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Sat 13 Aug, 2005 05:42 am
I have been married for 14yrs, 6 yrs ago i told her that i didnt love her for the first 8 yrs of our marriage and had only just realised that i know love her deeply, since then for the last 5 yrs she throws it back in my face and has told me to leave many times, now for the last 3 months she has been overseas looking for property in her home country of birth as i thought it would give her a break aslo and this time she said she doesnt love me anymore and gets agitated if i call her at 2 in morning if i know she is out and states i am obsessive, admittedly i call 4 times a day but just to see how the bond application is going, I have our kids with me and every day she says she is missing them dearly and cant wait for the bond to go through so she can be with kids, but she never once says she is missing me, so all of this is hurting me but she doesnt want to give me any sympathy. I have in the last 5 yrs done everything possible to cjhange any bad ways i have, but i now keep thinking is it worth it will she one day love me again, she says she wants us to live as afamily out there but i think it is only 4 the kids as she keeps telling me she would like me to find someone who would love me as i am a great father, but she never says i am agreat husband. how can i reverse what i said 5 yrs ago.
HOpefully you didn't word it as this states... that you didnt love her at all for the first 8 years of your marriage...BUT if you did hopefully that is not what you meant. See marriage should always be based on love, that is if you want it to last. You could try explaining that you didnt realize how strong your love was until you had been together for eight years.. was there some kind of landmark in your relationship at that point? A new child, a challenge you overcame together that strenghthened your bond? or did you just reprioritize and realize how important your family was? Reguardless of the whys and the hows.. if you want it to work out you need to talk to her.. not at her. You need to ask her how she is and tell her that you love her and miss her.. tell her what you miss? the way she smiled? the looks she gave you when you did something funny or clumsy? the way her hair smells? the way she looks when she sleeps? the way she played with the kids and they would laugh? tell her that you didnt realize how exactly how special she was until she was gone, and now you just can't stand being apart... This is really all the advice I can give you sir, and I hope it has been helpful. It is going to be hard but if it is meant to work out it will. GOod luck to you.
look mark i didnt just tell my wife i didnt love her, i abused her and did every bad thing you can think off, i was wrong , what catched my eyes is what you wrote:
" I have in the last 5 yrs done everything possible to change any bad ways i have"
i have been changing but you know what, i change because i also realize i loved her and the "grass is not really green on the other side" , i realize what i did, and for all i care , i am in debt with her for the rest of my life.
if she leaves me, if she dosent act the way i 'want" her to, i am still going to love her, expectation is devastating for me, because all the time it dosent go my way..
look man!! from my heart ..
you have her and your children now.... give thanks for that and dont worry about what could happen, or what she will or not do.
keep changing for the better and NEVER EXPECT anything back.
that is what i do, and its been wonderfull and i have peace of mind.
Thanks alley and roofer for reply, both very helpful in ways to approach situation, alley i find it hard to articulate my reasons to my wife and it comes out completely wrong sometimea and i dig a bigger whole, but i will try yur words as that is exactly what happened, she came back from a trip to Italy with a friend and then i knew how much she meant to me, just overwhelming love, and roofer yes i will try to stop thinking what if and keep trying to improve, what i didnt mention earlier was i have drunk a lot in the past and her mother is an alcoholic and she has just cut ties with her recently as my wife saysd she is going through healing, she has also cut ties with her sister as she says =these are all aggressive relationship, looks like i am next or as you say keep changing for myself as much as for my wife and family family, i will hold every day precious. oh yeh also in first few yrs in marriage I was unfaithful afew times which she knows i an sure and didnt come home for days, wow i have messed up a lot in the past and have aheavy bridge to climb, thanks guys and girls,
hey mark you sound like my carbon copy, thanks to god i am beyond that point , you are welcome to rech me thru yahoo messenger
my screen name is
r00fingguy (note the two zeroes)
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