Hi newbie needing advise

I'm sorry you are going through this. Your husband sounds like a real jerk. Does he look like Brad Pitt or <insert favorite hunkster here>? If not, maybe you should tell him that he really needs to aim for that because you cannot become aroused by anything less than perfection.
He's the one with the problem, not you..so stop beating yourself up. Stretch marks are a sign of motherhood, wear them with pride!
So you have a few rolls, so what! Make healthy eating and exercise a regular part of your life. Do it for yourself. Your husbands expectations are unfair and his cruel words to you are verbal abuse, nothing less. Marriage is supposed to be about building each other up, not tearing them down.
You asked "Is it even worth staying in a marriage when you know your partner finds your body unattractive?" That's a valid question that only you can answer. It's plain to see from your post that your husband's comments are making you miserable. Maybe it's time to seriously consider if you'd be happier without him.

Good luck

Lorel,

You have my best wishes.

I don't think that it's fair for you to blame yourself for the way that you are perceived by others. We all feel responsible to a certain extent for the light in which we are viewed by others, but I think that we tend to take it too far, especially when it comes to physical appearance. It sounds like you are doing what you can to maintain a healthy physical condition for a woman at your point in life. Your husband needs to do what he can to maintain his being a worthwhile, supportive partner.

I am sorry that he does not understand that every person's body is different, but I am even more troubled by the fact that he chooses to berate you, the woman to whom he promised to love, honor, and cherish for the rest of his life, just because (though still attractive) she isn't the exact same shape she was before having children. You say that your marriage is fine in other areas. I'm curious as to what other areas you mean?

Support, respect, and communication are among the most important issues in a marriage and he's not doing those, even if he supports you in other ways. You deserve to be supported in all ways, otherwise, it's just one step forward and two steps backward. He may be a good father; what kind of father, though, sets an example for his children of dergrading their mother? They will learn this behavior. They will get hangups about body image.

I would suggest counseling if your husband rejects discussion regarding these matters. Even if you know that you're being reasonable and he's not listening, sometimes he'll just need to hear it from a professional; guys are like that, trust me. In any event, you deserve better. I hope things will look up for you.

On a separate note, I am a little embarassed for this forum. You deserve better from us, too. I know that sometimes we roll our eyes at yet another message about "my bf dumped me cuz i said this other guy was cute and he was like ur fine girl," but come on, people, we need to support even single-posters if they come here for feedback. If we just want to hear our friends' concerns, there's other discussion places and icq and stuff for that.

Thanks shmookiedoo and subtleone, I appreciate your kind words. I am trying to keep a pos. self image and we are going to counseling. The funny thing is I'm really finding myself disconnecting from him right now, probably a result of all this . I am really wondering whether my happines lies down a different path.......So all in all Im keeping my chin up and luckily life is really busy now so that helps......Im only 34 so I still have a few years left in me yet lol

I am glad that you are taking action to view yourself in a more positive light and also to see if your marriage is one that can exist the way they were intended to exist. You seem like a smart and capable woman!

Pleasing our spouse is a central part to most marriages, I have always thought. It's our reason for wanting to please them that speaks volumes about the quality of the relationship and the happiness of both of the individuals involved. Are we bending over backwards to please our partner because our admiration for them creates a desire within us to do so, or are we making that great effort just because they have taken to demanding it of us?