Here's a suggestion.
Reframe it.
Instead of--- never darken my door, try something like:
Quote:Dear Family,
We love living in the family house and would love to invite you for the following days:
* Labor Day weekend
* Xmas (or Chanukah or Kwanzaa as appropriate)
* Easter (or Passover or possibly Eid, if appropriate)
* July 4th weekend
We hope you can come! Since not everyone will fit to stay over, here are the names of 3 reasonably priced hotels in the area (bonus points if you have enough people where you can get a discount if enough folks stay there):
{list the hotels with addresses, phone numbers, websites, and rates. Make everything crystal clear and simple to find}
Drop-ins are hard for us to host. If you're in town some time other than the days we listed above, we suggest one of the above hotels. We would love to see you but overnight hosting would be too difficult.
Thank you for respecting our schedule and needs, and we look forward to seeing you.
Love,
If you don't cook, then throw in something about potluck.
Make the four dates for no more than 3 days apiece. So, a total of 12 days. The dates are spread apart and there's one for each quarter.
With the 2 religious holidays, you may find people don't want to come because they want to go to their in laws or their own house of worship, etc.
I realize that you don't want to host at all. This is a compromise. It also means you control the days and the length of time people stay. You make it clear that you love to see everyone but you want it to be on your own terms.
If anyone asks why it would be too difficult, don't launch into a long explanation. Just say something like,
it's hard for us to host properly and we want to do right by you.
If anyone balks, it's your house. You get to make the rules.