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She cheated .

 
 
Reply Thu 26 May, 2016 08:46 pm
We have had our ups and downs and i really did think about leaving at one point but i loved her .
She has had problems before i met her she was raped before i met her, alcohol abuse and the day before i met her was at her best friends birthday she went with her man.
Her alcohol abuse was really bad i think she lost her first job because of this and i helped her she worked later for a factory which my mother was in a senior role i found her drinking in the afternoon.
After this she curbed her drinking and it helped.
She was flirtatious a couple of times with others and i thought no harm.
I found her one night with her bra strap undone at three thirty in the morning staggering up the road she said it was a dodgy bra cant remember getting up the road after a works night out.
The next time she was apparently at a funeral in a near by town and again never came home till late i was expecting her back when i returned from backshift and no joy she came home eventually when i was awake and i noticed her pants in her handbag i then thought wtf is going on i had access to her gmail account by chance as she had saved it on the pc and i was obviously thinking some thing is fishy was going on.
She met a guy that night and was chatting to him on match.com later?
I asked and she by chance met him a tennis loving, Ian Rankin person like her i moved on i had to trust her to be with her.
So that has been the last 15 years.
This weekend i had my family back to the house my sister invited her sister in law and man back and later under the influence he was caught kissing her in the garden.
Her mother died of cancer related issues last year which she had three times and she is putting her recent actions down to that.
She is at her fathers and im left feeling sucker punched in the gut i don't know if i can take her back .
Any advice please.

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Type: Discussion • Score: 2 • Views: 1,995 • Replies: 6
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SolidAir
 
  0  
Reply Thu 26 May, 2016 09:35 pm
@SolidAir,
I am a fool?
0 Replies
 
Debra Law
 
  1  
Reply Thu 26 May, 2016 10:25 pm
I think you know the answer to your questions and concerns. You know what the last 15 years have been like, and I can't imagine that the situation will get any better. Excuses for bad behavior are just that--excuses. Your wife is an adult and she knows right from wrong and she repeatedly chooses "wrong". It's your choice to stay or to leave the relationship. Do what is best for you.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Sat 28 May, 2016 06:14 am
Your wife sounds like an alcoholic and her behavior is promiscuous, to say the least.

Is she having blackouts, where she doesn't remember anything?

Has she ever been in treatment?

Fifteen years is a long time for you to have put up with the humiliation and hurt. Can you think of a reason why you have stayed with her so long, considering her past behaviors?

YOUR behavior tells a lot about the relationship.

Are you finally looking for a reason to bail?
SolidAir
 
  1  
Reply Tue 31 May, 2016 05:04 pm
@PUNKEY,
She is away to attend treatment tomorrow apparently my sister has been messaging her.
I never knew for sure if she cheated no one ever said a bad thing about her .
She said she only contacted the lad on match.com later to make sure she never did anything silly.
So to continue the relationship I had to try and trust her.
This time it's bang to rights tounge in mouth stomach churning with a married man.
Am I looking for a reason to go if I didn't love her I would have left a long time ago ..
I just was in a state of shock bye it and hurt and now I need to see if I can look her in the eye and not hate her.
I am hard wired to have an aversion to cheating. I am with the person I am with and that's it. So it feels like I've been sucker punched and all my strength is gone.
I'm on the near side to 40 and a black belt in a tough sort of Karate and I was on the floor of my mother's house in tears .
I have a reason to bail and I have to see if I can just be in the same room now and I will do that because the last 15 years had good and bad and I have to see if the hate and contempt outways the love 😧
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Tue 31 May, 2016 08:11 pm
@SolidAir,
Most treatment centers will bring in the spouse or family at some point in the treatment program. I hope you will take part.

0 Replies
 
ChestRockwell
 
  1  
Reply Wed 8 Jun, 2016 06:10 pm
@SolidAir,
I think the bottom line is she cheated. You can blame it on alcohol or her rough past, but she chose to do this. She has no respect or love for you. Everyone makes mistakes, but there are some lines you do not cross, she crossed them.

If you have any respect or dignity for yourself, leave her.
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