn't mean to hijack your thread.)
Oh no boomer it's ok we're here to listen no matter where we are. And if it were only that I didn't have to but I do. His mother is a real peice of work. Oh and guess what? I talked to the social worker and asked about what their plan was and...
social worker in a Joyfull voice said.: We think we will be able to reunify by the 30th!
Me in my head: WHAT? or other wise silent as I could not form words.
Social worker continues.. Isn't that great they will be both out of our hair.
Me: Umm so they have found all the right people to deal with all his issues?
SW: Well she will be dealing with all the appointments.
Anyhow we will be having a team meeting soon ok?
Me: yeah, ok.
Now just venting in my head
Ok so I know I wanted him to move. But I wanted him to get help as well. He attacked a baby and my daghter wile he was here in a aggresive and very adult manner. and they are just gonna sweep all that gone and send him back? I don't get it. It is very ovious that this little boy has been messed with and is acting out BIG TIME. Pluss he has a sister for gods sake. I feel I'm supose to do something here. ahh but I don't know what. I'm thinking about just calling his super visor and making sure she is seeing the BIG picture. At least then I'll feel like I tried. I just don't want to set the mom up to fail. If she has every thing set and is ready to get him back all these other issues can get him re-abused. What a disaster. Some one said we don't have a perfect systom boy they were NOT kidding. I'm new and already want to throw in the towel. Good idea boomer I think I may just turn on the answering machine. OH and here is the kicker he says so we get this kid out and I have a 5 year old I want you to think about pfffft. I told him well we'll see.
Oh well as the stomach turns. hugssss I'm gonna go drink some cofee and get my thoughts straight on what and who i need to call and talk to. double sigh
Argh boomer saw references to a tough day elsewhere but just saw this... ay-yi-yi.
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