i want to be more confedent & out going

You sound just like me. Are you shy because you panic? Actually, I don't think you are shy around those who you are close to. Am I right? You want to be able to talk to people and you feel like an alien or you feel like the odd one out? You try to start a conversation and you have a thousand things to say but you can't because when you try you think you will make a fool out of yourself. Is that how you feel?

(I am assuming you are in High School or College) so may be you can pick a normal guy, who is not necessarily the most popular football player, and just ask him how he is doing, what he is studying, or how he did on some kind of test. If he watched this or that movie. Ask in a way that he has to use more than one word to answer. For example dont ask: did you see the "xyz" movie? (where he just answers yes or no), rather ask: what did he think of the "xyz" movie. And then just keep going, tell him what you thought, what kind of films you like, what you'd like to see, and where and if he'd like to come, etc. I think guys are very flattered when girls talk to them, even if they try not to show it.

good luck

Unfortunately there's no set way to just "get confidence." It can only come from you. I used to be the SAME way when I was a teen/early twenties(now I'm 28), and I'm the opposite now. I was hanging out last night with a girl I met at a party on Saturday, and she told me "I can't believe, you walked in the party and knowing just one person, and when you left you knew everyone's name."

You have to adopt a "I don't give a f#*k" attitude what people think of you. Unless you're overly annoying, who's going to make fun of you for starting a conversation? Nobody, unless they're a complete ass, and that's someone you don't want to be friends with anyway. See, that's in your head, and that's your main problem, thinking too much what others think of you.

So first step is developing confidence. Take a public speaking class...get a part time job like waiting tables where you have to interact with people...get used to talking to strangers in public. Say hello to random people, comment on what's going on, ect., and move on.

You can't think "what do I say in this situation?" Because it really doesn't matter one bit. Smile, be friendly, and the conversation will flow. Listen to people and feed off what they tell you, instead of wondering what to bring up next.

Even though this is coffeemate's topic, thank you so much. Gives me hope that I'll come out of this completely eventually

i have to agree with slappy. in my late teens early twenty's all that mattered was what other people thought about me and i was rather self conscious. now at 29, while i do have to care somewhat about what people think about me (mainly because i manage other people's money so they have to trust me and i have to be confident in my skills) in most social settings, i just walk up to people i don't know who look scared and say hi, how's it going (not caring what they are going to think of me other than-she just said hi to me). most of the time they are so happy i spoke to them having a conversation is easy.

if i can't find that person, i generally find a group of people and just walk up, wait until one them looks at me so i don't interupt the convo, and say, hi, i'm dragon and everytime, they all introduce themselves to me which is great.

again, you can't be afraid of what people are going to say about you or think about you. just go for it, what's the worst thing that can happen? if they ignore you, you are no worse off than you were in the beginning because you werent' talking to anyone anyway.

coffeemate-are you in college? if so just pick someone from each class you are in, approach them and say, hey i saw you in class today, what do you think of our professor? everyone has an opinion on this. then really listen to what they have to say, most people love to hear themselves speak...

Coffeemate,good luck to you, I know exactly how you feel.

I cant even look at people most of the time!!
Even now I hate answering the front door.I got embarrased coz i bumped into friends unexpectedly the other day and didnt know what to say.These are my best friends who Ive known for years!!

The advice given is great, especially dont be self conscious.Most other people will be worrying about what YOU think of them, let alone what they think of you.
The Fonz(from Happy days)may have been cool on the outside but I bet he had insecurities.
Basicly appearances can be deceptive.Just coz someone LOOKS cool or SEEMS to be popular doesnt mean that they are.They dont have to be yuor role models, you dont have to like them.

If people put you down and make yuo feel bad, they are the people to avoid and feel sorry for, you dont need people like them in your life.
They are probably being cruel to impress their friends due to their own insecurities. They need to take it out on someone, sadly they pick on you.

A way to combat someone if they laugh at you is to laugh right back.
At yourself, at the situation, at them.
Once they can see you CANT be embarrassed or poked fun at,they see you can see the funny side in things(wether you thought it was funny or horribly embarrassing)they will give up trying to be nasty to you or think 'yeah, she's cool'.

good luck sweetpea.