need advice

I have known my wife for 8 years, and we've been married for 6. We have 2 children and a 3rd on the way.
After 2 yrs of the marriage, things began to go downhill. Shortly put, we aggravated eachother for reasons that always related to lack of compromise.
I'm just going to give some recent examples of situations that im hoping someone can give me some advice on how to deal with...
before i give the examples, i would describe our marriage as a very poor marriage in all areas including compromise, respect, communication, sex etcc.

Here is my most recent situation that has got me quite upset...
several years ago, i gambled away any extra cash i had. My wife was upset about this all the time, and in some instances blamed the falling mariage on me for such things as gambling.
Today, I have not gambled in years, but now she does. She borrows from me to gamble, doesnt pay me back and has no remorse for the fact that I comfort her instead of harassing her like she did to me several years back.
6 months ago, we had discussed having a third child. It was a short discussion because I was absolutely sure that I did not want a third child. I did have reasons, and stated them. Her reason for wanting a third was to have that feeling of a newborn, and the enjoyment of it etc...
I understand that.
However, she also claimed to understand that I didnt want a third.
But, when it came to birth control, she refused to use it. she had a reason for each of them (she has used in the past with no problems)
she also refused to have sex if I used a condom. She also refused to have her tubes tied.
So, in a nutshell, i f i wanted a sexual relationship with my wife, i needed to get snipped.... I accepted that, even though it bothered me that she wouldnt use birth control. I felt she was making excuses.
at any rate, i was to go in for the snippy , but before i did she got pregnant. Yes, i was aware of the risk, and dont blame her for being pregnant.
What upsets me, is that I am 100% sure that her reasons for not using birth control were lies, and instead I truly beleive she wanted to leave the door open for me to "slip up".
In a nutshell, she did not respct my feelings towards having a third.

Currently, it is showing that this is a one sided thing daily.
My wife wont discuss what we are going to name the baby, she has simply stated what the name will be and if i dont like it thats too bad. She felt she was compromising by "allowing" me to choose the middle name..
(( for our first two children, we chose the names together, and actually had fun doing so ))

My wife is also telling my mother that our first born was conceived while she was using 1 type of birth control, and our 2nd was conceived while she was using a different type of BC. She says this to back up her orignal statement about not wanting to use birth control this time around....

problem is, my wife was not on birth control when we conceived our first 2 children. how do i react to this?

lastly, I found out today that my wife talked to her doctor, and told him that after this baby is born, she wishes to have her tubes tied.
Problem here is that i found this out from my mother, not my wife.


I will be talking to my wife about all these things tonite, but I am 100% sure that she will ignore it or turn it into an argument about past problems.


what do I do?
( ps, there is so much more to this, just not enough time to type it all out )