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Thu 4 Aug, 2005 07:30 am
I have become friends with the guy I work with who is married. I am single and have worked with him for about 4 years, 2 and a half years closely. I also know his wife. So to make a long story short I never had feelings for this guy other than being a work collegue and a friend. It seems that the longer we work with each other the closer we have become, especially over the last 6 months. He jokes around and seems to be flirting with me. A few months ago I was approached my another work collegue and questioned as to whether we were having an affair. I denied it because I didn't consider myself to be having an affair with him. I waited a week before telling him and he was shocked that people thought that and denied the rumour. After that he made jokes about me being in his office and that I better get out before people see us together. Occasionally he would take things I said (obviously) in a sexual way (when I never intended it to be about sex, only ever intended it to relate to work) and he would tell me I couldn't say stuff like that. So it sounds kinda strange but after I found out about the "supposed affair" I realised I had feelings for him. I can't tell if he is just being nice to me and just thinks of me like a good friend or is wanting more. He constantly touches me on the arm when talking to me. When he comes and sits at my desk he sits really close to the point that we're touching. We also look at each other just that little bit longer than you would normally look at each and just smile. Today he was playing with my hair which he has never done before. Long before we found out about the rumour suspicion, I would go to past his office when going home and if he was on the phone he would blow me kisses instead of saying goodbye. If I was going away on holidays he would kiss me goodbye and it seemed at the time like he was going for my lips but I kind of moved away because I was scared. He will always wink at me or just smile. He recently told me that if it wasn't for me he would have left the company by now and that he wasn't going to leave without me. All these things makes me think that he likes me. But I'm not sure. If he does have feelings for me I can't understand why he would considering his wife is so nice. It is a frustrating and confusing situation. I don't want to say anything about it to him because I don't want to destroy the relationship we have.
Gear down big shifter.
If respecting his wife, and the sanctity of their marriage means forgetting your feelings for him, and losing the relationship you have then you should do it.
Might i guess that this man has been married atleast 5 years? And he is over 30? Yet he has no grandchildren, and hasnt faced old age with his wife yet.
You've become a 'work wife'. The thing that he goes to work for. he works for his family, but he goes to work for you. his wife is his support and joy at home, and you are the same at work.
He sounds like a really great guy, but we cant have everything we want, and we cant always enjoy what feels good. If it means stepping down from a position, or simply telling him to back off, then you need to do it. He could be making his mind up now, he could be weighing his options, and counting the cost of leaving his wife and chasing after you. Everyone gets bored in a marriage, and usually its through our own fault, we start chasing other things and other people instead of our spouses. But the good thing for him is that people change, so the game is always fresh. He's bound to be a different person from the one his wife married, and she's a different woman from when he married her. but thats a different topic.
Dont be his tripping stone. Be the bigger person and give him the cold shoulder, keep things professional. you can find other friends, but he will never find another wife. even if he leaves and starts over, there is no redo, there is no begining from scratch. she will always be a part of him, good or bad, she will always be part of who he is. Men make their own decisions, but those are based on factors. Damnit dont be one of his factors.
I have had two experiences like this....im not trying to be cruel, but ive been there. if you know his wife and respect her-and you think he doesn't respect her by flirting and being close with you, dont ' lead him on. im sure your not leading him on, but he might think that. he is a man, men are stupid and they do not think with their heart nor brain, just with well you know. ive had a lot of guy friends; they are the best to have; esp when they give us the attention that we get flattered on. This old co-worker of mine well he never played with my hair but he did touch it a few times and he did flirt knowing i was in a serious relationship; i never flirted back; my heaviest flirt might have been something small like kicking his chair; thats about it. so i really do know what your going through; email me we'll
[email protected] or IM me yahoo-smoothboop7. im not going to say your feelings aren't real; they probably are. you might be in love but in the long run, it wont' be worth it because he is married and devoted to her; and if he isnt; do you really want everyone to believe you are a home recker even if you werent the one starting it all. i dont care what others think either, but falling in love in and out is so much easier then having his wife finding out through your other co-workers if they know her and for her losing the respect of you.
email me sometime.
" men are stupid and they do not think with their heart nor brain.."
That does not apply to all men. I'm a man and I keep to myself.
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