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Does he want something serious or is this just casual?

 
 
Reply Sat 22 Jan, 2022 02:01 am
Matched with a guy on bumble and we seem very much into each other. On his profile, it said 'don't know yet' about what he wants, mine said casual. Anyway, we message a lot, he takes a lot of interest in my family/friends, and just things about me/what I'm up to. He often says that we seem quite similar too; almost uncanny how similar we are. We had our first date last week and we both seemed nervous. He said I was the most attractive person there. Used the term 'first date' instead of just hanging out. Ended up sleeping together. Very affectionate and not remotely distant intimate wise, lots of kissing etc. Offered to make me breakfast the next day. Dropped me home. Said he wants to see me again and we could possibly see a movie/picnic. Immediately messaged me after he dropped me home. We then went on our second date last night and did mini golf and I slept back at his and we were our usual, very affectionate and complimentary to each other. This was the second time I briefly said hello to his parents. We've messaged almost every day since and he immediately messages me after our 'dates'. He often sends goodnight messages to me as well. Drops hints about us dating like 'I wouldn't want a guy to do that to a girl I'm dating'. He said he's free this Sunday again and possibly we can go to the beach. Hold each others hands while we drive. Speaks a tiny bit about his ex which ended 6 months ago and claims she's not near my league. Gives me forehead kisses in bed and head rubs. Last night something came up about casual sex and he almost indicated that I was surprised I slept with him on the first date and tiny bit asked if that is something I do often - in a diplomatic way. Something came up about my ex and he said he's glad I'm not with the guy anymore otherwise we wouldn't have met.

However, I noticed and I shouldn’t probably be looking that he followed his ex on Instagram, I think today? He sent me a message a week or so again claiming that he was angry as he found out she may have cheated and called her boring and bad in bed. They owned a house together. When I saw him the other day, he said he caught up with her and everything turned out ok in regards to the house I assume. No change in communication, still lots of texting and photos of what he's up to.

Advice? Is this just strictly casual?
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Type: Question • Score: 8 • Views: 1,151 • Replies: 7
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jespah
 
  2  
Reply Sat 22 Jan, 2022 08:03 am
I think you have a lovely, early relationship. It's too early to start picking out a china pattern.

As for what he does on Instagram, so what?

Social media is for following people, reading their stuff, and looking at their photos and videos. Full stop.

He is with you and not her. It doesn't matter if he follows all of her social media accounts.

Allow me to repeat myself: so what?

Also, because it's an early part of your relationship, any jealousy (let's face it, you checked up on his Instagram account activity because you were insecure, and being insecure tends to = jealousy) is misplaced.

Here's a bit of unsolicited advice.

You said you wanted something casual. So. Keep. It. Casual.

Give it maybe as many as 3 months (yes, really) before you start treating it like a serious relationship. This means you can date other people and even sleep with them if you so choose.

And so can he.

Keep this early, exploratory phase a bit longer, and don't rush into things. You barely know him. And you can't get this exploratory phase back once it's gone.

Use this time to get to know each other. And at least once, have a date (you don't need to use quotation marks; those are dates) where you both understand that you aren't going to end up in bed at the end of it. Find out how you both behave-- do you stick to the agreement? Are you bored without nookie? Do either of you pressure each other to break the pact? Do you have a great time without expecting an orgasm at the end of it?

Either you meant it when you claimed you wanted something casual, or you didn't. At least he was honest, and said he didn't know. You might want to convey that, too.

If it's real, you'll miss each other when you don't see each other. And you won't have to get naked unless you want to--- that is, it won't be a requirement to get through an evening together.

He sounds really sweet.

Don't rush it.
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bobsal u1553115
 
  1  
Reply Sat 22 Jan, 2022 09:26 am
@freeinsight90,
Now for the counter point: "if you have to ask, you know the answer."

He's way too involved emotionally with his ex, and now has you monitoring her too, (you are allowed to check each other's narrative this early in the game).

As Jessup put it, though, do not rush the china pattern. Your two paragraph are filled your reasonable and rational doubts. Listen to that part of you not overly dependent on your heart.
0 Replies
 
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Sat 22 Jan, 2022 11:40 am
@freeinsight90,
What do you want? Do you want something more exclusive with him?

So under the assumption you want something more he may be thinking you do not with his comment about you sleeping with him so quickly and your profile saying casual and maybe that is why he is hesitate or not mentioning being exclusive and how he sounds as if he is skirting the topic ... Giving hints and feeling you out.

If you feel this way why not be open with him? You don't need to lay it all out and mention being exclusive but you can share your feelings about how you feel about him.
0 Replies
 
Sieumuottv
 
  -1  
Reply Fri 4 Mar, 2022 01:36 am
As a man I do not care much about my ex life after we broke up and I get over with. From that point they are just a stranger which doesnt affect me at anyway, if they are doing fine, good for them. If they face something bad, 1 facebook reaction and that's all, no communication after that. So in my point of view, he's fine. Just do not question or demand him to stop following her. Either he cares about her or not, that action just show your insecurity and make thing harder.
Medusax
 
  0  
Reply Fri 4 Mar, 2022 01:48 pm
@Sieumuottv,
I don't care about mine, either. I have no contact with any of them, in any way. Once it is over, it is over. The people I know who followed their ex's or stayed "friends" or whatever, were all hoping to get back together with them.
0 Replies
 
Mrknowspeople
 
  0  
Reply Fri 11 Mar, 2022 06:02 pm
@freeinsight90,
Careful you should be. Of course, a month later you have less cause to be confused. That new part of a scenario is new for a reason.

Lets talk about your ex. You ever love your ex?
glitterbag
 
  1  
Reply Fri 11 Mar, 2022 07:29 pm
@Mrknowspeople,
Lets not talk about the ex, that's too boring to think about.
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