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Should I keep trying or just break up?

 
 
Reply Sun 22 May, 2022 08:24 am
I'm currently in a 6 years relationship and I guess it's been a year since I fell out of love with my boyfriend. We rarely communicate with each other now and we only see each other once every 2 weeks due to busy schedule. However, I know and I feel that he still loves me but I don't know if he know that I already fell out of love as I do not want to hurt him. I also can't let go of him since he's such a nice guy and I'm afraid that I will never meet someone again who understands me deeply and has a long patience with me.
However, I keep getting confused for the past few months as I was contacted by my greatest love last December, he is someone that has never been mine as he was such an immature guy. When we had something between us before (not a relationship with label), I backed down as I know that it will not work but my feelings for him never really goes away. And this time, he already changed, he matured as it has been 9 years already and we are already adults.
I kept thinking about this greatest love of mine but we do not communicate anymore since I asked him not to contact him as I am in a relationship already.
And now I don't know what to do, should I keep trying to fall inlove with my boyfriend or should I just break up with him? As I do not want to have any regrets and I really don't know what to do.
 
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Sun 22 May, 2022 10:46 am
@Shine2796,
Never try to fall in love with someone. That way lies madness.

End it. Today. I'm not kidding.

Why?

Because your boyfriend probably senses things are off between you two. Only seeing each other every other week should be his first clue.

Because I'll tell you, my husband and I lived a few hundred miles away ~2 years into our marriage. Since I was the one with the apartment (he had moved back in with his folks to work for the last few months for his retirement $ to fully vest), he took a train to me every single weekend. I went down there for Chanukah IIRC.

It was expensive and time-consuming, and a massive pain. This is long before people started to really carry cell phones everywhere, and there was one time the train was trapped in the snow for a good 4, 5 hours. I had no idea where he was, and neither did his folks. It was scary. He finally called me from the station and I picked him up, him stumbling into the car.

But we did that and I would do it again tomorrow. Because people who truly want to be together will say, "**** schedules!" and do everything in their power to get together anyway.

You two aren't.

So end it. Your boyfriend probably won't be as devastated as you think he would be. He may be waiting for the other shoe to drop, too.

It is an act of love for you to set him free so he can find someone who will truly love him, and not pine after someone else.

As for who you're pining for, there's zero reason why you can't reinstate contact. But give it some time after the breakup. Immediately jumping into another relationship is nearly always a terrible idea. And if it doesn't happen with this particular guy, I am confident that there are other men who could be appealing if you gave them half a chance.

And, if I'm reading your post correctly, you haven't really been an adult on your own yet.

Do that. Be an adult on your own for a while, even if it's for less than a year. Be the person who has to make the food and buy the groceries and clean and pay the rent. Be the responsible party because there's no one else. This sort of experience is exquisitely valuable in life. Knowing how to be self-reliant is an important life skill.

But pull the trigger on your current relationship first.
0 Replies
 
Medusax
 
  1  
Reply Sun 22 May, 2022 07:23 pm
@Shine2796,
You can't force yourself to feel anything. Either it is there or it is not. I tried once because the guy was really nice and was very interested. I tried to talk myself into him, but, he had some things about him that were a big "no" in my book. It would have been unfair to him for me to start seeing him.
0 Replies
 
PoliteMight
 
  -3  
Reply Sun 22 May, 2022 11:07 pm
@Shine2796,
Try and make it intersting and role-play

1. pretend that you and him met each other the first time and is the first real course of interactions.

2. Try to keep things interesting.

3. Maybe there could be room for more.
0 Replies
 
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Mon 23 May, 2022 03:42 pm
@Shine2796,
Shine2796 wrote:

I'm currently in a 6 years relationship and I guess it's been a year since I fell out of love with my boyfriend. We rarely communicate with each other now and we only see each other once every 2 weeks due to busy schedule. However, I know and I feel that he still loves me but I don't know if he know that I already fell out of love as I do not want to hurt him. I also can't let go of him since he's such a nice guy and I'm afraid that I will never meet someone again who understands me deeply and has a long patience with me.


It sounds to me like you're like you're a dog with a bone. You don't want it, but nobody else can have it, either. And you're using him.

Shine2796 wrote:

However, I keep getting confused for the past few months as I was contacted by my greatest love last December, he is someone that has never been mine as he was such an immature guy. When we had something between us before (not a relationship with label), I backed down as I know that it will not work but my feelings for him never really goes away. And this time, he already changed, he matured as it has been 9 years already and we are already adults.
I kept thinking about this greatest love of mine but we do not communicate anymore since I asked him not to contact him as I am in a relationship already.
And now I don't know what to do, should I keep trying to fall inlove with my boyfriend or should I just break up with him? As I do not want to have any regrets and I really don't know what to do.


Just how was this 'immature guy' your 'greatest love' when you never had a relationship? I'm confused.
0 Replies
 
 

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