Online Games=Less Sex

The part about the FIX of the game paritally supplanting the need for sex is an interesting theory and not one that I clearly agree or disagree with at this point.

Maddie, do you mean like an addiction? It can happen. It does happen and I have seen it happen. Back when the game Everquest first came out a very dear friend of mine worked for an ISP. He had a wonderful girlfriend that he had lived with for almost 5 years and they adored each other. Since my friend was in management at this ISP he worked for, he really didn't have much actual "work" to do and got hooked on Everquest. He played every minute he could at work (Nice playing on a T1) and then as soon as he would get home he would get right back into the game that he had just left 15 minutes earlier. It got so he would take his meals in front of the computer and most nights stay up until 1 or 2 in the morning. It got so bad that he wouldn't even do anything with his girlfriend on the weekends because his "guild or clan" or whatever they called them, would have certain quests planned and they could literally last all day and into the night.

After about a year, she left him much to his surprise. I mean, in his words, it wasn't like he wasn't home every night. In her words, she just would not or could not try to compete with a game any longer. It was very sad, actually.

Yes, Yes, Yes
That is the same thing my husband tells me...at least I am home everynight. He does do it all weekend...he makes plans with the guild and alliance. My 7 year old daughter thinks all he cares about is the computer...she flat out tells me to leave him and that he doesn't care about me. Gosh, the addictive personalities have all the same excuses. So, having said all that, your friend MUST have had a reduced sex drive and interest in her. right? P.S. my husband also takes his meals in front of the computer, and stays on the game until midnight during the week...3 to 4am on the weekend. Nice, huh?

Re: Yes, Yes, Yes
Never Wrestle With A Pig you'll both get dirty, and only the pig will enjoy it.

Arguing on the internet is like running in the Special Olympics. Even if you win you are still retarded.

Thanks for your intelligent input...
Hey, I appreciate it...I could never be addicted like that--Are people born that way? What I mean is...a lot of people just can't sit there that long day after day...it has to be some component of one's make up that you are able to even do that for so long everyday.

No, he isn't the father--thank God! Her father is great! But, we have a baby who needs physical therapy and he won't help, unless I really get on him.

He thinks nothing is wrong--I'm not spending money, and I'm home...you are lucky.

He has all kinds of excuses...he says if we got along perfectly (who does) then he wouldn't be on the games as much--hello, welcome to REAL life. kids, responsibilities. He even has excuses for sex...if we got along better, then we would have more...what guy says that????? You would get along better with more intimate moments, so what in the world? I know that is an excuse...this is NOT a sensitive guy.

Within the last 48 hours a good friend called me and said Everquest was probably going to cause her to divorce . Very similar story to Lady J's except this husband works from home. Instead of doing his financial consulting he's playing his game. Income is way down, sex is down, communication down, fighting way up. He plays almost constantly and gets very angry if interrupted.

I heard video addiction is similar to gambling addiction (rather than cocaine). It stimulates the part of the brain that is excited by unknown expectations. Like the gambler who let's his winnings sit on the table, it's not the money it's the thrill of waiting for an outcome. Video games set you up to experience the high of "what will happen next". It's similar to the feeling you get when you are opening a gift. The best part of the gift is often the excitment you feel before finding out what the gift actually is.

I have heard of AA type meetings for video addicts, but I'm not sure how you find one in your area. Maybe you could call the drug/alcohol related AA and get some direction.

thanks
Oh, mine would never admit a need for help. Mine hits and slaps the computer and talks to it. He actually believes these games are important...you would think he was actually making money or something critical, like the Iraq war. It's weird. I was just curious if anyone else was experiencing this in their lives. He told me he would quit when we married. He actually toned it down for a while, but was so difficult to deal with, I told him to get on it. It was like someone weaning off crack.

Everquest, Camelot, Utopia is another one. You have these guilds and post jokes, sometimes really sexual too. He had a headset one day, and everyone was on the headset talking...50% who play this game of Camelot were WOMEN! A new hot spot ladies except you'll never get your guy off the game...ha ha!

Oh, maddie. I really feel for you girl. I am so sorry that you are going through this.

I agree with Green Witch completely regarding the type of "high" that compulsive gamers get when playing. And I would have to say, that based on your description, it sounds like you have a very compulsive gamer on your hands. Especially when you retold how your husband hits the computer and talks to it and probably even yells at it sometimes?

I guess if I were in your situation, I would try to have a talk with him (probably again) when he isn't playing and is in a fairly relaxed mood. It's hard for someone who is that compulsive to NOT be thinking about his game even when he is not playing, but I would give it my best shot.

Lay it out how you are feeling, how you see his game time is taking away from family time and how he really needs to become more involved with the care of the baby who needs the physical therapy and with your daughter from a previous marriage so she can see a good role model in her life.

Also you might want to think about what YOU want to do if he is not willing to change or accept responsibility for his actions or in this case, lack of inaction regarding his family.

Seeing a counselor on your own is not a bad idea and the counselor may be able to give you some advice on how to approach him about this very sensitive subject. Of course he denies having any sort of addiction. He probably feels like addicts are losers and HE certainly isn't a loser! Just look at how high his ranking is now, baybee!

