Am I overstepping??

Reply Tue 4 Jan, 2022 08:16 pm
My best friend has been dating someone for a few years now. We have lived together during this entire time. The partner moved in when they first started dating and never left. Let me start off by saying the partner is not a bad person, she would be there for me if I needed her to be. The reality is that my best friends partner does not have a paying job (has only been paid for 1 year out of the 3 they have been together.) my best friend financially supports her, feeds her, and puts a roof over her head. The partner rarely does chores around the house, rarely buys food or items for the house. My best friend knows this and has said multiple times she wants it to end but is afraid to end it with her because she won’t have “anywhere to go.” Aka no house, no friends, no financial support. Am I over stepping my place as a friend to ask why she doesn’t just give her a timeframe to move out and end it? Do I just begin to save my money and move out on my own. I decided to continue to rent because I have no urge to purchase anything. And I might as well rent from my best friend who I have lived with for 4 years. We shared an apartment for 3 and she just purchased a house last year. Am I over stepping? I’m over seeing my best friend allow her self to be taken advantage of. It’s not fair to either of them. A lot of this is their own issues so should I just sit back and let it play out or offer my advice?
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Reply Wed 5 Jan, 2022 06:26 am
Your living situation may be more precarious than you think.

When push comes to shove, your BFF may end up choosing their partner over you--- regardless of how long you've known each other, BTW.

Unsolicited advice tends to not get a great reception. No matter how well intended.

I would suggest you look for elsewhere to live. And, not for nothing, but if you can afford to buy a house but don't want to live there, why not buy an investment property? It can become another income stream for you.

Why am I (unsolicited, heh) suggesting this? Because real estate ownership is a great way to build wealth. Renting just pays someone else--- no matter how much of a BFF they may be.
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Reply Wed 5 Jan, 2022 06:58 am
I am going to take a slightly different viewpoint than jespah. First do you have a lease? I think your tactic might be just a bit different if you have a lease or are month to month.

Overall I look at this as impacting your life. Another person in the house increases the cost if you split things 50\50. Another person takes up more space so splitting the rent 50\50 is not fair for you. The same for any other utilities you share in the cost. Also the fact that there is cleaning and cooking and anything else in what you share. The personal stuff whether your friend pays for her or not is quite honestly her business.

I would meet with your roommate alone...especially if you have a lease and both your names are on it. Tell her with the new living situation if it remains this way you need to cone up with another fair arrangements on splitting costs and caring for the shared spaces. Keep it focused on this and try not to get into anything personal.

This part I agree with jespah...I would try to look for an alternate housing for yourself as this may not work out.
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Reply Wed 5 Jan, 2022 07:05 am
I agree with a lot of what's been said. It would irritate the **** out of me to be subsidizing this person who barely helps out (good point, Linkat), so I'd start with that with your BFF. You can also tell your friend you're going to look for another place to live because this is really bugging you. She either needs to pay for 2/3 of the expenses or get her ex or whatever she is to pony up. This person has a great gig going and you're both being taken advantage of.
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