Is my wife cheating??

Depends.
Are you included in thier ' outtings'?
Meaning, are there ever any dinners, movies etc.. where everyone gets together? You, your wife, him etc..?
From the outside looking in, i dont see anything to worry about. She seems honest about what she is doing. Envolving her BOSS even by saying she wants to work with this man ( people in affairs want less people to know ) and isnt hidnig anything is she?

On the flip side, if she seems secretive, and you are having to pry information out of her about this man and what they are doing together, you may want to be concerned.

There aren't many "outtings" because her work is a 1 hour drive west of our home. There was a Christmas function that we did go to. He was there with his wife and the four of us were together most of the evening. Interestingly, my wife apparently helped him pick out a ring to buy his wife for Christmas. I saw it that night and his wife was thrilled with it. Again, I think he is a good guy I just wonder how two people of the opposite sex can talk/see one another much and not be involved.

my best friend is a man.
we have been friends for years. Though we have not spoken over the last few years, when we first met and got to know each other, we were essentially together 24/7
i would call him to go to the grocery store sometimes just so I had someone to talk to .
He has always been involved with someone else and we have never been romantic, sexual, or involved other then friendship.
I know it is possible.
Relace a ' man' in your scenerio, and replace it with a 'woman'. Still sounds like a good friendship doesnt it? ;-)

... Is she career motivated? she may just be cementing work relationships
as in getting on this guys side to get her a more stable work enviroment heading toward promotional levels..

I dont think she is having an affair....have a good old heart to heart chat to her, you may be suprised at what shes actualy doing.

I really appreciate eveyones input on my situation. I want more than anything to believe that nothing is going on. In my heart I believe that but my head just won't let down guard. I hate not totally trusting her. Unfortunately, this all started, almost a year ago, when I found a ton of cell calls to this guy and never even had a clue she was friends with him. I asked her if she was such good friends with him, how come she never told me that she talked to him so much. She told me that I never asked her. That made me pretty upset and angry. I know if I was talking to so girl from work that much she would be very upset. It is a situation that just doesn't look good and looks even worse when it is "discovered" by the other person.

Answer to: Is she career driven?
Yes she is but she has told me many times that if her job bothers me then she will find a job somewhere else. She has a good job and I don't want her to quit because of me. I think that is a recipe for resentment. Thanks again.

Interesting statements.
I just wanted to single them out ..
It is a little discomforting to know she wont tell you about her ' friends'
Is there anything else that bothers you ? Or was it just that you had to 'discover' this friend.. Meaning, do they do anything suspicious?
Since your discovery, are you included in thier plans? Does she tell you what they are doing? Where they are going? Ask you to join?


Another way to look at this, ( please dont be offended.. )
Have you always been insecure about the relationship? Or is this a new thing? If so do you know where it came from?

No offense taken. I was overly secure in my relationship. Then once this happened, I questioned what else I didn't know. She usually tells me eveything but I don't think she told me about calling him all the time because it would upset me. However, if I knew something would upset her, I wouldn't do it. I suppose I just want the same in return. I can't say for certain.

unfortunately i have some comments to make on this situation. i was in school for 2 years with an hour commute both ways, and never in that time did i have multiple conversations with anyone (and my class was 75% men) let alone a "good (male) friend" from school. I spent my days with a group of 3 men (because the first year of business school assigned us groups and being 75% men, my group was 75% men) and we did a lot of work together. almost everything we did for the entire year was group work and i didn't speak to them on the phone but maybe once a week (because we spent all day m-f together i didn't feel the need to speak to them other than that-unless we had a huge project due and then most of that was via email.)

I recently ran into a friend of mine from high school that i swam with. in my quest to lose weight we decided to meet three times a week at the gym and swim. however, the first thing i did was tell my husband, then suggest that we get together so he could meet this fellow. this was assure him that in no way, shape or form was i attracted to this man, he was just a workout partner.

The only person i talk to on my way to work, during lunch, and on the way home is my husband. on occasion depending on my day it may be my mom, but definitely not another man that i know.

I personally would be suspicious. I understand what shewolf is saying about how men and women can actually be just friends, which i believe completely, but no man i have ever been friends with did i talk to that often. hell i barely talk to my husband that often.

the thing that scares me about this is that she didn't tell you anything about it. i always tell my husband because i want him to know that i am not doing anything i shouldn't be, not because he doesn't trust me, but because i don't want to give him any reason not to trust me (much like you are feeling at the moment).

i know i won't have a popular opinion on this post, but i always make what i am doing crystal clear to my husband so that at no time are there any questions or any reason for him to mistrust me (he also does the same by the way-but he doesn't have that many female friends other than ones we have together so there isn't much there to report. we do have one single female friend that he talks to more than i, but he will always say, hey i talked to so and so today and this is how she is doing)

good luck. i am just not that trusting and would feel much like you, that something was going on.

I can seehow this would yank any security you felt !
It is a little wierd and the more I play it over in my head the more questions I have as well.

Have you talked to her about this in detail?
Or was it just a little conversation where she told you everything and the two of you just left it at that?
Does she know EXACTLY how this feels for you?

We have talked about this on several occassions. I have told her that if she cares at all about me and she has feelings or is interested in another person then to please let me go. I have told her it's not fair to either one of us if there is another person. She denies that anything like that exists. She says there are just friends that have work, and the troubles that go along with work, in common. She usually gets very worked up and begins crying when we have a discussion like this. She now goes out of her way to show nothing is going on. For example, if there is a "get together" after work, held by the company, then she forwards me the email with the directors title at the bottom. I have told her that there is no need for this since I really don't want to be an investigator in our relationship. I just want to trust her like I once did. I believe that this can come with time and work.

Should I be suspicious?
I've been through all this, and I was not particularly suspicious. But the key for me was that my ex wife was treating me like ****. I didn't know what was wrong. I then checked the mobile texts (and these were romantic from her, his replies were very carefully worded), I taped the phone calls and caught her dating him, but again his conversation was very very careful. A female friend advised me to do a semen detection test, because all the "evidence" I had collected could be denied. The test proved what happened following the arrangement made over the 'phone. I told his wife. They broke up. A week later she took a non molestation order against me and i was thrown out of my home by the police, and separated from my children. The order was a fornight later overthrown in court. She was told she was a liar.