Sister and her family upset we are going to Disneyland while they are here and not letting them in o

Reply Tue 5 Apr, 2022 10:01 am
Due to financial difficulties my sister and her family had to move into the accessory dwelling unit (ADU) on our property several weeks ago. It’s basically a studio apartment. Because its small her family is often in my house. Sometimes one of them will use our restroom if the one in the ADU is already occupied. My sister will also use our laundry machines and our kitchen when she wants to cook something big as the oven in the ADU is quite small and doesn’t have as many burners. Her kids will often be over to hang out and watch tv or play games or use the internet for school (we’ve had some technical issues with getting internet in the ADU). However the rule has always been that either my husband or myself have to be in the house when other people are over. We are not comfortable with having people over while we are not there.

Recently we were reminded by our daughter that we had planned a trip to take our kids to Disneyland during their spring break (next week). We had forgotten due to the chaos of having my sisters family here. We had promised this trip to our kids a long time ago. We just wanted to wait for our son to be tall enough for all the rides. Several months ago we noticed he was tall enough, so we planned everything and have already scheduled time off work and have our tickets and hotel reservations bought. The plan is we would be out of town for three days.

My daughter unfortunately reminded us about this in front of everyone while my sisters kids were over hanging out. So now my nephews and niece are upset because they don’t get to go. Taking them along isn’t possible because of the cost and because we don’t have a vehicle big enough for everyone.

Another thing that has upset them as well as my sister is that since we will be gone for three days they will not have access to the main house in that time. Like I said earlier we are not comfortable having people in our house while we are gone due to bad past experiences. We didn’t think it would be a huge issue though. We figured during that time we could temporarily move our bedroom tv into the ADU as well as the xbox so the kids could still play. They say the bedroom tv isn’t big enough which is true its much smaller than the living room one, but that one is mounted to the wall so it’s not easy to move. We also have at least over 20 games on the xbox and had planned on renting dads from redbox, but apparently all they want to play though is online games though which won’t work in the ADU. Otherwise they want to play the games on the Nintendo switch. However we had planned on taking that with us so our kids to use on the flights. We’re going to have a lot of down time.

My sister is upset because she won’t be able to use the laundry machines or the kitchen. However I don’t see why she can’t go 3 days without Ising the laundry machine. She’s also definitely gone more than three days without using our kitchen before. One average she usually just uses it twice a week. She’s also upset because she thinks she won’t get enough space from her kids while she is working (she works from home) as they are usually in school or hanging out at our place. We however do have a bunch of stuff for them to play with outside and a big safe area for them to play. So I feel like she can send them outside to play. We have swings, a sandbox, a basketball hoop, several bikes, a croquet set, cornhole, water guns, and more games that’s just on the top of my head. It all seems like more than enough for kids to occupy themselves for a few days, but my sister says they don’t like playing outdoors.
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Reply Tue 5 Apr, 2022 10:06 am
So what's your question?

I say your sister and her family can suck it up. You're not responsible for their situation and you've done more than enough in easing their cramped quarters. It sort of sounds like the expectations on her and her family's side are huge and they aren't too grateful for what you've offered so far.

Too bad if she works from home. Too bad if they don't like playing outside. Too bad if they don't have a washing machine for 3 days. They need to suck it up.

What if you weren't around at all? How would they cope? It sounds to me that they're pretty ungrateful for all you've done - they don't appreciate you, more - they're taking advantage of you. You don't owe them anything and you've done plenty. Tough beans for them - it's only 3 days.

I hope I answered your unasked question.
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Reply Tue 5 Apr, 2022 10:44 am
What is wrong with people? No quite honestly...here you are - you have opened your home and yard so they have a place to stay. You did not have to do that. My opinion - I would be po'd at them. They should be grateful that you have accommodated them. Instead they are mad at you for living your lives.

Yeah it is tough that their kids cannot go - not your fault. You provided for your children and your family. I agree with everything you have given them (and also think it is even over the top that you agree to move your TV into their place).

It is 3 days! Really - it will be good for the kids to go outside it they bother your sister.

Do not feel guilty - go and enjoy your time with your family. Seems you are putting up with quite a bit and deserve this time away.

If you want - suggest to them to make a few meals in your kitchen that just needs to be heated up -- allow them to wash their clothes and use anything that they need so they do not need the use of your house - but that is extra.

Besides that try not to blow up at them and say hey - I can kick you out of my yard any time I want ----believe me I want to go say that to them for you.
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Reply Tue 5 Apr, 2022 11:42 am
I bet there are laundromats in your area, and pizza joints. There may even be arcades.

Your sister's being ridiculous. It's 3 days. Even if she buys all that stuff, it'll cost her under $100 unless she's got 500 kids with 10,000 articles of clothing apiece.

Yeah, I'm exaggerating. So is she.

She will get over it, and her kids will learn that they don't get everything they want all the time. Being able to entertain yourself is an important life skill. Her kids can, as you said, go outside.

Or, oh I don't know, read a book?

If I were you, I would go away longer next time.
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Reply Tue 5 Apr, 2022 01:08 pm
I agree with everything that was said and the operative word is "ungrateful".
They're more than ungrateful - children can be, but it's up to the parents to teach them how to be appreciative of what's given to them.

It seems your sister is riling up her kids to be ungrateful too. I hope you have an understanding with your sister that she has a termination clause on the ADU.
Since you're so generous with her and her children, I assume you're not asking rent or any contribution to her using your house and amenities.

Bottom line - you're a very generous person and it's very unfortunate that
your sister cannot appreciate that you're helping her and she's utterly ungrateful on top of it.

Enjoy yourself at Disneyland and upon returning, set some boundaries and try to give her a term limit on th ADU.
Reply Tue 5 Apr, 2022 01:34 pm
Actually we have a lease agreement for 1 year and she pays about $150 to cover utilities.
Reply Tue 5 Apr, 2022 02:29 pm
Well, I would end that agreement when possible because she's not paying for utilities she's using at your house (laundry, oven, lights, bathroom, internet, etc). She's an ungrateful wretch and if I were you, I'd limit everyone to coming over once or twice a week. Or start charging for use of the laundry, shower and stove. Seriously... they should be grateful to you. They could be living in any number of cities in Ukraine right now where there's no electricity, food or water. People just never seem to think of how worse things could be. She's a very lucky sister.
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Reply Fri 20 May, 2022 06:32 pm
1. do the laundry together or take turns doing everybodys clothing.
2. do the kitchen work together. With all those kids you have extra hands and work as one big well oiled machine.
3. No bs videogames, cable, or any bs. Work, studying, talking long walks, studying, and family things TOGETHER. Videogames all can be fit into one memory card one day, they are worthless for the most part.
4. Help your family find a better standard of living and work with them. No

Whatever or
I don't care or
I no wanna bs

Just let them go to Disney land and when we all get back we just laydown the new rules and only use lighting when it is needed. Like reading a book or watching a movie, etc.
Reply Fri 20 May, 2022 07:13 pm
Where is this family going to get enough money to pay for 5 extra people on a trip to Disneyland?
Reply Fri 20 May, 2022 07:35 pm
And why the hell should they?
Reply Fri 20 May, 2022 10:02 pm
They shouldn't, Jesus Christ, people are entitled to take a friggin vacation.
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