Embarrassing personal problem

Sometimes people do say things out of habit. It is weird but probably not anything to be alarmed about. The man is working 2 jobs. That probably sucks every sexual urge right out of him. Cut him some slack. On the other hand, you need to address this with him. Just tell him it really bothered you and you are having trouble getting over it. Don't be angry with him or it will shut him out. Just be honest and open. Explain how his not wanting sex makes you feel. Try and find an agreed time to decompress together once a week where you are intimate. Maybe not with sex but intimate. He will need to make an effort where he never did before and you will have to learn to understand his perspective.

Good luck.

Perhaps your husband should have his testoserone level checked.

If it's low, he can be prescribed a testoserone gel that is rubbed into the skin daily.

This happened to the pasha and no change for the first two days, but then, all of a sudden on the third, WOW!

I wouldnt be overly concerned. If you are worried that this may be an offence to you, its possible that he had a meaning in his head that was innocent but after it left his lips he was unable to explain in a way that wasnt upsetting, so he just called is a slip of the tongue. If youre concerned that this may be a problem for the dog, I doubt any husband of any moral stature would perfer his four legged pal to his soft warm wife. Esspecially when you have an inability like this envolved. Chances are if he cant keep it up for you, he's not gonna be keeping it up for an animal.

Maybe he felt like sex was another one of his jobs, like walking the dog or caring for a pet. Another boring thing he has to do to keep things running. Who knows.

If he's stressed out then there is no way he can preform. While you can shut down and think about whether you packed the kids lunch and how much money is left in the checking account, and still have a decent sexual experiance, all but a few men are completely unable to get the job done if their minds are anywhere but on the task before them.

If he's nearing fourty and feeling the effects of putting on weight he might not have the confidence to even see himself as a sexual person anymore, but an aging man. Despite what you say its pretty hard to persuede him. He might be dreaming of the 'glory days', esspecially if you have teenagers at home.

All that aside, if it were me I wouldnt make a huge deal out of his inability. You'll convince him he has problems, and most of the time these things are in a mans head and not a fault in his pants. Take the pressure off as much as you can. Help him learn to be intamate in other ways, even if you already are, find new things that might not be as physical as what you hope for. Try leaving him a card in his car at work. Pack a lunch with a love note, but dont mention anything to him, pretend like its the most natural thing in the world.

I know about a year ago my own husband started into a spell where he couldnt preform, it was just out of the blue. He started into a panic about how he was getting old, and he was falling apart, how he couldnt be a man and let me down like this. He felt horrible even after the first time this happened, and he feared it happening so much every following experience that he actually cause the problem.
I made sure he understood it was no big deal if we didnt have sex and instead we'd just make out, or do something else fun. We'd take overnight minivacations, go for a walk, sit and cuddle infront of the tv. Silly little things, until the pressure was off and he suddenly realized that his body would do what it naturally was made to do if he didnt impead it with stress and worry. Things got worked out in only a couple weeks.

Try little things to get your husbands intrest, go back to where you were best friends and work from there. Take and intrest in him, start walking in the evening, keep food at the ready for him that will aid him in the extra work he's doing, i dont mean filling his belly, I mean healty things. Come up with things that might remind him of when he was younger. Take him some where where he can see how the youthful men his age are dressed and acting. Go out one evening. Suprise him with a new pair of shoes or a pair of jeans, something that will make him feel handsom. It can be just as important for a man to feel handsom as for us to feel pretty.

Thats just my personal feelings, I very well might be clear off the map, since i dont know anything about the situation. Who knows what youre husband is carrying around inside him, what he's thinking. It could be something simple that for whatever reason he's afraid to share with you, you'll have to dig around and see. Chances are its no big deal. Although if the puppy thing happens again and it really bothers you then you should be truthful and tell him is worries you, without anger though.

Yes, all of the above. and ask him to go to the doctor for a checkup and bloodwork.

How would he feel if, in the throes of passion, you called out the cats name? Not impressed I would think!

The physical stuff is not unusual given that he has a lot of stressors right now. I wouldn't be overly concerned in that area. He can get help with that by cutting down on work, losing weight, getting fit, lowering his to-do lists so he is not as stressed.

It's the "puppy" comment that would bother me. I don't care if it's habit or he was thinking fondly of you at the time and felt like calling you a pet name. "a good puppy" ??? I would have clocked him one. Tell him if he is going to refer to you in a pet-name you would rather he use one that is only yours, not belonging to any animal you may have living with you and certainly not one that he can use for BOTH you AND the dog!

i'm never too tired for a BJ.

Oh, com'on, Heeven. I often whack my cats on the rump and say "Good cat", just as though they were dogs. Do they get offended? Hell yes! But they're cats. They are offended by everything.

Sorry for the digression, but sometimes Heeven needs to get things in perspective.

No man is....but aren't you ever too tired to get freaky with the lady?

Are mothers who call their children by names other than the own, bad moms? Because I know a lot of people who do that. If Johnny is always bad and then Sarah does something bad, maybe mom yells,"Johnny...er, Sarah! Get down off the roof!"

I have been so tired that I have said some really stupid stuff that truthfully ment nothing .
Being tired, frustrated..etc.. can bring out some of the dumbest " slips of the tongue"
is it possible this puppy comment was just that?

okay maybe using the cats name as an example was wrong since cats are horrible creatures anyway - who would want one of those around? They're worse than a husband who thinks of his wife as a furry four-legged creature with a tail.

Yes, sometmes i am after midnight basketball. hey, if the girl wants to be on top and do all the work i have no objection either.

I have said, many times, to my nephew and niece "Go fetch me my shoes, little puppy".

They don't get offended. They actually pretend they are dogs, crawl over, and grab my shoes for me! In their mouths, no less!

What's the problem?

Sex is serious, esspecially between a husband and wife... theres a life-long commitment there with only eachother to fulfil all human needs.... its more frustraiting than whether someone is instantly gratified.

the whole point isnt weather he's too tired to have a BJ, the point is if he cant even get it up for anything than theres a problem that effects more than one person.

Although it is nice to know that tenoch is always ready for the ladies...

Hi,

Thank you all for your replies & advice. I'm reading it all.

DH & I have been talking. He assures me he is not having an affair and still in love with me. I've also assured him that I understand and want to help. We're planning a checkup & also discussing cutting out the 2nd job or at least cutting back and making other changes.

We are both under too much stress. We are the caregivers for several relatives with serious illness (my parents, his parents & an elderly aunt). We take care of their homes, cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, errands & dr's appts. One lives with us and has been hospitalized recently. DH visits them everyday, even after working long hrs! And I babysit my sister's 4 children daily while she works. We never complain because we love our families but are realizing we can't do it all.

I doubt DH is having an affair (when would he find the time!). But the puppy comment still bothers me. I've heard of men calling out another woman's name but not the dog!!!!

Thanks for listening & helping.