wife is generous to everyone except me

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My wife and I don't have many friends. For me it's by choice, it always has been. I am happiest when I'm with my wife and son. For my wife, she always complains about not having enough friends. She spends countless hours volunteering to help people, some we barely know... not volunteer in the sense of community service. Volunteer as in babysit for free, help people clean their house, drive their kids places, gardening work, etc. She has this burning desire to be liked. I guess she believes this will help garner more friends.
I wouldn't have a problem with any of this except she rarely does anything nice for me. I've told her in a very gentle way that I would really appreciate it if she could channel some of her generosity my way. She gets very defensive whenever I approach the subject.

Do I need to just let her do her thing? I suppose it could be much worse.

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Could it be that your wife thinks she is being generous by giving you time to yourself?

My husband is really social and I am not. The most generous thing he ever does for me is to grab our kid and clear out for a while.

He gets the social interaction he needs and I get the quite time I need.

What is she not doing that you wish she would?

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boomerang wrote:

The most generous thing he ever does for me is to grab our kid and clear out for a while.

I take our son everywhere. We go to the park 3 times a week. I am a car fanatic so I take him to all the car shows. Believe me, my wife has plenty of alone-time.

boomerang wrote:

What is she not doing that you wish she would?

I'd like her to take an interest in me. In the 5 years we've been married she has only attended one car function with me... and she complained the entire time. Yet she'll pick up the neighbors' doggie doo if they ask. She'll heat up some frozen food for dinner or something that requires less than 2 ingredients. Yet when we're off to a potluck dinner, she'll spend all day cooking 1 dish.

Is it normal to have such a desire to please others but not your husband?

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Nick I was wondering what other things you do that your wife wants you to do for her, not what you think she wants??
edited fix

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No. You missed my point. Your wife doesn't want alone time. Maybe that's why she is always out doing for others. She wants and needs a social life and as you said, she and your son are enough for you.

Tell me this: do you work while she stays at home with your child?

Also, in the 15 years I've been married my husband has only attended one museum exhibit with me. I have never attended a sporting event with him. We don't have every interest in common. So what.

It sounds to me like the both of you need to learn to communicate and compromise.

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Husker. Huh?

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boomerang,
I see what you are saying. I guess it is difficult getting advice online... or in life for that matter... because all the variables are not known by the advisee.

I actively pursue my wife's interests so that we can do things that she likes. I just wish she'd take the time to do the same for me. We communicate well and often. We agree on what's healthy for our relationship. Unfortunately she just has a difficult time implementing it. She tends to act on emotions rather than logic.... typical woman Very Happy

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nick-at-nite wrote:

boomerang,
She tends to act on emotions rather than logic.... typical woman

You are not planning on getting flamed, are ya? Laughing

She is doing this with the desire of getting love and attention from her acquaintances. But in my opinion, she is over doing it. IMO, this usually leads to trouble because very soon her "friends" will start taking her for granted and the ill feelings will take over. She will be more lonely than she could even fathom.

I have a friend like that. She is just trying so hard to please others that she almost for certain ends up in a bad relationship with them. She needs to realise that there is a borderline in friendship that should not be crossed. They are friends and not family.

Some people don't get it. May be here you could help your wife have a social life but advice her not to over-do it. Start doing small things that pleases her. If she feels loved, she will very readily start finding time for you.

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wife is generous to everyone except me

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