I'm not trying to make light of the subject, because it is indeed very real and can be very destructive.. You need to look out for yourself and your two children first and foremost. He's made some pretty bad choices right now placing his gaming before all of you. He may need to think about what he would do if you were actually gone.....

Yes, ONE OF THE MAIN REASONS I LEFT MY 5-YEAR PARTNER WAS BECAUSE OF HIS GAMING. He´d come home, and plug himself tothe PC. He would not talk or communicatein any way. He would not come to bed when I wen to bed, he had less and less and less sex.

I HAVE LEARNT MY LESSON, not anymore with an online gamer!

and btw, nothamster, the people you mentioned as example, they might be still together, but the guy did have other affaires as well, and she doe snot play anymore so????????

Online Pigs
Sorry to add salts to the wounds: I learnt to play online games to spend some "quality" time with my (now ex-) partner (he was a pig plugged to a PC). Anyways, we did play, but since I was not as experienced as he was, he'd get mad at me, yelled and just left the game with no explanation....many times.

We women need a MAN, not a PCGamer, those are not men. As said before, I learnt my lesson.

Hey Morningdew
Did he actually take the GAME over you???? Did you get along well before the game? I heard from numerous spouses on a military base that they were madly in love until this online gaming started. I wish I could say that there was some hanky panky going on in my situation, but just plain old gaming...nothing special. HEY GIRLS...you who game...why DO you like it so much???

more on PCgaming partners
Dear Maddie:
When I met him, he was already addicted. First, I tried to understand it, then I ended up joining the games to be with him. He liked it somehow BUT (1) he would not stand my clumsiness, due to my lack of experience (he had been playing for 15 years before me) and (2) when I started to dominate the game, he'd not stand that my character was ahead of his (I guess a macho thing). Then he did not stand that I'd make contact with other players (YES! he became jealous of other players!), and FINALLY, sex became less and less and less, until non-existant.

We played together Dark Age of Camelot, World of Warcraft and Guild Wars. OMG, I would play only one character, while he'd create 10 and played all of them at the same time.

Worse: he never admitted his addiction. He just said it was for escape (and that's how addictions start, precisely honey!).

Anyways, and for the third time: I will not put up with a man whose addiction comes first. PCgames are included among addictions. I have no problem with his playing and surfing, but to be there, plugged to the PC every evening from 6 to 12, and every weekend from waking up til going to sleep, it's too much, don't you think?

I should found the LAPCGP (League Anti PC Gaming Partners).

Whoever is there, needs professional help.

My partner is playing World of Warcraft right now. I think he's leaguing with some friends of ours. Yet our relationship rocks.

I depends on the level. He's stayed up all night gaming, as have I. We used to travel 2 hours each way to play some weekends. I met him through gaming, so it's actually a shared interest (although I'm not into it as much now).

He knows when I need to talk, he knows when I need affection, just like I know the same thing. Yes some idiots will take it too far and game instead of living because their need for 'uncomplicated escape' over-rides their respect/love for their partner - they aren't gamers, they are addicts. It really isn't the game, it's the personality. Games offer a great release from reality, some people just won't get back into life.

So to answer the original question: no, my relationship/sex life has not suffered through CounterStrike, The Sims or World of Warcraft

Good for you!
Yes, I agree...some people I'm sure treat it as a hobby...your relationship sounds great! Why does one need that escape? So, they don't have to think or intereact with other people or what? That is what I don't get. Even when my husband was single and everything was going great (he lieved with my brother)....he returned from Iraq after 8 months, and wasn't looking for sex...he had offers so I'm told...instead he spent countless hours on the internet...my sister-in-law would call from Iraq and she couldn't get through to my borther...having said that, if he was just trying to excape me, then I would understand, but he did this before sex, girls and everything else. Don't get me wrong he would go play poker (all night) once in a while, but he could care less if he had any sex...We all thought this was odd...given the dry spell in Iraq? So, maybe it's the addiction, and not an escape?

My hubby plays World of Warcraft but never lets it interfere with our life. It isn't the game...it's the guy. Tell him to limit the time spent on his game or he can kiss you goodbye.

The addiction comes from the escape - sometimes life is a bit hard to face so you withdraw into whatever escape you've chosen.

I'd say Iraq is a pretty big thing to be escaping from. Maybe he just needs time although, Bella Dea has it spot on. He may not think it's a problem but if it is hurting you then he should be able to respond to that.

Iraq
Not really...it doesn't even bother him in the least. No trauma there. My sister-in-law went too. They are in support position, maybe the figher pilots and infantry guys are more affected. Don't these people think...WHAT A BIG WASTE OF TIME! He acts so nice to these people, it's unreal...it's sick...it's from 8:30 to midnight everynight, and all day, night on Fri. Sat, sometimes until 4am. I get no affection whatsoever...since the tension about his schedule. He basically says I'm playing no matter what...these people can't see the forest from the trees. It's too bad affairs aren't easier to come by...then I wouldn't need any affection from him. Maybe Iraq will happen soon.