1
   

Pilots' gripe sheets will scare you away from flying

 
 
Reply Wed 10 Aug, 2005 11:45 am
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet, "which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, & then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots & the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.
----------------------------------------

(P= The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S= The solution and action taken by mechanics.)
----------------------------------------

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
----------------------------------------

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
----------------------------------------

P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.
----------------------------------------

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.
----------------------------------------

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
----------------------------------------

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.
----------------------------------------

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.
----------------------------------------

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what they're for.
----------------------------------------

P: IFF inoperative.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
----------------------------------------

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.
-----------------------------------

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
----------------------------------------

P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, & be serious.
----------------------------------------

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
----------------------------------------

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.
----------------------------------------

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget
  • Topic Stats
  • Top Replies
  • Link to this Topic
Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 549 • Replies: 4
No top replies

 
Individual
 
  1  
Reply Wed 10 Aug, 2005 10:15 pm
I get a good laugh every time I read these. Thanks, BBB.
0 Replies
 
patiodog
 
  1  
Reply Wed 10 Aug, 2005 10:23 pm
Knew an aircraft mechanic in Seattle.

Not surprised.
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Thu 11 Aug, 2005 12:00 am
Enjoyed these, bright and funny.
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Thu 11 Aug, 2005 12:00 am
Enjoyed these, bright and funny.
0 Replies
 
 

Related Topics

Oddities and Humor - Discussion by edgarblythe
Let's play "Caption the Photo" II - Discussion by gustavratzenhofer
JIM NABORS WAS GOY? - Question by farmerman
Funny Pictures ***Slow Loading*** - Discussion by JerryR
Caption The Cartoon - Discussion by panzade
Geek and Nerd Humor - Discussion by Robert Gentel
Caption The Cartoon Part Deux - Discussion by panzade
IS IT OK FOR ME TO CHEAT? - Question by Setanta
2008 Election: Political Humor - Discussion by Robert Gentel
 
  1. Forums
  2. » Pilots' gripe sheets will scare you away from flying
Copyright © 2024 MadLab, LLC :: Terms of Service :: Privacy Policy :: Page generated in 5.02 seconds on 12/03/2024 at 12:30:08