Serious problem: Forgive or give up

Most American men are NOT compulsive liars, sex addicts, criminals, and do not abandon their wife and children to go to other countries in order to use other women. Yes, he is a "trashy one" and you should run as far away from him as you can. To stay with him will only bring you great pain and in the end he will leave you anyway, because people like him do not change.

love-escapee--

Welcome to A2K.

You know this guy is a rat--and no matter how many lies he confesses to and how many layers he peels off his soul, he is still a rat.

He's used to being forgiven--do you want to be one of his forgiving sex objects.

Ditch him. His problems don't make him glamorous and exotic--his problems make him a lying rat. You deserve better.

love-escapee,

It is true that in most romantic relationships you can expect to make some concessions in your solo life as you build a life joined with another person. To many americans, this involves spending more time at home, deciding where to live, etc.

In this case, however, you must decide if being lied to, deceived, betrayed, financially burdened, emotionally hurt, saddled with parental responsibilities, and being his personal live-in parole officer are things that you wouldn't mind doing, because; that's what has happend, is happening, and will continue to happen if you stay in this relationship.

Whether or not you believe that people can change, the fact remains that change takes a lifetime, and in this case he has far too long to go before he can be worthy or even adequate for you.

Fortunately, it is not your job to change this man or to take care of him. You may love him, and him being your first love, you will always remember him, but I hope you move on. You can do it.

Green Witch and Noddy 24 have a little more experience than you with men; you came here for advice so take it!

/Nod

I agree whole heartedly with Noddy. This guys problems are actually secondary to the fact that he lied to you and even when his dishonesty was found out did not come clean. You keep finding more unpleasant facts. If a relationship starts with this level of dishonesty it is a foreboding of things to come. Don't find yourself years later in this relationship or the end of this relationship kicking yourself because you knew from the start this guy was a liar(not to mention his other very serious problems). Get out now!

You do deserve better.

Re: Serious problem: Forgive or give up


I doubt that he got divorced. Ask to see all the papers.

Green Witch, Noddy 24,subtleone, Nothamster..
Thanks very much for all your kind words! You don't know how much they mean to me.

If you discovered he's a liar, then that should be reason enough to sever ties with the man.
Period.
Especially in a rather new relationship.
Not much good can come for this scenario.
I wish you the best in your escape from it.

love_escapee--



If you want to be a psychologist, go back to school and learn counseling skills.

If you want to be a fufilled woman in a loving relationship, ditch this guy.

He's not divorced--he has a legal separation. He has told you another lie.

When he's called on his lying, he blames everyone else--including his children!--for being such a creep. Then because you don't like his lying, he tries to hurt your feelings.

This guy is not Prince Charming. This guy is a frog and no amount of kissing and cosseting is going to turn him into a handsome prince.

I agree.

You're being further deceived and manipulated. He's using your affection for him and the fact that you're a good person to make you feel obligated to stay with him.

He actually is beginning to sound dangerous to me. Talking so freely about suicide and then drastically changing his behavior (being extra nice to you) are acts of desparation. Who knows what the next act could be? Be careful.

Forgive or give up? How about both. Forgive, so that you won't have the anger hanging over you, and give up because he doesn't sound like he has a positive effect on your life and your emotional well-being.

I remembered one thing i read in his journal, he said everybody thought he's a evil...

this "love" really is a big distraction in my work, my boss began to be unsatisfied about me

Thanks, everyone, for helping me learn more about the truth.

the sad part is that there are probably guys who move around alot that probably have 2-4 different families who don't know about each other. How can guys get away with this kind of stuff?

Love-escapee--


I read a wire service article in the morning newspaper:

http://www.poconorecord.com/topstory/








Does this sound familiar?

Sociopath is another word for con man.

...

Thanks for all your advice and company in my hardest time.

BTW, noddy 24, you are the most special person who i want to thank.

Love_escapee--

Thanks for the kind words and much more importantly thanks for asking a difficult question and actually listening to the difficult answers.

You'll have some lonely days ahead, but eventually you're going to meet a wonderful man to share your life and create a family.

Stand firm. Hold your dominion.