Mon 22 Jan, 2018 01:21 am
I have been with the same woman for 6 years. She is 7 years older than me. For the last year, things have been pretty stale. Work, eat dinner and watch tv. We might go out together once a month. Sex maybe once a week and its very boring no matter how hard I try to switch things up, she'd just rather do the same old. Theres no zest at all and I tried to talk to her 2 months ago. She just didn't want to talk about it in a deeper way. She said "I think everythings fine and maybe we're just going through a little rut. Things will get better."
So with that being said, I've been going out with friends a lot more. 3 weeks ago, we ended up going to a nightclub. Not really my thing at 34 years old, but nonetheless... After being at the bar for about 20 minutes, I was approached by a younger woman. 25 to be exact. We hit it off immediately. Couldn't stop talking, laughing and even touching. This isn't the first time I had a woman approach me during our relationship. Not trying to brag, but I've always attracted women. However, this time I went for it and now I really like her.
I got her number and we texted back and forth the entire week. She somehow found me on facebook and asked about my girlfriend. I was completely honest with her about the relationship. She was disappointed but still wanted to see me. We got together on the following Saturday for drinks and things escalated to a lot more touching and finally making out. After spending 3-4 hours together, we called it a night. She immediately started texting me how happy I make her feel and she really wants to be with me. This started making me have doubts because I didn't want to lead her on.
Fast forward another week and we got together again. She started asking about my girlfriend and if I was going to leave her. I wouldn't tell her much but only that I wasn't happy. I told her if I left my gf, I don't know if I'd automatically start dating her and that I'd probably want some alone time. Though she was disappointed, she dropped the subject and we went back to talking loosely. About an hour later, she asked me if I wanted to come to her place. I did and we had sex. I mean 2-3 hours of mind blowing foreplay and sex.
Now she's even more into me. She told me she can't stop thinking about me and will do whatever I want her to do. She said she's ok with being the other woman as long as I keep seeing her, but I know that will never last. I feel guilty in 2 ways. 1. Obviously the woman I've been with for 6 years has no clue and doesn't deserve to be cheated on. 2. The other woman doesn't deserve to be in this situation either and I could of walked away a couple times, including right now. The problem is I can't. I'm addicted to this woman like a drug. She's smart, funny, caring, etc. Yes the sex was great, but there's more than that. However, on the other hand me and my girlfriend have been through so much in 6 years, its really difficult to just walk away. I question if it would be a mistake.
I know I'm a d-bag, a-hole, coward, etc. Cheating makes me feel like sh*t and both of these women don't deserve the situation I created. Whatever you might think of me, I'm still just a man that got into a tough jam and am looking for advice on what to do. Especially from others who have had similiar experiences.
Do something to get out of the described "rut" your GF thinks the relationship is in. (When is the last time you brought her flowers?)
Go away on a long weekend and see how things go. If there's no spark there you must yell "Fire" about this relationship, not just "try" to talk to her about it.
You must tell her that you are unhappy and the relationship needs attention.
She seems distracted. A woman that age might be working on her career or - she might have something on the side, too. Who knows? You seem not to have an idea about what's going on with her.
About the other wonan: be careful. She sounds obsessed and that will not end smoothly.
I tried to talk to her 2 months ago. She just didn't want to talk about it in a deeper way.
you're going to have push this with your girlfriend
be honest - let her know that the relationship is at risk if there isn't a serious discussion - perhaps counselling
while you're sorting that out - back off from the other woman - block her at least temporarily.
focus on fixing/ending the relationship you're in.
if you end the current relationship, take a little break for yourself. six years is a long time to be in a relationship and you need to get used to yourself on your own - you've matured over those years and aren't the same person you were six years ago.
it's not easy when things go south in relationships
I seem to not know whats going on with my girlfriend? To be fair, you never really know what's going on unless it's communicated to you. There are a lot of indicators for when your significant other is cheating on you with not one of them being a clear red flag. Less sex is definitely one. However always having your cell phone on you, change in schedule/routine, being told to hang out with your friends more, suddenly exercising and improving your appearance, etc. She's not doing any of these, so thats not my concern at all.
Try to stick to the advice I'm asking for. I do think you're right about the other woman. I just don't know how to end it smoothly.
Thank you for the advice. I know that if our relationship is beyond repair, I will need some alone time to figure out exactly what I want.
Well, SOMETHING is going on. Aren't you curious about what she means by a "rut"?
Should we cue the BB King song, "The Thrill Is Gone"?
Obviously something is wrong. What I feel is wrong is that we're just too comfortable and now everything is bland. I'm not one to just roll with it, but she is. Passiveness. When she said it was probably just a rut, it seemed more like she didn't want to face the situation. Who knows how long she could bottle things up. I think it's because once we open that door, she's afraid of whats going to come out and if it's too much, that door won't be able to close. I would much rather lay all the cards down and get it over with.
I'm meeting the other woman on Wednesday. I plan on telling her that I don't want to lead her on and that I need to figure out my situation before getting involved with someone else. Don't know how that's going to go over with her.
Good luck with all of it.
I'd suggest that meeting the other woman take place as early in the day as possible. Like a morning coffee or something. In public - and timed so there isn't a lot of time to talk. Really. It'll be better for both of you. Likely unpleasant in any case but safer for you.