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Thu 11 Aug, 2005 05:53 am
Little Johnny comes home from school one day and asks his mother what "****" meant.
Thinking fast she replied "food on the table".
Next day he comes home and asks his mother what does "son of a bitch" mean.
Again, thinking fast again she says "It's a priest".
Next day he comes home a asks what does "fuckin'" mean. She says it means "getting dressed".
That same night a priest was coming over for dinner. Johnny is just finished setting the table when he hears the doorbell ring.
He yells "got it". He opens the door and says "Hey son of a bitch, shits on the table and mom and dad are upstairs fuckin'".
Little Johnny walks in on his mother as she's getting out of the shower and stares intently at her crotch, then asks: Mommy, what's that?
Why . . . that's where a man hit me with a hatchet, Little Johnny.
Wow, right in the c***! ! !
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Little Johnny walks in on his mother as she's getting out of the shower, and staring intently at her crotch asks: What's that, Mommy?
Uhm . . . that's my washcloth, Little Johnny.
Oh . . . that explains a lot . . . so the neighbor lady has been washing Daddy's face every morning after you leave for work, huh?
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Little Johnny arrives for school late one day, bruised and bloody, with his clothing torn. So the teacher asks him what happened.
Well, my brother an' me was walkin' ta school, and this big dog jumped out an' attacked me, but my brother ain't scared, he kicked his ass ! ! !
Johnny, that's not polite language, you mean rectum.
Wrecked 'im Hell, he f*ckin' killed him ! ! !
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I love Little Johnny.
Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, "Mom, what are those things on your chest!?" Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten.
Johnny didn't forget. The following morning he asked his father the same question. His father, always quick with the answers, says, "Why Johnny, those are balloons. When your mommy dies, we can blow them up and she'll float to heaven." Johnny thinks that's neat and asks no more questions.
A few weeks later, Johnnys' dad comes home from work a few hours early. Johnny runs out of the house crying hysterically, "Daddy! Daddy! Mommy's dying!!" His father says, "Calm down son! Why do you think Mommy's dying?" "Uncle Harry is blowing up Mommys' balloons and she's screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!"
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