Sun 19 Dec, 2021 11:17 pm
So I go to church today, and my mom squawks and tells me to move. It's a cold rainy day, I don't want to be near the door, and there some other reason that I only piece together much later in the day. I'm like "No? You want to sit somewhere else, you sit somewhere else. I'm happy here." So then she throws a fit and tells my dad, who happens to be the priest (which btw, is something extremely low, to basically get the priest/your husband/my dad to also make me do it). I do what I always do when multiple people tell me something. Conclude they have a point? Hahaha, no. Dig in my heels and refuse, of course.
She tells me that this poor suffering family is under alot of strain, that I must have noticed that everyone always sits in the same spots, and this why the kid sitting with that family is moving about. No ummmm (1) this poor suffering family could tell me personally to move, but they never did, which makes it Mom's delusional opinion not something they actually complained to me about, (2) no I "must have noticed" nothing, I don't go around minding other people's business and I haven't noticed anyone demanding specific seats, (3) that kid is a wiggleworm. (3b) The other time, I think we did leave a gap, mainly because I sat where she sat, there wasn't someone already sitting behind me (which is kinda the point "that poor suffering family, why don't you move back and shove the people behind you back while we feel virtuous for them people in front of us"). This kid moved back a seat and proceeded to mess around with prayerbooks and hymnals. There rest of the family that supposedly reserve the seat she saved did not move into that seat, making everything she said a lie. He eventually moves about five pews back where the grandparents or whatever actually are sitting. Wiggleworm. Nothing to do with me, he wiggled regardless of me, and she just remembers it wrong. (4) I realized later why it mattered to me. A large portion of church life is about sense of community, feeling like I fit with this people around me. We get to say hi when passing the peace. So for no reason, she's basically telling me, "everyone gets a favorite seat but you." Or, everyone gets to belong but you. You have to sit away from this family, and push the people behind you back. (5) I won't cooperate, so she bullies me. I won't be bullied, so she tries to isolate me by leaving to the back. Then for the rest of the day she holds a grudge and won't talk to me. (6) What are we 10? Assigned seating stopped being a hard rule in high school. You get there first, that's one thing. Same for if you talk to me personally and tell me that you want to sit with your family. It's easy, "Excuse me, the rest of our family is here." But they aren't sitting there. They aren't sitting remotely there. Those people sat five pews back even when there was an open spot the last Sunday we went. They sat together.
So really, this is just another way of telling me "You don't belong." Thanks Mom, it's not like I need a healthy social network and a feeling of being a part of a church or anything. I dropped the subject after leaving church. She didn't forget and bothered me at dinner. She doesn't talk to me all afternoon. She bothers me again at 11pm while I'm doing dishes. At that point, yes, this is an issue.
Yeah, I know, I'm a stubborn person, and not a good model of Christianity according to people like Frank Apisa and Annointed.
It still feels rude, and alot like bullying. Especially since roughly a year and a half, I haven't been able to attend my own church, and now it's the church they wanna go to, and I don't feel that welcome there either (they bought into this COVID hysteria to the point where I'm not allowed in).
What should I have done? Wait, no, don't answer that. I know what half of you here think about me. Forget it. I guess I just wanted to vent.
are you shitting me? This is all you got to worry about??
Maybe your mother is not an issue
What's a 'church', please?
Yeah, I know.
I'm probably in the schizotypal spectrum.
People with schizotypal personality disorder are often described as odd or eccentric and usually have few, if any, close relationships. They generally don't understand how relationships form or the impact of their behavior on others. They may also misinterpret others' motivations and behaviors and develop significant distrust of others.
Not paranoid, but I basically seem to not get along with anyone easily. I write weird books where I later contradict myself, or speak in crazy talk like "You must must understand that the Truth pervades from the Heart." That's uhhhh lovely, but you know that's gibberish. And surprisingly, unlike alot of mental disorders where someone thinks their actions are normal (true schizophrenia, for instance), I can understand that's gibberish too. But even though I'm strange, there's a part of me that just can't stand people trying to be normal.
Good luck! I hope it all comes under control.
What is 'your' definition of a 'church'?