I've come clean with partner, been forgiven, but feel consumed by guilt

I've been with my partner for five years. A few months ago on a night out I was drinking with my ex-colleagues, and I was sitting by one who leant in and kissed me, I let the kiss go on for a few seconds before pulling away telling her I can't. After a week of trying to get over this myself, I couldn't contain the anxiety it was causing me and had to tell my partner. She was furious, but was willing to forgive me.

However, I hadn't been entirely honest and later confessed that a month into our relationship I had gotten extremely drunk at a club, kissed a girl and even took her number. I regretted it was a terrible mistake the next day, deleted her number and blocked her on facebook because it was a genuine mistake and I had no interest in talking to her or seeing her. I tried to rationalise it at the time as a drunken mistake that I would learn from and that I didn't need to hurt my partner by telling her. Again my partner was furious but forgave me (again) telling me that I was out of chances and gave me the opportunity then to lay all my cards on the table.

This is the problem, I didn't immediately again lay all my cards on the table. About a year into our relationship I was again on a night out with some friends of mine and there was a girl there who I got on well with and I drunkenly told her I liked her. Nothing happened, and the next day I apologised and told her it was a mistake and that I loved my girlfriend. And I haven't spoken to that girl since either. I eventually confessed this mistake too, and a further time that I had slow danced with a girl before my friend decided to step in and separate us.

These now are truly all my cards on the table, I have just told all last night and once again my girlfriend was furious. She explained to me that each of these events on their own is not break-up material but it's the fact that they've happened a few times, and also the fact that I haven't told her about them straight away. She is more annoyed that I essentially took the choice about what to do with the relationship away from her. I made the decision myself that they were stupid mistakes and that I should just get over them and resolve to be better.

I have been out loads of times and drink and normally I can control myself, but it does seem that now and again if I do drink I end up doing things and saying things, and putting myself in situations that are destructive to me and hurtful to the person I love. I can resolve to not drink or not go on night's out anymore, but I am still consumed by guilt by these mistakes I have made and the shadow they have cast over the relationship. I have been trawling through messages me and partner send each other and I was messaging her the very night I ended up kissing that girl and I found this particularly upsetting to see as I didn't even remember messaging her that night. We were in a really good place until all this came out, but now I am consumed with guilt and anxiety and I do not know how to get over it. I don't want to keep going over it with my partner, because it's not fair to keep bringing it up and dragging her into it but I also feel like I should be punished and that I do not deserve my partner or this life we have built together to the point where I cannot even sleep or eat. Is this something I can get over now that I have told her the truth - she is willing to forgive me and to work on the relationship but I am so guilt ridden I am becoming emotionally unavailable and feel like I don't deserve her even though she tells me that's not true. This is all very raw and I just do not know how to stop feeling like this.