Arguments in first year

Searching- Yes, fighting is very normal. Remember, you are two different people, with different backgrounds, experiences, and life histories. The adjustment from thinking as a single, and then as a couple, is a great change. It takes time to become used to that change.

The way to get through the first year is to keep open communication, and be amenable to negotiation. Also, what is very important is to know how to "choose your battles". When a person insists on having his own way every time, there are bound to be problems in the marriage.

Bottom line, just about every marital fight has more to do with control, than any particular situation that appears on the surface.

If you love ytour spouse, you need to listen, and understand that you are two individuals, as well as a couple. Good luck!

In the first year of marriage two separate individuals are becoming an established couple--of course a certain amount of discord is inevitable during this transition.

I would assume that you did not live together prior to marriage. If so, much of the arguments could stem from your different life styles at home.

I remember before my husband and I moved in together, I lived alone. I love being alone. When my husband and I first got home each night, he would want to sit and talk and have lots of contact. I liked to wind down and have some time to myself first. He would get upset because I would not want to immediately share our days. After time and discussing we have sort of gotten used to these different styles and respect them.

Other things can stem from how you like to decorate your home, how the toliet paper should be, whether you toss clothes on the floor, leaving dishes in the sink, etc.

It is more respecting each other and getting used to each others habits. Hopefully these "small" differences will fade over time and you get used to each others habits.

Our first fight had to do with how to fix chicken.

Looking back, that was probably pretty petty. I don't remember the details other than finally looking at each other and exclaiming "Cool! We just had our first fight!"

There have been numerous disagreements since then. Learn to give and take, pick your battles and remember to make up before going to bed.

We had just as many fights in the first year of marriage as in the year before marriage. Which wasnt that much. But I think most of the fights have nothing to do with us being married, rather with 2 people living together. You know, the sucks, the dishes, etc.

Fighting should decrease as time passes.
I always try to remember that making my mate and I happy is the most important thing in our relationship.
Don't be petty or hold grudges, never be afraid to say I'm sorry, even if you're right and never ever let the sun set on an argument. Going to bed mad is a sure fire way to ruin your following days.

g
i've heard fighting in the 1st yr of marriage is very normal

Arguing is normal in most cases in the first year. Stop and think about this for a moment. Not everyone brushes there teeth with there left hand. Not everyone sees the same. Everyone has different petpeeves, opinions, thoughts, inputs, advice, opinions, and etc. That's what makes the world go around. However, depending if the arguing goes to abusive. If this is the case then I suggest getting out of it. But a relationship is about compromising, working together as best friends as well as lovers, it's not about changing but we all must accept some things and compromise on other things. We all must have an open mind in a relationship. "It can be difficult!" If you both are leaders then you might argue more than most couples do or you may argue less than some do. But either way I wish you the best!

PS. Just don't argue over the bread.. :wink: If you do then it's the tention in the air and that just happens to be the subject that it is taken to the air to argue about.

One thing that you can do is make a with each other to discuss it as adults "if you yell, or raise your voice at one another." If he is the one that yells or raises his voice then take a deep breathe and tell him that you have to use the bathroom, and go to the bathroom giving him time to cool off. Stay in there a while to cool off if he upsets you. But one of the key things that will help the both of you is if you can control your emotions. Most women and some men act with emotions and that is something that we can all control if we choose to. However, it can be hard if the other party knows the buttons to push. But it can be done. When, he/she raises the voice listen to them. Stand there if you choose to and if you can handle it. "take deep breathes each raised tone that comes out of the others mouth" and say I'm not going to let it upset/get to me. and once the other party has made the statement or whatever, stay calm and talk in a normal tone "hard to do - but can be done" and say what you got to say. Staying calm is a great key factor and it will bring the other party to being able to do the same as well.

Wishing you the best..

The staying calm and controlling your emotions is something my father taught and is teaching me more about a lot of different things.

Best Regards,
Tressie Scott

Arguments in the first year are normal and healthy to some extent too. Make sure no big issues are left hanging for later. Small time arguments are more often an issue of dominance more than the real issue. My suggestion: if you are right, state your point and don't back off. If its gets beyond control... as in an argument about the dishes turning into an argument about your in-laws (believe me that can happen real easily), then simply walk away and cool down. But if its your mistake, be humble enough to apologize.

I have been married for four years. The arguing has yet to subside.

I've been married almost 8 years. It never subsides. The only thing that really changes is the frequency and the method in which you both handle it.

A few rules of note that have worked well for me and my wife:

1) Don't go to sleep angry. It's the quickest way to draw further apart. Whatever arguments and fights you have during the day, and time taken each to cool down and reconsider, needs to be resolved before you turn out the lights.

2) Do not give in to rage. Saying things in anger accomplishes nothing. It is the most destructive method of arguing that you could possibly engage in. If you feel extreme anger getting the better of you, take a time out, go drive around, get a drink, do anything you can to cool off. When you both are ready, reapproach the argument and try to keep a level-head.

3) Do not interrupt each other. No communication is taking place if each continues to interrupt the other. Regardless of how unfair or ridiculous you think your spouse's (significant other's) remarks are, wait until they've said their peace before responding. Likewise, do not get longwinded in detailing your points. Make them, discuss them, and move on.

4) Every relationship is different. The above steps are guidelines, but find what works best for your marriage/relationship and stick with that. There is no "1 solution for all" for resolving arguments.

Searching: What you are going through is absolutely normal. How you begin responding to these fights will dictate the success and happiness of your marriage through the years to come.

oh yes. because hubby works a deadend job and has b.s. degree. and has been trying his hardest to find a nice job. we have school loans up the ass. and the economy sucks and hes makeing ****. so he took up smokeing because of stress. without telling me. and had been lieing about it. so we currently fight alot. weve been married for a little over a year. before that though we rarely did fight

Of course you didn't. There is nothing like real life to put a crimp in a relationship.

I don't care about this because i will never get married ha...ha..